Curse You Item Six!!

01-23-13, 05:24 PM

I spent my b-day quite content by sipping Beers and a little Apple Pie.
It was a great day infact.
What with lerking threads at SubSim, being home from the road, chatting with a few friends on FaceBook, and with Nancy.

But We all know that no great day goes unpunished!

Especially if your married or have that someone special your trying to domesticate.

You see? The ONLY reason they treat you so special is because there is ALWAYS the next day!
The next day ALWAYS has the Honey-Do list whipped out with a florish and sly smile.
Maybe even an evil laugh comes with your Honey-Do list. Mine comes with a small chuckle that I suspect is a masked evil laugh.
Or maybe I no longer rate a full evil laugh. Thus the small chuckle denoteing that fact?

As manly as I could I attacked the first thing on the list.

I called the Guy I bought our fridge from and asked if the part I ordered was in.
All I heard was 'back-order' as my mind now clicked off item one on the list.

'This is gonna be easy' the Spanish voice in my head told me through the other voice that speaks many languages.
(None of them have a job by the way! Danged Freeloaders!)

Item two - five went pretty much the same. Parts on order or simple fixes.

Item six. Look at Hoover shampoo machine, it don't spray.
This should be another easy fix the voices told be as they sat sipping on my Beer.
'Clean the nozzles.'

An hour later?
It don't spray.

'Disassemble and clean everything!' The Gang yelled.
Two hours later?
It don't spray.

Disassemble and sit stareing at the parts. Not a peep from the Freeloaders now.
Three hours later?
It don't spray cause it is laying in little pieces everywhere and my day is officially messed up!

I go into full Reverse Engineering mode.
Four hours later?
I spot the problem and come up with a solution. I'll just order that broken part on-line!

Now there are little bitty plastic tabs (who ever would have guessed?) inside this part which is the upper handle guard.

It holds this part which is the control lever.

I need a new upper handle guard, or UHG, so the control lever's, or CL's, pivot arms lock in thier proper, yet under designed plastic place.

Simple!

If you want to wait 30 days before it would ship.
If you can even find one that is not on back order.
If your not married.
If your Wife is not standing over your shoulder waiting for you to fix the damned thing already!

I instantly formulate a plan to fix this Hoover machine and screw Hoover out of a $30 dollar part when all I needed was a $4 dollar part.
(See. If I want to order the whole upper assembly with the UHG, I can. But the UGH is not available seperate right now. I suspect it's a better way to make money selling the whole shibang rather then just the part that actually sucks?)

Now I keep alot of tools, parts, and what Nancy refers to as 'your junk' in the general area of our home.
That means I know it's here, on the property. Just not exactly where on the property it might be. Let alone what state it may be in.

I have a stainless steel rod just the perfect size,
I have the tools to cut, drill, and grind the parts.
I have some good epoxy to glue things.
I have no idea where all this stuff is at.
I feel a headache coming on.
I am now forced to get dressed and start a search.

Five hours later?
I now know where everything I own is at! At lest until I need any of it, at which point my mind will be blank.
Don't complain to me. That's just how it works and you know it.

I found my utility knife in the truck. It's always with me so that was easy.
The rod was in my workshop, or as Nancy calls it, the messy side of the basement.
Drill? Right there in my Demo gear. Under the Sawz all.
Dremel? Back room, freezer top, cardboard box, behind the dead MotorCycle batteries.
Dremel case with bits and such? Workshop, workbench lower shelve, under disassembled laser machine and fog machine parts.
Grinder with cut off wheel? Demo Gear. On top of Sawz all.
Epoxy? Computer room. WTH?
Small Drill bit? Houston We have a problem.

Six hours later?
Dug out the bench top grinder from the shed and moved to workshop. Slip down steps on the way bruiseing tail bone area.
Found broken drill bit of close enuff size and started sharpening it.
Placed bandages in proper areas after grinder flung broken bit at me, multipule times, at near supersonic speeds.

Joined drinking games with Voices in head.

Now at seven hours?
I have success with no more bloodshed nor have I murdered anyone!
(That was the hard part!)
I didn't take pictures but here's the result.

And the inside view.

I cut off the pivot arms of the CL. Those were then drilled and fitted with the stainless steel rod.
I drilled the UHG to line up on the location the pivot arms rest in.
After a bit of grinding I slipped the rod into place and added the epoxy to hold everything.
Should the epoxy fail to hold things in place? I'll fall back to plan B.

Duct Tape.

Can't wait for Item seven on the Honey-Do list.

TarJak · 01-23-13, 08:56 PM

You knew there would be a price to pay for having a birthday dincha?

Red October1984 · 01-23-13, 11:07 PM

Hahahahahahahahahaha! No good day goes unpunished. I like that one!

Don't I know it....

I am the human embodiment of bad luck. Look up "Story of My Life" by Smash Mouth on youtube and you know what it is like to be me.

It sucks but you gotta get thr.....Dangit...another to-do list! Haha!

I bet it was Bernard....or maybe it was Dowly since you drank all the beer.

Penguin · 01-24-13, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by privateer

It was a great day infact.

Yeh, the day infacts are much nicer than those at night!

So did you have to revert to plan b?

Sledgehammer427 · 01-24-13, 01:58 PM

I'm still curious how one "sips" an apple pie!

01-24-13, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sledgehammer427

I'm still curious how one "sips" an apple pie!

One starts with some Moonshine.

@Penguin,

Plan B not needed. It's all assembled and works good as new.

Armistead · 01-24-13, 02:13 PM

Being your BD, hopefully you got your yearly....er, well, you know....

TarJak · 01-24-13, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armistead

Being your BD, hopefully you got your yearly....er, well, you know....

Cake? It's a lie.

Jimbuna · 01-24-13, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Armistead

Being your BD, hopefully you got your yearly....er, well, you know....

He did....he got his apple pie

01-23-13, 05:24 PM	#1
Madox58 Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Curse You Item Six!! I spent my b-day quite content by sipping Beers and a little Apple Pie. It was a great day infact. What with lerking threads at SubSim, being home from the road, chatting with a few friends on FaceBook, and with Nancy. But We all know that no great day goes unpunished! Especially if your married or have that someone special your trying to domesticate. You see? The ONLY reason they treat you so special is because there is ALWAYS the next day! The next day ALWAYS has the Honey-Do list whipped out with a florish and sly smile. Maybe even an evil laugh comes with your Honey-Do list. Mine comes with a small chuckle that I suspect is a masked evil laugh. Or maybe I no longer rate a full evil laugh. Thus the small chuckle denoteing that fact? As manly as I could I attacked the first thing on the list. I called the Guy I bought our fridge from and asked if the part I ordered was in. All I heard was 'back-order' as my mind now clicked off item one on the list. 'This is gonna be easy' the Spanish voice in my head told me through the other voice that speaks many languages. (None of them have a job by the way! Danged Freeloaders!) Item two - five went pretty much the same. Parts on order or simple fixes. Item six. Look at Hoover shampoo machine, it don't spray. This should be another easy fix the voices told be as they sat sipping on my Beer. 'Clean the nozzles.' An hour later? It don't spray. 'Disassemble and clean everything!' The Gang yelled. Two hours later? It don't spray. Disassemble and sit stareing at the parts. Not a peep from the Freeloaders now. Three hours later? It don't spray cause it is laying in little pieces everywhere and my day is officially messed up! I go into full Reverse Engineering mode. Four hours later? I spot the problem and come up with a solution. I'll just order that broken part on-line! Now there are little bitty plastic tabs (who ever would have guessed?) inside this part which is the upper handle guard. It holds this part which is the control lever. I need a new upper handle guard, or UHG, so the control lever's, or CL's, pivot arms lock in thier proper, yet under designed plastic place. Simple! If you want to wait 30 days before it would ship. If you can even find one that is not on back order. If your not married. If your Wife is not standing over your shoulder waiting for you to fix the damned thing already! I instantly formulate a plan to fix this Hoover machine and screw Hoover out of a $30 dollar part when all I needed was a $4 dollar part. (See. If I want to order the whole upper assembly with the UHG, I can. But the UGH is not available seperate right now. I suspect it's a better way to make money selling the whole shibang rather then just the part that actually sucks?) Now I keep alot of tools, parts, and what Nancy refers to as 'your junk' in the general area of our home. That means I know it's here, on the property. Just not exactly where on the property it might be. Let alone what state it may be in. I have a stainless steel rod just the perfect size, I have the tools to cut, drill, and grind the parts. I have some good epoxy to glue things. I have no idea where all this stuff is at. I feel a headache coming on. I am now forced to get dressed and start a search. Five hours later? I now know where everything I own is at! At lest until I need any of it, at which point my mind will be blank. Don't complain to me. That's just how it works and you know it. I found my utility knife in the truck. It's always with me so that was easy. The rod was in my workshop, or as Nancy calls it, the messy side of the basement. Drill? Right there in my Demo gear. Under the Sawz all. Dremel? Back room, freezer top, cardboard box, behind the dead MotorCycle batteries. Dremel case with bits and such? Workshop, workbench lower shelve, under disassembled laser machine and fog machine parts. Grinder with cut off wheel? Demo Gear. On top of Sawz all. Epoxy? Computer room. WTH? Small Drill bit? Houston We have a problem. Six hours later? Dug out the bench top grinder from the shed and moved to workshop. Slip down steps on the way bruiseing tail bone area. Found broken drill bit of close enuff size and started sharpening it. Placed bandages in proper areas after grinder flung broken bit at me, multipule times, at near supersonic speeds. Joined drinking games with Voices in head. Now at seven hours? I have success with no more bloodshed nor have I murdered anyone! (That was the hard part!) I didn't take pictures but here's the result. And the inside view. I cut off the pivot arms of the CL. Those were then drilled and fitted with the stainless steel rod. I drilled the UHG to line up on the location the pivot arms rest in. After a bit of grinding I slipped the rod into place and added the epoxy to hold everything. Should the epoxy fail to hold things in place? I'll fall back to plan B. Duct Tape. Can't wait for Item seven on the Honey-Do list.

01-23-13, 11:07 PM	#3
Red October1984 Airplane Nerd Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Texas Posts: 6,243 Downloads: 115 Uploads: 0	Hahahahahahahahahaha! No good day goes unpunished. I like that one! Don't I know it.... I am the human embodiment of bad luck. Look up "Story of My Life" by Smash Mouth on youtube and you know what it is like to be me. It sucks but you gotta get thr.....Dangit...another to-do list! Haha! I bet it was Bernard....or maybe it was Dowly since you drank all the beer. __________________

01-24-13, 01:58 PM	#5
Sledgehammer427 PacWagon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Drinking coffee and staring at trees in Massachusetts Posts: 2,908 Downloads: 287 Uploads: 0	I'm still curious how one "sips" an apple pie! __________________ Cold Waters Voice Crew - Fire Control Officer Cmdr O. Myers - C/O USS Nautilus (SS-168) 114,000 tons sunk - 4 Spec Ops completed V-boat Nutcase - Need supplies? Japanese garrison on a small island in the way? Just give us a call! D4C!

01-24-13, 02:13 PM	#7
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,880 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	Being your BD, hopefully you got your yearly....er, well, you know.... __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

01-23-13, 08:56 PM	#2
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	You knew there would be a price to pay for having a birthday dincha?