The sauna appreciation thread

[Hottentot]

Enough gun threads! I say we need a thread for confessing our affection for the greatest gift of Ukko to the mankind.

Dear Ukko who art above the clouds. Please do not smite me with a lightning today; tomorrow would be much more pleasant day to be smitten. I confess being an avid sauna lover. For there surely is nothing better than spending a whole day in the woods, uttering your ever useful euphenism Perkele, and wondering what am I doing here when the temperatures are way below the comfort level and I can't feel my fingertips anymore.

No, no no, in fact that's not the greatest thing in the world, please do not teleport me there. The greatest thing is after that coming to my humble hut, lighting a fire in the sauna stove and letting the sweet, sweet 80 to 100 degree temperature melt away the layer of ice that I accumulated during the day. The sweetest sound in the world is the hissing of vaporizing water hitting the stove's stones and making me scream "Ouch Perkele, I overdid it again!!"

Sauna, your wonderful gift to the mankind, is the hallowed place where some of us are born and even more of us die, usually after drinking vast amounts of the less glamorous alcoholic beverages. It is the place where you decided to end the life of my grandfather, and if I get to choose my way of dying, please let me die the same way. But not today, please; tomorrow would be much more pleasant day. It is the place where even I can sing and it is the place that makes me mad enough to dive naked into snow or a frozen lake when I feel like my blood is boiling and my intestines are on fire. It is a place where I go smelly and dirty and emerge temporarily looking like a human being. A place that gives even a humble Finn like me a chance to score some chicks, or at least say hello to them before they are repelled away by my natural odor.

I wish to thank you for this marvelous little room that has made my life and my whole existence a much more pleasant experience and hence I still feel today that if you must smite me with a lightning, please do it tomorrow.

Note: by my merciful decree, the outlanders are permitted to express their appreciation for the silly concepts they call saunas in this thread too. They can expect then to be chastized for not understanding the mystical sauna culture and force taught the proper way of expressing their love for it.