Dealing with Bipolarism

GoldenRivet · 02-28-12, 09:04 AM

My girlfriend of not quite a year is very likely bipolar. Her and i have both reviewed the signs and symptoms and given that it is even very difficult for a medical / mental health professional to diagnose - we accept that its impossible for us to know without a battery of mental evaluations.

In a nut shell:

Symptoms

MANIC EPISODE
* Elevated mood
* Reduced need for sleep
* Racing thoughts and low attention span
* Feeling of being "unstoppable" or on a "special mission"

With her - she does experience about a 14 day period of elevated mood, generally being happy, in a top of the world sort of attitude. She does exhibit a reduced need for sleep as in many cases staying up until very early hours of the morning and still able to rise by 9 or 10am. Her thoughts tend to race during this time period - i have observed serveral instances of her starting a project like a journal, a craft project or a writing project etc and then not seeing it through to completion because of the onset of a depressive episode - never to visit the project again (i have a stack of 5 or 6 journals with one entry). Her feeling of being unstoppable or on a special mission shines thru in her school work she attacks it ferociously and pours a great deal of thought into her work and works tirelessly on it - in spurts - throughout this period. The also invests a lot of effort into being a perfect girlfriend.

DEPRESSIVE EPISODE

It is important to note that a depressive episode may not necessarily mean "Depression or sadness" but it can. symptoms include...

* Loneliness
* Self Loathing
* helplessness
* irritability
* lack of motivation

This manifests in her for about a 2 week period as well: lonliness... despite us having plans or conducting social activities she will feel alone and saddened by this loneliness almost as if she is cut off from other people despite being physically present. Self loathing - she exhibits guilt about having to rely on others for help be it financially or through moral support. Helplessness - she feels that she cannot complete her school and all but officially removes herself from school. Irritability - her mood is punctuated by almost constant anger and frustration often times finding the smallest of triggers to fight about. Lack of motivation - she will not finish projects she starts, sometimes scrapping them altogether, She will either lose sight of her life goals or change all of her life goals completely during this time.

This has an intense negative effect on our relationship as we generally have two weeks of euphoric romance followed by two weeks of inconsistency and confrontation.

Her depressive episodes - once per month for the past 4 months - have resulted in her deciding she wants out of the relationship. Breaking up with me, un-friending me on facebook and making a scene there, drawing questions of friends and relatives id rather not have to deal with.

almost as clockwork, her manic episode returns and she invests a considerable amount of her energies into "winning me back"

let me just say i care for this person greatly, we have developed a bond in our relationship, its hurtful when she goes through these issues for a number of reasons.

I want the relationship to work... she is a cute bird, petite, with nice T&A, the sexual appetite of a rabbit tripping balls on ecstasy, is a kind hearted person, very attentive to my needs, expresses her affection well and good when she is not having a depressive episode.

Despite wanting it to work... i grow tired of this back and forth and hot and cold episodes she goes through. I'm honestly not sure i can do it any more.

suggestions?

she does not want injections and has an aversion to popping pills but may be willing to take a pill if it doesnt require a prescription.

I will see a witch doctor at this point.

Does anyone else have Bipolar relatives or friends or girlfriends ? any advice to offer if so?

krashkart · 02-28-12, 09:24 AM

Get her in to see a doctor once a month. You mentioned that she has an aversion to taking medications, but it's the only way I can think of to get her stabilized. Having my own set of psychological quirks I can tell you that without treatment my life becomes a train wreck. With treatment I'm a stable and functioning person again. Sucks, but it's gotta be done.

Skybird · 02-28-12, 09:53 AM

Bipolarity is a nasty thing, and you need professional help. By that I do not mean your house doctor, but specialists. Chemical intervention can help to ease the suffering, and should not be ruled out from all beginning, for some "principle reasons". I would even say it is a must.

I am sorry to say, but as far as I know there is no method known to "heal" it. But one can do some things to cope with the conseqeunces. The disease typically forms up during adolecense.

Without wanting to pressure you into something, i just say that that girl is in desperate need for close friends loyally staying by her and not leaving her in the dust.

I also want to remind that bipolar people can show remarkable talents and potentials if they get help in coping with the negative effects of their disease. Many people in arts and showbiz are known to have tendencies towards bipolarity. If they are lucky, they have loyal and good friends safeguarding them to not fall over the top in a maniac phase, and not to drown in blackness in a depressive phase. But have no illusions, it is an emotional burden you will need to learn to bear.

Check the health service environment in your country, look for centres and/or specialists specialising in treatement of affectional disorders, depressions, burnouts, bipolarity.

We should also be aware of that in a very very mild form we all tend to be bipolar, for a normal fluctuation of mood and motivation is quite natural for almost everybody of us. It turns into a disease when the natural amplitude and frequency - for whatever the reason is - exceeds the normal limits and leads to extremes.

The disease most likely will change the nature and fundament of your relation to her. If she is really that dear to you, you will understand that she needs the experience of loyal friends not turning away, but serving a bit like a rock in the surf. I know that this is very difficult and demanding.

Bipolarity has many ways to build symptoms of other close forms of affectional diseases. Differential diagnosis can be very difficult and tricky and is nothing the laymen should believe he can do by reading the internet. Even many ordnary house doctors make many mistakes here, ay not even recognise the basic problem at all.

Please understand that in general in these forms of diseases you have a dramatically increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, and a very high risk of suicidal behavior. You need to watch for that and control her where her own control fails. And this also can be very difficult to aquire, and can lead to conflicts.

You both need professional help. And ASAP.

Again, I do not wish to pressure you for this or that choice of yours, but I again say: the desperately needs somebody staying loyal by her, and take control where she cannot, and who does not shy away when the nasty side of her disorder, depressive phases, show up.

It is very very difficult to bear.

GET HELP.

Sorry that I have no better news or perspective, but the general prognosis is negative. I do not know how to put it any less harsh, so I just speak plain and direct.

P.S.
If you do not know about me, I am telling you all this as a former clinical psychologist. My mum is slightly depressive, and I worked for short time in a specialised hospital station for depressive patients, so I know what you are in for if you decide to not leave her alone. I do not envy you, but it speaks great compliments for you if you at least try and stay with her. If you find out that it is beyond your power, then it must be that way and nobody will call you foul. But I ask you really, please, at least try. She needs a loyal friend and family.

Sailor Steve · 02-28-12, 11:45 AM

I'm manic-depressive myself, and exhibit all the symptoms described, though not to the extremes of being bipolar. My swings usually last several months, and I tried some medications that only made it worse. That said, if this case is as extreme as you describe then she definitely needs to talk to an expert, and medication will probably be part of the answer.

Herr-Berbunch · 02-28-12, 11:59 AM

I don't envy you, my wife has bouts of depression and used to take some drug (cipralex) but wasn't happy about taking them - no pun intended. Now she wakes up early and uses a light box during the darker winter months - I'm guessing they don't really happen in Texas (but could be wrong). Also she's taken up running - more of a jog really - but she's stuck with it and the combinations of being outside and getting exercise seems to have improved things for us. Don't get me wrong, she still suffers on occasion but it has vastly improved things.

She also sought help from a Mental Health charity, and they gave her a very good book called - Living with a Black Dog, it's basic but I found it quite helpful to begin to try to understand.

Regarding splitting up, it's a tough one to decide - I guess (but wouldn't like to be quoted) that when it really starts to be detrimental to you and your work that a separation may be a good idea - but that really is your decision, and you say you want it to work. The things we put up with for nice T&A

Good luck to you both.

clive bradbury · 02-28-12, 12:09 PM

Hi Golderivet,

I do have considerable experience of people with mental health difficulties through my job (disability needs assessor in Higher Education), and listen to Skybird, he is right - seek professional help.

Your amateur diagnosis may be totally incorrect - a professional may reach a very different conclusion, and recommend appropriate treatment - who knows - her symptoms may be something physiological such as a brain tumour which could need urgent treatment or surgery. Bipolar patients often respond well to medication and CBT, but both must be carefully managed by an expert.

GoldenRivet · 02-28-12, 12:40 PM

Her and i plan to set aside this entire weekend to talk about things.

I appreciate the replies... it is one hell of a deal let me tell ya

kiwi_2005 · 02-28-12, 01:08 PM

Bipolar can be controled where the person can live out a happy life without any serious problems. My cousin has bipolar disorder, for years we thought she was just bad tempered crazy, she would out of the blue have you up for something and just rant for hours going off the edge kinda thing nothing threatening just extreme rants over issues you would never bother to argue about. She has never manage to stay in a relationship for too long cause of her sickness and has been like this since she was in her early 20s. About three years ago she was diagnosed with Bipolar and takes medication, and has never had a ranting episode since. Its good that she has got the help now but if she had went to see a doctor years ago it would of saved her and others a lot of heartache.

She needs to get the help as soon as possible GoldenRivet, all the best.

Oberon · 02-28-12, 01:11 PM

She's not alone, quite a few famous people have bipolar disorder, including Stephen Fry who made a documentary on living with it:

I take similar tablets that Herr Bs wife used to take, and it's a bit of a bastard, when you feel good, it's great...but when you feel bad...it's terrible.
In regards to splitting up...I can't really say anything, nor do I really have the right to, however I would only echo what other guys have said and that's you and her should seek professional opinion and help, to be sure that you have all the ammunition you need to, to face this thing.

02-28-12, 09:04 AM	#1
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	Dealing with Bipolarism My girlfriend of not quite a year is very likely bipolar. Her and i have both reviewed the signs and symptoms and given that it is even very difficult for a medical / mental health professional to diagnose - we accept that its impossible for us to know without a battery of mental evaluations. In a nut shell: Symptoms MANIC EPISODE * Elevated mood * Reduced need for sleep * Racing thoughts and low attention span * Feeling of being "unstoppable" or on a "special mission" With her - she does experience about a 14 day period of elevated mood, generally being happy, in a top of the world sort of attitude. She does exhibit a reduced need for sleep as in many cases staying up until very early hours of the morning and still able to rise by 9 or 10am. Her thoughts tend to race during this time period - i have observed serveral instances of her starting a project like a journal, a craft project or a writing project etc and then not seeing it through to completion because of the onset of a depressive episode - never to visit the project again (i have a stack of 5 or 6 journals with one entry). Her feeling of being unstoppable or on a special mission shines thru in her school work she attacks it ferociously and pours a great deal of thought into her work and works tirelessly on it - in spurts - throughout this period. The also invests a lot of effort into being a perfect girlfriend. DEPRESSIVE EPISODE It is important to note that a depressive episode may not necessarily mean "Depression or sadness" but it can. symptoms include... * Loneliness * Self Loathing * helplessness * irritability * lack of motivation This manifests in her for about a 2 week period as well: lonliness... despite us having plans or conducting social activities she will feel alone and saddened by this loneliness almost as if she is cut off from other people despite being physically present. Self loathing - she exhibits guilt about having to rely on others for help be it financially or through moral support. Helplessness - she feels that she cannot complete her school and all but officially removes herself from school. Irritability - her mood is punctuated by almost constant anger and frustration often times finding the smallest of triggers to fight about. Lack of motivation - she will not finish projects she starts, sometimes scrapping them altogether, She will either lose sight of her life goals or change all of her life goals completely during this time. This has an intense negative effect on our relationship as we generally have two weeks of euphoric romance followed by two weeks of inconsistency and confrontation. Her depressive episodes - once per month for the past 4 months - have resulted in her deciding she wants out of the relationship. Breaking up with me, un-friending me on facebook and making a scene there, drawing questions of friends and relatives id rather not have to deal with. almost as clockwork, her manic episode returns and she invests a considerable amount of her energies into "winning me back" let me just say i care for this person greatly, we have developed a bond in our relationship, its hurtful when she goes through these issues for a number of reasons. I want the relationship to work... she is a cute bird, petite, with nice T&A, the sexual appetite of a rabbit tripping balls on ecstasy, is a kind hearted person, very attentive to my needs, expresses her affection well and good when she is not having a depressive episode. Despite wanting it to work... i grow tired of this back and forth and hot and cold episodes she goes through. I'm honestly not sure i can do it any more. suggestions? she does not want injections and has an aversion to popping pills but may be willing to take a pill if it doesnt require a prescription. I will see a witch doctor at this point. Does anyone else have Bipolar relatives or friends or girlfriends ? any advice to offer if so? __________________

02-28-12, 09:24 AM	#2
krashkart Navy Seal Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 5,292 Downloads: 100 Uploads: 0	Get her in to see a doctor once a month. You mentioned that she has an aversion to taking medications, but it's the only way I can think of to get her stabilized. Having my own set of psychological quirks I can tell you that without treatment my life becomes a train wreck. With treatment I'm a stable and functioning person again. Sucks, but it's gotta be done. __________________ sent from my fingertips using a cheap keyboard

02-28-12, 09:53 AM	#3
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,616 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Bipolarity is a nasty thing, *and you need professional help. By that I do not mean your house doctor, but specialists. Chemical intervention can help to ease the suffering, and should not be ruled out from all beginning, for some "principle reasons". I would even say it is a must. I am sorry to say, but as far as I know there is no method known to "heal" it. But one can do some things to cope with the conseqeunces. The disease typically forms up during adolecense. Without wanting to pressure you into something, i just say that that girl is in desperate need for close friends loyally staying by her and not leaving her in the dust. I also want to remind that bipolar people can show remarkable talents and potentials if they get help in coping with the negative effects of their disease. Many people in arts and showbiz are known to have tendencies towards bipolarity. If they are lucky, they have loyal and good friends safeguarding them to not fall over the top in a maniac phase, and not to drown in blackness in a depressive phase. But have no illusions, it is an emotional burden you will need to learn to bear. Check the health service environment in your country, look for centres and/or specialists specialising in treatement of affectional disorders, depressions, burnouts, bipolarity. We should also be aware of that in a very very mild form we all tend to be bipolar, for a normal fluctuation of mood and motivation is quite natural for almost everybody of us. It turns into a disease when the natural amplitude and frequency - for whatever the reason is - exceeds the normal limits and leads to extremes. The disease most likely will change the nature and fundament of your relation to her. If she is really that dear to you, you will understand that she needs the experience of loyal friends not turning away, but serving a bit like a rock in the surf. I know that this is very difficult and demanding. Bipolarity has many ways to build symptoms of other close forms of affectional diseases. Differential diagnosis can be very difficult and tricky and is nothing the laymen should believe he can do by reading the internet. Even many ordnary house doctors make many mistakes here, ay not even recognise the basic problem at all. Please understand that in general in these forms of diseases you have a dramatically increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, and a very high risk of suicidal behavior. You need to watch for that and control her where her own control fails. And this also can be very difficult to aquire, and can lead to conflicts. You both need professional help. And ASAP.* Again, I do not wish to pressure you for this or that choice of yours, but I again say: the desperately needs somebody staying loyal by her, and take control where she cannot, and who does not shy away when the nasty side of her disorder, depressive phases, show up. It is very very difficult to bear. GET HELP. Sorry that I have no better news or perspective, but the general prognosis is negative. I do not know how to put it any less harsh, so I just speak plain and direct. P.S. If you do not know about me, I am telling you all this as a former clinical psychologist. My mum is slightly depressive, and I worked for short time in a specialised hospital station for depressive patients, so I know what you are in for if you decide to not leave her alone. I do not envy you, but it speaks great compliments for you if you at least try and stay with her. If you find out that it is beyond your power, then it must be that way and nobody will call you foul. But I ask you really, please, at least try. She needs a loyal friend and family. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

02-28-12, 11:45 AM	#4
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	I'm manic-depressive myself, and exhibit all the symptoms described, though not to the extremes of being bipolar. My swings usually last several months, and I tried some medications that only made it worse. That said, if this case is as extreme as you describe then she definitely needs to talk to an expert, and medication will probably be part of the answer. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

02-28-12, 11:59 AM	#5
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	I don't envy you, my wife has bouts of depression and used to take some drug (cipralex) but wasn't happy about taking them - no pun intended. Now she wakes up early and uses a light box during the darker winter months - I'm guessing they don't really happen in Texas (but could be wrong). Also she's taken up running - more of a jog really - but she's stuck with it and the combinations of being outside and getting exercise seems to have improved things for us. Don't get me wrong, she still suffers on occasion but it has vastly improved things. She also sought help from a Mental Health charity, and they gave her a very good book called - Living with a Black Dog, it's basic but I found it quite helpful to begin to try to understand. Regarding splitting up, it's a tough one to decide - I guess (but wouldn't like to be quoted) that when it really starts to be detrimental to you and your work that a separation may be a good idea - but that really is your decision, and you say you want it to work. The things we put up with for nice T&A Good luck to you both. __________________

02-28-12, 12:09 PM	#6
clive bradbury Captain Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: stoke-on-trent, UK Posts: 492 Downloads: 105 Uploads: 0	Hi Golderivet, I do have considerable experience of people with mental health difficulties through my job (disability needs assessor in Higher Education), and listen to Skybird, he is right - seek professional help. Your amateur diagnosis may be totally incorrect - a professional may reach a very different conclusion, and recommend appropriate treatment - who knows - her symptoms may be something physiological such as a brain tumour which could need urgent treatment or surgery. Bipolar patients often respond well to medication and CBT, but both must be carefully managed by an expert.

02-28-12, 12:40 PM	#7
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	Her and i plan to set aside this entire weekend to talk about things. I appreciate the replies... it is one hell of a deal let me tell ya __________________

02-28-12, 01:08 PM	#8
kiwi_2005 Eternal Patrol Join Date: May 2004 Location: Aeoteroa Posts: 7,382 Downloads: 223 Uploads: 1	Bipolar can be controled where the person can live out a happy life without any serious problems. My cousin has bipolar disorder, for years we thought she was just bad tempered crazy, she would out of the blue have you up for something and just rant for hours going off the edge kinda thing nothing threatening just extreme rants over issues you would never bother to argue about. She has never manage to stay in a relationship for too long cause of her sickness and has been like this since she was in her early 20s. About three years ago she was diagnosed with Bipolar and takes medication, and has never had a ranting episode since. Its good that she has got the help now but if she had went to see a doctor years ago it would of saved her and others a lot of heartache. She needs to get the help as soon as possible GoldenRivet, all the best. __________________ RIP kiwi_2005 Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

02-28-12, 01:11 PM	#9
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	She's not alone, quite a few famous people have bipolar disorder, including Stephen Fry who made a documentary on living with it: I take similar tablets that Herr Bs wife used to take, and it's a bit of a bastard, when you feel good, it's great...but when you feel bad...it's terrible. In regards to splitting up...I can't really say anything, nor do I really have the right to, however I would only echo what other guys have said and that's you and her should seek professional opinion and help, to be sure that you have all the ammunition you need to, to face this thing.