An American tourist in London

Jimbuna · 01-17-10, 01:36 PM

So this yank bugga gets into my black cab the other night. He hadn't been around London much, so I took him a good route round to show him a few sights.

"What's that?" he asked.

"That's Tower Bridge," I said. "Took 10 years to build."

"Pathetic, we Americans would have built it in a year."

I said nothing and drove on.

"What's that?"

"That's St Paul's Cathedral, mate."

"How long did that take?"

"That took 15 glorious years."

"15 years! We'd have done it in 8 months."

Started to get a bit pi$$ed off at this cheeky yank twunt, but I needed the fare.

"What about that?"

"That's the Tower of London, mate."

"How long?"

"20 years"

"HA! Useless Brits. We'd have built it in 6 months!"

I'd had enough. I drove him, the long way, to Buckingham Palace.

"And what's this then?" he asked.

"Dunno mate. Wasn't there yesterday."

Task Force · 01-17-10, 01:39 PM

Lol, sounds like yer typicil ******* YA american.

Torplexed · 01-17-10, 01:55 PM

Sounds so familiar.

I'm fairly certainly I did a tour of Britain with that fellow Yank once.

Hopefully, the next year he went to Disney World or Vegas.

Méo · 01-17-10, 04:09 PM

Jimbuna · 01-17-10, 04:17 PM

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket - he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie and promised to send the driver money from home but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"

So the businessman was forced to hitch to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the same businessman returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport, and at the end of a long line of cabs, he saw the very driver who had refused him a ride when he was down on his luck. He thought for a moment and got into the first cab in the line.

"How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked?

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" he added.

"What? Get the hell out of my cab!!"

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks."
The businessman replied, "Okay," and off they went.

As they drove past the cabs in the long line, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.

Sailor Steve · 01-17-10, 07:09 PM

Oh, man, that's just brutal!

Gotta love it!

01-17-10, 01:36 PM	#1
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	An American tourist in London So this yank bugga gets into my black cab the other night. He hadn't been around London much, so I took him a good route round to show him a few sights. "What's that?" he asked. "That's Tower Bridge," I said. "Took 10 years to build." "Pathetic, we Americans would have built it in a year." I said nothing and drove on. "What's that?" "That's St Paul's Cathedral, mate." "How long did that take?" "That took 15 glorious years." "15 years! We'd have done it in 8 months." Started to get a bit pi$$ed off at this cheeky yank twunt, but I needed the fare. "What about that?" "That's the Tower of London, mate." "How long?" "20 years" "HA! Useless Brits. We'd have built it in 6 months!" I'd had enough. I drove him, the long way, to Buckingham Palace. "And what's this then?" he asked. "Dunno mate. Wasn't there yesterday." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-17-10, 01:39 PM	#2
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Lol, sounds like yer typicil ******* YA american. __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"

01-17-10, 04:17 PM	#5
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket - he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie and promised to send the driver money from home but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the same businessman returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport, and at the end of a long line of cabs, he saw the very driver who had refused him a ride when he was down on his luck. He thought for a moment and got into the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" he added. "What? Get the hell out of my cab!!" The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." The businessman replied, "Okay," and off they went. As they drove past the cabs in the long line, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-17-10, 07:09 PM	#6
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Oh, man, that's just brutal! Gotta love it! __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

01-17-10, 01:55 PM	#3
Torplexed Let's Sink Sumptin' ! Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 5,823 Downloads: 43 Uploads: 0	Sounds so familiar. I'm fairly certainly I did a tour of Britain with that fellow Yank once. Hopefully, the next year he went to Disney World or Vegas.

01-17-10, 04:09 PM	#4
Méo Ace of the Deep Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Quebec City Posts: 1,153 Downloads: 258 Uploads: 0