The Duck Hunter

Jimbuna · 07-07-09, 03:44 PM

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor.

"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter..

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. It's not life threatening, but I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Oh, well I guess it could be worse," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the local orchestra and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

mookiemookie · 07-07-09, 03:58 PM

This guy has lived in New York City all his life and gets a three-day vacation which he decides he will take going duck hunting in the Adirondacks for the first time in his life.

He buys a nice 12-gauge shotgun, the coat, the boots, the hat and the whole schmear and for the first two days of the vacation he doesn't even see a duck.

About three-quarters through the last day he finally see a lone duck and shoots it, only to have it land on the roof of a barn and it rolls down the roof into a farmyard.

Just as he's climbing over the fence to get the duck he shot, a farmer comes out of the barn and says: "Where you goin', city-feller?"

"I'm going to retrieve my duck. I've spent a small fortune for this vacation and this is the last few hours of it and that's the ONLY duck I've shot, let alone seen the whole time."

"Well, not so fast 'cause you see, it's in my property and it's mine now", says the farmer.

"You've got to be kidding me after all this hiking through the muck, mud, over hill-n-dale and I'm tired and I want my duck now!" he says.

"OK", says the farmer, "we have a way to settle these sorts o' differences here in the woods. We take turns kicking each other in the testicles and the guy who passes out first, loses".

"Sounds kinda rough, but I guess I'm into it all the way by now" says the city guy.

"Well, that's real good, but since it's my property, I get the first kick" says the farmer.

And with that he plants his boot right smack into the city guy's crotch and the slicker falls down, puking and gagging, coughing and having uncontrollable screams of agony and as he rolls on the mud and manure in the barnyard for 20 minutes. Finally - he gasps and gets his breath and stands up feebly and says: "Well - I guess it's my turn to kick you now".

The farmer says: "Nah - you can have the duck".

GoldenRivet · 07-07-09, 04:37 PM

Oberon · 07-07-09, 04:42 PM

VipertheSniper · 07-07-09, 04:42 PM

I'd still kick him in the balls.

SgtPotato · 07-07-09, 05:04 PM

07-07-09, 03:44 PM	#1
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Duck Hunter A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot." "What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. It's not life threatening, but I'm going to have to refer you to my sister." "Oh, well I guess it could be worse," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the local orchestra and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-07-09, 03:58 PM	#2
mookiemookie Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 9,404 Downloads: 105 Uploads: 1	This guy has lived in New York City all his life and gets a three-day vacation which he decides he will take going duck hunting in the Adirondacks for the first time in his life. He buys a nice 12-gauge shotgun, the coat, the boots, the hat and the whole schmear and for the first two days of the vacation he doesn't even see a duck. About three-quarters through the last day he finally see a lone duck and shoots it, only to have it land on the roof of a barn and it rolls down the roof into a farmyard. Just as he's climbing over the fence to get the duck he shot, a farmer comes out of the barn and says: "Where you goin', city-feller?" "I'm going to retrieve my duck. I've spent a small fortune for this vacation and this is the last few hours of it and that's the ONLY duck I've shot, let alone seen the whole time." "Well, not so fast 'cause you see, it's in my property and it's mine now", says the farmer. "You've got to be kidding me after all this hiking through the muck, mud, over hill-n-dale and I'm tired and I want my duck now!" he says. "OK", says the farmer, "we have a way to settle these sorts o' differences here in the woods. We take turns kicking each other in the testicles and the guy who passes out first, loses". "Sounds kinda rough, but I guess I'm into it all the way by now" says the city guy. "Well, that's real good, but since it's my property, I get the first kick" says the farmer. And with that he plants his boot right smack into the city guy's crotch and the slicker falls down, puking and gagging, coughing and having uncontrollable screams of agony and as he rolls on the mud and manure in the barnyard for 20 minutes. Finally - he gasps and gets his breath and stands up feebly and says: "Well - I guess it's my turn to kick you now". The farmer says: "Nah - you can have the duck". __________________ They don’t think it be like it is, but it do. Want more U-boat Kaleun portraits for your SH3 Commander Profiles? Download the SH3 Commander Portrait Pack here.

07-07-09, 04:37 PM	#3
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	__________________

07-07-09, 04:42 PM	#4
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20

07-07-09, 04:42 PM	#5
VipertheSniper Ace of the Deep Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Austria Posts: 1,070 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I'd still kick him in the balls.

07-07-09, 05:04 PM	#6
SgtPotato Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: In your ocean, sinking your ships Posts: 721 Downloads: 96 Uploads: 0