An outlet for all the brave souls in retail and support

[antikristuseke]

A friend of mine linked me to this fun side of silly stories to do with customer service, enjoy.
http://notalwaysright.com/

Originally Posted by example

(A father is letting five kind make a complete mess of the restaurant. They’re ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.)

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers.”

Father: *beaming* “No.”

Me: “No, as in, no you won’t tell them to stop it?”

Father: *still beaming*“Yes.”

(I have to get back to work at this point and sure enough, the kids keep misbehaving. Several customers complain to me but I have no authority to throw them out. The last to complain is a table with about eight young guys.)

Customer 1: “So there’s nothing you can do about them?”

Me: “I’m so very sorry sir, but no. I can get you a drink from the house to make up for it.”

Customer 2: “No, that won’t do.”

Me: “Well, I can see if I can get you a free desert…”

Customer 2: “Not what I meant. Can’t you get your boss?”

Me: “I’m afraid he’s not in, sir.”

Customer 1: “Well we won’t accept any free stuff. I bet that would come out of your pay.”

Customer 3: Hold on…”

(The customer gets up and the others immediately follow him to the noisy, messy table. They’re now surrounded by eight tall young men who look mighty pissed.)

Customer 3, to the father: “Tell them to stop it.”

Father: *still beaming* “No.”

Customer 1: “You’re upsetting the waitress.”

Father: “Do you guys even work here?”

Customer 1: “No, we’re from that prison up the street. We’re out on parole. Funny coincidence, we all served seven years for kidnapping and murdering a bunch of noisy brats and a jerk who made minimum-wage waitresses cry.”

(At this point the kids become very, very quiet and the other patrons start giggling and staring.)

Father: “You’re lying.”

Customer 4: “Wanna take that chance, buddy?”

(One more lecherous grin was enough to send the whole bunch of misfits scurrying to the exit. My knights in shining armor actually got applause from the other diners and a free meal from me.)

[bookworm_020]

I would welcome these guys at a couple of restaurants I have been to.

I haven't done too bad at my workplace (a library) I have students telling others to be quiet and shushing them as well!

[kiwi_2005]

Our German staff member who we have nicknamed "Mr Import" cause hes over here on a working holiday, completely lost his marbles the other day in the office - can't blame him hes been working on the software 10-12 hr days 6 days a week practically no brakes except a quick coffee. He gets up slams the desk yelling some obscenities in german i manage to catch some english in between 'No, No, No, You stupid bloody kiwis don't know anything about your f**king software now i have to redo all the f**king bugs :rotfl:

I couldn't stop laughing we all cracked up laughing including him, Apparently he left a note on the monitor with warnings "Not to touch the exit button" during the compile update, some bright kiwi (wasn't me!) went and clicked the exit button! Culprit was the boss He needed the PC and never read the message on the monitor. Very apologetic that he demanded that he take the weekend off and go and get plastered. He agreed and in his own words 'I will get sloshed this weekend'.

We told him to go to "The Mount" a beach in Tauranga city (famous place for piss-ups with lots of young babes running around half naked. He's in his 20's so should have a good time with the ladies )

If theirs one guy that deserves to get on the piss its him.

[Jimbuna]

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year!"

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers... "It's pronounced 'quiche'."

On a serious note.....when called to an incident in a restaurant in the UK, if the customer is refusung to pay stating the meal was rubbish/below acceptable standards, but can show they are carrying enough money to cover the bill....it becomes a civil matter and seldom worth the legal fees a restaurant would face in trying to recover the cost of the bill.

[XabbaRus]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year!"

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers... "It's pronounced 'quiche'."

On a serious note.....when called to an incident in a restaurant in the UK, if the customer is refusung to pay stating the meal was rubbish/below acceptable standards, but can show they are carrying enough money to cover the bill....it becomes a civil matter and seldom worth the legal fees a restaurant would face in trying to recover the cost of the bill.

So is that a tip on how to get a free meal?

[Happy Times]

Some hilarious ones there, good find.

America’s Debt Crisis, Explained
Credit Card Customer Service | Tampa, FL, USA

Me: “Thank you for calling cardholder service, how may I help you?”

Customer: “You sent me a bill. Why?”

Me: “May I please have your card number?”

Customer: “I threw it away when the balance was gone.”

Me: “Um… can I have your social security number?”

Customer: *gives number*

Me: “I show your current balance is $10,027.31, due on 07/25/2008. Would you like to make a payment today so you do not get a late fee?”

Customer: “What do you mean? Why did you send me a bill?”

Me: “Sir, because you purchased those items you are required to repay the account.”

Customer: “No. You gave me the money, so I spent it.”

Me: “A credit card is a short term loan. You are required to pay it back.”

Customer: “No, I’m not!” *click*

(This is the third call like this in the past month.)

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by XabbaRus

So is that a tip on how to get a free meal?

Not 100% for sure.

If the officer decides he has got to do something to appease the complainant he might just decide your threatening a breach of the peace.

But on the other hand, if your in company and not smelling of drink (little chance of drunk and disorderly) :hmm:

You takes yer chance

[antikristuseke]

Stumbled across a great one
http://notalwaysright.com/water-you-stupid/882

(While passing through airport security, a passenger’s bag needs to be pulled because the x-ray operator sees an obvious big bottle of water when the limit is 3.4 oz.)

Me: “Whose bag is this?”

Passenger: “Oh! Oh! Oohhh! It’s mine! Is there something wrong?”

Me: “I just need to take a quick look inside, ma’am. This shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Passenger: “Well, hurry. I think they’re boarding my plane.”

(I open her bag and find the bottle almost immediately. She gasps as I pull it out.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot have this beyond this point.”

Passenger: “Why not? I just bought it, and it’s unopened!”

Me: “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 oz in your carry on. If you’d like to, you could–”

Passenger: “But that’s not a liquid!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Passenger: “It’s not a liquid! It’s water! W-A-T-E-R! You know, H-2-O? For the love of God, don’t they hire anyone with more than a grade school education for security?”

I would have probably shot that person, claimed she was insane and attacked me.