The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven...

SUBMAN1 · 07-16-08, 03:06 PM

Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yes, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions...

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds...

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust...

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.

AVGWarhawk · 07-16-08, 03:12 PM

THE BEST Put Down LINE EVER
For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military h eadquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent.

SUBMAN1 · 07-16-08, 03:28 PM

Shopping Trip...

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart and the
husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so
they carry on shopping.

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face
cream and puts it in the shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the
price.

Sailor Steve · 07-16-08, 09:26 PM

Subman, that first one was great! (the others are too, but I liked the first one)

This one isn't about women, but it is about dying and going to heaven:

A man dies and goes to heaven (bet you didn't see that coming). At the pearly gates he asks expresses some reservations about activities there.

"Do you have racing?" he asks.

"Do we have racing??? Every single day we have the Heavenly 500. In fact it's about to start now!"

So their watching the cars lined up on the grid, and the man asks "Isn't that A.J. Foyt's helmet? I didn't know he was dead."

Peter replies "He's not. That's God. He likes to think he's A.J. Foyt."

bookworm_020 · 07-16-08, 11:39 PM

Love them all

I liked the Peter Cosgrove one the best. I can almost here the clang of the interviews jaw hiting the ground!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Jimbuna · 07-17-08, 11:02 AM

I like the Harley one especially.....you pasted the text, probably because you encountered the same problem I did last week and couldn't get the accompanying gifs to animate after transferring.

Yahoshua · 07-17-08, 09:44 PM

One story related to me by an old vietnam vet:

During basic training, on the live firing portion of the training, one recruit couldn't shoot worth a damn. Regardless of the time and coaching the DI gave this kid he just wouldn't improve and the last straw came when the private told him "Sir, I'm just no good at this. I can't hit anything."

The DI, exasperated and mad as hell yelled at the private "Well I guess you better take that rifle, go into the bushes and shoot yourself in the face, maybe you won't miss then!!" The DI then promptly threw a partially filled magazine at the private and stormed off toward the other end of the firing line.

Upon reaching the end of the firing line and about to commence firing range calls, a shot rang out from where he'd just walked from. Fearing the private was actually stupid enough to do himself in, the DI called a ceasefire and ran toward the bushes on the other side of the firing line.

A dumbfounded private walking toward the DI looked up with a sobering face and told the DI "Sorry sir,......I missed."

Jimbuna · 07-18-08, 08:12 AM

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

Sailor Steve · 07-18-08, 08:15 AM

Oooooooooh...OUCH!

Jimbuna · 07-18-08, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Oooooooooh...OUCH!

Not necessarily a viewpoint or belief I subscribe to personally however.

mcf1 · 07-18-08, 10:42 AM

:rotfl: all of them nice, especially the first one.
Here's another one

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.

The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.

To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.

To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.

To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.

A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

FIREWALL · 07-18-08, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcf1

:rotfl: all of them nice, especially the first one.
Here's another one

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.

The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.

To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.

To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.

To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.

A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

LMFAO :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Jimbuna · 07-18-08, 10:48 AM

LOL

mcf1 · 07-18-08, 11:43 AM

I got another one, I heard it in Greek, so the translation may not sound funny.

What have potatoes and women drivers in common?

You can find them both in the fields

FIREWALL · 07-18-08, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcf1

I got another one, I heard it in Greek, so the translation may not sound funny.

What have potatoes and women drivers in common?

You can find them both in the fields

Your Right

Something got lost in the translation. :rotfl:

07-16-08, 03:06 PM	#1
SUBMAN1 Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 11,866 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven... Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yes, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions... 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds... 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust... 5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!" "Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours. __________________

07-16-08, 03:12 PM	#2
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,253 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	THE BEST Put Down LINE EVER For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!' General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military h eadquarters. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

07-16-08, 03:28 PM	#3
SUBMAN1 Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 11,866 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Shopping Trip... A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their shopping cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the shopping cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price. __________________

07-16-08, 09:26 PM	#4
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Subman, that first one was great! (the others are too, but I liked the first one) This one isn't about women, but it is about dying and going to heaven: A man dies and goes to heaven (bet you didn't see that coming). At the pearly gates he asks expresses some reservations about activities there. "Do you have racing?" he asks. "Do we have racing??? Every single day we have the Heavenly 500. In fact it's about to start now!" So their watching the cars lined up on the grid, and the man asks "Isn't that A.J. Foyt's helmet? I didn't know he was dead." Peter replies "He's not. That's God. He likes to think he's A.J. Foyt." __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

07-16-08, 11:39 PM	#5
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	Love them all I liked the Peter Cosgrove one the best. I can almost here the clang of the interviews jaw hiting the ground!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

07-17-08, 11:02 AM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I like the Harley one especially.....you pasted the text, probably because you encountered the same problem I did last week and couldn't get the accompanying gifs to animate after transferring. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-17-08, 09:44 PM	#7
Yahoshua The Old Man Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,493 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	One story related to me by an old vietnam vet: During basic training, on the live firing portion of the training, one recruit couldn't shoot worth a damn. Regardless of the time and coaching the DI gave this kid he just wouldn't improve and the last straw came when the private told him "Sir, I'm just no good at this. I can't hit anything." The DI, exasperated and mad as hell yelled at the private "Well I guess you better take that rifle, go into the bushes and shoot yourself in the face, maybe you won't miss then!!" The DI then promptly threw a partially filled magazine at the private and stormed off toward the other end of the firing line. Upon reaching the end of the firing line and about to commence firing range calls, a shot rang out from where he'd just walked from. Fearing the private was actually stupid enough to do himself in, the DI called a ceasefire and ran toward the bushes on the other side of the firing line. A dumbfounded private walking toward the DI looked up with a sobering face and told the DI "Sorry sir,......I missed." __________________ Science is the organized unpredictability that strives not to set limits to mans' capabilities, but is the engine by which the limits of mans' understanding is defined-Yahoshua

07-18-08, 08:12 AM	#8
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-18-08, 08:15 AM	#9
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Oooooooooh...OUCH! __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

07-18-08, 10:42 AM	#11
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: all of them nice, especially the first one. Here's another one Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation. To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW. To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation. A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

07-18-08, 10:48 AM	#13
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	LOL __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

07-18-08, 11:43 AM	#14
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	I got another one, I heard it in Greek, so the translation may not sound funny. What have potatoes and women drivers in common? You can find them both in the fields