Bragging Rights

[Syxx_Killer]

Got this in an e-mail:

>Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a

>party

>

>After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

>

>Those who remained talked about their kids.

>

>The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working

>at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics

>and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder

>and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave

>his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

>

>The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride

>and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school

>to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where

>he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best

>friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

>

>The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the

>best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own

>construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away

>something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his

>birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

>

>The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth

>returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations

>for?'

>

>One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for

>the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

>

>The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as

>a stripper at a nightclub.'

>

>The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

>

>

>The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.

>And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he

>received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and

>a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.

[flyingdane]

Stop Reading them if there to weird.......Comon man every one knows that.

Delete..Delete..Delete.

[baggygreen]

I rate this one highly, thats worthy of a chuckle

[August]

As I read it I just knew it wasn't gonna work out well for the first three guys... I'm psychic like that.

[bookworm_020]

Gave me a chucke, even if I could see where it was headed!

[Sailor Steve]

I had read that one before, but forgotten it. Thanks for posting it.

I'll add to the fun:

Three brothers were always arguing about which of them loved their mother the most, and which one did the most for her. On the occassion of her 80th birthday they decided to pull out all the stops. On the day itself they started bragging about their presents.

Bill, the oldest, went first: "I got her a huge mansion! She's gonna love it!"

Then John spoke up: "I got her a Bentley limosine, with a driver hired on for life!"

Jim, the youngest, topped them all: "I searched the world for something truly unique. I finally found a parrot that was raised in a monastery. Knowing how much mom loves to read the bible, I was delighted to find this bird that can quote every single passage from the whole thing. All she has to do is say the first couple of words, and the parrot will do the rest!"

Several weeks later, they all got thank-you notes from their mother.

"Dear William: The house is nice, but I live in two rooms and have to clean forty!"

"Dear John: The car is nice, but I never go anywhere. And, that driver is rude to me!"

"Dear James: Thank you for knowing what a mother truly wants. The chicken was delicious!"

[Von Tonner]

FRIDAY FOLLY


It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Sri Lankan
Indian student named

Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had
his hand up:

'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good!'

Who said ' A Government of the People, by the People, for the People,
shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.

'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.

Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its
history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: '**** the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said
that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, 1991.'


Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts
to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little sh!t. If
you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael
Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher
on the floor, someone said, 'Oh sh!t, we're f#cked!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

Robert Mugabe to his cabinet at the declaration of the presidential election results-April 2008.

[Platapus]

A doctor is examining this young lady. He notices a faint impression of the letter “H” on her chest. He asks her about it.

The lady gets embarrassed and blushing says ‘oh my boyfriend is attending Harvard and he.. well.. likes to wear his sweater while we are ...uh.. doing it”

The doctor smiles and completes the examination. There is always something new in this job.

A few weeks later the doctor is examining another young lady. He notices that this lady has the faint impression of the letter “Y” on her chest.

“oh my god”, the lady stammers, blushing “my boyfriend is attending Yale and he likes to wear his sweater while we are in bed.”

The doctor smiles.

A few weeks later the doctor is examining yet another young lady. This lady has a faint outline of the letter “W” on her chest.

Feeling a bit cocky, the doctor casually asks the young lady if she has a boyfriend who attends the University of Wisconsin.

“Why no, doctor, I don’t”, replied the lady. “I do have a girlfriend who goes to University of Michigan though, why do you ask?”

rimshot

Thank you Thank you, you have been a great board. Try the SH3 Forums. Make a small donation to Neal, I will be here all week.

[HunterICX]

:rotfl: Nice one!

HunterICX

[Jimbuna]

You know you're a Taliban if...
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth.

You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.'

You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You've often uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.