Targeted advertising driving me crazy

[Onkel Neal]

Some time a few weeks ago, I did some looking online for Simpson Model 30 helmets. I had one back in the 80s and thought, "Are they still making them?". They are indeed, and they still look awesome. I read some reviews, checked prices, but they are made for rounder heads, I'm more oval (the more common head shape). So I decided to put off buying one, I don't really need it.

But man, that helmet is following me across the internet. For weeks, most every site I visited, there's that helmet, taunting me, with his friends, some similarly styled helmets. That helmet still looks great but it still won't fit me, either.

Does that stop the targeted advertising? No, it acts as if it doesn't matter. I try to ignore these ads, but they appear everywhere, shuffling the helmets around like a casino dealer, making them blink...like some kind of evil psych experiment. Could it be that I've been targeted by some malfeasant marketing group.

Man, I just am so sick of this wonderful helmet following me around. When I click on a link even before I get a chance to read the article, the helmet is already there, waiting for me....

I've decided to adopt a strategy: this morning I googled "duck decoys". I visited 6 different websites with duck decoy reviews, placed a few mallards into the shopping carts at random sporting good websites (let's see how they like that, "is he ever gonna buy these things?! Does he have commitment issues?!"), and generally roved the web in search of duck decoy articles.

Hopefully, soon the helmets will be replaced with peaceful, placid images of wooden ducks that won't have any effect on me. Either that, or I'll have the strong urge to begin duck hunting.