The same thing we do every night. An Evil Genius AAR

[Hottentot]

(OK, OK, stop that, I'm reading it already...)

Ahem. Due to certain buttsensitive parties...

(OUCH!)

I mean, concerned patriotic individuals contacting me regarding my expression of artistic freedom...

(YOW!!)

...In my despicable portrayal of forces of good and just in my latest Flashpoint adventures, I, Hottentot, wish to tell you to go f...

(Joking...JOKING!!)

...feed your pet rabbit and apologize for any hurt feelings. To repair the damage done, I present you something more suitable this time. We are not exactly moving away from the cold war but will this time be concentrating on people with better sense of hu...

(STOP THAT!!)

...hurting people in nasty ways and who therefore deserve all the scorn, hate and ridicule they can get. Therefore, dear audience, welcome to follow the adventures of Maximilian IV in "The same thing we do every night".

(OK, I read it all as you told me to. Put the gun away, please!)

Editor notes: OK, folks, let's try something new and give Flashpoint some rest. I don't know how well you know Evil Genius, as it was at least to me completely unknown title before I tried it for the first time only a few years ago. That being said, I found it marvelous and have actually wanted to write a story like this for a while now.

Evil Genius is basically like its better known cousin Dungeon Keeper, only it's set in the universe of B-class movies where an insane evil mastermind is trying to take over the world and the heroes are trying to stop him. The catch is that in this game you actually play as the evil mastermind, while the idiot heroes stumble around your base cluelessly trying to figure out what is going on. And in this story there is no scriptwriter to help them out of that mess. Bwahahahahaaa!!

This is an AAR instead of an Adventure, meaning that the game's events are reported as they happen (with suitable storyteller's freedom naturally). It's also going to be a fairly long one, because Evil Genius is actually a pretty long game. I can't guarantee that I can complete the game and therefore the AAR, but I'm doing my best.
It won't be divided into parts this time, as it's difficult to to do in this case. Some parts would be incredibly long, while others would be just a few pictures. Therefore I will post 20 pictures at a time (Subsim's max per message) with semi-consistent update schedule. There may be cliff hangers, but hey, this is a B-class movie game AAR after all.

Therefore: sit back and .

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THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT

Guten tag! My name is Maximilian! Remember zat name well, because it will be one you'll have to know by heart when I have TAKEN OVER ZE WORLD!!!!

Yes, you insects! You and your pesky forces of justice may have foiled my plan to cover ze world in lemon pudding, but you haven't heard ze last of me yet! Oh no! Zis is JUST ZE BEGINNING!!



Tremble, mortals, at ze sight of your glorious leader!!

WAS?! Who wrote zat?! I am not short! Nor bad tempered! I will shoot ze dirty propagandist!!




Zis is me on my yacht. I am not escaping from my last evil base! I am only tactically relocating to ze new one! Bwahahahaaaa!




Ze beginning is humble, however. I have only ludicrous amount of gold as well as zree loyal minions.




Oh yeah, and zen zis Asian person. He keeps following me and makes good sushi, so I keep him around. I call him Jubei.




Ah! Ze entrance to my domain! It is...




Hmm, a lot smaller zan ze advertisement promised, is it? Was zere somezing in ze fine print? I can't see. Oh yes, what does ze contract say..."Budget choice for do-it-yourself-evil-genius." Bah!




Very well! In my infinite genius I plan a complex corridor zat is sure to fool ze foolish fools of justice!




My minions eagerly start carrying ze dynamite, which was also involved in great amounts in my "Evil Genius starter kit".




Behold! ze first step of my world domination is constructed!! I relocate quickly inside to...um...avoid a sunburn.




Ze explosion of ze dynamite lured a group of investigators to...investigate, I zink. Bah! I have been on my new playground island for only five minutes and already zey are suspecting I am up to somezing!

I would sue zem for harassment if I hadn't previously tried to take over ze world by instilling anarchy by turning all ze judges into toads. I zink zey still hold a grudge for zat, ze small minded morons.




To solve ze problem like a true genius, I send Jubei to greet zem wiz his Katana.




Meanwhile ze minions have expanded my kingdom. zey have build a barracks to lure more of zem to my service. Since we ran out of room for ze beds, I came up wiz a brilliant idea of accommodating ze rest of ze newcomes into zose lockers. zey can't expect first class treatment if zey hesitate joining my cause!




Jubei has left some trash lying around after ze fight. In my previous plans I have learned zat while fun, it is not usually socially acceptable to furnish your garden wiz body bags and will usually earn ze attention of more stupid investigators.




Zerefore I commission a freezer. Once I can afford it, I also commission a machine to turn ze bodies into fish fingers, so zey can finally be useful for somezing.




Zis is ze control room. From it my minions monitor ze world and find ze best opportunities to make it understand how I am to be zeir living god soon. Bwahahahaaa!




So far ze world hasn't understood my splendor yet, zough. I decide to send a few minions and Jubei out zere to spread ze word and rob some money for me too.




JA!! EVERYZING IS GOING AS PLANNED!! SOON ZE WORLD WILL BE PLUNGED INTO COMPLETE DARKNESS AND EMERGE IN NEW LIGHT WIZ ME AS ITS DICTATOR! BWAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA!!!!!




WAS??! WHO TURNED ZE LIGHTS OFF WHEN I WAS IN ZE MIDDLE OF A PERFECT MONOLOGUE! TURN ZEM BACK ON! I CAN'T LOOK GOOD IF NO ONE CAN'T SEE ME!!




Ze doors aren't functioning...




...and ze control room has gone blind too! What is going on??!! SABOTAGE!!