Great joke I heard (Clean)

Freiwillige · 05-23-11, 08:51 PM

World war II breaks out and and Tommy joins the army to fight those Germans.

After graduating boot camp he gets in line to grab his combat knife, when he gets to the front of the line he finds they are all out of Knives! "How am I supposed to fight the German's up close with no knife?" He asked.

"Easy when a German gets close just scream out stabity stab stab while making stabbing motions!" His ordinance officer tells him.

Tommy thinks this is nuts but shrugs his shoulder and moves to the gun line.

One he arrives at the front of the line he finds they just ran out of rifles!
"How am I to shoot at the enemy with no rifle!?" He asked.

"Easy just point your finger at them and say bangity ban bang!" His Ordinance man reply's

Finally in the third line for grenades he is none to shocked to find they ran out right before he got his turn in line. "Let me guess, I make a grenade throwing motion and yell out boomity boom boom right?"

Again the ordinance man nods.

As he is thrown into battle the next week against a massive German assault the panicked Tommy remembers his instructions. Looking at one German he points and screams out "Bangity bang bang!" and to his surprise the German drops dead! He shoot's three more before he gets in to hand to hand combat and starts screaming "Stabity stab stab!" as German are dropping like flies. Soon he turns the defensive battle into a route of the Germans yelling "boomity boom boom and bangity bang bang" until there is one very fat German left coming right at him. "He throws his fake grenades and yells out boomity boom boom!" to no effect. Then he holds out his finger and points it right at the closing Germans face and yells out "Bangity bang bang" Again to no effect! So He charges the advancing German and begins yelling out "Stabity stab stab!" at this very fat German to no effect!! As the Fat German was walking over Tommy crushing him with his sheer weight the last thing Tommy heard was the German repeating "Tankity Tank tank"

Bakkels · 05-23-11, 09:32 PM

This could very well have been a Mony Python sketch...

Penguin · 05-24-11, 06:12 AM

good one - but the "clean" in the title put me off a little

Reminds me of a film, where the hero fires with an automatic gun at the attackers when the mag goes empty. He then makes makes full auto sounds and the attackers act like they were hit multiple times, untill they realize that there are no bullets

I think it was in "Bad Taste", not sure though.

Jimbuna · 05-24-11, 07:08 AM

Good to hear a 'clean' joke for a change

Herr-Berbunch · 05-24-11, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penguin

I think it was in "Bad Taste", not sure though.

Only one scene I remember from that film, and that ain't it.

Penguin · 05-24-11, 09:47 AM

found the scene, it was indeed Bad Taste, only one attacker though:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Only one scene I remember from that film, and that ain't it.

I'm sure it's something weird, but I'll ask anyway

: which one?

HunterICX · 05-24-11, 09:49 AM

Nice!

HunterICX

sharkbit · 05-24-11, 10:34 AM

Funny.

For some reason, this Monty Python sketch popped into my head when I read the joke:

One of my all time favorite skits.

Growler · 05-24-11, 11:27 AM

So the situation's desperate. Platoon's pinned down near the crest of a ridge as Taliban forces close in behind a hail of AK fire and grenades. Most of the guys are wounded to some extent; the lieutenant has had zero luck getting a call for fire or close air support, and won't, since the radio's been holed by shrapnel. Weary, exhausted, he tries for one more bit of bravado, hoping to get his guys to hang on just a little longer - he can see friendly Cav troopers advancing, but they're still a ways off.

"I know there's five of them to every one of us," he calls out, "But if each man does his part, we'll get through this! Hang in there!"

On the crest, he watches one of his guys, a rawboned lanky lad from Kentucky, known for his deadeye accuracy with his M4. Without moments, the Kentuckian fires off five rounds, then calmly turns away from the scene, settles down, and lights up a smoke.

The Lieutenant rushes over. "Hey, you OK? What happened? Why aren't you shooting?"

The Kentuckian looks back. "Got mah five."

05-23-11, 08:51 PM	#1
Freiwillige The Old Man Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Phx. Az Posts: 1,458 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	Great joke I heard (Clean) World war II breaks out and and Tommy joins the army to fight those Germans. After graduating boot camp he gets in line to grab his combat knife, when he gets to the front of the line he finds they are all out of Knives! "How am I supposed to fight the German's up close with no knife?" He asked. "Easy when a German gets close just scream out stabity stab stab while making stabbing motions!" His ordinance officer tells him. Tommy thinks this is nuts but shrugs his shoulder and moves to the gun line. One he arrives at the front of the line he finds they just ran out of rifles! "How am I to shoot at the enemy with no rifle!?" He asked. "Easy just point your finger at them and say bangity ban bang!" His Ordinance man reply's Finally in the third line for grenades he is none to shocked to find they ran out right before he got his turn in line. "Let me guess, I make a grenade throwing motion and yell out boomity boom boom right?" Again the ordinance man nods. As he is thrown into battle the next week against a massive German assault the panicked Tommy remembers his instructions. Looking at one German he points and screams out "Bangity bang bang!" and to his surprise the German drops dead! He shoot's three more before he gets in to hand to hand combat and starts screaming "Stabity stab stab!" as German are dropping like flies. Soon he turns the defensive battle into a route of the Germans yelling "boomity boom boom and bangity bang bang" until there is one very fat German left coming right at him. "He throws his fake grenades and yells out boomity boom boom!" to no effect. Then he holds out his finger and points it right at the closing Germans face and yells out "Bangity bang bang" Again to no effect! So He charges the advancing German and begins yelling out "Stabity stab stab!" at this very fat German to no effect!! As the Fat German was walking over Tommy crushing him with his sheer weight the last thing Tommy heard was the German repeating "Tankity Tank tank"

05-23-11, 09:32 PM	#2
Bakkels Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Groningen, The Netherlands Posts: 709 Downloads: 101 Uploads: 6	This could very well have been a Mony Python sketch... __________________ My sh3 skins : http://www.gamefront.com/files/user/Bakkels Or go to the sh3 downloads section > skins

05-24-11, 07:08 AM	#4
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Good to hear a 'clean' joke for a change __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-24-11, 09:49 AM	#7
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	Nice! HunterICX __________________

05-24-11, 10:34 AM	#8
sharkbit The Old Man Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 1,529 Downloads: 334 Uploads: 0	Funny. For some reason, this Monty Python sketch popped into my head when I read the joke: One of my all time favorite skits. __________________ “Prejudice is blind. There will always be someone who says you aren’t welcome at the table. Stop apologizing for who you are and using all your energy trying to change their minds. Yes, you will lose friends, maybe even family. But you will gain your self-respect. You will know your worth. Once you have that, nothing can stop you.”

05-24-11, 06:12 AM	#3
Penguin Ocean Warrior Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Rheinische Republik Posts: 3,322 Downloads: 92 Uploads: 0	good one - but the "clean" in the title put me off a little Reminds me of a film, where the hero fires with an automatic gun at the attackers when the mag goes empty. He then makes makes full auto sounds and the attackers act like they were hit multiple times, untill they realize that there are no bullets I think it was in "Bad Taste", not sure though.

05-24-11, 11:27 AM	#9
Growler A long way from the sea Join Date: May 2005 Location: Iowa Posts: 1,913 Downloads: 21 Uploads: 0	So the situation's desperate. Platoon's pinned down near the crest of a ridge as Taliban forces close in behind a hail of AK fire and grenades. Most of the guys are wounded to some extent; the lieutenant has had zero luck getting a call for fire or close air support, and won't, since the radio's been holed by shrapnel. Weary, exhausted, he tries for one more bit of bravado, hoping to get his guys to hang on just a little longer - he can see friendly Cav troopers advancing, but they're still a ways off. "I know there's five of them to every one of us," he calls out, "But if each man does his part, we'll get through this! Hang in there!" On the crest, he watches one of his guys, a rawboned lanky lad from Kentucky, known for his deadeye accuracy with his M4. Without moments, the Kentuckian fires off five rounds, then calmly turns away from the scene, settles down, and lights up a smoke. The Lieutenant rushes over. "Hey, you OK? What happened? Why aren't you shooting?" The Kentuckian looks back. "Got mah five." __________________ At Fiddler’s Green, where seamen true When here they’ve done their duty The bowl of grog shall still renew And pledge to love and beauty.

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