Since 1955

mookiemookie · 09-06-10, 10:49 AM

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.” The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.” “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.” The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.” The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?” “1955, ma’am.”

“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.” The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”

krashkart · 09-06-10, 11:01 AM

Herr-Berbunch · 09-06-10, 11:03 AM

Jimbuna · 09-06-10, 11:04 AM

LOL

The American Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.

Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sargent Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sargent Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Sargent Major calmly replied, "Vietnam".

Oberon · 09-06-10, 11:16 AM

I heard a similar one to that from Jim Davidson but it was a British para and his balls were on a barbed wire fence at Goose Green.

TLAM Strike · 09-06-10, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oberon

I heard a similar one to that from Jim Davidson but it was a British para and his balls were on a barbed wire fence at Goose Green.

That's one of those jokes that works with any military group.

But I would wager our Marine would get more money from his detached testicles than your Para.

Oberon · 09-06-10, 11:40 AM

Colchester to Goose Green - 7935 miles
Quantico to Saigon - 9019 miles

Yah....USMC wins on that one alright

Sailor Steve · 09-06-10, 12:49 PM

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...highlight=1955

09-06-10, 12:58 PM

Very good!!! I like the juxtaposition of time v. time.

TLAM Strike · 09-06-10, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...highlight=1955

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...6&postcount=87

Jimbuna · 09-06-10, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...highlight=1955

Quote:

Originally Posted by TLAM Strike

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...6&postcount=87

Close but no cigar

mookiemookie · 09-06-10, 02:15 PM

Sorry. You guys have memories like elephants.

antikristuseke · 09-06-10, 02:17 PM

Are you calling them fat mookie?

Takeda Shingen · 09-06-10, 02:19 PM

I enjoyed it anyway, mookie.

Sailor Steve · 09-06-10, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TLAM Strike

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...6&postcount=87

Thanks. I knew I'd seen another one out there somewhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mookiemookie

Sorry. You guys have memories like elephants.

Trust me, it's a curse.

09-06-10, 10:49 AM	#1
mookiemookie Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 9,404 Downloads: 105 Uploads: 1	Since 1955 A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.” The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.” “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.” The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.” The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?” “1955, ma’am.” “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.” The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.” __________________ They don’t think it be like it is, but it do. Want more U-boat Kaleun portraits for your SH3 Commander Profiles? Download the SH3 Commander Portrait Pack here.

09-06-10, 11:03 AM	#3
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	__________________

09-06-10, 11:04 AM	#4
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,539 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	LOL The American Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. Those applying got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000. The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sargent Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sargent Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The old Sargent Major calmly replied, "Vietnam". __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-06-10, 12:49 PM	#8
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...highlight=1955 __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

09-06-10, 02:15 PM	#12
mookiemookie Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 9,404 Downloads: 105 Uploads: 1	Sorry. You guys have memories like elephants. __________________ They don’t think it be like it is, but it do. Want more U-boat Kaleun portraits for your SH3 Commander Profiles? Download the SH3 Commander Portrait Pack here.

09-06-10, 11:01 AM	#2
krashkart Navy Seal Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 5,292 Downloads: 100 Uploads: 0

09-06-10, 11:16 AM	#5
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	I heard a similar one to that from Jim Davidson but it was a British para and his balls were on a barbed wire fence at Goose Green.

09-06-10, 11:40 AM	#7
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	Colchester to Goose Green - 7935 miles Quantico to Saigon - 9019 miles Yah....USMC wins on that one alright

09-06-10, 12:58 PM	#9
The Third Man Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Very good!!! I like the juxtaposition of time v. time.

09-06-10, 02:17 PM	#13
antikristuseke Silent Hunter Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Estland Posts: 4,330 Downloads: 3 Uploads: 0	Are you calling them fat mookie?

09-06-10, 02:19 PM	#14
Takeda Shingen Navy Seal Join Date: Mar 2000 Posts: 8,643 Downloads: 19 Uploads: 0	I enjoyed it anyway, mookie.

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