Types of californian drivers

[Ducimus]

I live in the peoples republic of california. Happy land of self absorbed primadonna's with a sense of self entitlement. Here the two most predominate thoughts on the road must be, "Me first" and "Not in front of me". So i present to you, types of californian drivers im bored with, tired of, and pissed at.

1.) The onramp idiot.
This special brand of idiot is the top of my list. Easily identifiable by trying to get onto a freeway at a speed of 45 to 50 MPH when the flow of traffic is at least 65 to 70 MPH. Apparently nobody ever taught them that a freeway onramps purpose is to accelerate to the flow of traffic, which they're too freaking stupid to do. Watching them become a saftey hazzard to all due to the obstruction they become is a daily display of idiocy.

2.) Mr Unpassable.
This guy is one of the biggest Arseholes on the road. If you happen to over take him in the nearest lane because he was driving slower, he will suddenly accelerate and be within 1 car lenghts distance to the guy in front of him, for the explict reason to prevent anyone from passing him. Thereby making you drive at his slower pace (See Mr 65 MPH), and wishing you had a police styled Ram on the bumper of your car.

3.) MR 65 MPH.
This guy is the bane of all commuters, backing up traffic for miles. He does exactly 65MPH...... in fast lane. The praise and meaning of "slower traffic keep right" apparently didn't make it into this dillweed's gray matter. When this guy gets on the free way, the first thing he does is lock it up on the number 1 lane, and stay there, forcing everyone to go around him.

4.) The Drifter.
The guy who decides that the best way to change lanes isn't to check your blindspot, put on a turn signal and move over. No, instead, this guy decides to not use any turn signal at all, not look at his blind spot, and just drift on over into your lane, squeezing you out and forcing you to step on your breaks to avoid an accident. The worst part is they do it intentionally. There should be a special place in hell reserved for this arseholes.

5.) The c*ckblocker.
This is the guy who busts his ass to pass you, gets into your lane, and then slows down - even though you were traveling at a faster rate of speed. Nevermind that, he wanted to be first! God damn buttmuncher.

6.) The jockey
The guy who, when a lane merges with another for any reason, will wait until the last possible moment, being half way onto the shoulder, before he finally cuts in. He's also the guy who, when a freeway offramp is backed up, will "cut in line" at the last possible moment. Always jockeying for position, and being too special to wait in line like everybody else, once can only surmise there's some self entitled jerk behind the wheel.

7.) Mr Rainproof.
Occasionally it rains here in california, and anyone with half a brain cell knows to slow down. Not Mr rainproof, he's the guy blowing your doors off at 75-80MPH kicking up a nice rooster tail behind him. Usually driving a SUV or large truck. Maybe he thinks the rain isn't a big deal, maybe he thinks large vehicles means better traction, but regardless of what he thinks, we have these idiots to thank when the traffic comes to a dead stop, turning a 30 minute commute into an hour and a half commute. Not all is lost however, as one can usually have the satisfiaction of pointing and laughing at their overturned vehicle. One can only hope Darwin has removed them from the genepool and we get fewer of these idiots on the road.

8.) Mr slalom
Most easily identified as the idiot whos weaving in and out of traffic, and often cutting off and in front of Trucks. Mass and inertia are concepts totally lost on this guy.


All i can think of at the moment. I can't wait to drive home.

[Méo]

Originally Posted by Ducimus

4.)No, instead, this guy decides to not use any turn signal at all, not look at his blind spot, and just drift on over into your lane, squeezing you out and forcing you to step on your breaks to avoid an accident. The worst part is they do it intentionally. There should be a special place in hell reserved for this arseholes.

I particularly like this one!

Originally Posted by Ducimus

Not all is lost however, as one can usually have the satisfiaction of pointing and laughing at their overturned vehicle. One can only hope Darwin has removed them from the genepool and we get fewer of these idiots on the road.

This one is good too.

----

But where I live, traffic is nothing compared to big US metropolis. (execpt maybe in snow storms)

[Ishmael]

Dude! I lived a half block off Colorado Blvd near Sierra Madre in Plasterdena for 8 years and drove in LA traffic the whole time. Strangely enough, all MY traffic horror stories are from the Bay Area. I related my 580 shooter episode in another thread, but here are a few others worthy of note.

1. Getting on I-80 in Vallejo and getting stuck behind some guy breathing from a plastic bag as he drifted back and forth across all 3 lanes of traffic and played pinball with his car off the sides of the Carquinez Bridge span. In a classic case of Never-A-Cop-Around-When-You-NEED-One, he drove that way with about a 1/4 mile space cushion between him and EVERYBODY else on the freeway all the way to El Cerrito, about 20 miles.

2. Driving my '68 VW camper to work night shift in SF in the middle of a North Pacific Gale and losing my flywheel just past the Yerba Buena Island offramp. I got to within 50 feet of the crest of the Bay Bridge suspension span and finally threw a rod before hitting the downhill portion and coasting off the bridge.

3. Being the only broadband guy to be able to get BACK into SF the night of the big Quake and driving across the North Bay from Vallejo to Novato and then down the 101 as the lights of Marin County were coming back on before me. I was the ONLY car heading southbound across the Golden Gate and as soon as you left the toll plaza, everything south was pitch black. I fell in behind a PG&E trouble truck as I waved my AT&T ID at the MPs and winos directing traffic on Lombard and Van Ness as everybody else who had a car were heading north out of town.

4. My main commute car was a 76 Toyota Corolla with dents on all 4 sides and a bullet hole in the side it picked up when I loaned it to a coworker so he could go home to Alameda from Oakland for lunch. I went out that afternoon to go home and spotted it. So the next day I asked him,

"Damn! What neighborhoods were YOU driving through? Hey! There goes a White guy! Boom!"

5. The time my wife took me to work in Oakland on the night shift in the above thrashmobile(guarenteed to get you 6 car lengths of space cushion in rush hour traffic, especially if you add the "No Insurance" & "I Brake For No Apparent Reason" bumper stickers) and got lost in West Oakland near Esther's Orbit Room before finding her way back to the freeway past the gas station where 2 cop cars and 4 cops had yellow crime scene tape up as they waited for the Coroner's van.

[frau kaleun]

Heh, I see every one of these people here in Ohio on a regular basis. Ain't no Cali thing.

Originally Posted by Ducimus

7.) Mr Rainproof.
Occasionally it rains here in california, and anyone with half a brain cell knows to slow down. Not Mr rainproof, he's the guy blowing your doors off at 75-80MPH kicking up a nice rooster tail behind him.

My favorite version of "Mr. Rainproof" is the person who apparently didn't learn that it might be a good idea to turn on your headlights or at least the running lights when time of day or weather conditions make visibility an issue, so other drivers can SEE you, which is usually preferable to having them HIT you. I can't tell you how many morons here motor around in driving rainstorms or blizzards when it's already half dark outside due to that and time of day, and don't turn their lights on.

Silver/grey car + grey pavement + grey sky background + driving rain - lights = INVISIBILITY!

[antikristuseke]

I hate everyone who thinks turn signals are optional extras.

[HunterICX]

Originally Posted by antikristuseke

I hate everyone who thinks turn signals are optional extras.

Plenty of those here

HunterICX

[sharkbit]

1.) The onramp idiot.
This special brand of idiot is the top of my list. Easily identifiable by trying to get onto a freeway at a speed of 45 to 50 MPH when the flow of traffic is at least 65 to 70 MPH. Apparently nobody ever taught them that a freeway onramps purpose is to accelerate to the flow of traffic, which they're too freaking stupid to do. Watching them become a saftey hazzard to all due to the obstruction they become is a daily display of idiocy.

Corrollary to 1:
The off ramp moron:
Opposite of the on ramp idiot-slows down 10-15 mph on the highway prior to reaching his exit. Does not seem to know that you use the off-ramp as a deceleration ramp.

7.) Mr Rainproof.
Occasionally it rains here in california, and anyone with half a brain cell knows to slow down. Not Mr rainproof, he's the guy blowing your doors off at 75-80MPH kicking up a nice rooster tail behind him. Usually driving a SUV or large truck. Maybe he thinks the rain isn't a big deal, maybe he thinks large vehicles means better traction, but regardless of what he thinks, we have these idiots to thank when the traffic comes to a dead stop, turning a 30 minute commute into an hour and a half commute. Not all is lost however, as one can usually have the satisfiaction of pointing and laughing at their overturned vehicle. One can only hope Darwin has removed them from the genepool and we get fewer of these idiots on the road.

Corrollary to 7:
Mr. Snowproof(or I got four wheel drive and can go thru anything, even ice): Snowy and icy out and these guys are zooming by everyone. Even a 4x4 doesn't stop on ice. How come the majority of cars I see in the median during snow storms are SUV's with four wheel drive? I just wave to them as I go by in my ultra cool, front wheel drive mini-van .

A couple to add to your list:
9.) "I'll beat you to the next red light!"
This is the guy who zooms off when the light turns green only to have to stop 1-2 blocks away at the next light which is red. That one turns green and off he goes again. Rinse and repeat. He's never heard of timed lights where if you actually go the speed limit(god forbid!), you probably won't even hit a red light on that stretch of road.

10.) Traffic, what traffic?
This guy zooms by you and doesn't appear to see the lane ahead has actual cars going slower than him until the last moment and he has to hit the brakes. Maybe use the gas pedal to modulate your speed a little bit and slow to the speed of traffic before you get there? Might save on gas and wear and tear on your brakes.

[NeonSamurai]

Originally Posted by Ducimus

I live in the peoples republic of california. Happy land of self absorbed primadonna's with a sense of self entitlement. Here the two most predominate thoughts on the road must be, "Me first" and "Not in front of me". So i present to you, types of californian drivers im bored with, tired of, and pissed at.

1.) The onramp idiot.
2.) Mr Unpassable.
3.) MR 65 MPH.
4.) The Drifter.
5.) The c*ckblocker.
6.) The jockey
7.) Mr Rainproof.
8.) Mr slalom

All i can think of at the moment. I can't wait to drive home.

Got all of those here, especially in Toronto. What drives me the most nuts is everyone here drives really fast in a straight line (80+ in a 60 zone is common), and then take corners (left hand corners) at 5 kmph so that only 3 max will ever get through a left turn light (vs 20 if it was Montreal, though 5 of them ran the red light). They also like to tail sit particularly at stop lights, which slows everything down (if they left space they could all start moving when the light goes green, rather then row by row) yet leave massive gaps (2 car lengths) when turning (the other reason why only 3 max ever gets through a left turn light).

Oh well at least it adds credence to my theory that 90+% of humanity is moronically stupid.

[AVGWarhawk]

That list describes 695 beltway around Baltimore basically 24/7.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Ducimus

1.) The onramp idiot.

When I first moved to Utah back in 1971 they had the ultimate edition of that one. I regularly saw folk who would drive to the top of the onramp and STOP and wait for a hole in the traffic.

3.) MR 65 MPH.

Here we call them Left-Lane Bandits.

5.) The c*ckblocker.

You were speeding! It's his job in life to make you obey the law!

One of the ones I hate is when there is construction going on. Everybody moves over to the side with the upcoming open lane. After traffic has stopped there is always at least one "I'm the only one who matters" jerk who stays in the other lane, passes 40 cars, and then expects someone to let him cut in. Not me, partner.

After eight years on-and-off driving skiers to the seven local resorts, I decided that most people didn't do stupid things habitually, and sooner or later I was bound to make a mistake too. People here like to say "Utah drivers are the worst in the world!"

I smile and say "You're one of them." When they get offended I mention my above comment.

On the other hand I once stopped at a red light, and, while waiting, looked around. The guy in the car next to me had his seat all the way up so his knees were propped against the steering wheel. Propped on his knees was a magazine. In his left hand was a doughnut. In his right hand was a cup of coffee.

[Jimbuna]

That list must be symptomatic the world over

Pull them over a few miles down the road and they swear they did nothing....not even checking the rear view mirror to see if there was a 'marked' car following them

[krashkart]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

That list must be symptomatic the world over

Seems to be the case anywhere I've driven.

Originally Posted by Ducimus

8.) Mr slalom
Most easily identified as the idiot whos weaving in and out of traffic, and often cutting off and in front of Trucks. Mass and inertia are concepts totally lost on this guy.

"Mass and inertia..." I couldn't agree with you more, Ducimus. Of all the dumbsh** drivers, it's the moron cutting off freight trucks that makes my blood boil.

[CaptainHaplo]

Maybe its a symptom of growing up where I did, but I grew up driving the same roads that moonshiners did back during prohibition. Most of them - still were not paved. More than once did I "fail to yield" to a blue light back in the old days, and once even landed a pursuer in a cow field because he lost it in the middle of a Power S on dirt. I don't drive the speed limit - because if I did, I'd get run over. Yes, I go from lane to lane - because the other lane is clear for a space where the moron in front of me apparently wants to get run over! The whole stoplight thing - dude, its clear track in front of me - and if you go fast enough - you can make the next light before it swaps from yellow to red. I also have to note that they have the timing off - because if you did the speed limit you would get stuck at every light - I know because I tested it after my lady came up with the same "timed" argument and I had to show her that it did not work. As for Mr. Rainman/Snowman - yes some people can't drive in the stuff because they never have seen it before. For those of us in the south, driving in the rain is as natural as driving on a sunny day, and snow simply means that you slow down and use some common sense, but you can drive in it all day long (as long as it doesnt get so deep you start pushing it with the front bumper). 70 in the rain simply means you have to be aware of the hydroplaning possibilities - if it starts getting to had, ya slow down - if it affects visibility noticeably, ya slow down more.

If there is one flaw I have - that I willingly admit to at least ( ) - its speed. Yes, I have my share of tickets and then some, but I am proud of myself - for the first time in the last 20+years - I have gone over a year without a speeding ticket so far. Now I have to make sure I never drive thru wherever Jimbuna works out of! LOL

[Blacklight]

Last time I went to California, I was in San Diego. I feared for my life every time I entered the highway. I don't think anyone followed the speed limit at all and everyone was constantly changing lanes like stock car drivers looking for an opening.
Then I crossed the border into Mexico....

If I was fearing for my life driving on the highways of San Diego, I completely thought I was dead meat driving on the Mexican side. The highway was a three lane highway, but their idea of how many lanes there are are HOW MANY CARS THEY CAN SQUEEZE TOGETHER AND STILL STAY ROUGHLY ON THE ASPHALT !!!
The three lane highway had cars making up about 6-7 lanes... all traveling between 80-100 mph in some areas, once again, driving like stock cars jockying for position. They even use the breakdown lane and the gravel along the side of the breakdown lane... and the grass on the side of the road as a passing lane. They also have no concept of space between cars down there. They drive with their bumpers almost touching the car's bumpers in front of them. The vast majority of drivers down there seem to have never had any experience with a driver's ed. course or ANY experience with SAFE driving. If you're driving down there, and you don't join them in their 100mph rush, you WILL be rammed by the guy behind you. It was the scariest drive of my life.

[krashkart]

One question Blacklight:

Could they have put a greased pin up your rear with a sledgehammer after that?

Sounds like a good measure of mass-insanity. Good lord. Glad you survived.