My new healthcare doctor!

AVGWarhawk · 09-04-09, 01:02 PM

His practice has no room for new patients! Now, he's a medical wizard!

I love this Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION.....

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

mcf1 · 09-04-09, 01:12 PM

:rotfl::rotfl:

Nice one

P.S: Writing in English kills you to?

Task Force · 09-04-09, 01:12 PM

Lol.....:rotfl:I never ment a better doctor...

Jimbuna · 09-04-09, 01:21 PM

FIREWALL · 09-04-09, 01:28 PM

And here I thought I was eating and drinking all the wrong stuff.

AVG

09-04-09, 01:02 PM	#1
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,254 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	My new healthcare doctor! His practice has no room for new patients! Now, he's a medical wizard! I love this Doctor Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies: 1. The Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION..... Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

09-04-09, 01:12 PM	#3
Task Force Rear Admiral Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SPACE!!!! Posts: 10,142 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Lol.....:rotfl:I never ment a better doctor... __________________ Task Force industries "Taking control of the world, one mind at a time"

09-04-09, 01:21 PM	#4
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,500 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

09-04-09, 01:28 PM	#5
FIREWALL Eternal Patrol Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CATALINA IS. SO . CAL USA Posts: 10,108 Downloads: 511 Uploads: 0	And here I thought I was eating and drinking all the wrong stuff. AVG __________________ RIP FIREWALL I Play GWX. Silent Hunter Who ???

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09-04-09, 01:12 PM	#2
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	:rotfl::rotfl: Nice one P.S: Writing in English kills you to?