@ The Vet

[TarJak]

A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."

The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."

[Pwnerator]

Lab test

[FIREWALL]

I have just the person to e-mail that to.

[Task Force]

Lol, anouther funny joke TJ.

[bookworm_020]

[Geno_Mariner]

Hilarious, I know someone who'd like this joke

[Jimbuna]

You found the key to my joke vault?

A man takes his rottweiler to the vet.
"Can you have a look at him," he says, "I think he's cross-eyed".
So the vet picks up the dog and examines him.
"I'm going to have to put him down," says the vet.
"Why, just because he's cross eyed?"
"No," says the vet "because he's heavy!"

[Tchocky]

Ahhhhhh! Jim! Nooooooo!

[TarJak]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

You found the key to my joke vault?

A man takes his rottweiler to the vet.
"Can you have a look at him," he says, "I think he's cross-eyed".
So the vet picks up the dog and examines him.
"I'm going to have to put him down," says the vet.
"Why, just because he's cross eyed?"
"No," says the vet "because he's heavy!"

Think of it as a birthday present.

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by TarJak

Think of it as a birthday present.

What did the vetsay to the dog who kept licking his balls?

"Thanks"

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A broad Yorkshireman went into the vet's.

"I've come about t'cat."

The vet asks, "Is it a tom?"

"Nay, ah brung it wimmee."

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One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat.

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, [the complainer] said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my husband El-cheap-O. My husband calls him Take-0. They love to hate each other.

Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. In the midst of the waiting room crowd, a side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband, "Your wife's pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door.

[Platapus]

three labs are at the vet and they are talking about what their problems are.

The first Lab says "I am here because I have this jumping problem. Every time my master comes home I jump all over him. The vet is going to put me on doggie prosaic."

The second Lab says "I am here because I have this peeing problem. Every time I see my owners I pee all over the place. I can't help it. The vet is going to put me on doggie prosaic.

The third Lab says "I am here because I have this "randy" problem. Every time my mistress bends over, I lose control and start to hump her.

The other Labs ask "so is the vet going to put you on doggie prosaic also?"

No, the third Lab says "I am just here to get my nails trimmed."


<crickets chirping>

[Jimbuna]

[Sailor Steve]

A German Shepherd, a Great Dane and a Scotts Terrier are walking through the park when they spy a pretty French Poodle. They all trot over when she turns and bares her fangs.

"Alright!", she says, "I know how this turns out. But I get to have some say in the matter. I have a little dignity, and I insist that the smartest one of you is the one who'll have me. That means the one who can make the best sentence using the words 'liver' and 'cheese'. You first."

The Shepherd says "I like liver and cheese for dinner."

"That's lame!" says Frenchy. "Go away! Your turn."

The Great Dane says "Liver and cheese are my favorite."

The Poodle replies "It's either 'is my favorite' or 'are my favorites'. And it's stupid as well. Not a chance!"

Suddenly the Scottie jumps out at the other two and shouts "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

[Jimbuna]

I thought I saw a kangaroo in my back garden the other day , on closer inspection it was a great dane taking a sh!t.

[Task Force]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

I thought I saw a kangaroo in my back garden the other day , on closer inspection it was a great dane taking a sh!t.

Yea... to see a kangaroo youd have to live in australia... like TJ.