Stick to the speed limit when your driving

[Jimbuna]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

[Sailor Steve]

:rotfl:

Read that one here before, but it's still a goodie.

[bookworm_020]

Tazer him Bro!!!

[Sailor Steve]

Okay Jim, here's one back atcha:

Two young guys get pulled over while speeding through a small southern town. The sheriff walks up to the car, the driver rolls down his window, and the sheriff whacks him upside the head with his nightstick.

"OW!" the kid yells. "What'd you do that for?"

"Well, son, it's like this. Twenty years ago, when my dad was sheriff, you would have been hauled off to jail. You both would have been stripped, abused, beaten and left in bad shape. Then you would have managed to escape, and one of you would have made it to the county line, but the other would have been killed, and taken a few of us with him. Then the whole thing would have been made into a bad movie-of-the-week. Nowadays we like to think of ourselves as a kinder, gentler police force. So let that be your warning: please don't speed in our jurisdiction anymore."

"No, sir, officer! I sure won't!"

The sheriff then walks around to the other side of the car, and gently taps his stick on the window. When the kid in the passenger seat rolls it down, the sheriff whacks him too.

"OW!" says the passenger. "What'd I do?"

The sheriff politely says "Nothing. I just wanted to grant your wish."

"What wish?" The kid asks. "I didn't wish for nothin'!"

The sheriff smiles and says "Come on, son. You and I both know that two miles down the road you were gonna turn to your friend there and say 'I wish he'd tried that $#!+ with me!'"

[Jimbuna]

Nice one Steve

I'll raise you one

The pope goes to America and gets picked up at the airport by a Cadillac Limo with the windows blacked out. After a while, the driver hears a rapping on the glass partition and winds it down.
'You know, since I was a little boy I've always dreamed of driving a Caddy,' says the pope.

Not wanting to refuse a request by God's representative on Earth, the driver pulls over and they swap places.
The pope has a wonderful time screaming down the freeway at 100mph, but it's not long before blue lights pull the car over. The policeman has words, then returns to his vehicle and gets on the radio.

'Dispatch - you better get me the chief' he whispers.
'Roger that.'

A pause.
'Chief here. What's up?'
'I've just pulled somebody over and I think they're quite important and I don't know what to do,' whispers the policeman.

'You haven't pulled over the mayor again have you?'
'No, I think they're more important than the mayor.'
'The governor?'
'No, I think they're more important than the governor.'

'Oh my god! You haven't pulled over the president have you?'
'No, I think they're more important than the president.'

'WHAT? How can anyone possibly be more important than the president of the United States?'
'I dunno, but he's got the pope as a chauffeur...'

[Oberon]

Wasn't a Mr Wolf was it Jim?

[Sailor Steve]

Okay, didn't see that punch line coming!

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Oberon

Wasn't a Mr Wolf was it Jim?

LMAO :rotfl:

[karamazovnew]

A policeman stops a car with broken headlight. Inside are the driver, his mother, and a guy in the backseat.
The policeman says: "Sir did you know that you had a broken headlight?"
The driver says: "Oh that's all? I thought you saw me speeding at 120mph a few kilometers back."
The mother says: "Don't mind him officer, he's drunk."
The guy in the backseat says: "Are you crazy? How could you do that in a stolen car? You wanna' get caught?!"
A voice in the trunk says: " Que? Hombre you locco? What if we get caught at the border?!"
A mobile phone rings: "Osama here. are you there yet? The bomb is set to go up in 15 min, hurry up".