What it means to be an american, from the viewpoint of an 18 y.o senior in high Schoo

[Sledgehammer427]

I had to do an assignment for english IV where i had to write down 50 things about what it means to be American. its set to be read by a foreign visitor or the same age as you (teenaged) and i had seven at school, so i thought you guys might get a kick out of a few of these
beware, americans, the truth sits below this sentence

Being american means you have to fend for yourself
it also means you have unlimited opportunity to be what you want
alchoholic beverages are very prevalent among institutions and universities
if you are not of a sect of christianity, i would be wary about what part of town i am in
people aren't afraid of police officers.
household ovens often work
so do refrigerators
as well as microwaves
use the term "ideer" as often as possible
live in a trailer park for more than 6 months
one name...Blue Oyster Cult
let as many people know that you are foreign as you can. we're a melting pot that is as fascinated with different cultures...redundant?
study howard hughes and see if you don't think you are developing OCD
creativity is as free as the horses in the west...up until the 1800's
play video games until you can't close your eyes
play music as loud as you can in your car without getting in trouble, but keep it quiet after 10
watch Band of Brothers and not cry
go to a "HALO party"
become infatuated with A.Football, B.Baseball C.Pamela Anderson, or D.UFO's
watch the episode of the ed sullivan show where the beatles appear for the first time
build a low quality model from a foreign country and watch how much angrier you get at it than an american model
collect scrap. trust me, that hubcap on my wall was from elvis's first car
drive a used 1993 Honda Civic and get laughed at
collect nickles and dimes in a jar and buy a 409 powered chevrolet
surf every day after school
work 3 jobs at least for a week.
americans drink over 60,000,000 sodas a year
realise the airplane you came in was made out of said soda cans
Priority mail...your friend in california can send you a CD in the timeframe of blink
start an internet relationship
write down everything you will remember, and forget the things you thought you would remember
go to bed at midnight and wake up at 4 AM
for males, grow a beard, unreligiously
for females, obsessively shave every strand of hair not on your head or arms
watch real saturday morning cartoons. Tom and Jerry, Wile E. Coyote, Bugs Bunny WITH Elmer Fudd
fingerpaint. even after you turn 30
proclaim you are a communist in a large public place. take note of all the dirty stares in your direction. and some say the cold war is over
discover the amazing invention of Tupperware
televangelism on sunday mornings.
sleep on a sectional couch, the ones that go around corners, leather, with a warm blanket and puffy pillow
duct tape does ACTUALLY fix everything, like the volume of those around you, oh, and heating/cooling ducts
collect a peice of memorabilia from a tragic accident and put it in a cherished place where everyone can see it, where, when questioned about it, you can make people feel bad about the incident and consider it good luck
complain about the government, its okay! you arent going to be prosecuted!

EDIT: please note, moderators especially, that some of this may be offensive, and i apologise beforehand of anyone who is offended by this work

add one,
apologise profusely for everything...no matter what