[Brag]

23 January 1941
Lt. Gwitz writes:

The shipyard does fantastic work. In two weeks our boat was ship-shape and ready to ship out. On 23 January 1941 Balz was also in fine shape and the crew was in fine shape ready to ship out, too. I was also in fine-shape and so was Bernard.

Balz asked, "are we in fine shape?"
"We are in fine shape, ready to ship out, Herr Kaleun," I answered.
Balz glanced at his watch. "We will ship out shortly. Goering cabled Doenitz wanting to know why Bernard doesn't have the command of a U-boat. Doenitz summoned me and told me to begin training Bernard so he can go to Komandantenschule." Balz turned to Bernard. "You will take your sorry self to the bridge, ring ahead slow and take this boat out of the harbor."
The crew, hurriedly put their life jackets on.

On the Bridge the sun shone warming the January afternoon.
"May I begin taking the boat out of the harbor, Herr Kaleun?" Bernard asked.
Balz made an expansive gesture, closed his eyes and shook his head. "You may proceed."
"Watch me drive this puppy," Bernard yelled at the crowd on the dock. He then rang for full speed ahead.
"You simple moron! Langsame fahrt voraus," Balz shouted.
The boat chief stuck his head out of the hatch. "Is that Bernard playing with the engine telegraph?"
"Give us turns for eight knots," Balz answered.
A few minutes later coached by Balz, Bernard managed to turn the boat toward the Port Luis Lighthouse.
"Now, follow the escort," Balz said.
"Is the escort going to go in front of me or will I go behind him?"
"Just follow the damn ship."
"I will let him go up front so he will be ahead and I will not go upfront so I can be behind of the escort who will escort us from up front and I will be to his rear in the number two position, while he is in the number one. If I go into the number one position I will no longer be able to follow him because he will be behind me and not up front, which means I will be up front. This is just like a convoy, one behind the other--got it."

"Is that ship leading or is it me following? Because--"
Balz removed his towel from his neck and jammed it into Bernard's mouth. "Now chew on this."

We went past the lighthouse. Balz took off his cap and waved it. "Like ancient sailors of bygone eras we sail past the pharos to cover me in glory and return home to great honors and fame. That is very hoochie woochie. Muster the choir on deck so they can sing the Glory to Balz march."

Bernard stopped chewing on the towel. "The escort is turning."
"What did you expect him to do, keep sailing onto the beach?"
"But if he's turning and am not turning I'm not following him, because I'm going straight and he is not going straight because he is turning and I'm not turning."
Balz turned to me and said, "Bring me a bucket and my umbrella."
In a few minutes I returned with the requested items and handed them to our commander. Balz placed the bucket on Bernard's head, and then hit it with the umbrella.
"Wasserbomben," Bernard said.


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