[Brag]

Lt. Otto Kalb writes:

Some days things don't work. We overtook the convoy and positioned ourselves nicely in front of it.
"This is going to be a hoochie woochie day" Balz said as he hung onto the periscope. "Feur einz!"
"Something's gone wrong with the fruit machine," the torpedo officer said.
"Feur, zwei."
I held my breath, nothing.
"Something's wrong withe torpedo tube."
"Bernaaard."
Ping, ping, ping.
Waht in the GWX is going on." Balz swung the periscope toward the stern. "Bloody GWX. Ahead flank, down to one hundred meters. New course 250."
I listened to the screws of the escort go overhead.
"Can I say Wasserbomben?" Bernard asked.
Explosions rocked the U-Boot.
Balz turned the tea cozy on his head.
As we approached one hundred meters the ull began to groan like a wounded whale. A destroyer dumped a large number of depth charges.
"Up to ninety meters."
That bloody tanker that fired its flack gun at us must have caused a lot more damage than we thought.
"Flank speed."
" Rudder starboard 10 degrees."
Another DC salvo rattled my nerves more than the boat. The three escorts circling above were losing acuracy.
"Hoochie woochie boom-boom," Balz sang, "Hoooochie wooochie, hoochie woochie, hoochie woochie boom-boom."
As the explosions became more distant the soundman reported a contact behind the convoy.
"We're going to sink something tonight. Let's see what's wrong with the TDC and those blasted tubes."
An hour later, we intercepted a tramp doing two knots and having a time with the heavy seas. Balz said to me, "You do this attack. Good practice, besides that will do nothing to my grandeur."
I made a good approach and had a perfect solution. "Feur einz!"
The torpedo wooshed out and exploded on arming.
"Feur zwei." The eel ran true, hit the ship and failed to explode.
"Feur drei."
The ship sank withing seconds.
Balz shook his head. "Leutnant Kalb, you must have beaten a record in sinking leaking tubs. We may as well head home for a nice beuf bourgignon and a bottle of Bordeaux."