Lt. Otto Kalb writes:
09 November 1940
Aboard U-124
On our sixth day of patrol we sat in the officers' nook watching Balz spin a coin on the table. This was the most interesting activity after a frustrating 48 hours trying to find a convoy.
"We have a great U-boot," Balz said, "We have lots of torpedoes. And we have a great choir. What's missing is ships in this empty and forlorn sea."
Bernard smiled and said, "Herr Kaleun, I have an idea."
Balz grimaced as if eating lemons. "Yes?"
"We can pretend a ship is coming."
"That's a wonderfull idea."
"I can be the ship." Bernard inflated his chest and made a series of chuggah chuggah sounds.
"Then what?"
"Then, we fire a torpedo from tube one. Whoooosh."
"A real torpedo?"
"Sure, you can't miss against an imaginary target. Here he comes, chuggah, chugha. A big freighter Chugah, womp, chuggah whomp.
"You idiot, we need boom-boom. Go to the galley. Grind some coffee, count 3682 coffee grounds through the microscope and place them in a match box."
"But I already have three match boxes ready."
"I want more. go to your daily grind."
Bernard shuffled off to the galley where he'd been spending twelve hours a day counting coffee grounds.
"Now with that idiot out of the way, we can have an intelligent conversation." Balz stopped spinning the coin. "Can anyone explain to me how come we see plenty of tea cozies and never a coffee one?"
<---Balz's choir (stolen from Jimbuna)