To BDU
From Balz U-52 (The Elegant Frog)
09 June 1940
You will be pleased to hear that after a skilful approach, I have brilliantly attacked a British convoy. You will notice how effective I am. At 1715, I fired four torpedoes, one exploded prematurely. The other three struck their targets and we got boom-boom. A large freighter, a big stack large freighter and a whale factory were Balzified to a tune of 31812 brt.

That's hoochie woochie!
This fabulous performance from my part is a testament to my superb skill. You better thell the army to hurry up and liberate France as my patrol might be completed in record time.
To date, (our 6th day out) I have sunk a total of 53022 tons and have 7 torpedoes left. I think it would be nice if you would make arrangements to have me promoted.
Oblt. Johan Sebastian Balz.