[HundertzehnGustav]

Originally Posted by Red October1984

Life is worth living no matter how bad it is.

While I may not be very old, I know what it's like.

I didn't have any friends that I could talk to every day or do stuff with during my childhood. Almost everybody I knew avoided me and all the other kids in school made fun of me. I was "that kid" for a long time.

Having no friends is hard. I tried and tried but still....nothing

my experience is: Trying to have friends can not succeed. People have to see you as a friend, as a good fellow that has a place in their lives.
Actively doing anything to make people turn into your friends is bound to fail. its in their mind, and they have to discover you.

i could apply that to your Girl trials and failures that you talk about later in your post.
Its not you doing stuff to turn a Girl into your other half (sexbomb, best buddy, female wingman, mother of your children... you name it)

It is her being able to discover you for who you are.
And if she does not look behind the mask of "that guy" that you seem to carry then she is not able or not willing to.

And as such has knocked herself out of the group of potential Girlfriends.

Not worthy of.

Outside of my family, I can count on one hand the people my age that I can trust. I've got my two best friends that I don't know where I'd be without.

Soon you will realize that the handsfull (barely handsfull?) of people can not relied on when your hair is on fire in the middle of the desert.. They will refuse to even Piss on your head to save your life.

BEEN THERE.

Going through my childhood with no friends made me socially awkward... It's just how it is. I'm constantly being turned down by the girls and parties are being thrown across the street without me being invited... It sucks...it really does. I hate seeing my few friends and everybody else make plans without me.

again: do not seek to be included. not in any way.
if they do not see you as a great dude who has some awesome features to be loved and cared for... their loss.
Go deeper than a pool party with weed, chicks that show off their body and other shallow BS.

Alone with my thoughts.... That's how it feels. ... I was always just alone with my thoughts. I used to imagine up these big huge stories that I would continue in my head for days in my free time.

same here.
with a spin. i look at people and find their doings completely Bonkers.
like... you park your train at the top of a friggin mountain, before handing it over to another driver.
you do not do it at the low point of a track, you do it at the top point.
and when stuff goes Boom, people scratch their heads and ask "wtf just happened"

Too many thoughts, all alone led me to recognize humanity as insane and selfdestructive.

One would pick the other guy and I'd walk over to the other team hearing "Oh man..we have him on our team"

that is a fine example of how good it feels to be among "normal people"
... it does not feel good at all.

I kept to myself all through my childhood basically. I wasn't wanted. Now, I'm accepted but still ignored.

I just keep thinking to myself....One of these days I'll be a pilot...and one of these days I'll meet that girl...and one of these days I'll be happy.
... you will be happy on Day X.
and on day X-1 you will die, aged 105.
and no, you will not become a pilot. your dreams will one by one be shattered for stupid reasons, and taken away from you by other people.

and even if...
you will soon realize that being a pilot does not change you.
It will turn you into a bus driver.
with a suit.
Your dream, even if achieved, will turn out to be a big pile of poo.
BEEN THERE.

We started talking around November ...

Watch this video and at 0:30 it's the best representation of how it was for me.

On baseball away games, she'd hug everybody on the team except for me.

That was painful...for a while... And what else?
She starts getting really friendly with a guy
"Oh my god, I'm gonna miss you this summer," she says to this guy
I was loading my stuff into the back of my friend's Mustang and may have slammed the trunk a little harder than usual.
Now, it's starting to eat at me a little bit.

LOL that Clip is awesome. he touched lisa! Lisa's got Groobies! and everyone running off.
sooo me.
But the lad got close to that chick. he did better than i did!

re-read what i said above: she does not see you as a team member. same as basketball. same as party people across the street.
YOU have recognized HER to be a potentially AWESOME person to spend time doing stuff with
(time, undefined, activity undefined)

if she does not see good stuff in you...
you either do not have it, or she is not able to see it.
not your loss.

but do not regret that card. regret is the most unproductive feeling ever invented.
see it as a test. witha certain, unexpected result.

And you know what...?
choose one that does not put you down via SMS. She didnt have the B.... the Ba...
she didnt have whatever it takes (can i say VAGINA here???) for a girl to stand in front of you and do that. Whilst YOU took YOUR BALLS by the BALLS and gave her that card. Face to face. and probably sweat dribbling down your back.

so yes, she failed. massively. respect and all that.

why bother?! Dude! there be plenty a fish in the sea.

This isn't to say I won't try again. I'm hoping to take her on an actual date. We'll see once school starts how it'll go.

no it will not happen. she has made that clear.
your turn to listen to the message.
do not waste active energy on one chick that is obviously very "visible". keep your sensors open for the girl in the corner that has the right properties, but is not "visible" as this girl is.
open ears, open eyes. mouth closed, and no "check me out, i am gangsta" stuff.

They respect me now. They come to me whenever they have a history question or a question about computers. They want me to play sports with them...but again...as I said, I'm still ignored by many unless it's necessary to socialize with me.

That is cool to read. being recognized as an able person is a cornerstone of life.
Those that ignore you unless it suits them... i doubt they merit you even thinking about them.

I've got a childhood full of pain and lonelyness that has grown into a teenaged, socially awkward guy who is an expert at hiding feelings and is accepted and liked by his peers after years of being alone.

Similar Path.
Add a set of unable parents, and a series of homes, the result is a shattered opinion of society.

If you have hidden your feelings (coat, mask...) do they accept the dude you portray, or do they accept the real you?
If they knew all of this... yould they still include you in their inner circle, regardless for your previous path and troubles?

The sort of peeps i am stuck with now can not be trusted further than a S-ATA Cable.

TBH, i still feel alone. It's one thing that hasn't gone away. That girl tapped into that feeling and made it worse. That first two months was terrible...I lost some sleep some nights.

Venting a little bit of this on here helps...I would never, ever, ever commit suicide even if i've had the thought. It's the unforgivable sin.

i ask you... says WHO?
and says WHO based on what ARGUMENT?



I think it's the worst thing you can do when you feel beat down.

I was given this life without being asked.
I can damn well throw it away provided I do not take others (kids, dog family...) with me.
Nobody will notice, and if someone does, he will have found a replacement for me in zero time.
7 Billion people.. and counting. everybody is replaceable.

Even you have been replaced by that other guy that this Chick is now talking to.

I am not saying suicide rocks and you shoul d hang yourself though.
the above are my thoughts on the subject.

However, there is that feeling of darkness and loneliness in the back of my mind.

+ 1 thousand.

but then again...I've not been around nice people for most of my childhood.

spot on:
Humans are not nice. They do not live to give. at best they do to give and take. some live only to take.
Advice: never turn TV on again ever.
See / observe people for how they act.

Subsim is great for me.

ditto.

... because since no girls talked to me, that's what everybody thought of me for a while until I fought and managed to put down that rumor.

Why put down that rumour?
as said above, people are 1di0Z.
people do not want you, so why listen to their crap?
waste of time and energy.
you wanna put out that rumour, do so by finding (passively, see above, only ears and eyes)
...by finding a girl that is worth your time and kissing her in front of the entire school.

Suicide is bad. It's not the way out. The way out is to fight through it and give it your best shot.

suicide is one way out.
is it the right one? you decide.
is it the best one? you decide.
is it a good one? for the people around me... nope. i know 3 people that can not live without me, or spend their lives handicapped by my absence.
GF needs me to be happy, to believe in a future.
Dog needas me to live. I saved his hairy butt from being "put down" i believe you call it. Now dropping out would make no sense for me.


so suicide is, for now, not a necessity.
got a job, four walls to live in, my pooter and my games to fool around in.
got a woman that loves me, got a dog that thrusts me, and have had some proper sun+food.

but i can understand suicide.
and i aint giving in to some "be happy, others have gotten it worse" message...
because i still see no purpose in life. human life in particular.

off to make me another burger and some more salad.

Thank you for your awesome post by the way.