i would say GWX coupled with the HSIE hardcore mod is as close as you will ever get to the full realism. i will look for the links now and edit them in so you can go to them. they are both incredibly detailed and can take some time to get up and running so its all about how determined you are. i only have GWX and and liking it so far but for the hardcore mod you have to DIY. the instructions are all there but it will take you a while
GWX -
http://www.thegreywolves.com/
HSIE's hardcore mod -
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=174225