SUBSIM Radio Room Forums - Jokes about Jewish people

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Jokes about Jewish people

Why is it that Jews like to watch pornos in reverse?
They like the part when the hooker gives the money back.

Why do Jews have such big noses?
Because air is free.

What is the favourite sport of the Jewish people?
110 meter electrified hurdles.

What is the shortest book in the world?
Jewish sport heroes.

Moses went down from the Mount:
- Jews, I have for you 2 news, good and bad. Where to begin?
- From good.
- We agreed in ten only.
- COOL!!! What is bad?
- Adultery is included.

:har:

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneToughHerring (Post 1386819)

Moses went down from the Mount:
- Jews, I have for you 2 news, good and bad. Where to begin?
- From good.
- We agreed in ten only.
- COOL!!! What is bad?
- Adultery is included.

:har::haha::wah::haha::har::yeah::yeah:

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneToughHerring (Post 1386819)

Why is it that Jews like to watch pornos in reverse?
They like the part when the hooker gives the money back.

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?
5 in the car and 27 in the ashtray.

:har:

two of my personal favorites :yeah:

there are jokes about every ethnicity in the world my friend.

this is just more of your sarcastic and provocative rhetoric

I will pay your trip to take your show to Israel, you would get a warm welcome.:salute:

A little risque, perhaps...

[image deleted because of moderator request]

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneToughHerring (Post 1386839)

A little risque, perhaps...

not in good humor like the parting waters one

Are there any jokes about Germans, I sure would like to hear some.:DL

*Edit*
Just remembered an old one which was already told here before I believe but I'll write it down anyway:

What is heaven?
A place where the Brits are the comedians, the Italians the cooks and Germans the mechanics.

What is hell?
A place where the Brits cook, the Germans are comedians and the Italian do the mechanical stuff.:O:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schroeder (Post 1386852)

Are there any jokes about Germans, I sure would like to hear some.:DL

German humour is no laughing matter!

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fibre net.
Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing...
They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

What could be one of the most offensive jokes there is:

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were sitting around talking.

Both of them notice some children playing outside.

The Priest says to the Rabbi, "Why don't we go out and screw some of those boys?"

The Rabbi replies, "Great, out of what?"

Yeah, I am going to hell for that one. :yep:

Can't believe this list did not have the one about how Jews invented copper wire. :haha:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schroeder (Post 1386852)

Are there any jokes about Germans, I sure would like to hear some.:DL

What's the difference between an English, a French and a German pensioner? The English one takes a Whiskey and goes fishing.The French one takes a glass of wine and goes playing Boule.The Germany one takes his cardiac drug and goes to work.

How do you make a German chocolate cake? First, you invade der kitchen.

After much discussion as to where the capital of the new Germany should be Bonn or Berlin -- a compromise was struck: Paris.

I heard that now that Germany was reunited they were thinking about getting a new name. Odd...Germany was always keen on giving its neighbors a new name...GERMANY

Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant? The food is great, but an hour later, you're hungry for power.

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

Three guys are debating about which of their languages is the most pleasing to the ear. The Spaniard says, "Consider the word for 'butterfly'. In Spanish, this is Mariposa, a beautiful sounding word." The French guy says, "True, but Papillon is even more beautiful". "What's wrong with Schmetterlink?", says the German...

Why are there so many tree-lined streets and leafy lanes in France? Germans like to march in the shade!

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneToughHerring

What is the shortest book in the world?
Jewish sport heroes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schroeder

Are there any jokes about Germans, I sure would like to hear some.:DL

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tchocky

German humour is no laughing matter!

Y'see, I always thought the shortest book in the world was The Complete Compendium Of German Humor.

Hans: I hate that we Germans have no sense of humor.

Fritz: Sure we do! We elected Hitler dictator, didn't we?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schroeder

What is heaven?
A place where the Brits are the comedians, the Italians the cooks and Germans the mechanics.

What is hell?
A place where the Brits cook, the Germans are comedians and the Italian do the mechanical stuff.:O:

The way I heard it:

Heaven: The police are all British, the chefs are all Italian, the mechanics are all German, the lovers are all French and everything is run by the Swiss.

Hell: The police are all German, the chefs are all British, the mechanics are all French, the lovers are all Swiss and everything is run by the Italians.

An American pilot is shot down over Germany. He is severely wounded, so they take him to the hospital. A week later they amputate one of his arms. He asks that it be placed in a box and returned to America. The doctors agree.

A week later they amputate his leg, and the same request is made and honored. Another week passes and his other arm goes the same route.

A week after that they take his other leg, but this time when he makes the same request they answer "Nein! Zis ve cannot do!" When he asks why, he is told "Ve sink you are trying to escape!"