Starting a new venture: SUBSIM Coffee Company (April Fool 2022)

[Onkel Neal]

You know, I've been retired two years now and the toughest part is keeping busy. Lucky for me an old college friend brought a great business opportunity my way. With his contacts and my backing, we're launching the SUBSIM Coffee Company. Everyone loves great coffee and we will feature the best special blends that will go great with long nights in the Atlantic playing Cold Waters and Wolfpack.

https://youtu.be/ZwK0TKlmSe0


:yep:I have a special deal for all SUBSIM members, free samples, my friends. (https://www.subsim.com/coffee/) :yep:




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.

Enjoy!
Onkel Neal :shucks:

https://www.subsim.com/radioroom/picture.php?albumid=1161&pictureid=12456

https://www.subsim.com/radioroom/picture.php?albumid=1161&pictureid=12455

[Buddahaid]

It's only 22:52 and I want my money back or the damned coffee.....

[Reece]

Sorry but by the time it got to Australia it would be rather stale, not to mention the freight cost!! :D

I hope your venture is a success, all the best!! :up:

[John Pancoast]

I'm the opposite; I was always very busy at work so when I retired almost four years ago that is the last thing I wanted to be. :D
Good luck with your business ! :up:

[Admiral8Q]

Hmm. The Atlantic? May need some Subsim coffee for the Pacific though. :8q

[em2nought]

Hopefully Skybird likes your coffee more than he likes Donald Trump otherwise you'll get verbally verbosely torpedoed, and we'll have an April 1st Committee. :D

Import the beans from Colombia on a narco sub :up:
https://legionmagazine.com/en/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Submarine1-768x493.jpg

[blackswan40]

Dont be a fool n dont miss the bus order by the 1st of April or you will miss out good one Onkel :D
its all El Whackos fault all those acorn shells :yep:

[Skybird]

I had to read this twice to not believe it! :Kaleun_Applaud:

[Reece]

Don't tell me I was sucked in!! :doh: :Kaleun_Crying:

[Catfish]

"Crush depth blend" :up: :rotfl2::rotfl2::rotfl2:

Maybe add a uboat cocktail to widen the experience :D

[ET2SN]

SILENT BATTLE STATIONS COFFEE. :o

This is an authentic recipe for a "coffee-like" beverage enjoyed during a typical "OPS" watch (12-14 hours avg.).

Start by buying a box of Carnation or Swiss Miss Instant Hot Chocolate packets (bonus if you find the type with mini marshmallows). Open the box and remove all of the envelopes of instant coco, crush each envelope, cram back in box.

Start a pot of Neal's scam coffee. :O: Once the coffee has completed brewing, DO NOT empty grounds or turn off heat source! Leave the pot alone for at least 3-4 hours. Use this time to examine a soldering iron or change the oil in your car. You may ask, "But ET2SN, won't the coffee be burned and bitter?" You're d@mned tootin' it will be. :yeah: We want the coffee to be scorched to the point where where it changes from the traditional deep brown color to an oil-sludge black hue.

Empty one or two (if you're feeling adventurous) packets of hot coco mix into a traditional Navy mug and fill to the top with the burned coffee. Stir no more than FOUR revolutions (to avoid dissolving the spoon) then allow the mug to cool for several hours. "SBS coffee beverage" (aka: mocha) is best experienced when its somewhere between luke-warm and room temperature.

DO NOT drink quickly! Ulcer-like symptoms will develop quickly if you try to chug this stuff in large gulps. Trust me, you won't be falling asleep for a while.



:Kaleun_Thumbs_Up::Kaleun_Salute:

[u crank]

Don't tell me I was sucked in!! :doh: :Kaleun_Crying:

:har:

Good one Neal.

:up:

[Skybird]

Throw a rivet into your coffee brewing. When the rivet swims on top, the coffee is ready. :D

[Commander Wallace]

SILENT BATTLE STATIONS COFFEE. :o

This is an authentic recipe for a "coffee-like" beverage enjoyed during a typical "OPS" watch (12-14 hours avg.).

Start by buying a box of Carnation or Swiss Miss Instant Hot Chocolate packets (bonus if you find the type with mini marshmallows). Open the box and remove all of the envelopes of instant coco, crush each envelope, cram back in box.

Start a pot of Neal's scam coffee. :O: Once the coffee has completed brewing, DO NOT empty grounds or turn off heat source! Leave the pot alone for at least 3-4 hours. Use this time to examine a soldering iron or change the oil in your car. You may ask, "But ET2SN, won't the coffee be burned and bitter?" You're d@mned tootin' it will be. :yeah: We want the coffee to be scorched to the point where where it changes from the traditional deep brown color to an oil-sludge black hue.

Empty one or two (if you're feeling adventurous) packets of hot coco mix into a traditional Navy mug and fill to the top with the burned coffee. Stir no more than FOUR revolutions (to avoid dissolving the spoon) then allow the mug to cool for several hours. "SBS coffee beverage" (aka: mocha) is best experienced when its somewhere between luke-warm and room temperature.

DO NOT drink quickly! Ulcer-like symptoms will develop quickly if you try to chug this stuff in large gulps. Trust me, you won't be falling asleep for a while.



:Kaleun_Thumbs_Up::Kaleun_Salute:


I think your coffee would dissolve the fillings in someone's teeth not to mention remove the paint from someone's stomach. I love adventure but this may be a bit much. :03: I think I will stick to traditional Navy Coffee with a pinch of Sea Salt. Even better with a dram or so of Irish Whiskey in my coffee. :Kaleun_Thumbs_Up:


@ Neal


Shakes head. You can mess with a lot of things but when you mess with someone's coffee, that's when it gets real and Will Smith comes out a slappin'. :D



I think this will be the new catch phrase: " Don't make me get all Will Smith on ya. " :D

[John Pancoast]

Oops ! That's part of being retired; date/time, what's that ? :D

[Cy-Fox]

https://i.imgur.com/6RJmHcs.png
Neal: I don't take orders from you.

Call it whatever you like, I'm getting my Crush Depth Blend.

Neal: You are making such a mistake.

I'm getting my Crush Depth Blend.

:Kaleun_Applaud:

[Onkel Neal]

@ Neal

Shakes head. You can mess with a lot of things but when you mess with someone's coffee, that's when it gets real and Will Smith comes out a slappin'. :D


I think this will be the new catch phrase: " Don't make me get all Will Smith on ya. " :D


Neal: I don't take orders from you.

Call it whatever you like, I'm getting my Crush Depth Blend.

Neal: You are making such a mistake.

I'm getting my Crush Depth Blend.

:Kaleun_Applaud:



Best replies. ever. :haha:

[Otto Harkaman]

Can't wait to fill my cup up :ahoy:
https://i.etsystatic.com/17494138/r/il/6e14e7/2921630938/il_1140xN.2921630938_mf4r.jpg

[August]

It's only 22:52 and I want my money back or the damned coffee.....


You'd be a fool not to ask for it. :yep:

[mapuc]

Let say we "invent" such a coffee with a smell and taste of oil and other things you can smell on a sub-main taste and smell will be coffee.
Would it sell ??

Markus

[blackswan40]

Ltn Col Killgore Naplam Coffee ho man now ya talking :D


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jts9suWIDlU


Nothing else smells like it in the morning the Smell of Victory

[fitzcarraldo]

The exquisite Colombian variant is arriving via express sub delivery. Preorder your high flight blend.:Kaleun_Salivating:

https://i.imgur.com/jmTcY1x.jpg

Fitzcarraldo :Kaleun_Salute:

[Aktungbby]

my brain was fuzzy when i replied to your earlier and so i answered your question from a different aspect. Proof: erudite men need a cuppa-Joe in the AM before commencing higher math concepts... :har:yes, sir, even erudite men need a boost to bootstrap their brains, now-and-then!:Kaleun_Salute:Jeeze! I was hoping this was a real deal...and we could name one blend Aktung's CuppaJoe :wah: My dad, a chemical engineer, made instant coffee For 20 years in MPLS for most of the nation's supermarket chains and military K-rations; the blend was mostly his-calibrated on his Scotchaholic'd taste-buds alone!!? :yep: His employment deferment from the 1950 Korean war was his value as a "creator of coffee and tea rations as a considerable military morale booster"; which kept him out of MIG-bait B-29s... hence my 1951 arrival on the planet??!!:shucks: There's nuthin I don't know...or 'preciate 'bout the bean. Makin' the morning pot is the the last act of my day before turning in. :Kaleun_Thumbs_Up:

[Commander Wallace]

Jeeze! I was hoping this was a real deal...and we could name one blend Aktung's CuppaJoe :wah: My dad, a chemical engineer, made instant coffee For 20 years in MPLS for most of the nation's supermarket chains and military K-rations; the blend was mostly his calibrated on his taste-buds; his employment deferment from the 1950 Korean war was his value as a "creator of coffee and tea rations as a considerable military morale booster"; which kept him out of MIG-bait B-29s... hence my 1951 arrival on the planet??!!:shucks: There's nuthin I don't know,,,or 'preciate 'bout the bean. Makin' the morning pot is the the last act of my day before turning in. :Kaleun_Thumbs_Up:
My mum made the strongest cup of coffee I have ever had. I had stopped at her home one time as we were going somewhere. She politely asked if I would like a cup of coffee and I would replied that I would never turn that down. I poured a generous amount of half and half in the coffee and it stayed black. :o

I asked her how many scoops of coffee she put in the coffee machine. She replied, Oh, I don't know, maybe 9 or 10. :doh: I added about 3/4 more water to my cup and still got heart burn.

Today, my coffee consumption is 1-2 cups per day. I use the Kuerig machine as it doesn't make sense to make a lot of coffee. If I make a pot of coffee, I will drink it. The rest of the time, I drink " bug juice" and or ice water. My physician told me during a doctor visit that too much coffee was making me jittery and irritable. :yep:

I asked him how he could tell and how was that different than any other time. :haha:

@ Neal. I have to admit that you once again had me on your April fools scam. Every year in Subsim, I say, it won't happen next year. You won't get me next year. Yeah, right. :haha:

My bad. :oops:

[Aktungbby]

@ Neal. I have to admit that you once again had me on your April fools scam. Every year in Subsim, I say, it won't happen next year. You won't get me next year. Yeah, right. :haha:

My bad. :oops:U realize U gotta start taking Aricept with yer morning caffeine jolt to remember this a year from now?!! :O: Or, he'll get U again fer sure BBY! :O:

[ET2SN]

Jeeze! I was hoping this was a real deal...and we could name one blend Aktung's CuppaJoe :wah: My dad, a chemical engineer, made instant coffee For 20 years in MPLS for most of the nation's supermarket chains and military K-rations; the blend was mostly his-calibrated on his Scotchaholic'd taste-buds alone!!? :yep: His employment deferment from the 1950 Korean war was his value as a "creator of coffee and tea rations as a considerable military morale booster"; which kept him out of MIG-bait B-29s... hence my 1951 arrival on the planet??!!:shucks: There's nuthin I don't know...or 'preciate 'bout the bean. Makin' the morning pot is the the last act of my day before turning in. :Kaleun_Thumbs_Up:

You could always show your support for Mitt Romney and Bain Capital:

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71wkHYqWOgL._SX679_.jpg

The official bird of the state of Massachusetts.

:Kaleun_Salute:

[Aktungbby]

My dad's brutal cowboy coffee hyper caffeine-fix on campouts was also favorite for my Civil War reenactors 14th Tennessee company 3day outings: one full pot of water brought to a boil over the fire;https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/coffee-pot-over-an-open-fire-jeremy-woodhouse.jpg one cup ground french roast beans poured in; two egg shell to settle the grounds; pour into regulation tin cupshttps://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1524/1342/products/aick005__4.jpg?v=1602320508-serves 10... hardtack biscuit optional!https://i.pinimg.com/236x/63/84/7f/63847f867d1ab3777a36f4ff54ca5014.jpg made for a lotta laggerd "Coffee Coolers'' not marchin' into battle! https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/makAAOSwZcdfD3rZ/s-l400.jpg :Kaleun_Salute: Coffee cooler: Soldiers who hid behind the battle lines during combat, brewing, drinking coffee until the danger was passed. We won't even discuss the long nights 40 years trukkin' or security details using straight-up black java to stay wide---awake & bushy-tailed over the road or on the job; I don't take sugar of cream! :o...

[Raptor_Pilot]

Awesome! We can call the decaf the 'Dud Torpedo' blend, or 'Special Mark 14 Mixture'.

I appreciate the coffee humor, and hope you all have a happy April 1st.

[Aktungbby]

Raptor_Pilot!:Kaleun_Salute: nuthin' like a hot cuppa joe to bring U to the surface after 2 years!...in typical mancave :subsim: style>:arrgh!: https://c.tenor.com/6s0o-l8IWWcAAAAM/frankies-faves-dance.gif

[mapuc]

We have a gathering where we drink kaffekask

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karsk

Markus

[les green01]

My dad's brutal cowboy coffee hyper caffeine-fix on campouts was also favorite for my Civil War reenactors 14th Tennessee company 3day outings: one full pot of water brought to a boil over the fire;https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/coffee-pot-over-an-open-fire-jeremy-woodhouse.jpg one cup ground french roast beans poured in; two egg shell to settle the grounds; pour into regulation tin cupshttps://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1524/1342/products/aick005__4.jpg?v=1602320508-serves 10... hardtack biscuit optional!https://i.pinimg.com/236x/63/84/7f/63847f867d1ab3777a36f4ff54ca5014.jpg made for a lotta laggerd "Coffee Coolers'' not marchin' into battle! https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/makAAOSwZcdfD3rZ/s-l400.jpg :Kaleun_Salute: We won't even discuss the long nights 40 years trukkin' or security details using straight-up black java to stay wide---awake & bushy-tailed over the road or on the job; I don't take sugar of cream! :o...
all you need is one tablespoon of water good thing about coffee could for dunking hard-tack if all elsefells dunk it in bacon greace

[d@rk51d3]

Was in 2 minds, as to whether I report the OP as spam. :D

[Rockstar]

Shipping is a bit over the top but what the hell I’m looking forward to getting my beans.

[Commander Wallace]

U realize U gotta start taking Aricept with yer morning caffeine jolt to remember this a year from now?!! :O: Or, he'll get U again fer sure BBY! :O:


I might do that but forget to take my meds too. :D My lady calls my a procrastinator. To appease her, I went to the book store and purchased a book called " How not to be procrastinator." As far as I can tell, the book hasn't helped. On the other hand, I have never read it. I put off reading the book and it's sitting in the book case. :D

[ET2SN]

one cup ground french roast beans poured in; two egg shell to settle the grounds; pour into regulation tin cups

Something I remembered about boiling a garbage can full of water and coffee ("camp coffee") from back in the WWI and WWII days, they would boil the snot out of the can for something 15-20 minutes then throw a couple of gallons of cold water in to get the grounds to settle on the bottom. :hmmm:

I've never had the chance to try authentic hardtack, so I'll take your word for it. :arrgh!:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbTXbqOgMog

[Jimbuna]

Sorry but by the time it got to Australia it would be rather stale, not to mention the freight cost!! :D

I hope your venture is a success, all the best!! :up:

Don't tell me I was sucked in!! :doh: :Kaleun_Crying:

CLASSIC! :haha:

[Cy-Fox]

Here's an idea: Barb's Boxcar & Bridge Blowout Blend.

Explosively packed with caffeine, where you'll feel so lucky, you'll think you're Fluckey. Microswitches not included.

[Dammit_Carl!]

May be a joke, but it's a joke I would buy - reminds me to pick up a moka pot this week.

[Sean C]

^ Yeah, I got all excited for a second. "That'll be perfect in my 'tonnage' mug.", I thought to myself.

Oh, well ... :hmph:

[Onkel Neal]

Thanks to all who responded, hope you enjoyed the 2022 SUBSIM AF prank.

If you have ideas for a good prank, PM me :arrgh!: