2015 Subsim Fantasy Football Reports

[Gut Wrench]

2015 Subsim Fantasy Football
...are your balls big enough?

Here we go again fans. It's late August and the new Commissioner of the Subsim Fantasy Football league is asking if you've got enough inflated balls to last sixteen weeks? Do you have what it takes to pass on the 1 yard line, and do you have the audacity to stick around long enough to win the Torpedo Bowl in the last two minutes of Monday night?

If that sounds like your type of pretend football, then you're our type of pretend coach, as once again, we kick off the longest season of the year, talking smack about people who should have but didn't, and wondering why people who shouldn't have, did. Stand by folks, it's the 2015 Subsim Fantasy Football League.

But before we do anything else, here's the most important message you will hear this week.


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On with the Fantasy Football show.

This year we have a new Interim Commissioner, some guy from Australia that talks with a funny accent. It's our first international Commissioner, coming two years after the Helmand Nighthawks became the first international team to take the Torpedo Bowl out of the continuous states. We welcome Commissioner Pioneer, and bid Commissioner McBee some well earned "bed rest" in the Emperor's Room at Ceasers Palace where he will be reviewing next years league with the Playboy Bunnies.

Let's talk about what we know, and what we didn't know. Last year, the most unlikely team came from no where in the final two minutes of Monday Night to win the 2014 Subsim Fantasy Football League, Coach FYC and the Black Cats. The Cats are back again this year, not just wimpy pussies but clawing their Torpedo Bowl trophy. We have six returning teams to the league this year, not unexpected given the new Commissioner's lack of record.

"Screw you guys," the media reports Commissioner Pioneer as stating. "This is an elite league, not every Captain can join."

Indeed, over the years we've had one off appearances, such as Tarjack and Co, also from Australia, who to this day still gets talked about his first round draft choice of he 49ers defense. Any Captain from Subsim can still join prior to draft day.

And let's talk about draft day. Draft Day for the Subsim Fantasy Football League is a week away, scheduled for 1000 Saturday September 5 2015. The location of the draft has been announced, and this year Commissioner Pioneer is taking us to, the Fontaineblue Hotel, Miami Beach, Florida.


http://exp.cdn-hotels.com/hotels/2000000/1200000/1190600/1190549/1190549_120_z.jpg


This location was originally "scoped" out by Commissioner McBee, and given the late appointment by Pioneer, he just wrote a check from a Clinton Foundation donation and booked out the hotel.

The venue is booked, the teams are coming, the girls will be available, and no one has to spend a cent thanks to the generosity of the league. Sounds like a good time to be had, as once again, we go through sixteen of the most frustrating weeks of the year, in the race to the 2015 Torpedo Bowl.

[Gargamel]

...such as Tarjack and Co, also from Australia, who to this day still gets talked about his first round draft choice of he 49ers defense...

Hehehehehehe..... I was just talking about that at work the other day...

But first, Gut, we need to know a little about you. Does Neal keep you in a closet during the offseason?

[Gut Wrench]

HERE WE GO
...it's showtime!

The draft is over,. The Black Cats got the first pick of the draft, Coach Casey had the best draft report, and seven days after the draft I'm just now surfacing after drinking all of the beer. Many thanks to Commissioner Pioneer for making available airfare after I somehow mislaid mine.

My head may still be hurting, but not enough to not tell you about this.


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Week 1 - let's get this show on the road.

Here's what we know already - who didn't show up to the draft. Oh - the waiver wire was active this week as those Coaches who became over enamored with the Showgirls at the Fontainblue Hotel in Miami, Florida.

Our match of the week, far better than anything you may seen on any other channel, is the Black Cats hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Cats are the defending Torpedo Bowl champions and start their repeat campaign, and their first meeting of the year is against the London based Helman Nighthawks. This looks like one of the better match ups for the year, let alone in week one, where the bookies are predicting you will need 110 points each week to secure a win.

Stick around folks, where I'll be attending not one, but two Monday night games on opposites sides of the country - which no doubt will result in a late publication.

It's showtime in Subsim Fantasy Football League for 2015, and the run to December for the Torpedo Bowl.

[Gut Wrench]

BOOM GO THE GUNNERS
Cats Blackened.

Week 1 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and what an opening what it was. We've got a monster scoring spree by one team, not enough points by our defending champion, and for one team, their first opening week loss in the history of Fantasy Football.

Strap yourself in, as we go around the league and find out who got Romo-ed.

Right after we give you the most important message you'll hear today.

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I love the smell of scoreboards after week 1. Spectators have gone home, sports writers are putting their blurb together, and coaches are looking at their team asking "Bernanrd, what happened?"

Let's start with our match of the day with the Black Cats hosting the traveling Helmand Nighthawks. The Cats are the defending Torpedo Bowl Champions, and after a very purring off season, returned to the draft and were...fair. The Nighthawks make their first Rod Stewart Atlantic Crossing as they fly in to the rambunctious Cats Field. After contract negotiations, Tom Brady eventually won the starters job for the Nighthawks against the Cats Peyton Manning. Brady threw for four touchdowns before Peyton even walked into the stadium late in the fourth quarter. With a poor performance by their QB, it was up to the Cats Defense of the Panthers who showed up with 21 points, the best starting defense of the week. This game was all over before we even got to Monday Night, with the Cats facing a 40 point deficit before their first pick of the draft, Adrian Peterson (RB) even walked onto the field. The Nighthawks were playing Demarco Murray opposite Peterson, and the beat writers had this one put to bed before they ran onto the field. Nighthawks stun the Black Cats 141 - 78, and give rise to the question of "How long will Coach FYC put up with a substandard Peyton-formance?"

(Editors note: Peyton Manning, cut from The Black Cats Monday afternoon before the start of the last two games of the weekend. )

The predicted closet game of the weekend saw the Australian Taipans take their shortest "away" trip at 8000 miles. The Taipans are the most traveled team in the league, were hosted by the Who Dat Nation in Oregon. This was billed as one of the closest matches of the year with a fine sliver being placed between the two by bookies in Vegas. The Taipans were in good shape early Thursday night after Antonio Brown (WR) scored 33 points. The Nations running back duo of Mark Ingram and Chris Ivory did all the damage though, scoring a combined 43 points to the Taipans running backs 21. Having pulled ahead, it was only a matter of "how much" before the Nation last WR, Julio Jones took to the field to put the game out of reach. The Taipans loose their first opening weekend game in the past six year to the Sophomore Who Dat Nation Team. Final score, Who Dat Nation 182 Australian Taipans 153. Both numbers are impressive winning and losing scores.

The past few years, I have watched Coach Casey and his Guns of Hoculi team become one of the dominate forces in pretend football. He drafts well, rarely trades, selects the right players, and historically, has some huge scores. Monstrous scores. And this weekend was no different. On opening day the Gunners were hosting the Drunk Monkeys, a team they are well versed at seeing the red of their ....ummm....candy apples. :D Monkeys come in guided by QB Ben Rothlisberger. Unfortunately, fantasy football is a team sport, and their Kicker Adam Vinatieri and the Defense of the Bengals scored for a combined 1 point. Gunners put their stamp on this game early with no less than three players scoring above thirty points. Shut the front door, the Monkeys were spanked early and the Gunners run away to generate a very impressive gap. (Commissioner McBee would have been proud to see this happen in his league.) Gunner stomp the Monkeys and put their authority on the league with a frightening win 169 - 136.

Already there is talk behind the stadium of who can stop the Gunners.

Next week's match of the day we travel to the Gunners home town where they host the Who Dat Nation. Both teams will be coming off impressive week 1 results, and one of these teams is in position to take an outright lead on the league, and it's only week 2. Both teams scored an impressive amount of points in week one, can they back it up in one of the most anticipated shootouts of the season.

So the league standings at the end of week 1 are, half the teams won, half the teams lost.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

It was hard to pass up the Monday night performance of 9 receptions for 141 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total of 41.10 points Accordingly, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Julio Jones of the Who Dat Nation, the Week One MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[CaptainHaplo]

The "Sheriff" really should have put up his spurs. I was worried about Peyton after the end of last year. Watching some film shows he has gotten gun shy - flinching in the pocket, not going through his progressions and not having the zip on the ball that he used to have. I hate it for the guy, but between the offensive line he has (talk about a double meaning there!) and his own football health issues, the Cats need to move on. His football IQ is still among the best, but its no longer enough to compensate for a body that has spent one year too long in the pocket.

Sadly - my RB's just didn't perform either. Congrats to the Taipans for putting what will likely be the biggest butt-whoopin of the year on the Cats. But its one game - so we just have to get better next week!

[Gut Wrench]

CATS CLAW OUT A VICTORY
Monkeys Spank Themselves.

Week 2 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. We find out which team can score a lot of points and still not win a game, which team got out of jail with a win and which teams stand aloft of their division.

But before we award any accolades, it's time to award some accolades on the very people who bring you one of the finest season in fantasy football.


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Let's go around the grounds on this weekends matches and find out where our best game of the week was and will be next week.

Our match of the day this week was the Guns of Hoculi hosting the slightly adjusted naming rights, Who Dat Nations Rises. The Gunners after a big week 1 win on the road come home for their opening stand against the Who Dat Nation. Winner potentially looking at sole ownership of the league lead. Gunners quarterback Aaron Rodger has an average day, but it was out on the wings where the receiving corps of O'Dell Beckam (WR) and Rob Gronkowsi (TE) did the damage, scoring 66 points, almost half of the entire team total. Beckham and Gronk (as he's known to his favorite sports writers) only combined for a total of two touchdowns, but had the receiving yards to give the Gunners enough lead. Julio Jones (WR) for the Nation had a matching day of yardage, but combined with the other two wide receivers of Jeremy Maclin and Jarvis Landy, just couldn't find the in zone to give the Nation enough points on the board. Gunners run out sizable winners 156 - 123

Across the pond in Wembley Stadium, the Helmand Nighthawks open their season against the colonists of the Australian Taipans. Emmanuel Sanders (WR) gave the Nighthawks an early lead when he jumped out and single handed scored 28 points, well above predictions, on Thursday night. On Sunday morning, the Nighthawks turned it on with the Dynamic Duo of Tom Brady and Julian Edelman combining for 73 points. The Taipans looked like they were going to return to Australia with nothing but Ashes, until their receivers finally showed up. Antonio Brown caught 9 receptions of 195 yards, 1 touchdown and a 2 point conversion. In any other league, 134 points might be winning score, but not in the Subsim League. In successive plays, the Taipans lost both Eddie Lacey (RB) and Jordan Cameron (TE) to not many points, and were never going to have enough venom to carry through. Nighthawks needed every point as the Taipans came back and made the score a little more respectable 171 - 148.

Week 2 and the thrillers have started, and the first of the Monday night rewrites. The Drunk Monkeys had their home stand opener, and upon arrival at the game, there was controversy right from the start. Wide receiver Alshon Jeffrey had been included in the run on team for the Monkeys, despite having been scratched on Friday. Playing one man down for the entire weekend left the Monkeys vulnerable to the defending champions, the Black Cats. Cats came through on the strength of Steve Smith (WR) to post a total of 128 points. Monkeys hung in there through Sunday night and arrived at Monday night trailing by 1.92 points. Still to play was Adam Vinatieri, the only kicker to have ever kicked a field goal at Candlestick Park from the Oakland Colosseum. Vinitieri lined up for this first kick of the night, a gift 2 points and hit the upright. A lack of scoring opportunities persisted for Vinitieri, leaving the Monkeys hanging by fractions of point. Black Cats get one on the back of a critical error, 128.28 - 126.70.

Next week's match of the day, we go on one of the longest away games of the year as we travel to see the Australian Taipans begin their season opening home stand with the Who Dat Nation. These two teams met in week 1, and I don't know who made the schedule but they are back again. The Taipans have played two games where record scores have been made against them, one by the Nation. The Nation, having suffered a loss at the hand of divisional rival the Gunners, seek to get back on equal footing with the league leaders at the hands of the Taipans.

So the league standings at the end of week 2 look like this. The two teams at the top of the divisions are the Guns of Hochuli and the Helmand Nighthawks. Two more teams are at .500% while at the bottom of the ladder, both the Taipans and the Drunk Monkeys are still looking for their first win.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

This is a passing league, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We have only to look at this weeks winner to substantiate that. For the effort of 466 yards and 3 touchdowns, for a total of 39.24 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Tom Brady of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Week Two MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

242 POINTS
Black Cats Put a Mauling On.

Week 3 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. Pull out your record books and mark this week as the one week you should have watched Coach Pioneer's recent Direct TV commercial and changed over to the Black Cats game. If you didn't, you missed one of the powerhouse displays ever displayed when the Cats surged over 120 points in the third quarter of the Sunday game.

Before we bring in the damage report, let's make sure that you all know what you have to do after reading this column.


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This week's match of the day was the Australian Taipans hosting the Who Dat Nation. In one of the most peculiar schedule arrangements this year, the Taipans met the Nation for the second time in three weeks, this time on the hallowed turf down under. The game was not without multiple Belichick like changes, with four combined changes between the two teams in the last two minutes on Thursday before the start of the first game. Taipans come out of Thursday night with the better productivity, and the two teams maintained an even distance between each other until Sunday morning. The Taipans stopped scoring late in the first game and the Nation capitalized and grabbed the lead, and were never headed. The Who Dat Nation for the second time in three weeks, outscore their predicted total by 33%. The gap was just too wide, once again, for the Taipans, who open the season at home with their third straight loss. Who Dat Nation convincing winners 185 - 149.

Around the time that the Taipans stopped scoring, the Black Cats opened up a can whoop ass and every network in the world, (and the one Martian in the broadcast area) all changed over the Gunners game. The Guns of Hochuli, league leaders were comfortable in front of the Black cats, despite having not scored a large total. The Cats however, in the space of one quarter, just annihilated the Gunner's, putting up over 150 points, more than two teams total scores for the entire weekend. The Cats, lead by QB Cam Newton, continued to pile on the points with no less that five players scoring above 30 points. The game was put out of reach of the Gunners in that one quarter, and they coasted throughout the remainder of the weekend, before coming back in garbage time Monday night to add respect to the score. Final score, Black Cats score a record number of points, and knock off the league leaders Guns of Hochuli by 242 - 170.

After the game, Coach F.Y.C. arrived at the media conference and gave the following message to those detractors who criticized his draft selection.

"Yeah, (bleep) how about that (bleep) score, hey? What a (bleep) running (bleep) (bleep) wide receivers (bleeped) and they (bleep) tore through (bleep) the (bleep). (Bleep) you (bleep)."

Well spoken Coach.

The shock of the Black Cats score had implications across the pond where the Helmand Nighthawks were hosting the Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys, who only arrived on Baboon Airways hours before the game due to English quarantines regulations, were ill prepared when their ace QB, Ben Roethlisberger went down in the game with a bruised ego. The Monkeys, already suffering from a couple of low scoring efforts from the Patriots Defense (5 points) and Jeremy Hill (RB, 2 points) that the injury handed the game to the Nighthawks. The Nighthawks continued to play their starters, and by Sunday afternoon, this game was out of reach as Randall Cobb (WR) scored over 35 points in garbage time Monday night. Helmand Nighthawks as expected defeat the Drunk Monkeys 166 - 128 and advance to 3-0.

Now, although we are only three weeks into the season, there are some intriguing developments in the league. Let's look at the table before we get to next weeks game.

Mister Chris and the Helmand Nighthawks are the only undefeated team in the league at 3-0, and hold a one game lead. Behind them, three teams are tied at 2-1, the Guns of Hochuli, the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats. The Gunners hold the tie breaker having won 2-0 within their division. The Who Dat Nation have the same divisional record as the Black Cats of 0-1, but have slightly outscored the Black Cats. The Black Cats, on the strength of their record breaking score (I am still stunned) put them back in the hunt on for and against. At the bottom of the league, both the Australian Taipans and the Drunk Monkeys are yet to record a win at 0-3. The Monkeys have scored 100 points less than divisional rivals the Gunners and the Who Dat Nation. The Taipans, however, have scored about the same number of pints as divisional leaders Nighthawks, but, have had more than 200 points scored against them. Over in the Sub Skimmers Division, they're already talking smack about the Nighthawks soft schedule, and are making plans to take three of the four play positions.

We love it when one division talks smack about the other, then have to meet the next week. And so it is, next week's match of the day, we go back across the Atlantic to the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Nighthawks are in a unique position to put the Gunners two games behind one third of the way through the season. The Gunners, smiting after the Black Cats ran up a cricket score against them, are looking to tighten up the league and take the first tie breaker if they beat the Nighthawks. It looks to be a offensive (scoring) game as the Colonials try to take back the Crown.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

There's only one team who truly deserved the award this week, but there were so many eligible candidates throughout the team. For the first time ever, the vote for this weeks award had to go to a tiebreaker, and we had to call for divine intervention.

http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--wUYGFwH4--/1446483230289946285.jpg

Thank you your Eminence.

For the effort of 10 receptions for 227 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total of 50.07 points (and was still not the highest individual score of the week) :o, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present A.J. Green of the Black Cats, the Week Three MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gargamel]

All my blue chips have died..... :down:

[Gut Wrench]

WHO DAT STUMBLES
Drunk Monkeys and Taipans finally win one.

Week 4 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. Finally, we get the cellar dwellers on the board with wins, as we see less of the OMG scores and more of the WTF frustration, and some peculiar results tighten up the league.

Let's get the microscope out and examine the evidence we have before us, right after you check out this important message.


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Last week, Coach FYC stood proud, met the media, and the result was a private chat from the Commissioner for having a potty mouth...on air. The Cats, defending Torpedo Bowl Champions, looked to have their season back on track when they opened up a can of whoop ass and scored 242 points . The ASW writers checked into other leagues, there has never been a score seen like that before. But, as we known, on any given Sunday, even a 0-3 team like the Drunk Monkeys can show up, and your team can go for a banana peel ride before you know it. This week, the Monkeys were one of two teams that really needed a win. The Monkeys, a little off put by the performance of the Cats last week, stood firm. The Cats, perhaps affected by the abundant Catnip inhaled this week, arrived light headed and left Doug Martin (RB) sitting on the bench with 37 points. That one move would have won the game as Golden Tate (WR) needed to accumulate 10 points on Monday night, but only came up with 6. Drunk Moneys, after a week where Coach Gargamel was bemoaning his blue chip players, finally gets a win and moves to 1-3 with a 124.56 - 120.16 win over the Cats.

The most interesting tactical game of the week took place even before the first play was run. For the second time in three weeks, the Australian Taipans met the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners, red hot favorites, were faced with some interesting choices. The Gunners were meeting the Taipans with their starting TE and K were on byes. Coach Casey had drafted Zac Ertz (TE) but had not drafted a second kicker. (and why would you?) However, I noticed that the Coach decided to start his kicker (who was on a bye) rather than chance cutting one of his bench team (Shrewd!). The move almost paid off until Marshawn Lynch (RB) been ruled unfit to play after the start of Sunday morning games. His only other RB, Alfred Morris had already played on Thursday night, and was on the bench. The Gunners had put up a low score compared to prior weeks, but the Taipans, who have had more points scored against them, needed every part of that concession. They struggled to get over the line with two QB fumbles from Russell Wilson, before finally get their first win of the season. Taipans get lucky and beat the Gunners 95.58 - 92.06 to finally get to 1-3.

Our match of the day was a smack talking Who Dat Nation and the Helmand Nighthawks. Again, another example of too many points left on the bench with scores by Drew Brees (QB - 30) and Devonte Freeman (RB-37) being left behind. The Nighthawks, having already heard that the Gunners were in trouble, moved out to score the most points lead by Le'Veon Bell (RB) with 34 points. That one score represented the majority of the final score differential. Helmand Nighthawks shut the Who Dat smack down 127 - 88.

While the two teams at the bottom of the ladder finally got their first win of the season, it was the loss that their opposition experienced that has made the league interesting.

The Helmand Nighthawks at 4-0 stand as the only undefeated team in the league, and now hold a two game league over everybody. The Guns of Hochuli, Black Cats and the Who Dat Nation make a three way tie at 2-2, but they are in danger as both the Drunk Monkeys and the Australian Taipans get their first wins and finally move to 1-3, now just a game behind thanks to some fortunate results. What once was seen as a Guns of Hochuli league to loose, has now shifted over to the Helmand Nighthawks.

So what does that mean for week five in the Subsim League? With both of the 1-3 teams, the Taipans and Drunk Monkeys set to meet next week, the real interest is in which team will be knocked down to the bottom of the ladder when the Who Dat Nation hosts the Black Cats. The Black Cats have scheduled almost their entire team on a bye in week 5, so to make up a minimum team, coach FYC is going to have head to the waiver wire. We'll go back to Oregon to find out if the Cats have enough guts in them to cut players to make a team in our match of the week.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Unlike the previous week where there were plenty of candidates, this week was a little scarce. However, we found our nominee making for the first repeat team winner of the year. For the effort of 11 receptions for 83 yards and 1 touchdown, for a total of 25.30 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Martellus Bennett of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Week Four MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

NIGHTHAWKS SOAR
Who Dat Makes the Cats Pay

Week 5 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. Stay tuned as we go around the pretend grounds, taking in the top two pretend teams, the bottom two pretend teams, and the pretentious scores associated with all fabricated games.

We'll tell you who the new red hot favorite to win the league, who might be looking for a new coach, and thanks to Le'Veon Bell, our first Monday Night rewrite this year.


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It was a game of intrigue. The Black Cats were ready to go on the road to Oregon where the Who Nation Nation Rising was waiting for them. The biggest questions of the week would be who the Cats would start and sit. The Cats were filled with players who had preapproved absence requests in for this week to attend Frocks on the Foreshore, and it would bemoan coach FYC to let them all start. The Coach went to the waiver wire early in the week and picked up....absolutely nobody. Instead, he shuffled his players around to second and third stringers, even choosing not go give up his kicker and still play without any points from the boot, rather than give up his team.

Veteran commentator John Madden was questioned about this move and he responded, "Not seen that since the 2015 Lions. Boom."

And the Cats went boom too. While Doug Martin (RB) rushed for 42 points on his own, leaving both a kicker and a WR open with zero points meant the Cats were always going to have a furball. Who Dat Nation wins easily 142 - 105.

How about that lack luster bottom of the table clash between the Drunk Monkeys and the Australian Taipans. The official crowd attendance of that game was 12, and there were even talks that some of the spectators showed have got a start between these two 1-3 teams. The Drunk Monkeys coming off a narrow win, have consistently put up about 125 points a week. The Taipans, until this game have had having more points scored against them than any other team. Fortunately, the Monkeys, once again the model of consistency, scored the required amount and put the Taipans away, handing off the wooden spoon. Drunk Monkeys get off the bottom of the ladder, outscoring the Taipans 124 - 97.

Looking at the Taipans, several outspoken media representatives have commented on their fall from grace.

Cowboy Neal said "All I wanted for my birthday was a Taipan win."

(Editors note: Happy Birthday Neal from the Associated Subsim Writers, the check is in the mail. :D)

Now, we get to the most interesting game of the week. The Helmand Nighthawks, looking for the Immaculate Season, rode into town to duel the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners, early picks for the league champion, have stumbled lately. Two weeks ago they were beaten by the highest score ever seen in the league, and last week they were barely beaten by the Taipans (who had no business winning anyway.) This week, they put their artillery on and battled the Nighthawks.

The Nighthawks, week after week, have had multiple stars shine with record games, and this was no exception. QB Tom Brady passed for 26 points, RB DeMarco Murray ran for 25 points, even the Cardinal defense scored 14 points for the Nighthawks. The Gunners, despite the effort of De Andrew Hopkins and O'Dell Beckam who combined for over 65 points, were let down by RB Alfred Morris, who scored a pitiful 1.5 points. That one player who failed to perform, cost the Gunners as they fall to their third straight loss, 167-146.

In a bizarre twist of scheduling, next week we go across the pond to see the Helmand Nighthawks host, umm, the Guns of Hochuli, again. Commissioner Pioneer in his first year screwed up the schedule and has these two teams playing each other in back to back weeks. While highly anticipated by the bookies, it does in fact leave the way open for the Gunners to rise or fall in the standings, depending on the earlier game being played between the Who Dat Nation. Just like this week, this match up may very well determine the #1 seeding at the end of the season. And we'll be there watching from the Press Box at Wembley Stadium, as the Helmand Nighthawks set about to stretch their two game lead.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 153 rushing yards, 7 receptions for 44 yards and 1 rushing touchdown, for a total of 38.70 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Da Vonte Freeman of the Who Nation Nation Rises the Week Five MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

PERFECT SEASON OVER
Gunners Fire Nighthawks

Week 6 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. The Perfect Season is over, and the 1972 Dolphins are popping the champagne. Not unexpected, the last of the big names has finally tasted defeat, in what is now being billed as the next Championship game.

We'll take you around the grounds as we put together the best highlights of the week, in the ultimate Fantasy Football League, here at Subsim....where we don't need no Force Awakens trailer, we have a better commercial.


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Where to start the week?

Let's go top end, Down Under as the Australian Taipans host the Black Cats. The Taipans were on a slide, quickly out of the play offs even though they are seven weeks away, if they were unable to get a win this week, they were putting themselves into a "must win everything and rely on help" just to make a play off appearance. The two part equation for the Taipans this week was to get the win and have their divisional rivals fall over. Coming into town after making the long Trans Atlantic flights (they went the wrong way) Coach FYC and the Black Cats sauntered into town just two weeks out from setting a league record (more on that later). Neither team started anybody on Thursday night, which appears to be rising trend, so their first players weren't available until Sunday morning. Coach Pioneer benched Andrew Luck (QB) and picked up Any Dalton. This turned out to be a key move as Dalton gave the Taipans the much needed touchdown conversations they had been missing in their recent losses. Not that the Cats came in with a star studded team, but again, I'm looking at the Cats who carry no less than 5 players contracted to the minor league team, the Carolina Panthers. The Cats suffered last week when their minor league contracts required a vacation day, and this week, it happened again. It was not until a late rally Sunday afternoon that the Cats Greg Olsen (TE) put some respectability back into the score. The game was over by Sunday night, with the Taipans outscoring the Cats by games end, and still having one player, Jordan Mathews (WR) to play on Monday Night. Taipans put the bite on the cats, winning 119 - 106, and suddenly, the Taipans are back in the hunt again if divisional rival Nighthawks loose.

Our Match of the Day was a ball tearer this week, the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Guns of Hochuli. In one of the biggest screw ups by a new commissioner, these two teams play each other on back to back weeks. The Nighthawks came in and took the game from the Guns of Hochuli on their home field, and this week, the Gunners returned the favor to the Nighthawks, outscoring the Nighthawks by 45 points and almost amassing a score over 200 points. (Who says 120 points gets a win?) The Nighthawks, have had significantly less points scored against them when compared to the league, and while they were 5-0 prior to this game, the Gunners have lifted themselves to .500% by demolishing the Nighthawks. Is this a preview of the championship game later this year? Gunners stopped the Nighthawks from having a perfect season, convincingly taking the match 193 - 148. Nighthawks drop to 5-1 and with the Taipans win over the Black Cats, the Surface Skimmers division is a mess again.

Our third match of the week was the Who Dat Nation hosting the Drunk Monkeys. This was a game for the ages, one you will tell your children about, as you boast of watching Drunk Monkeys quarter back Phillip Rivers throw for over 500 yards and two touchdowns, and still lose the game. The Nations were the only team to play anybody on Thursday night, and had almost 80 points on the board before the rest of the league took the field. The Monkeys were playing from a red bottom behind throughout the whole game, as they swung from opportunity to opportunity, squandered on the field like a loose banana. In the post game aftermath, it turns out that Coach Garghamel not only played Rivers as QB, but also had the Packers Defense. Rookie mistakes like this make or break championships, and while this game wasn't close, you would hate for the most injury ridden team (the Monkeys) to loose a close one for that kind of mistake. The Who Dat Nation had plenty in the tank however, leaving over 90 points sitting on the bench with three players. Wow - their optimal line up this week would have scored over 210 points. (Where are these scores coming from?) What Dat Nation Rises, and suddenly, in the space of a week, the Sub Simmers division is open to anyone. Nations defeats the Monkeys 142 - 171 - 145.

Let's recap where the teams stand after six weeks of the most confusing season we've seen, since last year.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the Helmand Nighthawks own the league now at 5-1, one game clear of everybody. The Nighthawks are already 2-0 over divisional rivals, and have scored the second most points. They look comfortable with a two game lead. The Taipans with their win over the Black Cats, rise to the same 2-4 record, but the Taipans get the tie breaker for the win. The Taipans have suddenly vaulted up the league ladder from the cellar. The Black Cats, still impressive two weeks after a record score, are tied at the bottom of the ladder at 2-4.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Who Dat Nation Rises at 4-2 hold a one game lead over the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners, however, are 2-0 within the division, and just put the Nighthawks in a bunker with a huge score. One more game back, although sharing the bottom of the league with the Black Cats, are the Drunk Monkeys.

So it looks like, Nighthawks, Gunners and Who Dat are the three top tier teams, however, the middle tier also has the Who Dat Nation sharing with the Taipans and the Black Cats. The bottom tier has the Black Cats, Drunk Monkeys and Taipans. But none of this makes any difference with over seven weeks still to go in the league.

Next week we come back to the Homeland and held for the Guns of Hochuli home field. The Gunners at 3-3 will be meeting the Drunk Monkeys (2-4) The Gunners are probably the better team, but the number fo players on vacation, suspensions, drug rehab, and if Lamar Odum is on the team, resting comfortably in a brothel, the Gunners may have the work cut out for them. The Monkeys will need the win to reduce the tie breakers, as they are already 0-2 within the division.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 242 passing yards and 3 touchdowns, just picked up off the waiver wire this week, for a total of 27.52 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Andy Dalton of the Australian Taipans the Week Six MVT.

Next weeks report may be a little late getting written. The Associated Subsim Writers are taking a little trip to Talledega, Alabama for a motor racing event. They stay overnight and leave Birmingham Monday afternoon. They'll arrive home during the Monday Night game.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

DRUNK MONKEYS REGRET STARTERS
Gunners Steal One

Week 7 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and we are exactly half way through the regular season. For some teams, they are already planning post season games at home. For others, they are just trying to get to a winning percentage.

But the one thing that they all did this week was reach into those deep wallets and take care of the most important resource they have.


DONATE TO SUBSIM SUBSIM...OR BERNARD GETS A START NEXT WEEK.

As we go around the grounds this week, there's an air of familiarity rising from the great pumpkin patches besides these venues. This week, not only does Halloween fall on a Saturday night, but in the USA, clocks fall back this weekend. That's two good reasons to be extra vigilant as you make your way to this week end games.

But let's talk about the week end that just ended.

Oregon: For the third time in seven weeks, (we really need to send Commissioner Pioneer to a class on schedule management) the Who Dat Nation was hosting the Australian Taipans. The Nation come into the weekend at 4-2, with two wins against the Taipans already. The Nation Rises have had some huge scores pitted against the Taipans, while their other two wins were more traditional and not in the region of "record breaking". Not this week however, the Nation seems to have the Taipans number putting up another one of the largest scores seen in the league, which could have been even greater had they not started the game without a kicker.

"We don't need no stinking kicker to beat the Taipans," Coach Fuel for Blood said at a trash talking post game conference. "Let em bite us, we got the W."

The Taipans could do no better than their starting line up this week, and while beating their projected score, it still wasn't enough to get in front of the Who Dat nation. Nation takes their third win from the Taipans ("thanks for coming") 164 - 120.

England: Mister Chris and the Helmand Nighthawks have been the darlings of the league this year. They show up, they've scored more points than anyone else in the league, however, they only thing that still lingers is that the Nighthawks have not yet been tested. Of all the teams in the league, the Nighthawks can pay tribute to their defenses, having the least amount of points scored against them. Until we get a team that can step up and fly with the Nighthawks, we may never know if they have what it takes to win in a clinch.

This week, it wasn't even close. Hosting the Black Cats across the pond, the Cats came to town with no less than six players from the same feeder club, the Panthers. As an observer, I'm not convinced that this is the best team. But what do I know, I've never won the Subsim League, the Black Cats have. But not this week. Hellmand Nighthawks blow out the Black Cats 161 - 113 without raising a furball.

Homeland: We promised you a great match up and we got a great game - and it so could have had a different result which would have split the league. Mark this game folks, this is the game that the Drunk Monkeys let get away, and give the Guns of Hochuli a highly coveted divisional win. This game will haunt the Monkeys long after Saturday night has gone away.

The Gunners have, until last week, been a point scoring machine. In the last couple of weeks, they have stumbled and had some high scores put up against them, dropping them to almost .500% on points for and against. This week the Gunners ran the ball, threw the ball, and put up a respectable points tally. The Monkeys, however, must have been slipping on banana peels, they had three non starters in the game. Three! With a wide receiver, a running back and a defense out, the Monkeys handed off a potential 50 points head start to the Gunners. However, thanks to the some hard core work of Phillip Rivers (336 passing yards and 3 TD's) and Charcandrick West (110 rushing yards and 1 TD), the Monkeys were still in the game...until late Sunday night. They ran out of players, and came up about 15 yards short of winning the game. A thriller in the end, the Guns of Hochuli misfired, but still managed to lob one over and come away with a narrow win. Final score, Guns of Hochuli 116.5, Drunk Monkeys 114.64.

And it becomes the second game that the Monkeys have lost by less than 15 yards this year. Those fifteen yards in each game represent the difference between a winning record and their current standing.

At the halfway point of the season, let's recap each division and set ourselves for the second half of the year.

In the Surface Skimmers divisions, it's the Helmand Nighthawks leading both the division and the league at 6-1. The Nighthawks have scored more points than anyone else and are 3-0 on divisional games. Pending an implosion of magnitude, the Nighthawks will probably claim a play off berth with just two more wins. The Taipans and the Black Cats sit four games back (yikes) at 2-5, with the Taipans holding the divisional tie breaker. The Taipans look to be the better team, but the Black Cats are the defending champions. Both teams play off future, is uncertain.

In the Sub Simmers division, the Who Dat Nation on the strength of three big wins against the Taipans, have catapulted to the top of the division at 5-2. The Guns of Hochuli sit one game back at 4-3, however, the Gunners are 3-0 on divisional games, having already defeated the Nation once. The Drunk Monkeys, although they have the same record as the Black Cats and Taipans at 2-5, are still in the hunt within the division - but have some work to do.

So which game in week 8 provides the most juiciest match up? We come back to the Gunners home turf as they host the Who Dat Nation. The battle for the head of the division hots up as second and third place within the league meet for the second time. The Who Dat Nation has been beating up the other division, but the Gunners have a better divisional record. Both teams have a lot riding on the line not only if they win, but also if they lose based on other results. This will be a howling good game, which at this stage, appears will start on Thursday night with early game players.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Wasn't too hard to pick this week winner. For the effort of 355 passing yards, 2 touchdowns and that very impressive career long rush for 15 yards, for a total of 38.20 points and becoming the first repeat player this season, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Tom Brady of the Helmand Nighthawks the Week Seven MVT.

(Editor's Note: I saw more television images of Gut Wrench popping up at Talledega this weekend than I have in the years he's been at Subsim. He was on Nascar Friday night, in the pits Saturday morning, on the wall during the Infinity race, behind the wall during the Sprint Cup race and in victory lane after the race.)


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[Gut Wrench]

GARGAMEL DRUNK OVER WIN
Cats Choke with 7 on Monday Night

Week 8 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and we get to show off one of the biggest upsets of the year. We'll talk about the biggest game this week that looked closer than the scoreline indicated, and we'll examine how one team got skinned alive...even though it took till well after midnight to finally resolve the last points of the week.

But before we resolve anything, we have to do this.


DONATE TO SUBSIM SUBSIM...OR BERNARD STARTS ON YOUR TEAM NEXT WEEK.

The talk of my appearances at Talledega were much maligned, however, I did get a selfie with Danica.

Can anyone really stand in the way of the Nighthawks? The Taipans sure as hell can't. As the Taipans make their second journey on the longest away game ever, they land in jolly old England to take on the Nighthawks. The Nighthawks disposed of one divisional rival last week for the second time in the season, and were looking to make it two from two with the Taipans. The Taipans have been slithering down the league ladder week after week, sometimes just losing, other times getting skinned alive. This week, they were pecked, torn and quarter, like the colonial rebels that they are. Not even a luck luster game from Nighthawks T.Y. Hilton (WR) could stop the Helmand soar. Nighthawks continue their march toward greatness as they pummel the Taipans 133 - 88.

Who let the Drunk Monkeys come out and play? Does it matter when you score over 190 points in the weekend, and hold a 150 point lead on Monday night before seven (Count them - seven!) Black Cats finally show up? Oh my, this game was over before any protesters unfurled their banner. Monkeys begun on Thursday night with Dion Lewis (RB) on a double digit scoring blitz. Drunk Ass Monkeys lowest scoring receiver was Travis Kelce (TE) who scored more points than two wide receivers for the Black Cats combined. Combined!! Oh the humanity. Black Cats slip ever further back in the dank pit with the Taipans at the bottom of ladder as they succumb to a statement game from Coach Gargarmel.

"Yeay, how about them apples b******, screw you guys, I'm going home with a win."

Drunk Monkeys beat up the Black Cats 191, a record score for them, to Black Cats 106.

Our match of the day, saw the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Who Dat Nation Rises Again, umm, again. Gunners had the scare of their season last week when they nearly lost to the Drunk Monkeys in a close game. Coming home to host the Oregon Based Nation, this game could have been far worst than the close scoreline described. The Gunners left QB Eli Manning on the bench, who scored an incredible 54.50 points. :o Worst still, the Who Dat Nation left Drew Brees (QB) also on the bench, giving away 66.30 points. 66 points? :doh: The statisticians are still combined the history points to find out if any single player has scored that many points previously. (We don't think so.) Those two players, sitting on the interchange bench, could have changed the entire complex of the Sub Simmers division and the league. As it was, the Gunners get over the Who Dat Nation Rises 169 - 145, and advance to 5-3.

This weeks result upset the apple cart in the Sub Simmers division so we'll start there first. The win by the Guns of Hoculi puts them level with the Who Dat Nation, but, the Gunners are 4-0 within the division, while the Nation is only 1-2. Who Dat is going to have meet and beat both divisional rivals by the end of the season if they want to have a chance at the #2 seed. The win by the Drunk Monkeys lifts them to 3-5, and while two games behind, they have yet to win a divisional game at 0-3.

Over in the Surface Skimmers division, it's all Nighthawks soaring. The Nighthawks retain the #1 seed at 7-1, a two game lead over the league. The Nighthawks are about 1 and a half games out from securing the first play off seed. It's daylight second and then Taipans and the Black Cats at 2-6 tie off the bottom of the league. Both the Taipans and the Black Cats can still make the Championship bracket, but they really need to winning.

Week 9 comes down with the choice of which game to choose for match of the week. It is clearly the high scoring match up of the Helmand Nighthawks and the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners will be hosting the Nighthawks in a major battle, which could end up deciding the leagues #1 seed, and began the elimination of teams from the play offs. We'll have all the action here next week, with all the broadcast news, and all the diabolic performances.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

We have only to look at the one player who kept their teams playof chances alive, despite not scoring a touchdown. For the effort of 8 receptions for 168 yards and 30.80 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Demarius Thomas of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Eight MVT.


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[Gargamel]

GARGAMEL DRUNK OVER WIN
Cats Choke with 7 on Monday Night
"Yeay, how about them apples b******, screw you guys, I'm going home with a win."

Yeah... that about says it better than I can....

[Gut Wrench]

NIGHTHAWKS OWN THE LEAGUE
Taipans Cling to Division

Week 9 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and finally, no body puts up a record breaking score against the Taipans. The Nighthawks put their stamp on a division, and the Gunners fall further back. The Cats show once again why the Nation are the better team, and this week, we get a special guest commentator.

But before we do anything else, here's the most important message you will hear all weekend.


DONATE TO SUBSIM

Apparently, some of the Managers still need some assistance with their teams, so this week, please welcome Mister Keyshawn Johnson as he introduces the Subsim variant of C'Mon Man.

http://s2.dmcdn.net/ONqRo/x240-wCr.jpg

That's Gut Wrench, it's a pleasure to finally make an appearance in this column, and what a week to do it in.

Nighthawks - Gunners. Nighthawks start the game early and run in for a quick touchdown. The kicking team runs out on to the field, the ball is snapped, the holder holds, but where's the kicker? The kicker is no where to be seen. Nick Folk is sitting at London Airport after he missed the plane. Nighthawks don't kick anything on the weekend. C'mon man.

Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats. The Cats continue to play most of the Panthers contracted players. Except at Wide Receiver. Golden Tate is their number #1 receiver. First play of the weekend, quarterback Cam Newton, three step drop, long pass down the sideline to Goldern Tate. He's not there. Tate's sitting at London Airport with Nick Folk before he comes back from the bye. Pass incomplete. C'mon Man.

Drunk Monkeys and the Taipans. Taipans got this one, everyone's performing on the team, everyone except running back Eddie Lacy. Lacy starts for the Tapins, runs backwards, looses the ball and gets benched. Taipans get a negative score. They could have left Lacey at the airport with Golden Tate or Nick Folk and scored more points. What are you doing, C'mon Man.

Thanks to Keyshawn Johnson for his low lights of the weekend. Now onto the sports report.

Let's start with our match of the week and the implications that it brings to the league. Guns of Hochuli are at home against the Helmand Nighthawks. The Nighthawks are just running away with their division and taking the remainder of the league along for the ride. The Gunners look to be the better of two possible teams that could stop the Nighthawks. Nighthawks add De'Angelo Willams (RB) this week who score 44.50 points, and is still not the highest scorer of the week. But the Nighthawks needed every yard because the Gunners model of consistency stepped up with Aaron Rodgers (QB) scoring 45.46, still not the highest score of the weekend. Gunners got let down by running back Alfred Morris who ran for 10 years before bruising his ego, and stopped scoring at 1 point. Guns of Hochuli scored a lot of points but still fall short of defeating the Helmand Nighthawks. Nighthawks take their second win of the season against the Gunners 183 - 165, and move to within half a game of securing a play off berth.

Defending Torpedo Bowl Champions the Black Cats continue to ride on last years strength as they roll into Oregon. Cat quarter back Cam newton leads the team 40.58 points, but that too is still not the highest scorer of the weekend. On the other side of the 50 yard line, Who Dat Nation Rises quarterback Drew Brees scores 42.38 points to counter, also not the highest individual score of the week, just a week after scoring 60 plus points on the bench. The Nations wide receiving corp combined for over 61 points, which was just too far a reach for the Black Cats to crawl back against. Who Dat Nation Rises Again opens up a one game divisional lead by beating the Black Cats 163 - 129.

Final game of the week and what a game it was. Coach Gargamel and the Drunk Monkeys roll into Australia, still hammered from the previous weekend, and meet the Taipans. Taipans started the season losing narrowly everything, and have been just awful in the past few weeks. Not this week though, as the Taipans belted the Monkeys. This game started Thursday night with Andy Dalton (Taipans) throwing for over 26 points, but it was in their receiving corp that the Taipans finally showed some teeth, scoring between three receivers over 105 points - more than at least their entire score in one game. Late on Monday Monkeys close the gap with Phillip Rivers (QB) and Alshon Jeffrey (WR) scoring for a combined 47 points, but it wasn't enough. Taipans grab one of the cellar dwellers victories and keep the Surface Skimmers Division alive with a convincing 196-130 over the Monkeys.

"Strewth," Coach Pioneer was heard to say at the end of the game.

This weeks games create a little bit of havoc within the league, with one team dropping back unexpectedly, and one team winning unexpectedly. We're getting closer to the Thanksgiving Week, the longest week of football on the calendar, so we'll put both divisions in perspective now, which will help decide next weeks feature game.

In the Sub Siummers Division, the Who Dat Nation get a helping hand from the Nighthawks who drop the Guns of Hochuli one game back. The Nation leads the division 6-3, but the Gunners at 5-4 are 4-0 within the division. The Drunk Monkeys at 3-6 are still mathematically alive, but will need some help.

Over in the Surface Skimmers Division, it's all Nighthawks. The Nighthawks have all but wrapped up a play off berth at 8-1, but the win by the Taipans means that this division will not be decided until at least week 10. The Taipans at 3-6 sit five games back, and have lost the tie breaker. One more win to the Nighthawks or another loss by the Taipans will cement the Nighthawks either the #1 or #2 seeding, regardless of what happens in the remainder of the regular season. The Black Cats at 2-7, with six straight losses, own the cellar, and while the bottom is a three way battle, the Cats need the most help.

So, what does that mean for next weeks game. We go back across the pond as the Helmand Nighthawks host the Who Dat Nation Rises again. This game may well decide the #1 seed in the league at the end of the regular season. The Nighthawks need one more game to take the Surface Skimmers Division, while the Nation needs the win to stay in front of the Gunners 4-0 divisional record.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

This weeks award goes to a player who scored a lot of points, without getting into the inzone. For the effort of 17 receptions for 284 yards and 22 rushing yards for good measure, for the highest score of starter this year at 51.60 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Antonio Brown of the Australian Taipans the Week Nine MVT.


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[Gut Wrench]

NIGHTHAWKS FIRST TEAM TO PLAYOFFS
Gunners Rob The Taipans For a Third Time

Week 10 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and a week after we talked about nobody putting up a record breaking score, the Gunners make amends and hand the Helmand Nighthawks the Surface Skimmers Division. We'll get all the implications, right after we make the most important announcement you'll hear this week.


NOMINATE FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORTS FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Week Ten, the first week of the last weeks of the season for those that will not make the play offs. There are three possible teams in contention, and if one team doesn't get their act together, a potential fourth. Let's go around the grounds from the bottom up and get the latest scuttlebutt.

Black Cats and Drunk Monkeys. Defending Torpedo Bowl Champions show some of the award wining form this week as they wrestle with the Drunk Monkeys for their bottom of the table match. Several weeks ago Coach Gargamel was lamenting the loss of all his "blue chip players". Doesn't help himself when he starts both Phillip Rivers (QB) and the Atlanta Falcons (DEF) who were away on a scheduled absence, leaving his team to record the lowest ever score.

"Uh, yeah, we screwed that one up," Coach Gargamel told the Press after the game. He also added "How about them apples B*****, screw you guys, I'm going home."

Deja Vu.

Black Cats insistence that all their players be contracted to the lower league Carolina Panthers gets them one more win and keeps them in the hunt. Cats put up a respectable score, lead by their only non Panther player, running back Adrian Peterson. Cats win 131- 55, one of the biggest winning gaps this year.

Our best match of the week was the third match up between the Guns of Hochuli and the Australian Taipans. These two teams have gone at each other's throats this season, putting up high end scores, and none of them in the Taipans favor. This game even started with opposing defenses on Thursday, with the Bills (Guns of Hochuli) outscoring the Jets (Taipns), just. And it was that "just in time" scoring that kept the Gunners in the game the whole weekend.

Aaron Rodgers (QB) with 12 seconds to go in the game, throws for 15 yards to go over 300 yards and a touchdown, bumps his score by 12 points. O'dell Beckham (WR) with eight seconds to go in the game, catches a 15 touchdown to go over 100 yards, another 12 points. Rob Gronkowsi (TE) catches a 1 yard TD, goes over 100 yards and also scores an additional 12 points. Those three players in the last 12 seconds of their games give the Guns of Hochuli just enough spread to get them home. And they needed it too, Taipans came after them but in the end Andy Dalton (QB) was asked to score 40 points more than predicted on Monday night. Guns of Hochuli make it three from three against the Taipans 190 - 130.

Our match of the week was the Who Dat Nation and the Helmand Nighthawks. The Gunners hold a steadfast 4-0 grasp on the division but if the Nation wanted that #2 seed, they had to win this game. The Nighthawks own the Surface Skimmers division with several weeks still to play and only need one week to secure the top two seeds, so it was to their benefit to get the win over the Nation. This was a nothing game, with no body on either team doing anything spectacular. Not even the defense or Kickers for either team made anything of an impact. On Monday Night the Nighthawks still had Tyler Eiffert (TE) and the Bengals (DEF) still to play, and provided they showed up, the game was theirs. First half of Monday night saw Eifert kept to just one catch and the defense had just 8 points. A last minute interception at the end of Monday Night first half saw the Nighthawks open up a 2.1 point lead, but it would it be enough?

Second half, Eiffert did nothing and the Bengals (DEF) let in a touchdown. This game was down to the final seconds, which as we know, almost always requires a rewrite of this column. Three dropped catches by Eiffert did no favors, and it was probably fortunate that they turned the ball over with no time left on the clock, leaving the Helmand Nighthawks with an improbable 89.46 - 85.16 win against the Who Dat Nation, to advance to 9-1.

At the end of week ten we have the first team secured for the playoffs. The Helmand Nighthawks at 9-1 and 4-0 within the division cannot be beaten out of the divisional title. Nighthawks wrap up the first playoff position and set their sights on the #1 seed in the post season. The loss by the Australian Taipans eliminates them from the divisional race (like they were in it) and now they have to stay alive against the Black Cats as well as the other division. The win by the Black Cats draws them level to the Taipans at 3-7, however, the Cats have a lower seeding that the Taipans by virtue of their divisional games. The Black Cats are 0-3 within the division while the Taipans are 1-2. Cats will need to beat both the Taipans and the Nighthawks in the next few weeks to stay alive in the playoff race.

In the Surface Skimmers Division, the entire division is up for grabs, even for the Drunk Monkeys at 3-7. The Monkeys are three games back of the other two teams but are mathematically possible of taking the division. The more realistic approach is that the Drunk Monkeys may end up playing spoiler. The Guns of Hochuli and the Who Dat Nation are both 6-4, but the Gunners have a 4-0 divisional record. The Who Dat Nation is going to have not only defeat the Gunners at least once, but need the Monkeys to win one of their match ups against the Gunners in order to reduce the divisional game difference. The loss by What Dat Nation this week to the Helmand Nighthawks, on such a low score, was an opportunity wasted to take control of their own destiny, and this one game, may prove to be the difference in the play off seedings.

So, what does that mean for next weeks game. We go back across the pond as the Helmand Nighthawks host the Guns of Hochuli. The #1 and the expected #2 seed meet up, but the #3 seed will be hoping for favorable results to stay in the hunt. And we'll be there to give you another blow by blow account.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

We finally get to see former Commissioner McBee's favorite player show up and earn their first accolade of the year. For the effort of 203 rushing yards, 1 rushing touchdown and 2 receptions for 13 yards, for a total of 35.60 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present (the purple Jesus) Adrian Peterson of the Black cats the Week Ten MVT.


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[Gut Wrench]

BLACK CATS RISE AGAIN
Thriller at Top of The League

Week 10 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. And as we get ready for the longest weekend of football where we give thanks, some teams were celebrated a little early. We'll show you how the Black Cats mashed the Taipans. How the Who Dat Nation was barely able to get out of the stadium by the skin of their teeth. And we'll tell you who is in a jam from the Nighthawks and Gunners game.

But before we out a fork in anyone, here's the best way to give thanks for this column.


NOMINATE FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORTS FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Week Eleven, the final week before the longest weekend of the year, and the week that sets up some teams to rise or fail. Let's start with the Defending Torpedo Bowl Champions, the Black Cats. The Cats have not shown any strength in their team, with the exception of one week. They've been up and down, rubbing their fur on the table, getting hair everywhere as they met the Taipans. The Cats and the Taipans had a thriller several weeks ago, but the Cat were having none of that this week sending the Taipans packing licking their wounds. Cats arrived at the ground and were ready to play, and out play the Taipans in all facets of the game. Taipans just don't seem to be able to get a break as they encounter their fourth team to put up 40% above projected scores. This game was over by mid-morning Sunday and I'm surprised that the fans were given refunds as they trolled out the game. Black Cats beat the Taipans 170 - 120, and the Taipans for the fourth week would have beaten every team in the league, except the one they played.

Out in Oregon, the Who Dat Nation can consider themselves lucky that they're still in the chase and didn't get handed one of the unexpected losses that occur when a nothing team comes to town and you've favored by the width of Texas to win. This week the visitors were divisional rival the Drunk Monkeys. Monkeys are still in with a real chance to make the Championship Division if they could just show up with the correct team. Some guy on their team wearing #17 was masquerading as Phillip Rivers and only threw for 178 and took three sacks. Ouch. The Monkeys also started Alshon Jeffrey who was ruled out this game about a month ago. Monkeys look like they're turning into a ghost town, and yet they still gave the Nation a run for their money. The Nation started Derek Carr (QB) who must have been smoking weed or something because he did nothing. (Can you say weed on Subsim?) The Nation's only saving grace was their WR Julio Jones who individually showed up and put 31 unanswered pioints ont he board, about a third of the entire team. Who Dat Nation gets out of jail on what should have been a stolen victory for the Drunk Monkeys. Final score Who Dat 102 - Drunk Monkeys 86.

Our match of the game, our top of the table clash, the potential preview of the Torpedo Bowl Championship was slatted for the Helmand Nighthawks and the Guns of Hochuli. Until this week the Gunners one advantage that they have had has been their ability to keep on scoring, and unlike the Taipans, having the leagues most prolific scoring team has earned them some wins they otherwise may not have got. The Nighthawks have just cruised their way through the first half of the season eliminating divisional rivals, and now appear to have just sat back, put the team on cruise control, and just wait out one more win in the next few games to cement their #1 seeding. Well, the Gunners had their own opinions on that matter, and this turned into a great defensive battle, without a lot of defense being played. In a low scoring game, Guns of Hochuli QB Aaron Rodgers and WR Deandre Hopkins put up half of the Gunners score early Sunday as the rest of the teams just wavered and showed up. Unlike the Gunner, Helmand Nighthawk QB Tom Brady missed the first half, and jeopardized their teams winning streak and their form going into the playoffs. On late Monday night, Brady finally threw a touchdown to level the scores, but, the Gunners starters had both Rob Gronkowski (TE) Stephen Gostowski (K) and the Bills Defence on the field at the same time. With the low scoring game the damage to the Gunners tally was limited until the last half of Monday night. What were you thinking Gunners? Rookie mistakes such as this and starting the injured Marshawn Lynch (RB) cost you the opportunity to take an easy one away from the Helmand Nighthawks. Nighthawks get by on Gunners mistakes to win the game 110 - 104.

"Uh, yeah, we screwed that one up," Coach Casey told the Press after the game. He also added "How about them apples B*****, screw you guys, I'm going home."

Deja Vu.

So, before we get to the Thanksgiving games, let's reset the divisions and see what everyone is playing for.

In the Surface Skimmers Division, the Helmand Nighthakws can take a bye week at their leisure as they manhandle the division at 10-1. Nighthawks will start in the playoffs as either the #1 or #2 seed, nothing to play for until then. The Black Cats monstrous score over the Taipans does wonders for their ego, moving them to 4-7 but keeping the same divisional record as the Taipans. The Cats and the Taipans have scored about the same number of points, but it's been opposing teams racking up big scores that has kept the Taipans at 3-8.

In the Sub Skimmers Division, results from other games have left the Who Dat Nation at 7-4 and one game ahead of the Guns of Hochuli. The Guns hold the divisional tie breakers at 4-0 and their loss this week drops them back about a game and a half. As strange as it sounds, the Gunners are more prone to be eliminated from the playoffs then the third team in the division, the Drunk Monkeys at 3-8.

As we head into the longest weekend of football in the year, the Subsim League is faced with an issue not experienced before - which game to call our best game of the week? The top of the ladder Helmand Nighthawks travel to the bottom of the ladder Black Cats. The Cats put up a firestorm of points this week, could it carry over and take out the league leader and force the tiebreaker for the #4 play off seed?

Gunners after dropping a close one with some poor personnel choices, are at home when the Drunk Monkeys come to town. Monkeys were unlucky not to knock off one of the league leaders this week and they get a second chance to....almost knock off a league leader this week. Gunners loss to the Nighthawks put them one game back of Divisional Leader Who Dat nation, who by default, get the match of the Day.

Who Dat Nation host the Australian Taipans for the third time this season in Oregon. Taipans have the hardest schedule in the league with everybody scoring points against them, but their offense has not really kept pace. (Du'h). Who Dat nation, having stolen one of the wins the needed to get to the playoffs, could put the Taipans away here, knock them out of the playoffs and cement their own future as the #2 seed. Who Dat host the Taipans in our Thanksgiving game of the week.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

It's a repeat this week from last week, could this be the sign of the fur rising? For the effort of 246 passing yards, 5 touchdowns and 16 rushing yards, for a total of 40.44 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Cam Newton of the Black Cats the Week Eleven MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

CONTROVERSY SURROUNDS NIGHTHAWKS CLINCHING
Statistician Error Not Reported

Week 12 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. It's the longest weekend of football for the year, and for some coaches, the end could not come soon enough. The end is not neigh for any team, as we had some very unusual scoring combinations - and unknown to at least one Coach, their win may be in jeopardy following a review.

Who's looking at a possible loss just for showing up on the weekend? We'll tell you about that right after this very important.


NOMINATE FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORTS FOR BEST OF SUBSIM...CAUSE NO ONE HAS.

What's a week of football without a little controversy, and if we're going to have controversy, you just know it will center around Helmand Nighthawk QB Tom Brady. This week the Nighthawks were playing the Black Cats. Both teams are one time Champions but this week the Cats once again showed up with the brain in neutral, starting Tedd Ginn. Ginn sat on the sideline in a well publicized absence, and the Cats got zero points from him. On the other side of the field, the Press Box was all a twitter with the crappy performance of Demarco Murray (RB). Murray rushed for about 30 yards, which pales into comparison the workload from Cats RB Adrian Peterson who scored 38 points. On late Sunday the Nighthawks were in trouble, trailing by over 30 points with just Tom Brady (QB) to play in the snow. Brady threw, rushed, and got close and it looked like it was going to be a close decision at the end of the game. With less than 4 minutes to go Brady was sacked - but, the scorer did not record the sack. Coach FYC was throwing red flags, chairs, Tedd Ginn (cause he'd done nothing else so why not) out on to the field to get the attention of the referees.

"Nope, we're having nothing of you BS, get back on the sideline" was the Umpires response to Coach FYC.

The Coach retreated, cursing and swearing as the game drew closer and closer, and the sack was not recorded against Brady. In the dying minutes of the game, Brady manged to cheat, I mean crawl his way to 280 yards, and with the tree touchdowns, score 27.70 points, and give the Nighthawks the win.

A formal protest has been lodged with Statisticians and while the Nighthawks narrowly hang onto the win 141.7 - 140.62, this game is not final. It will be Thursday before the league announces their decision, but we'll proceed with the Nighthawk win at the end of the column.

Our match of the day this week was the Who Dat Nation as they hosted the Australian Taipans for the third time. Taipans have qualified for their own locker room at both the Who Dat Nation and Guns of Hochuli fields, but this game would prove pivotal for the end of year seeding. Nation rolled out onto the field, and just didn't seem to have it there. Perhaps lethargy crept in having beaten the Taipans before, and for that, they paid a price. Taipans showed up and Eddie Lacy (RB) finally showed his worthiness of a first round pick by finally putting up 27 point score. Taipans held the game in a stronghold and ended up opening a comfortably lead. The Who Dat Nation were unable to rally behind Drew Brees (QB) and rack up another record breaking score, allowing the Tapans to comfortably win the game. Taipans get one back from the Nation 137 - 99..

The third and final game, and with it, more questions being asked. The Guns of Hochuli sitting 4-0 in the division could shut out up to three teams this weekend with a win. Opposing them were the Drunk Monkeys, who for yet another week, had their red ass in the air as they started hospitalized Dione Lewis (WR). C'mon man, enough already, he's not coming back, get him off your team. Surprisingly, the Monkeys rallied with two 40+ points scorers on the team. Gunners, after a slow start by QB Aaron Rodgers, just never got going all weekend, slowed by turkey inners and running to the bathroom. The interchange bench and portable toilets at the Gunners home field were in short supply, meaning longer lines. Gunners had one highlight with O'Dell Beckham once again reaching across a gap the width of the Grand Canyon to pull in a catch, probably better than last years.

http://cbsnewyork.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/odell-beckham-jr2.jpg?w=620&h=349&crop=1

Guns of Hochuli then stutter, as they continued to congratulate each other into the fourth quarter on the second quarter catch. Drunk Monkeys scored three quick touchdowns and suddenly, the Gunners were behind with dire consequences. Having run out of time, the Drunk Monkeys finally become the first divisional team to take a game from Coach Casey, as they defeat the Guns of Hochuli 139 - 108.

Now while the jury is still out on the Helmand Nighthawks score, we're going to reset the table and proceed as though Tom Brady doesn't get penalized.

#1 Seed: The Helmand Nighthawks win the regular season. They cleared out on the rest of the league and set sail for the championship. With just two more weeks to go, the Nighthawks can take the balance of the regular season off to go to Bali, and come back in the playoffs. Nighthawks clinch the Surface Skimmers Division and the #1 seed.

Clinched: The Who Dat Nation, despite the loss to the Australian Taipans this week, clinch a play off berth. At 7-5 they're above .500% score will leave them in the Championship Bracket, as either the #2 or the #3 seed. A favorable loss by the Guns of Hochuli this week puts them in a position to win the division. The downside to it is that although they may win the division, it appears that they may still be playing the Gunners in one form or another in the playoffs.

In Trouble: Having already beaten the Taipans three times this year, the Guns of Hochuli probably wished that they had them on the schedule in the next two weeks. The Gunners are 3-6 when playing anyone but the Taipans, and in trouble. Having been handed their first divisional loss this week, the Gunners can still win the division, but they are going to need help. Their path to the playoffs runs through both the current #1 and #2 teams. Gunners need to win both, and get some help. They're not out of it, yet, but they have the most to loose.

The Brawl: Look down the ladder and the best 4-8 teams you've ever seen are all tied up. Unless there's a monumental crash at the top of the table, only one of these teams will be making an appearance in the Championship Division. The Drunk Monkeys have to play the Black Cats and the Who Dat Nation in the last two weeks. Wins in both games could elevate them as high as the #3 seed. The Black Cats have to play both the Drunk Monkeys and the Taipans in the last two weeks, and even if they beat the Monkeys in Week 13, are going to need help, despite having the easiest run into the playoffs. The Taipans play both the Drunk Monkeys and the Helmand Nighthawks, yikes, and look to finish the year at the bottom of the ladder.

Not too hard to pick mext weeks Match of the Day, its the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Who Dat Nation. Divisional title and a possible preliminary bout for the first week of the playoffs, these two teams will meet again, and this week, the Gunners have more portable toilets available. It's not over yet but the line in Vegas says that if anyone is going to beat Mister Christ and the Helmand Nighthakws, it will probably come out of this game.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

While the winner of this weeks award hasn't very many wins for his team, his reward this week was to keep his 4-8 coach in the playoff hunt. For the effort of 300 passing yards, 4 touchdowns and 9 rushing yards, for a total of 41.90 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Phillip Rivers of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Twelve .MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

3 SEEDS CLINCHED
3 Teams Fighting For 4th

Week 13 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and one shock loss has just disrupted the entire bottom half of the league. We'll run the numbers for you but it still adds up to three teams are now clinched, but we have no less than four teams fighting for a position, with three teams on the outside looking in.

This was the week that saw potty mouths, gaping mouths and gob smacked mouths as we run through what was one probably the most upsetting week in the league this year, leaving the post season wide open. But before we fill your mouth with all the details, sink you teeth into this delicious nugget.


NOMINATE FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORTS FOR BEST OF SUBSIM...CAUSE NO ONE HAS.

Last week we talked about the one statistic that may change. It seems that Mister Chris and the Nighthawks have more money than the league at this time for the statistic was not reversed. Nighthawks keep their win thanks to a scoring error and move into this weeks game waiting the arrival of the cursive Australian.

Paging Mister Potty Mouth, Coach Pioneer. Please report to the soap bar for assistance.

What on earth happened in the locker room before the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Taipans again. Was it the long haul across the pond, was it three consecutive losses to the #1 seeds, or was it the fact that the Taipans running backs didn't even show up, scoring less combined points that TY Hilton, WR for the Nighthawks. Oh, this was all over the media starting Thursday during the game with Eddie Lacey (RB) and continuing Sunday with Todd Gurley (RB). The Nighthawks came out and kept the game close until Sunday morning when they just stacked on the points, as any good 11-1 team should. Nighthawks dominated the Taipans setting up a cricket score for the Taipans to chase. And chase they did with Antonio Brown (WR) turning in a 43 point performance to bring the deficit down to less than 24 points. All the Taipans needed was Jordan Reed to catch over 100 yards and 2 touchdowns to get win the win. Never going to happen. Nighthawks make it 3-0 over the Taipans as they cement their ranking as the #1 seed with a 151 - 129 point win over the Taipans.

Our match of the day this week was a ball tearer between the Guns of Hochuli and the Who Dat Nation. The Gunners have owned the Sub Skimmer division, going 4-1, but have struggled to get the wins lately against other opponents. Meanwhile, the Who Dat Nation under the leadership of Coach Fuel for Blood laid it all on the line in what may be a prelude to the same game in two weeks time. Gunner fans were rejoicing as their team finished out Sunday with a very respectful 158 points. Who Dat Nation introduced Ben Roethlissburger (QB) who just stunned everyone throwing for about 5 miles in the game. (Seriously, since Ben has come back from injury, if he hasn't played himself into contention as a league MVP for the entire season, who does he have to beat?) Who Dat Nation comes to within 2 points of the Gunners and just needs Darren McFadden (RB) to hang on to the ball to take the win. McFadden drops the ball not once, but twice on Monday night, before finally catching one dinky pass for about 6 yards to give the Nation the lead for the first time. And that was the end of his night too, doing almost nothing after that. Winning it on Monday night when they probably shouldn't have, Who Dat Nation shock the Guns of Hochuli in a thriller 166 - 158.

Our final game of the week is the one that threw the cats among the pigeons. The Black Cats are not the defending Torpedo Bowl Champions for no reason, and with their season on the line, they needed absolutely everything they could muster to put this one together. Hosting the Drunk Monkeys who appear to have turned into a Ghost team - yet still in contention for the post season. The Cats needed to put one of their finer games together to not only get the win, but to put enough points on the board that the pursuing teams are going to have difficult time overcoming. Black Cats blow the Monkeys away 163 - 117 and almost shut the door on their post season hopes.

With just one week to go, let's reset the league ladder with what we know and give you some scenarios.

#1 Seed: The Helmand Nighthawks win the regular season. They locked up the #1 seed weeks ago and unless something happens, look to be the strongest team in the league.

#2 Seed: The win by the Who Dat Nation over the Guns of Hochuli hands the #2 and the divisional title to Coach Fuel For Blood. The Nation has just steadfastly continued to roll whereas the Gunners after starting red hot, have struggled against everyone else (except the Taipans.) Holding a two game lead, the Nation gets to sit back and wait out their opponent in two week. It may very well be a rematch against the Guns of Hochuli.

Clinched a Playoff berth: Despite suffering the shock loss to the Who Dat Nation, the Guns of Hochuli have clinched a seed, it's just not yet determined if it's the #3 or #4 seed. The Gunners started the season just laying waste to everyone, then turned into a glob of ash at the back end of the season. By not defeating the Nation, Gunners forfeit the #2 which they have owed all year, and now sit looking at their fate. A win in week 14 will see them in the #3 seed. A loss may still see them take the #3 seed depending on the results of other games. What the Gunners probably don't want to happen is to see them drop to the #4 seed and have to take on the Helmand Nighthawks in the first round of the playoffs.

Almost Done: The Drunk Monkeys are one of two teams sitting at 4-8. The Monkeys are on the outside rubbing lamps looking for a genie to help them into the playoffs. The Monkeys can still make it into the play offs as the #4 seed but they not only have to beat the #2 seed, the Who Dat Nation Rises, but, they also have to achieve their highest score of the year. The Monkeys start 100 points behind on for and against and are looking for a miracle, and some help, to make it to the playoffs. But if a Ghost Team can still be in contention, why can't they make it.

Who's It Going To be: The Black Cats sitting at 5-8 and with 1736 points are currently sitting in the #4 seed. A win next week and they are in, no one can take that away from them. But, a loss, and they could be in the Dog House. The Black Cats have had one exceptionally high scoring game, but otherwise, have meandered back and forth between greatness and down right terrible. If they have a poor game next week, the Cats could find their dreams of a repeat bowl appearance nothing more than a bad bite.

And the Taipans are right there. The Taipans sit one game back at 4-9 and about 50 points in arrears to the Cats. The Taipans have had a year where everybody has put up big scores against them. If the Taipans can get a win and continue on with a reasonable score, they may just force their way into the #4 seed. It's all or go home for the Taipans next week.

And that's exactly where our match of the game is next week, top end, down under as the Taipans make the Black Cats cross the water. With two seeds already confirmed, this is the game they will decide the fate for four teams in the league. Black Cats and Taipans have split their series 1-1 this year, the decider is important. Black Cats don't even have to win this game, they just have to not let the Taipans get a 50 point lead on them. If the Cats score less than 100 points, than this game could be wild.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. This was not a hard choice to pick.

For the effort of 364 passing yards, 4 touchdowns, a 2 point conversation and 13 rushing yards, for a total of 47.86 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Ben Roethlisberger of the Who Dat Nation the Week Thirteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

BLACK CATS SEND A MESSAGE
Gunners Upset #1 Seed

Week 14 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and we have our four teams headed to the playoffs, two teams that get great stadium seats for the first game before they go to decide first pick of the draft, and one spectacular score (again) sending the clear message that you don't just win a Torpedo Bowl and run off into the distance.

We'll go around the grounds and have a closer look at the final play off seedings, and give you some ponderous thoughts about the heavily favored champion that may face a first round loss, and the match up that may set the barrels alight for one team who seems to have it's **bang** in the last weeks of the regular season.

But before we doing any of that, let's recap the most important story of the day, that you can contribute to.


NOMINATE FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORTS FOR BEST OF SUBSIM...AND VOTE EARLY.

Our Match of the Week was across the pacific and fortunately thank to timezones, this game was over by quarter time on Sunday, giving us just enough time to catch a taxi to the airport, jump on a Qantas flight and hightail it back to a far more interesting game that had the same amount of inevitability. Australian Taipans hosted the Black Cats this week in a divisional rival match up that had seen each team take one apiece. Black Cats and Coach FYC have been ridding on the back of a lot of Panthers and a historical high score. The Taipans, who everyone has beat up on with high scores, needed not only to win this game, but had to lead the Black Cats by at least 51 points to force this into a tie breaker. Thursday night weak performance by both teams hurt the Taipans the most who really needed their star receiver Larry Fitzgerald (WR) to score multiple times. It didn't happen, at least not until Sunday morning when the Black Cats just came in and began to turn the scoreboard wheels like a Las Vegas slot. Black Cats lay down an asp beating (Did you see what I did there? :rock:) on the Taipans 180 - 119. Black Cats finish the season at 5-8 and make it to the play offs as the uncontested #4 seed. Taipans have to wait out the another game to find out if they finish at the bottom of the ladder behind the ghost team.

A spokesperson from former Comissioner McBee is reported to have said "See, not so easy now is it. Commissioner's curse."

Back in the Homeland, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the league leading Helmand Nighthawks. In a nothing match that could very well end up repeating itself in two weeks, the two most interesting teams in the league met for one last brawl. The Nighthawks have scored the second most points in the league, beaten only by the Guns of Hochuli. The difference between the two has been the oppositions scores. The Gunners are the #2 team in the league with points scored against them, which has been the contributing factor to their losing record. Gunners came out with QB Aaron Rodgers who scored almost a quarter of their team points single highhandedly. The Gunners started 60 points in arrears with the game in the hands of O'Dell Beckham (WR) and Lamar Miller (RB)...and the boys did not disappoint. They ran down the Nighthawks and then added some, to hand the Nighthawks their second loss of the year, and stop the Gunners losing streak. Guns of Hochuli come back to .500% and show the Nighthawks that they may not own the league 139 - 134.

After having flown across the ocean to return home the Subsim crew set up broadcasting at the closest game as the Who Dat Nation Rises again in Oregon took on the Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys have been non existent in the past four weeks with no coach, no modifications, no coaching...and somehow has still won games. Had Coach Thad shown up we might not have been talking about how great a performance his team had without him, and instead be talking about his playoff. The Drunk Monkeys took it to the Who Dat Nation putting up a modest score, but nonetheless, staying ahead of the Nation for the entire weekend. Left to their Monday Night players of Jarvis Landry (WR) and Josh Brown (K) , the Nation had to come from almost 40 points in arrears. This was a enormous game - if the Drunk Monkeys win they avoided first pick of the draft. The Nation just continued on business as usual and with nothing left to play off, just rolled over and lay dead. Final Score, Drunk Monkeys 111 - Who Dat Nation Rises 103.

So with the regular season out of the way here are the final seedings:

#1 Seed: The Helmand Nighthawks win the regular season at 12 -2, losing to the same team twice. As alluded to earlier, the Nighthawks have won some games with not very points scored against them. Nighthawks stay at home throughout the playoffs.

#2 Seed: The Who Dat Nation Rises win the Sub Simmers division and occupy the #2 seed. With the exception of a three game streak in the middle of the season, they Nation has gone Win-Loss in back to back weeks through the year. The Who Dat Nation stay at home for the first game of the play offs and would have the hardest path to the Championship of the four teams.

#3 Seed: The Guns of Hochuli, hot favorites for the win this year, had an end of season slump which cost them the division, and almost their chance at the playoffs. After starting out with big scores, they have succumbed to some substandard play. The Gunners go on the road into Oregon for a rematch of last weeks game against the Who Dat Nation. Despite being the lower seed, they Gunners go into that game as slight favorites after serving notice against the Nighthawks.

#4 Seed: Never discount the defending title holder. After a record high score of 242 points, which was followed by an abysmal six game losing streak, the Black Cats come into the last two games of the season with the easiest path. Their early season high score was shown not to be a fluke as they came out and secured the last seed not only by wining, but putting up an impressive numbers. Black Cats go on the road throughout the pay offs with their first stop at Wembley Stadium. If the Black Cats are to repeat, they will have to go through teams that have had their number.

Buying Tickets: Being Commissioner is not such a bad thing, the first thing Commissioner Pioneer did was buy out all the 50 yard seats to the first play off games for the eliminated teams. Maybe he knew that Coach Pioneer and Coach Thad would be needing those seats. Coach Pioneer shouldn't have anything to worry about, Coach Thad hasn't been seen in a month.

There are only two matches on next week, and despite what the money is Vegas says, we're going to be at both games. We've flexed our schedules and used up all the Subsim Airline Miles (Neal, you're going to need to buy more fuel before Thursday if you want to come). We'll start off with the early game across the Pond as the Helmand Nighthawks want to seal the deal and host the Championship offshore. Coach FYC will be trying to bring the venue home as he takes on the divisional rival he hasnt beaten all year.

Then we'll jump on the red eye and cross the entire continent (you guys need to relocate) as we cast an eye over the Who Dat Nation hosting the Guns of Hochuli. This match up looks to be the stronger of the two games, as the Gunners won the two early season match ups against the Nation, but lost the all important third which sealed the division for Coach Fuel For Blood.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. It came down to Monday Night.

For the effort of 7 receptions for 166 yards and 2 receiving touchdowns, for a total of 40.10 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present O'dell Beckham of the Guns of Hochuli the Week Fourteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

ONE UPSET AND ONE THRILLER
...and a Monday Night Rewrite

Week 15 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and the upset results continue to roll in. No one (except the Associated Subsim Writers) predicted that the top seed, could get bundled out of the Torpedo Bowl. No one expected one of the teams to lay down such a thrashing (except the Associated Subsim Writers) and no body expected that a second year team would be hosting next week's Torpedo Bowl (again, except the Associated Subsim Writers.)

Maybe you guys should have listened when asked to nominate for Subsims best, hey? :know:

Let's go around the northern hemisphere as we put together two and a half games of football and set our stages for next week.

VOTE NOW FOR YOUR BEST OF SUBSIM...THEY HAVE EARNED YOUR VOTE.

Wembley: The Pageantry, the Gallantry, the history...the absolute smashing of the League's #1 seed in a wildly lopsided game. This year the League's #1 seed was the Helmand Nighthawks - they clearly had (almost) everyone's number as they went 12-2 through the regular season. They had the easiest path of the Torpedo Bowl, having the lowest amount of points being scored against them. And week 15 arrived, the first week of the playoffs and Coach FYC rode into town with the Black Cats, determined to put a stop to the carnage that the Nighthawks had created. And put a stop to it they did. Lead by Cam Newton (QB) The Black Cats put up their finest form, showing why the won the league last year and how they're not a team to be under estimated this year. Cam Newton put up a single player score almost too good to be true, and let the team follow suite and pick up the leftovers in garbage time. Mister Chris, on home field, in front of 200000 supports (they put extra seats in) was no match this week. The Nighthawks have owned the Black Cats all year within the division except for this one game. It's not like they didn't score points, QB Tom Brady added 21, their Defense (Chiefs) another 21, but once again, Shady McCoy (RB) failed to deliver in the clutch. Trailing by 20 points on Monday night, it was up to Calvin Johson (WR) to reduce the 20 point deficit, but it was not to be. Instead it was the other WR, Golden Tate who stole the show for the Black Cats, and left them with a revised itinerary for next weeks Torpedo Bowl. Nighthawks stumble on the turn for home, and lament the season that was theirs for the taking. Final Score, visitors Black Cats show their defending title form 169 - Nighthawks 128.

After the game Coach FYC was seen streaking a lap across the Wembley field shouting "How bout it b****, we're going to the ***** Torpedo Bowl."

On the Red Eye and across the nation we go. (You guys still need to relocate - I hear that Los Angeles is looking for anyone to come and play.)

Oregon: It was another divisional match up, this one stronger than the first game. The hosting Who Dat Nation Rises have been owned by the visiting Guns of Hochuli in two out of three games this year. But, the Nation took the dead rubber third game and the Gunners, who struggled mid season (starting with the Black Cats) were relegated to the #3 seed. Their opponent didn't change, only the venue and the Gunners shot into town and lay siege to the Nation. At 7-7 the Gunners put up a modest score and Coach Fuel was looking down the barrel of defeat with the Who Dat Nation Rises starting QB, Drew Brees struggled in the first half of Monday night. Trailing by 28 points, it was left to the arm of Brees, who, apparently, was still drinking at the bar at half time before he finally showed up. In the last quarter of the weekend, Brees finally put together some of the form that saw the Who Dat Nation rise to win the division and earn them a home field Torpedo Bowl game. Final score, Who Dat Nation Rises Again 147 - Guns of Hochuli 138

After the game Coach Fuel For Blood was seen streaking a lap across the Oregon field shouting "How bout it b****, we're going to the ***** Torpedo Bowl." As a side note, Coach Fuel is in better viewing form than Coach FYC.

While the fall out of these two games were being tallied, and the league was trying to work out what to do with the two streaking coaches, there were reports than two teams that looked very much like the Taipans and the Drunk Monkeys were playing a football game in the dirt parking lot. Unconfirmed reports indicate that the Taipans won 138 - 124.

So where does this leave the host venue for the Torpedo Bowl. Tickets are being rushed to the printers, scalpers are moving into lines, hot women are being flown out from Europe, cause this year, the Torpedo Bowl comes home to the Homeland as the Who Dat Nation Rises Again host the Black Cats. The Black Cats are looking for well deserved back - to back championships, while the Nation have shown their dominance in the clutch, and are looking to stop any talk of "dynasty". This is a match up the bookies in Vegas did not predict, but we will be there to capture the moment.

Elsewhere, back in Europe, the Nighthawks after being...embarrassed in the first week of the playoff, look forward to extracting their revenge on the visiting Guns of Hochuli. The Nighthawks for the second time in recent years have again been bundled out of the Championship game after being the oh-so dominant team. Nighthakws are looking to save face and hand the Gunners an ass whipping. (Side note: this was the ASW pick for the Torpedo Bowl.)

In the Consolation Series, after playing in the dirt this week, the Drunk Monkeys host the Australian Taipans in a nothing game, that no one cares about except the two coaches - and only one of them has shown up in the last month.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance. There was really no competition for this week award - provided you ignore Antonio Brown's effort in the parking lot.

For the effort of 340 passing yards, 5 touchdown, and rushing for another 100 yards, for a total of 62.10 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Cam Newton of the Black Cats the Week Fifteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

THE NATION RISES
Cats Cough Up a Furball in their Second Bowl

The final week in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, the last three games of the year worth watching - but feel free to look at the NFL if you so desire. You want real guts and courage being played out - look no further than that the Torpedo Bowl where the Who Nation Rises earns the first crown

Let's go around the three grounds and pull together what happened and why, right after this most important message.

CONGRATULATIONS TO BEST OF SUBSIM WINNERS!

Oregon: The most unlikely combination for the Torpedo Bowl, the Who Dat Nation Rises hosting the Black Cat. The Black Cats were the defending champions, but halfway through the season they looked like they were up for adoption. A strong comeback on the shoulders on one of the candidates for the All Star Team carried them through to the final, to meet, the Nation. The Who Dat Nation Rises, in only their second year in this league, arrived ready to defend, and defend they did.

Thursday night: no one. Saturday night: no one. Everybody started Sunday morning and out on a start they did. They were in for a rough day when star QB Ben Roethlisburger threw a panty fit and only scored 4 points. The Black Cats were loaded down with Panthers who had carried them to the championship, but they would carry them no further as Julio Jones (WR) and Devonte Freeman (RB) carried the Nation forward and over the wasted Cats. The Cats had come to the big dance with their team staked on one game, and as much as it brought them success last year, it fell one game short this year. The finally game was not without heart stopping moments as the Who Dat Nation Defense (Bronco's) rested on their win and began to score negative points - just to bring the score closer. Not a high scoring game but a win none the less as the Who Dat Nation Rises win their first Torpedo Bowl, on just their second attempt, 122 - 92.

At the post game media conference Coach Fuel For Blood was quoted as saying "How bout it Belechick, we're going to Disneyland."

The Depth Charge Bowl, the two teams most predicted to match up and had to struggle into Monday Night before the deal was seal. Across the Pond in Blighty Old England the Helmand Nighthawks were facing off against the Guns of Hochuli. The Gunners had stolen one from the Nighthawks during the regular season and this was poised to be a offensive match of power proportions. And the game did not disappoint. Deandre Hopkins (WR) starred for the Gunners but it was the lack luster performance (and how many times was he sacked) QB performance of Aaron Rodgers that let the Gunners scoring stall out at 124. Opposing them former Subsim All Star Tom Brady (QB) of the Nighthawks had only a marginally better game, leaving the scoring in the hands of Doug Baldwin (WR) for 31 points and DeAngelo Williams (39) points. With scores tied at Sunday night, the Nighthawks were left riding on the coattails of Emmanuel Sanders (WR) to give the Nighthawks their win. After a feeble first half Sanders finally showed up and in the last half of the weekend, crossed for the important touchdown to give the Helmand Nighthawks much earned credibility. Nighthawks take out third place defeating the Guns of Hochuli 145 - 124.

At the post game media conference Coach Mister Chris was quoted as saying "How bout it Belechick, we're going to Legoland, which is not as good as Disneyland but pretty close."

The third and final game of the week, the Dust Bowl was between the Drunk Monkeys and the Australian Taipans. The Monkeys had been without their coach for about six weeks - oh, they could have been so much better if Coach Thad just showed up. The Taipans were without their Coach Pioneer for most of the weekend. On Wednesday Coach Pioneer became seriously ill, and missed all but the last half of the weekend. The Taipans were tight lipped but none the less let the Monkeys QB Phillip Rivers score 16 points, before responding on Saturday night with 60 unanswered points. The Taipans looked to have control of the game but their RB duo of Spencer Ware and Christine Michael did nothing, letting the the Monkeys back in the game with WR Brandon Marshall scoring 37 points and kicker Blair Walsh with 22 points. The Taipans finished out Sunday with 128 points and 27 point lead with the Monkeys still to play. Even with the overtime, the Monkeys come up about one touchdown short, 128 - 120. Again, this would have been a Monkey victory had Coach Thad not started two players already on vacation.

At the post game media conference Coach Pioneer was absent but their QB Russell Wilson stated "If he was here, he'd probably say 'How bout it Belechick, we're going to Sea World, which is not as good as Disneyland or Legoland, but pretty close."

There it is folks, another frustrating 16 weeks in the books, started by the Helmand Nighthawks winning the regular season, and the Who Dat Nations Rises taming the Black Cats in the Torpedo Bowl. We'll be back tomorrow night after we finishing tally the results to give you the 2015 All Star Team.

But we can't close the regular season out without one more award.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 9 receptions for 178 yards and 1 touchdown for a total of 38.80 points, book ending the start and the end of the season, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Julio Jones of the Who Dat Nation Rises the Week Sixteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

ALL STAR TEAM NAMED
...after Steve Harvey Gave The Wrong Name

Here it is folks, after much ado from Steve Harvey who thought he was awarding the Grammy's, may I present to you the 2015

Each year, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) get together after the Torpedo Bowl celbrations (quite often with head hung low and big headaches) and put together their All Star team.

The name selection has always been a much talked about point between the Associate Subsim Writers, and this year was no exception. There were a number of well deserving nominees, including some that should rightly have their own team. In the end, however, we stayed with something a little more closer to the heart.

So without further ado, we present to you, the 2015 Subsim Fantasy Football All Star Team, named in honor of a retired sailor, who went on to to work in the legal system.

2015 FRED THOMPSON ADMIRALS

http://www.veteranstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Kaiser_522.jpg



QB: Cam Newton - Black Cats
WR: Antonio Brown - Australian Taipans
Julio Jones - Who Dat Nation Rises
O'Dell Beckham - Guns of Hochuli
RB: Devonte Freeman - Who Dat Nation Rises
Adrian Peterson - Black Cats
TE: Rob Gronkowski - Guns of Hochuli
K: Graham Gano - Black Cats
DEF: Denver - Helmand Nighthawks

Bench:

Tom Brady - Helmand Nighthawks
Allen Robinson - Drunk Monkeys
Deangelo Williams - Black Cats
Gary Barnridge - Who Dat Nation
Steven Gostowski - Guns of Hochuli
Kansas City - Helmand Nighthawks

So there you have it folks, the most Gut Wrenching 16 weeks of pretend football that you can find on this site. I'm heading back to crawl back under my stadium, and the entire Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) we'll be back again in August to do it all over again.