2012 Subsim Fantasy Football Reports

[Gut Wrench]

2012 Subsim Fantasy Football
Asking the most important question.

Welcome back football fans, and here we are just hours away from Draft Day, on the most important football season we're seen...since last year.

It's the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football competition, 16 weeks of grueling to and from in the race up to the coveted Torpedo Bowl. And we'll be there every yard of the way to bring you the much anticipated Monday night rewrites, and keep you up to do with all the stories around the league.

But before we get to this years draft, a word from our sponsor.

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On with the show, and let's start with the draft and the first head banging moment of the year. In a controversial move, Commissioner McBee has taken the draft offshore to Monaco and the Hotel Del Paris.

http://0.palaces.com.mc/images/anim/hoteldeparismontecarlo/default/Hotel_de_paris_-_Place_du_Casino.jpg

Beautiful, opulent and abundant heavy chested French maids could not distract the media from the biggest news in Fantasy Football since the WR3 position - where is Mike?

The Commissioner announced that due to his almost unbeatable record, his constant beat down of his opponents, and the lack of donated celebratory strippers for the Commissioner, the Dragons had been excluded from this years league.

In a prepared statement, Commissioner McBee announced that the move was made in the interest of the international teams.

And somehow, Australia earned itself a second team in the league with the Tarjakistan Tarbulls. The Tarbulls will be playing all their home games at the majestic Sydney Cricket Ground (and not that other place next door.)

http://traveldk.com/dkimages/sydney090padsur009_inlinelarge.jpg

The introduction of the Tarbulls add to the returning international teams of the Helmand Nighthawks (London) and the Taipans (Australia).

After the payment of gratuities and some Chicago style donations, the two divisions look like this. The Sub Simmers Division consist of the Wild Boston Terriers, the Broncolo's, the Guns of Hochuli, Black Cats, Drunk Monkeys and the Tarbulls. The Surface Skimmers, based on previous result looks to be a stronger division, consisting of the Greens Beans, Reapers, Every Given Sunday, Nighthawks, Taipans and the Ghost Monkeys.

It had not gone unoticed that there were two Monkey teams in the league. When pressed at a league conference, Commissioner McBee said "There are not enough bare ass baboons in this world."

Apparently McBee has not attended some of the more "elegant" victory parties in the league.

So on the night before draft day, the biggest question we can ask is...will the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football Reports get a nomination for this years Best of Subsim. Only you can stuff the ballot box.

So do your part, stuff the ballot box, and for the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW), we'll see you back here tomorrow night after the draft is done, and before the photos of the Monkeys parties reaches the tabloids.

[nikimcbee]

Crickey, the draft is tomorrow!:o Now if only I can remember to show up!:o:haha: Doing practice draft now.:cool:

[TarJak]

In a late change the Tarjakistan Tarballs have been renamed as the Tarjakistan Torpedoes. Might get our name reportcorrectly now.

[Gut Wrench]

The season has even started and controversy strikes the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football Draft. Details after this short public service announcement.

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Traffic around the Hotel De Paris was terrible on the morning of the draft. Guys speeding past in F1 cars, hot naked chicks, boats mooring, hot naked chicks and the traditional pre draft greeting by the Hooter Owlets. It's no wonder that four of the Coaches did not make the draft and had to rely on auto pick. But what an auto pick it was. The first four choices going easily it was not till it was time for the newly renamed Tarjackistan Torpedoes to choose that the first controversy of the season begun.

Commissioner McBee approached the podium and spoke to the international media "With the fifth pick of the 2012 Draft, the Tarjackistani's pick...this can't be right...the San Francisco 49ers."

Yes, the Tarjackistan Torpedoes took a Defensive unit with their first pick. As if that wasn't bad enough, with their second pick the Tarjackistan Torpedoes then selected David Akers, Kicker at the 49ers.

It looks to be a long and sorry season for the Tarjackistan Torpedoes, who with the name change, and their ::ahem::: choices, have been threatened with relocation from the Sydney Cricket Ground.

So, with the draft done and bets being waged of Mookie's first .01 loss of the season, the Associated Subsim Writers will give you their 411 based on what they saw at the draft.

THE BATTLE

Hard to pick this year, as there are a number of factors influencing this. The Subsimmers look to be the weaker division this year, with perhaps the Guns of Hochuli and the Wild Boston Terriers to fight it out. With no Dragons to oppose them, these two teams look set to go to the playoffs, even now before the first kick off. But your Torpedo Bowl Champion is not going to come from this division.

THE CHAMPIONS

This years prediction for the Torpedo Bowl Champion is to be the biggest fight you have seen, but it will come from the Surface Skimmers Division. Marginal favorites is Every Given Sunday, who in the past few years have hung around like a bad smell through to the playoffs. This year, that smell rises to the top.

SO CLOSE

5 teams in the Surface Skimemrs Division are in contention for the Torpedo Bowl. The Nighthawks, playing out of London, look good, as does the other international team - the Australian Taipans. The Taipans have already won for the second year in a row, Best Draft. The other three teams in the division - the Green Beans, Reapers and Ghost Monkeys could potentially put the entire division into the post season. They will fall short of glory as they take wins away from each other within the divisional battle.

THE OUTSIDER

For the last two years they have been the choke point on which several teams playoffs were decided. This year, the Black Cats have sharpened their claws and look ready to make a run. The Cats start the playoffs as the predicted wildcard.


THE LONG SHOT

Competing in the stronger of the two divisions, the Reapers will struggle with the wins and losses of the division, and barely make the play offs. If they can get the big numbers against the Surface Skimmers division, they will be this years long shot.


THE WTF?

We've already chronicled their draft, but it bears repeating. WTF was Tarjack doing? I know he's Australian but the other Australian almost won the entire lot last year. Tarjackistan to be the biggest waiver wire mover - and maybe, three wins.

There you have it folks, 5 predictions, one champion and a lot of heart ache over the next 16 weeks. But the best part is - none of this means anything, cause the first kick off, the first fumble, and the first touchdown has yet to be scored.

We'll be back each week in another thread, as the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football League races towards another Torpedo Bowl in January.

For the Associated Subsim Writers, this is Gut Wrench readying for the season kick off.

[Gut Wrench]

MONKEY SPANKING
Week 1 and the slap is on.


Week One in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. This edition is coming to you live from Section 105, Row H of the Oakland Coliseum, where my seat is carved with the words "Neal Stevens is no longer here". Yes, from the bowels of the Black Hole, we bring you all the highlights of suspense of the first week in the race to the Torpedo Bowl...right after this very important announcement.

DONATE TO SUBSIM.

And now back to the less important stuff.

Mark it down right now folks, week 1 has upset the apple cart with a couple of upsets, a thriller, and the question of "how high can an Australian go?" Not very far if you're the Tarjackistan Torpedos.

The Torpedoes played away in their very first game of the Subsim Fantasy League, and after much ::cough::: conjecture about their picks in the draft. Trajack showed he meant business with QB Michael Vick rolling into town to meet the Broncolo's. With his second round pick of David Akers (a kicker) Tarjack showed he has some fight in him as he stacked an impressive first game appearance. The Broncolos though, with QB Drew Brees and TE Rob Gronkowski were having no part of the Tarjack debut putting up a comfortable lead and then controlling it. Final score, Broncolo's 101 - Torpedos 82.

And now down to the monkey business.

All eyes were on the red hot diggety dog favorites, the Wild Boston Terriers, to put a spanking move on the Drunk Monkeys. McBee, resplendent in team colors of purple and orange, drove into town with Matthew Stafford (QB) and Andrew Johnston (WR) leading the attack. After arriving late at half time and the Monkeys already 64 points in front, the Terriers put on a turn to chase the Monkeys down. It was not to be as Gargamel puts the bite on the Terriers 129 - 96.

The thriller, and every week has at least one that needs yet another Monday night rewrite (especially when there are two games on opposite sides of the county) was Every Given Sunday and the Ghost Monkeys on Mookie. I don't know what Mike was thinking, starting Ryan Matthews from the hospital bed but he still managed to put a reasonable score. Mookie, the epitome of .01 point losses, was behind by less than 4 points at the start of the final game. The Monkeys (Ghost version) put all that aside as Darrius Two-Dads needed all of the game before his third reception carried the Ghost Monkeys to an upset win of 86.72 - 85.61

The second thriller of the week belong to two teams who would probably make the play offs - if they weren't playing each other. The Guns of Hochuli (replacements for this week) muscled into town for an all out cat scratching fight. Coach FYC of the Black Cats stood firm and needed all of Monday night for Antonia Gates (WR) to finally run out for a win. Final score Black Cats 100.11 - Guns of Hochuli 96.31

Speaking of running away - how about the Taipans? For the last few years the Reapers have been the bogey team of the Taipans, knocking them out of contention last year for the Torpedo Bowl. This year, the Taipans start strong and just quietly slithered their way through the weekend to put up a monster score of 160.78 to the Reapers 106.06. Will the Taipans be our high score for the year?

A couple of years ago Mr. Chris and the Helmand Nighthawks when based in Cyprus, put up some of the biggest scores seen in any league. Their move to London (why oh why) saw them stumble last year, but this year, they are back against perpetual rivals the Green Beans. Chad and his potent air of Joe Flacco weren't strong enough as the Nighthawks cruised to a comfortable victory of 107 - 81.

So after week 1, here's how the league looks.

Half the teams won, the other half didn't.

Next weeks biggest match will see the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Broncolo's, while Tarjack gets his first home game against the Gunners.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 299 yards passing, 3 passing TD's, 1 rushing TD and 25 yards, for a total of 30.73 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Matt Ryan of the Australian Taipans the Week One MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[CaptainHaplo]

It was an interesting a weekend to be sure.....

[Gargamel]

Woot!!!!

Undefeated!!!

[mookiemookie]

It's a bad sign when I needed someone to sit one of their RBs just to eke out a victory.

[TarJak]

Did anyone see that Akers 63yd field goal?:huh:

[CaptainHaplo]

Did anyone see that Akers 63yd field goal?:huh:

I did - and he couldn't have been one inch shorter our it would have bounced out instead of through. Still - thats a leg!

[nikimcbee]

Not too bad of a score TJ for your first game.:salute:

[TarJak]

Bring on the gunners :arrgh!:

TBH the team performed above expectations this week. We'll have to see if we can improve next week and scrape together a win.

[Chad]

Great first week.

AND unfortunately for my home town team, the Chiefs, we were victims of the MVP for the week Matt Ryan :/\\!!

[Gargamel]

Wait..... How the hell did Tarjak draft a defense in the first round, and a kicker in the second.......... And STILL end up with a (historically) better qb than me???

[nikimcbee]

Wait..... How the hell did Tarjak draft a defense in the first round, and a kicker in the second.......... And STILL end up with a (historically) better qb than me???

The secret Aussie strategy. That secret can be yours, if you send me $19.95, and you two will know the secret of the Aussie draft.

[Gut Wrench]

RECORD BREAKERS
Week 2 and the leaders break free.


Week Two in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. And what a difference seven days can make. We'll tell you about the Australian team who set a record last week, only to choke on it this week. We'll find out why the other Australian team couldn't have won against a record breaking score, and we'll have all the results of yet another Monday Night rewrite with four games hanging on the result.

But before we do that, we'll tell you about the most important thing you can do this week.

DONATE TO SUBSIM.

Back to the football.

Last week, there was no stopping the Taipans. This week, they couldn't get anyone healthy. With three different players either injured or ruled out at game time (Garcon - WR, Forte - RD Hernandez - TE) the Taipans just couldn't muster enough points against the Ghost Monkeys. Even with the Monkeys QB Tom Brady not performing well, the Monkeys were able to slay the Taipans 94 - 77 and go to 2-0.

Last week we were talking about the Taipans record - well a week in football is a long time as Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli put up a league record 176.86, smashing the previous record of the Ghost Moneys 2011 166 points. Let's not overlook the fact that the Tarjackistan Torpedoes after a "wild" draft put up a very respectable 114 point to establish themselves as the best damm 0-2 team in the league.

Where we have one soaring team, we must look at the other end and ask the question, "when are the Dogs gonna be let out?" The Wild Boston Terriers - a once glorious franchise has slumped to find themselves 0-2 and at the bottom of the ladder after being scratched by the Black Cats 101 - 55. Coach McBee will find himself in the doghouse shortly if he doesn't find the W's.

The weeks thriller were divisional rivals Green Beans and the Reapers. Coach Chad with just one running back left on Monday night, Willis McGahee needed all 113 yards and both rushing touchdowns to overcome the Reapers in the final two minutes of the game. Final score: Green Beans 116 Reapers 113.

Overseas, in the first home game of the year, with a sell out crowd that the game was moved to the recently used London Olympic Stadium, Mr. Chris and the Helmand Nighthawks carve out another win to go to 2 - 0 against Every Given Sunday. The Nighthawks, who disappointed last year, look strong enough to take over the Surface Skimmer Division.

In the Subsimmer division, Coach Gargamel and the Drunk Monkeys have quietly squeaked out two wins to share the divisional lead after defeating the Broncolo's 83 - 78. The Drunker of the two Monkey teams have our match of the day next week when they travel to play against the record holding Guns of Hochuli.

After two weeks of games in the championship, here's how the division leaders look.

There are four undefeated teams at 2-0 , two in each division. The Drunk Monkeys hold a narrow lead over the Black Cats in Sub Simmers division, while in the Surface Skimmers, the Helmand Nighthawks jump to a solid divisional lead of the Drunk Monkeys. All four of these teams can jump another game clear of the division with wins next week.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 172 yards rushing, 2 rushing TD's, 3 receptions and 25 years, helping his team to a all time record score of 177 points with his contribution of 29.85, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Reggie Bush of the Guns of Hochuli the Week Two MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Chad]

I can't believe we, the Green Beans, pulled out a W last night. Tony G and Willis McGahee really pulled through :up:

[TarJak]

Here's hoping I can scrape together a win against the kitty Kats.:arrgh!:

[CaptainHaplo]

I'd rather ya didn't Tarjak! Though with the Giants playing the Panthers this week, it may be the week I am hurting - too many players on both teams. Either a defense is going to suck, or the individual players will. Still struggling on how I am going to juggle that for the best benefit.

[nikimcbee]

Now this is like golf right, lowest score wins?:hmph:

[nikimcbee]

Where we have one soaring team, we must look at the other end and ask the question, "when are the Dogs gonna be let out?" The Wild Boston Terriers - a once glorious franchise has slumped to find themselves 0-2 and at the bottom of the ladder after being scratched by the Black Cats 101 - 55. Coach McBee will find himself in the doghouse shortly if he doesn't find the W's.



I'm the MN Twins of FF.:Kaleun_Mad::Kaleun_Sick:

I guess I could be the Cubs or the Astros.:dead:

[Gargamel]

So I'm going need you come in on sunday mkay mr romo?

I'm going to need like 4 or maybe even 5 nfl passing records to win this week.

[Gut Wrench]

RECORD SCORES CONTINUE
...except for the WBT.

Week Three in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. By mid Sunday afternoon this week was looking like a snooze fest, and if you turned off the international broadcast of the Subsim Fantasy Football League, you probably missed one the wildest and Gut Wrench-ing (did you like how I slipped that in?) afternoons we've ever seen in football...except for the Wild Boston Terriers.

But before compare Monkeys and Doggies, we'll tell you about the most important thing you need to do this week.

DONATE TO SUBSIM.

Back to the less important stuff.

Last week, the Guns of Hochuli coming off a first round loss put up a history record score. This week , they were matched up against the league leading Drunk Monkeys who were ready to show their bare bottoms to the division and scamper away. Apparently, no one told the Gunners they were huge underdogs as they showed that last weeks score was no fluke. The Guns of Hochuli humiliated the Drunk Monkeys, to be the first team to create havoc in the Surface Skimmers division. Final score Guns of Hochuli 116 - Drunk Monkeys 72.

But they weren't the only baboons that had their ass beaten red this week. In one of the biggest upsets of the season so far, in a high scoring Sunday afternoon shoot out, Coach Mookie and the Ghost Monkeys were squawking early Sunday Night against the overpowering Green Beans. At the hand of Joe Flaco (QB) the Beans were able to crawl their way back, despite the fact that they started the Patriot defense. If Flaco scored, their defense lost points. The Beans, using what is now referred to as Tarjackistan Torpedo Rule (confuse your opponent from from the start) somehow managed to hold on to win 134 - 123.

After the game Coach Mookie was seen in the dressing room trying to extract a banana from between his pride and courage. "We should have had this one. We don't know how much damage this does to us dropping us to 2-1, but rest assured, this is one we let get away."

And speaking of the Torpedoes, they very nearly got their first win of the season of the season as Aaron Rodgers (QB) of the Black Cats forgot what league was in. With a narrow 7 point margin at the start of Monday Night, you would expect him to light up the board with 2, maybe 3 miles of passing. By half time, Rodgers was already -2 points, and if he continued, the Torpedoes would get the biggest surprise of the season (after selecting a Defense in the first round). Somehow, last years best QB managed to get to positive figures by the fourth quarter and hang on. Black Cats get a win they should never have and advance to a precarious 3-0 and one game clear of the entire league.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the Australian Taipans found themselves being outscored by the biggest score of the week (again) as Every Given Sunday gave them a lesson in football. EGS came into the weekend favored by almost 30 points, but that wasn't enough as they sliced and diced the Taipans for the biggest blow out of the week, 141 - 73. The win elevates EGS to 1-2 and the loss drops the Taipans, who two weeks ago were leading the league, to last place in the division.

Coach Pioneer of the Taipans will clearly be sharing the front pew at church with McBee and the Wild Boston Terriers. The WBT, at 0-2 going into this week needed the win at all costs to stay in touch with the division. Even with Coach Ryan leaving Laurent Robinson (WR) on the bench for the Broncolo's, the WBT needed more out of their Monday starters then the game offered. The WBT suffer their third straight loss 79 - 108 and drop to their knees at 0-3, and the bottom of the league.

Across the pond in London, Mr Chris and his 2-0 Helmand Nighthawks welcomed the 0-2 reapers to town looking for a easy win. The Nighthawks will have to wait till next week as the Reapers served them up a point scoring onslaught. As the Nighthawks failed to get any of their receivers to double figures, the Reapers systematically worked the field to eventually run out winners 107 - 51. The loss by the Nighthawks cost them the league lead.

So, with the season a third of the way done, lets work out the mess that stands before us.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the loss by the Nighthawks drops them back into a three way divisional tie at 2-1, with the remainder of the division at 1-2. This division looks like they will take wins and losses from each other, and potentially eliminate possibly two of the strongest teams from the playoffs. This division is till up for grabs.

The Sub Skimmers division is a little easier to dissect - this week. The Black Cats remain the only unbeaten team at 3-0 and lead the division by a game. One game back sit the the Guns of Hochuli, the highest scoring team in the league, with both the Broncolo's and the Drunk Monkeys. The Tarjackistan Torpedoes and the Wild Boston Terriers are fighting out first pick for next year at 0-3.

In week three, the match of the day will be a little Monkey on Monkey action, as the Drunk ones take on the Ghost ones.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 183 yard receiving, 11 yards rushing, and 1 touchdown for 29.70 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present A.J. Green of Every Given Sunday the Week Three MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[CaptainHaplo]

Black Cats get a win they should never have .

I didn't see any replacement officials in the Cats/Torpedo game!
A game the Black Cats shouldn't have won? Really? We had a -2 on defense and left 22 points on the bench just on that alone. Yet we still won by double digits (15+).

*channels Rodney Dangerfield*
"We gets no respect, I tell ya, no respect!"

The Nighthawks will have to wait till next week

Nope - they gotta wait 2 weeks for their next win! :arrgh!:

[Gut Wrench]

MONKEYS IN A CAT FIGHT
...Dogs sniffing at their tail.

Week Four in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. This week, we'll give you the 411 on which Monkey dominates the other, we'll break down the spanking that the league leader got, we'll tell you which team remains win less, and, we'll tell you about the 1-3 teams the league has the most to worry about.

But before we do anything, we'll tell you about the most important thing you need to do this week.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


We start this week with the "Monkey See Monkey Do" edition of Fantasy Football, as the two teams who couldn't come up with their own names, took turns to spank each other in the Match of the Week. Mookie and the Ghost version of the Two Monkeys started early on Thursday night with Dennis Pitta (TE) who apparently got lost between the concession stand and the dressing rooms. He scored a big fat 0 for the night, but did manage to score with one of the cheerleaders Taking full advantage of the opportunity, Coach Gargamel put his own high scoring TE in Martelius Bennett, who apparently did not score as well with the cheerleaders but did manage to get on the field for 1 point. Brian Hartline was the destroyer for Gargamel, and by Monday night, Demarco Murray was putting the icing on the cake. Drunk Monkeys exert species dominance over the Ghost Monkeys 116 - 92.

There they were, the league leaders sitting one game clear of everybody, and the Black Cats were looking smug and purring. Someone forgot to tell the Helmand Nighthawks who flew in to deliver a dose of British hospitality to the puddy-cats. The Nighthawks, showing resurgence in the Surface Skimmers division, outplayed, out scored and skinned the Cats 137 - 88 to not only legitimize the Nighthawks playoffs aspirations, but to close up the Sub Simmers division. Cats choke themselves into a three way furball at 3-1 that's just purr-fect for rest of the division.

After suffering a week one 1 loss, Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli have put up sizable scores. This week they came up against the Australian Taipans, who arguable have more injuries than anyone else in the league. The Taipans have had 4 TE's in 4 weeks, and replacement WR's and RB's for the last three weeks. The Guns of Hochuli knew they were in a fight when late Sunday the Taipans came back from a 40 point deficit to lead going into Sunday night. In a scratchy outcome, the Guns of Hochuli may have gotten the win 125 - 109, but the Taipans are the first of two losing records teams that this reporter thinks no one can take lightly.

The other losing record team that is finally starting to show some grit are the Wild Boston Terriers. This week, the Terriers needed to stop the 3 game losing streak, just to stay in contention for the play offs. (Yes, I am already talking about play offs.) The WBT were matched against the 1-2 Every Given Sunday, who despite their losses have the third highest scoring offense in the league. Coach McBee, seen at several churches, synagogues and mosques this week (so as not to play favorites) had his prayers answered as the Doggies get their first W of the season by defeating EGS 113 - 106.

Still looking for their first W of the season, and it wasn't to be this weekend, are the Tarjackistan Torpedoes. The Tarjackers with their first round draft pick of the 49ers defense is now not looking so funny as the Niners gave him 34 points.:o In a late high scoring match against Surface Skimmers divisional leaders Green Beans, the veritable boys needed everything from their QB Joe Flaco to amass 148 points. Late Monday night the Tarjackers fell short, lamenting that their first win got away if Randy Moss (WR) and Roy Helu (RB) had not scored a big fat zero. Final score in a shoot out, the Green Beans 148 Tarjackistan Torpedoes 122 which would have won them half of every other game this weekend.

The biggest surprise of this weekend games was the match up between the Bronolco's (2-1) and the Reapers (1-2). The Broncolo's under QB RG3 and Michael Turner (RB) ever so quietly amassed an impressive 141 points to the Reapers 92. Of significance from this games is that the Broncolo's win cracked the bell shape curve on statistics for the league. After the first three weeks it was looking as though 95-99 points would be the average score to ensure a win. The win by the Broncolo's at an exceptional above average score, couple with the outrageous high scores in the first three weeks, has now pushed that average as high as 108, but as we saw this week, two teams scored above that mark and still lost.

So after four weeks and a third of the season gone, here's how the two divisions look.

In the Sub Simmers, the loss by the Black Cats drops them back into a four way cat fight at 3-1 with the Guns of Hochuli, Broncolo's, and Drunk Monkeys. They sit two games clear of the Wild Boston Terriers and the first pick of next years draft, the Tarjackistan Torpedoes. (Who was talking about wins and losses being taken from the division?)

Over in the Surface Skimmers, the Greens Beans and the Helmand Nighthawks sit at 3-1, one game clear of the Ghost Monkeys. Every Given Sunday, The Taipans and the Reapers sit one game back at 1-3.

In week five, the Drunk Moneys return to our match of the day, but this time from across the pond where the Helmand Nighthawks will host to see which team may take the league lead. With several other key inter divisional games going on, anything can happen, and we'll be right there to make sure you get all the gossip on which player didn't score.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 118 yard rushing, 37 yards receiving , and 1 touchdown for 22.75 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Marshawn Lynch of the Wild Boston Terriers the Week Four MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[CaptainHaplo]

Nighthawks - well played!

[nikimcbee]

Moments after the game, Jerry Jones and Tony go out for icecream.

[mr chris]

Thanks buddy, The Nighthawks needed that after last weeks shambolic performance.

[TarJak]

Wished I'd been able to make some changes before the match. Not a bad score though with two players sitting on their hands doing nothing.:/\\!! Time to make some changes methinks.

[nikimcbee]

Wished I'd been able to make some changes before the match. Not a bad score though with two players sitting on their hands doing nothing.:/\\!! Time to make some changes methinks.

You had a nice score yesterday. I think you've got my curse from last year.

[TarJak]

You had a nice score yesterday. I think you've got my curse from last year.

What curse? Lack of height?:huh: :D

[Gargamel]

Wished I'd been able to make some changes before the match. Not a bad score though with two players sitting on their hands doing nothing.:/\\!! Time to make some changes methinks.

Agree fully to the changes you made.

As to the Monkey Bowl '12:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT8Ih5k4G94&feature=youtube_gdata_player




And thank you GW, these reports have actually become something I look forward to every week now.

[Gut Wrench]

SUB SIMMERS DIVISION SUNK
Only 1 escapes the week 5 carnage.


Week Five in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. And if you put money on anybody other than the Drunk Monkeys in the Sub Simmers division, you were sunk this week as the Surface Skimmers motored in and dropped an ocean of Losses on the Sub Simmers division.

We'll give you all the winners, and the losers, and the implications as we rush towards the half way point of the season, right after this very important message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".

Our big match-up of the week was the only bright spot of the week for the Sub Simmmers division. The Helmand Nighthawks (London) played host to the Drunk Monkeys. Michael Vick (QB) for the Monkeys must have been drunk during the course of the game as he was sacked on three occasions. The Nighthawks were holding pace with the Monkeys until Marques Colston (WR) went for three TD's to snip the Nighthawks. Final score before their long flight back across the pond, Drunk Monkeys 125 Nighthawks 88.

At the other end of the ladder, the Tarjackistan Torpedoes are closing in on their first win. No longer being scoffed at their infamous first pick, the Torpedoes are looking stronger. Week 5 they were matched against the tail end of the Surface Skimmers Division, the Reapers. The Torpedoes played the game close, and it was not until Reggie Wayne (WR) of the Reapers started to show form that would make everyone question why they didn't draft him, that the Torpedoes came about and missed the target. Final score Reapers 138 Tarjackistan Torpedoes 84.

For the past few weeks the Black Cats had been purring at the top of the fence. This week they were matched against the lowly Taipans, who don't even seem to be able to find a WR let alone a healthy one. Ten minutes before the start of the game WR Jabber Gafney, only signed last Thursday, made a move on a cheerleader and was slapped down, thereby ruled out of the game for "pass interference". Running out into the street, Coach Pioneer picked the first tallest person he would find, (Jeremy Kerley) put a WR jersey on and ran him out onto the field. Kerley's presence was hardly needed as the Black Cats choke a massive fur-ball, falling to the Taipans 58 - 92. The win stops the longest losing streak in the league and keeps the Surface Skimmers division down to a two game spread.

The inter divisional leaders game this week was everybody's favorite vegetable, The Green Beans hosting the Guns of Hochuli. A win to either team would secure them as joint leaders at the top of the league. The Gunners were underdogs for the game and even with the Green Beans playing Sebastian Janikowski (K) on a bye, they were still able to hold the Gunners off. This is despite Arian Foster running for about 6 miles and one TD and coming within a touchdown of a 20 point comeback on Monday night. Final score, Beans spill over the Gunners 105 - 99.

In what may be an ominous sign for the remainder of their season, the Wild Boston Terriers really needed a win against the Ghost Monkeys, just to stay in touch with their division. The two teams at the bottom end of their respective divisions, may end up playing spoiler to the other teams if they don't generate some wins. The Doggies have been in an unexpected slump for two years now, and today was no better as both Matt Schaub (QB) and Andre Johnson couldn't connect enough late Monday night. Ghost Monkeys hold on to win 108 - 77.

The final devastating losses for the Sub Simmers Division this week was Every Given Sunday and the Broncolo's. Coach Mike and EGS have struggled, but this weekend, brought their high scoring offense to the field. Coach Ryan's Broncolo's could have won a couple of other games with their point score, as the leagues bell shape curve for points to win begins to level out at about 105. EGS win 141 - 110 and stop the Broncolo's from leading the division.

So after five weeks, here's how the two divisions look.

In the Sub Simmers, the Drunk Monkeys were the only one to win. They advance to 4-1 and sit one game clear of Black Cats, Guns of Hochuli and Broncolo's. Two game back the Wild Boston Terriers are hanging on, with the Tarjackistan Torpedoes the only league team without a win. The Torpedoes play the Drunk Monkeys next week, and another loss would almost eliminate them from the playoffs.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the green Beans sit at 4-1 one game clear of the Nighthawks and the Ghost Monkeys. The other teams in the division are one game back at 2-3.

Next weeks key game sees divisional rivals the Green Beans hosting EGS. A win to the Beans will give them the league lead, while a loss drops them back into potential 4 way tie. On the other side, EGS with a win will tighten up the division, while a loss drops them back into a consolation series race,

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 9 receptions for a enormous 212 yards and 1 touchdown, for 34.60 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Reggie Wayne of the Reapers the Week Five MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gargamel]

Woooooo!


And if anybody missed it, tarjak and I swapped qbs.

Vick for romo straight up.

[Gut Wrench]

HALFWAY TO THE BOWL
...three thrillers decided in 4th quarter Monday Night.


Week Six in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. And Faith Hill can look the best she ever has in that "can I barely cover myself" Sunday Night dress, but as we all know, it all comes down to Monday Night, and this week, we'll let you know how many rewrites this column had to have.

Before we do that however, we have to tell you about the second most important vote that you'll have to cast in the next thirty days. I'm gut Wrench, and I approve this message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


Let's start with the game that no body expected the underdog to win, and the eventually winner who needed oxygen late Sunday afternoon, as the Tarjackistan Torpedoes almost sunk the Drunk Monkeys. Almost. The league leading Drunk Monkeys were pitted against the bottom of the league and they were barely able to rack up a decent score. The Torpedoes, lead by unlikely QB Andrew Luck rallied throughout Sunday to eventually fall short. The torpedoes are going to steal at least one win, and their win may end up deciding the top seeding of the league. Drunk Monkeys defeat the Torpedoes 87-68, and advance to sole possession of first place in the league at 5-1.

The biggest score of the game came through in the Black Cats and Broncolo's game. The Broncolo's at 3-2, started their Bears defense, who on game day, were sunbathing on the Lake and never even showed for the game. The Cats, having been skinned in recent weeks, ran up the weeks highest score to showcase that they deserve a place in the post season. The Cats corral the Broncolo's 147-85 and move back up to second place in the league. But they have company.

This week's match of the game was Every Given Sunday against the Green Beans. Two of the powerhouse teams in the league came together for the divisional league in the Surface Skimmers division. The Beans, on a three game winning streak at the hands of Peyton Manning (QB) managed to keep the scoreboard rolling over just enough to eventually can them. EGS move into a pack at 3-3 and stay within one game of the divisional leading Beans with their 138 - 87 win.

And now onto our thrillers and rewrites. :/\\!!

The Australian Taipans have been carrying more injured players since their week 1 win and this week three of the team became eligible to return. Coach Pioneer kept them on the bench as two of them turned out career games. The Taipans were well and truly out of the game before Sunday night when the Helmand Nighthawks defence of the Texans crumbled. The Taipans from nowhere had Jordy Nelson put them back in the game with 38 points. Facing a potential negative score after the game, the Texans scored a defensive TD, and you knew that one play was going to be decisive. The Nighthawks came within .2 points before QB Phillip Rivers had a fourth quarter implosion which saw the Nighthawks taking points off the board as Rivers got sacked, intercepted, and fumbled. Taipans slither past the Nighthawks on an heart stopping game 91.88 - 83.34.

The second thriller of the night was another Surface Skimmers divisional match up (Did I not say they would take wins off each other?) The 3-2 Monkeys have had an up and down season so far with QB Tom Brady, but not this week as Tom threw for almost 400 yards. Opposing QB for the 2-3 Reapers, Eli Manning didn't match up, but the Reapers team managed to keep themselves in the game. On Monday night it came down to the better receiver of Eric Decker (Ghost Monkeys) or Malcolm Floyd. In a monumental choke, it was late in the fourth when Malcolm Floyd ran out time to make a catch. Ghost Monkeys squeak out a narrow 103.35 - 100.56 win.

The third game, late Monday night still undecided was the largest gap of the three thrillers at 4 points late in the fourth quarter. Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli reminisce of the entire week, didn't really establish a game winning score with 77 points. The Wild Boston Terriers, looking for any way to get back in the hunt came from almost 20 points down to put this game into the frustrating status of questioning whether Joel Dressen (TE) could come through. He stalled in the last two minutes, and the Guns of Hochuli barely hang on to win 77.85 - 71.64.

So halfway through the season, here's how the two divisions look.

In the Sub Simmers, the Drunk Monkeys sit at the top of the entire league at 5-1. The Tarjackistan Torpedoes sit at the bottom of the league at 0-6, and surprisingly, are still not out of the playoffs. The middle is occupied by the Black Cats and the Guns of Hochuli at 4-2. the Broncolo's are at .500, the Wild Boston Terriers at 1-5.

In the Surface Skimmers division, the Green Beans despite their loss are at 4-2 with equal divisional league with the Ghost Monkeys. The three teams at 3-3 are Every Given Sunday, the Australian Taipans and the Helmand Nighthawks. The Reapers at 2-4 can still win the division.

Next weeks key game sees divisional rivals the Ghost Monkeys flying to London to play the Helmand Nighthawks. The Surface Skimmer continue to squabble while in the Sub Simmers division, the Wild Boston Terriers can put the Torpedoes out of the post season with a win.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Their could be little doubt of who it was going to be this week. For the effort of 338 yards, 6 passing TD's and 17 rushing yards for 47.61 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Aaron Rodgers of the Black Cats the Week Six MVT.

For the record, seven rewrites in the last quarter.:/\\!!


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gargamel]

Entertaining as always GW!

Re faith hill, pics or it did not happen.

And I hate this. Every year I end up top of the league, get a target on my back and fail miserably in the playoffs.

[CaptainHaplo]

Dont feel bad - I hit the top and reality smacked me 2 weeks straight as payback.

[Gargamel]

Minor correct GW. Tarjak has dalton not luck.


I'm pretty sure I'm losing this week. Most of my guys are on a bye.

[CaptainHaplo]

Yahoo shows the Black Cats in 5th place, not second. It depends on how you do tie-breakers. Your using divisional record as the decider if teams have the same win/loss record. Yahoo uses total points scored as the next decider.

Which will be used for playoffs and seeding?

[mookiemookie]

If playoffs started today, it would be Drunk Monkeys vs Green Beans and Me vs. Guns of Hoculi. Click the "playoffs" tab that's just above the standings table.

[Gut Wrench]

http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/tsminteractive.com/files/2012/09/FaithHill.jpg


Video to accompany. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNYAJB5Aybs)

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNYAJB5Aybs)Best 1 minute 42 of her career.

[Gut Wrench]

END OF THE WINLESS
...and how many players started from the bench?


Week Seven in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football, and it has finally happened. The last of the winless teams are no more. We'll interview the coach and tell you how the celebrations got so out of hand, that one nation may have to declare a national holiday because everybody is hung over.

Before we do that however, we have to tell you about the second most important vote that you'll have to cast in the next thirty days. I'm Gut Wrench, and I approve this message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


It was a bye week, but somehow many coaches forgot to reset their teams. The Green Beans had two out, Every Given Sunday may as well had Vernon Davis out, the Helmand Nighthawks didn't even start a WR or a Kicker and the Broncolo's continued to a Ghost Team with two on the field.

But the biggest news of the week came from Down Under.

It was billed as the battle of "first pick of the draft" for next year. The Wild Boston Terriers were in a position to put the Tarjackistan Torpedoes out of the playoffs with a win. The Torpedoes, carrying the leagues longest streak of 6 (losses) were desperate for a win as they have come close in the last few weeks. And no body expected them to put up the second highest score of the week. From the cusp of elimination, the Torpedoes stay alive as they hand the Wild Boston Terriers a Michael Vick style shellacking, to earn their first win of the season 113 - 89.

After the game, scenes turned ugly. Torpedo spectators (all 8 of them) got into a drunken bender, calling in strippers from Ministerial Cabinets, and even got some Canterbury supporters to drink with them. The frenzy spread across the country into a drunken orgy of booze and celebration. Citizens flew in from all over Tarjackistan to get in on the party, that Australia almost had a "National Sickie" day the next morning. When asked by the national media if the celebrations were getting out of hand for their first win, Coach Tarjack responded "Who cares, we got a win." Torpedoes advance to 1-6, get off the bottom of the league and stay in the hunt for the playoffs.

And the other Australian team won as well. Taipans 114 - Green Beans 46.

The top of the league clash between the Drunk Monkeys and the Black Cats was everything that the television rights didn't pay for. The Monkeys at 5-1 started the game as underdogs (not the WBT type) and just couldn't get their running game going with Deangelo Willams and Fred Davis. The Pussy's however, threw up a 3 TD furball from QB Aaron Rodgers to give the Cats an early lead not surpassed. Final score Black Cats 104 Drunk Monkeys 64, but with implications we'll come back to a little later.

Across the pond, as we reported earlier, the Helmand Nighthawks gave one of their WR and and K off - with pay, when they hosted Mookie and the Ghost Monkeys. The Monkeys, at 4-2 looked to be both the strongest team in the Surface Skimmers division, as well as the most inconsistent. The Nighthawks Coach, Mr. Chris, didn't have it all his own way and had to call up the Texans (Defense) to help secure the win. Nighthawks prey on the Monkeys and 94 - 79.

We all know it comes down to Monday Night, and unlike last week, only one game was in contention throughout the evening. Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli were matched against Coach Ryan of the Broncolo's, who this year, has not made one move, but sits at 3-3 ahead of five other teams in the league. Even with a pair of Ghosts out on the field Monday Night, Casey and the Gunners were behind as the Bears (Defense) for the Broncolo's continued to score points. It came down to the last 40 seconds when they could no longer hold back the onslaughter before relenting to the Gunners. Guns of Hochuli advance to 5-2 with the 100.11 - 98.39 win, with the Broncolo's looking like a seasonal ghost team, they fall to 3-4.

The final game of the week is the one with the most significance. The 2-4 Reapers were hosting Every Given Sunday. Despite EGS being 3-3, they have the highest scoring team in the league with a mid league defense. EGS has had some disheartening games, where they could quite easily be 5-2. Instead, this week they fall to 3-4 as Brandon Marshall (WR) of the Reapers goes in for a TD in the first quarter, to give the Reapers a come from behind win. Final score 74 - 66.

I said at the beginning of the season the Surface Skimmers Division would take wins away from each other, and that Nostradamus moment holds true this week.

In the Surface Skimmers Division, the Taipans slither from 8th in the league to divisional lead and the #2 seeding with their win. (WTF?) The Nighthawks, Ghost Monkeys and Green Beans are tied with the Taipans, but the Beans are behind at 2-3 within the division. The Reapers and Every Given Sunday sit back at 3-4, with just the one game spread blanketing the division.

Go ahead, try picking the divisional winner out of that mess.

In the Surface Skimmers Division, the Black Cats, Guns of Hochuli and the Drunk Monkeys lead the division and league at 5-2, but, the Cats are 5-0 within the division. These three teams look to be be the strongest within the league, but, they still have to play divisional games against each other. The Cats host the Guns of Hochuli in next week's best game. A win to the Cats would all but cement the Black Cats as the first team into the play offs. The Wild Boston Terriers meet the Drunk Monkeys, and will need the win to keep their hopes alive of .500% season. The Tarjackistan Torpedoes meet the ghost team of the Broncolo's as they go for a franchise record of two wins in a row.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

We all sat stunned on draft day when with their first pick of the draft, the Torpedoes selected a defensive team. Today, they receive validation of the pick. For the effort of 2 sacks, 1 interception and only allowing one Field Goal to be scored, for a total of 14 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the 49ers Defense of the Tarjackistan Torpedoes the Week Seven MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[CaptainHaplo]

Best 1 minute 42 of her career.

I got FAITH - I would climb that HILL!

[TarJak]

Woot!:woot:

Still reeling from the celebrations down under.:arrgh!:

[CaptainHaplo]

Congrats to ya Tarjak - ready for your next one in the W column?

[TarJak]

Of course, but having to dip into the bench heavily again to get a team on the field due to byes so this will be interesting with Tony Romo in the QB slot.

[Gargamel]

I have this sinking feeling I shouldn't have made that trade.

[TarJak]

I have this sinking feeling I shouldn't have made that trade.

Time will tell.:up:

[Gut Wrench]

HURRICANE WINS
Playoffs still swirling.


Week Eight in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. This edition is coming to you from the power outage of the United States east coast, across the Atlantic by Morse code to Gibraltar where buried deep underground at The Rock, some relay transmitter in Her Majesty's Navy is now asking the questions, are the Terriers Wild because of their luck, and how close did the Torpedoes come to their target?

We'll give you all the details in just a moment, but a reminder, about the second most important vote that you'll have to cast in the next 10 days. I'm Gut Wrench, and I approve this message.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


Let's start with the game of the week, the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Black Cats. The Cats were smelling good leading the Sub Simmers division at 5-2 before slinking into town to meet the Gunners. The red hot favorite in the past few weeks, the Guns of Hochuli showed that the storm out to sea was no north west passage, as they set about their top of the league battle. In what turned out to be a relatively low scoring affair, the Guns only put up a measly 77 points. With just Monday Night to be played in the rain, the Black ones got soaked and were turned into wet (plural word starts with p)* Guns of Hochuli assert their dominance and defeat the Black Cats 77 - 68.

The wildest game of the week came from across the country where the Oregon based Wild Boston Terriers hosted the Drunk Monkeys. This was a full on Michael Vick dog fight, with the Terriers jumping out to a commanding lead. Vick, QB for the Monkeys, was less than effective but the Monkey defense of the Dolphins were the biggest scorer of the team. The Dolphins defense put the Monkeys back in the game as the last few seconds began to run out. Lance Moore (WR) caught a 12 yard pass for the WBT with less than 10 second remaining to give the Doggies a 0.03 lead. Fans went wild as time expired and in the last play of the game, Vick threw for 12 yards, giving the Drunk Monkeys the narrowest win of the year so far, defeating the WBT, 102.77 - 102.54. Monkeys advance to 6-2 in the Sub Simmers division.

If you were looking for records this week, you had only to look at the Reapers - Australian Taipans game. The Reapers have had the Taipans number in the last few years. Two years ago the Reapers knocked the Taipans out of the playoffs with an upset win. Last year the Reapers knocked the Taipans out of the Championship Round with another upset round. Earlier this year the Taipans looked to have broken the hoodoo by throttling the Reapers, but Jason Witten (TE) had different ideas on their second meeting. Catching a record 18 passes, the most to any player in any position on the field, the Reapers overcame a 30 point deficit to run out convincing winners. The Taipans, struggling to keep players on the field this year (add another 2 to the injuries in the last hour before kickoff) drop from leading the division, almost to play off elimination.

The other strong foreign team, the Helmand Nighthawks, were matched against Coach Aramike's Green Beans. The Beans look cooked in the last few weeks, and the Nighthawks made short work of them for a blow out win 126 - 62. The Nighthawks win puts them into the divisional lead of the Surface Skimmers division, the fourth different divisional leader in the last four weeks.

After seeing the earlier game of the Nighthawks win, Mookie and the Ghost Monkeys knew that anything less than a bare ass monkey spanking of Coach Mike's Every Given Sunday would not help their playoff aspirations. In a decisive game which would see divisional rivals taking wins and losses from each other, the Monkeys eventually ran out winners 106 - 77 to earn themselves a share of the divisional lead with the Nighthawks.

The thriller of the week was the Tarjackistan Torpedoes against the Broncolo's. The Broncolo's under Coach Ryan walked off the field early Sunday night thinking that they had the game sewn up. The Torpedoes, after flying in late from their drunken orgy of the week prior when they earned their first win, were offered free beer by the Mayor of Sydney if they could win a record two in a row. The Torpedoes were on fire, leading by their first round draft pick, (the 49ers defense) they stayed in the game until late in the fourth quarter when they finally ran out of sideline kegs. (And you thought they had Gatorade.) Torpedoes come up short against the Broncolo's 115-98.

So after eight weeks in the race to the Torpedo Bowl, every one is talking about playoffs, but no one has clinched. There are some interesting perspectives however, with just four weeks left in the regular season.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Guns of Hochuli and the Drunk Monkeys sit at the top of the league ladder fighting over first place in the division at 6-2. The Black Cats sit one game back at 5-3 and conceivably, these three teams may all appear in the Championship Play Off round. The Broncolo's are another game back at 4-4, and both the Wild Boston Terriers and the Tarjackistan Torpedoes are at 1-7. The WBT and the Torpedoes have been eliminated from the Championship Play Offs, but thanks to the mess in the Surface Skimmers division, can still capture a play off berth.

In the Surface Skimmers, everybody is still in contention for the Divisional title, but, time's running out for play off positions. The Nighthawks and Ghost Monkeys sit atop the division at 5-3, the Reapers, Taipans and Green Beans at 4-4. Every Given Sunday brings up the tail of the division at 3-5.

6-2 Guns of Hochuli
6-2 Drunk Monkeys
5-3 Black Cats
5-3 Helmand Nighthawks
5-3 Ghost Monkeys
4-4 Reapers
4-4 Taipans
4-4 Green Beans
4-4 Broncolo's
3-5 Every Given Sunday
1-7 Tarjackistan Torpedoes
1-7 Wild Boston Terriers

The top team from each division automatically go the Championship round, the remaining 6 play off positions are by seeding.

Next week sees a lot of inter divisional games, the most intriguing being the Drunk Monkeys hosting the Australian Taipans. The Monkeys can come close to cementing a playoff berth while the Taipans are trying to stop their players from getting sick (and replaced) on the morning of the game.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 136 rushing yards, 1 rushing TV, 79 receiving yards and 1 receiving touchdown, for a total of 30.70 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the Running Back Doug Martin of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Week Eight MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

*Avoiding the Subsim language barrier.:D

[mookiemookie]

LIES. Tom Brady is the Week 8 MVT Winner.

Look what you've done to him with this farce.


http://cbsmix1065.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/tom-brady-sad-super-bowl-7.png?w=420

[nikimcbee]

Glad to see yoohoo updated the stats.:shifty: The end of sunday's games, I was ahead by .05:haha::dead: and both of us were done.

Thanks yoohoo.:down:

[Gargamel]

Glad to see yoohoo updated the stats.:shifty: The end of sunday's games, I was ahead by .05:haha::dead: and both of us were done.

Thanks yoohoo.:down:

Hell, last I saw, I was down by 12. I thought I was done! Glad I didn't see the unofficial final, woulda pulled out my last remaining hairs.

[Gut Wrench]

RECOVERY?
Not This Week, Tom Brady.


Week Nine in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. The East Coast is without power, the country is outrages over Benghazi, and Tom Brady of the Ghost Monekeys is behaving like a little girl cause he didn't win Fantasy Footballs biggest award last week. Boo hoo Tom, for not getting your own way.

We'll give you all the details in just a moment, but a reminder, about the second most important vote that you'll have to cast tomorrow...and the day after tomorrow too. This is not Florida, this is Subsim where I'm Gut Wrench, and I approve ballot box stuffing.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


Before we get started with this week's game, lets have a look back at the temper tantrum after last weeks games. It seems that Have It My Way Tom was maligned he wasn't the Subsim MVP. Rest assure Tom, everybody voted you this weeks biggest loser.

And now onto the games.

How 'bout them Torpedoes? Tarjack and the boys started way earlier than anybody else on Thursday night where his Charger defense scored 28 points. Who's mocking their first round pick - no body. Their opponents Every Given Sunday, who in the past few weeks appear to reached their pinnacle, just could not catch the ball with a total combined score of 14 from their three wide receivers. In a shock upset, and costing Vegas millions, the Tarjackistan Torpedoes get their second win in three weeks and advance to 2-7 defeating EGS 104 - 75. After the game Tarjack was dunked with a barrel of Fosters, and was last seen lapping up off the ground with his team.

Let's go to the game of the week, the Australian Taipans playing against the Drunk Monkeys. The Taipans this year have had more injuries than there are players on their team, and once again, this week was no exception with WR Jordy Nelson going injured when he stubbed his toe. Coach Gargamel saw a golden opportunity to advance and take a share of the Sub Skimmers division. The Taipans, even with Nelson (WR) out, managed to barely make their allocated points, before they walked off the field Sunday night, leaving it all up to Monday night for the Monkeys. Even after RB McCoy ran for 100 yards, and after QB Vick must have been sacked about a dozen times, Vick still managed to throw a 77 bomb for a TD to give the Drunk Monkeys a close win. Final score Monkeys 87 Taipans 77, and the Taipans are 0-3 when leading on Monday night.

If you're looking for a the biggest mover in the league, you need to look at the Helmand Nighthawks - Wild Boston Terriers game. The Terriers, languishing at the bottom of the ladder at 1-a lot, really needed to knock off the Surface Skimmers divisional leader to stay in the play off hunt. The Doggies, lead by Adrian Peterson who ran for about 180 yards, were not even close to RB Doug Martin (Nighthawks) who ran for 251 yards.:doh: Nighthawks hand the Terriers a thrashing. Final score Nighthawks 167 Wild Boston Terriers 101, and potentially, out of the play offs. Of interest, the Nighthawks are the only Surface Skimmers team to win this week.

If the Nighthawks think they own the league, the quietly unassuming Guns of Hochuli have other ideas. In another close finish of the week, the Gunners came from behind after Coach Pit's QB (Eli Manning) choked on a negative score, allowing the Gunners 1-2 RB combination of Reggie Bush and Arian Foster to lift them to a divisional leader victory. Gunners advance one game clear as they win 113 - 110.

And speaking of having nine lives in the lead up to the play offs, the Black Cats had an improbably victory handed to them to keep them in touch with the Gunner. In the lowest scoring game of the week, the Puddy Cats scored a season low 75 points while Coach Chad and the Green Beans must have forgot how to play scoring only 55 points. The loss has a consequence for the Beans and the win keeps the Cats within one game of the divisional lead.

In another of the close games this week, Mookie and the Ghost Monkeys were up against the leagues other ghost team, who are at .500% without having made a move. The Monkeys, looking for a share of the lead in the Surface Skimmers division, were up against the arm of Drew Brees (Broncolo's) late on Monday night, and just didn't have enough left to outpace the QB. Ghost Monkeys fall to 5-4, the same score as Ryan's Ghost Broncolo's.

So after nine weeks in the race to the Torpedo Bowl, every one (except Tom Brady) is pretty excited about this being one of the best seasons. Tom is just sitting in the corner still cursing at not getting last week's MVT. But before we discuss Mokkie's QB bed wetting, let's look at the standings and how the next few weeks should play out.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Guns of Hochuli and the Drunk Monkeys sit at the top of the league ladder fighting over first place in the division at 7-2. The Black Cats sit one game back at 6-3. The Broncolo's are another game back at 5-4, and these four teams are separated from the other two teams in the division.

In the Surface Skimmers, everybody is still in contention for the Divisional title, but, time's running out for play off positions. The Nighthawks control the division at 6-3, one game clear of the Ghost Monkeys. Reapers, Taipans and Green Beans are all at 4-5, and EGS at 3-6.

7-2 Guns of Hochuli
7-2 Drunk Monkeys
6-3 Black Cats
6-3 Helmand Nighthawks
5-4 Ghost Monkeys
5-4 Broncolo's
4-5 Reapers
4-5 Taipans
4-5 Green Beans
3-6 Every Given Sunday
2-7 Tarjackistan Torpedoes
1-8 Wild Boston Terriers

The top team from each division automatically go the Championship round, the remaining 6 play off positions are by seeding. Thanks to the wins and losses being taken from each other in the Surface Skimmers division, both the Tarjackistan Torpedoes and the Wild Boston terriers are still in contention from the Consolation Series.

Next week sees more inter divisional games, the most intriguing being the Every Given Sunday hosting the Guns of Hochuli. EGS are fighting for playoff contention, while the Gunners can lock up the first play off position with a win and some help.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the monster effort effort of 2 sacks, 1 interception, 4 fumble recoveries, 2 Defensive TD's, and 1 blocked kick for a total of 29 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the Bears Defense of the Broncolo's the Week Nine MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

WILD WEEK
Turns league upside down.


Week Ten in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. In one of the wildest weeks ever seen in the Subsim League, we'll tell you about how one Aussie team is celebrating their second win. How one Dog came within a whisker of a second win. And how some other teams have acquired a second wind, and put the brakes of the league slipping away.

But before we do anything, it's time for just one more political announcement, cause I know it's been ten days for everyone except Marco Rubio.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


Let's start with potentially the biggest upset of the season, and the consequences of the game. They were expected to win the division, and all that had to do was spank the incoming Australians. But apparently, the Trajackistan Torpedoes had other ideas and suddenly, the south Redfern boys look like a potential play off team. Yes, Mookie and the Ghost Monkeys had their baboon's handed to them as the Torpedoes arrived and sunk them. In their first home field loss since the name change, Mookie and the Monkeys suffered a devastating loss to Tarkjack, losing 77 - 86.

After the game, Mookie addressed the press and said "It wasn't like we didn't want the divisional lead, we just didn't expect we'd have to work for it."

The Torpedoes were one of only two teams in the Sub Simmers division to win this week, and frankly, the other team was lucky to get their win, even if they are the top team in the league.

The Guns of Hochuli, sitting one game clear of every one were hosting Every Given Sunday. EGS after starting red hot, have been on a three game losing streak, but they showed up this week. Lead by Peyton Manning (QB), EGS weren't spectacular, but did just enough to score points before leaving the game in the hands of their defense...who had the week off. Coach Aramike after the game said it was more important that all their defenses were rested, even if probably cost them the game. Gunners fire off a cheap shot for a fortunate win of 98 - 87 and lead the league by one game at 8-2.

The second biggest upset of the week came at the hands of the almost Ghost team of Chad and and the Green Beans against Coach Gargamel and the Drunk Monkeys. At 4-5 the Beans were trying to stay in playoff contention against a superior football team...except no body told them that. The Beans were fired up and and after the game TE Tony Gonzales said "We needed to win this to show them that....um....what did we show them?" Tony and the boys showed them how to play football, even with the Chiefs defense on their side. Final score Green Beans 126 Ghost Monkeys 68, and the Beans advance to .500% with the biggest blow out of the week.

One team who wish they could get to .500% are the Wild Boston Terriers, who this week hosted the Australian Taipans. In one of the wildest shootouts both teams put up a combined 303 points. Matt Ryan (QB) of the Taipans threw for over 400 yards, while RB's Adrian Peterson and Marshawn Lynch ran for almost 300 yards for the Terriers. From 40 points back, the Wild Boston Terriers came within another whisker of getting their second win of the season. In the biggest scoring game of the year, Taipans narrowly win 158 - 145.

Coach McBee after the game said "If we'd played any one else this week we'd have had them by the tail."

In the "lucky to be still be in the hunt" game between the Black Cats and the Reapers, both quarterbacks scored negative points. The Cats, who have used up some lives to be 6-3, scored only two touchdowns for the team before the Cowboys defense gave them a reasonable score. The Reapers, slumbering along as a spoiler in the Surface Skimmers division, played just enough football this week to sustain a late rally from cats Kicker Shaun Suisham. Reapers win 89 - 73 and become another team in the .500% bottleneck.

And while everyone else in the Surface Skimmers division was caught in the maelstrom, out in front the Divisional Leading Helmand Nighthawks have suddenly opened a two game lead. The Nighthawks have enjoyed a three game wining streak and this week had the league's real Ghost team, Coach Ryan and the Broncolo's, home in London. But the Nighthawks needed every one of TE Jimmy Graham's monster score of 31 points to give them enough lead, that they didnt even have to show up Monday night. Final score Nighthawks 113 - Broncolo's 93.

So after ten weeks in the race to the Torpedo Bowl, key losses this week means that no one has yet to secure a play off position, however, with just four weeks to go, time is running out for some teams, and others are already looking at the count back to determine where they will end up.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Guns of Hochuli at 8-2 and a five game winning streak lead the division. A win next week against the Tarjackistan Torpedoes will ensure them a play off berth, but not the division. One game back at 7-3 Mookie and the Drunk Monkeys can still win the division with some favorable results. They play the Black Cats next week, who despite being 6-4, need the Wild Boston Terriers to roll over and play dead to help their chance. The Terriers on the other hand, must win if they wish to appear in the post season.

In the Surface Skimmers, the win by Mr. Chris gives him a two game lead and control of the division. Next week the Helmand Nighthawks cannot assure themselves a play off position with a win against divisional rivals Every Given Sunday, but they can go a long way towards obtaining the #2 seed. The Ghost Monkeys, Reapers and Taipans are all still locked at 5-5, while Every Given Sunday finds themselves on play off eliminations at 3-7.

8-2 Guns of Hochuli
7-3 Helmand Nighthawks
7-2 Drunk Monkeys
6-4 Black Cats
5-5 Ghost Monkeys
5-5 Broncolo's
5-5 Reapers
5-5 Taipans
4-6 Green Beans
3-7 Every Given Sunday
3-7 Tarjackistan Torpedoes
1-9 Wild Boston Terriers

The top team from each division automatically go the Championship round, the remaining 6 play off positions are by seeding. Next week biggest game see the ghost of the Broncolo's hosting the Drunk Monkeys. A win to the Monkeys gives them a much needed divisional win if they can run down the Gunners, while the Broncolo's, even as ghosts, are playing for their lives...so to speak.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort effort of 341 yards, 3 TD's and 1 rushing TD for a total of 33.87 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased Quarter Back Joe Flacco of the Green Beans the Week Ten MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[nikimcbee]

The curse from last year has caught up with me. Pretty smurfin bad when you score 145 points and still lose.:dead::Kaleun_Mad:

[Gut Wrench]

GUNNERS SHOT
How about 'em Tarjackers?


Week Eleven in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football. Chris Liss of Yahoo Fantasy Football said it Sunday morning - "Fantasy football is a game of upsets and disappointments." Mark it down right now, several teams fate in the playoffs have been decided by the upset results and disappointments of this weeks games. We'll tell you about the biggest upset this season...since the one we talked about last week.

But before we do anything, it's very important that you get the following message.

VOTE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


Three is the magic number as the entire nation of Australia goes wild as the Tarjackistan Torpedoes knock off the league leading Guns of Hochuli, and suddenly, the entire league is up for play off positions. They weren't considered anything of a threat after drafting the 49ers defense in the first round, but, it was that first round choice that lifted the Tarjackers to their third straight win, and the leagues current longest winning streak.

Coach Tarjack after the game, surrounded by hot naked chicks, cans of Fosters and more chicks, was unreachable for comment, hidden away in his hotel room. Tarjackers shock the Guns of Hochuli, winning 96 - 83, and, :::gasp::::o the Torpedoes keep their slim chances of appearing in the playoffs alive.

Conversely, in the same amazement level, Coach Ryan and the Ghost team of the Broncolo's sitting back in the Sub Simmers league at .500, were this week's best match against the Drunk Monkeys in perhaps their final "real" game of the year. Gargamel and the Monkeys, desperate to put their divisional rivals out of the race and close the gap to the divisional leading Gunners, were smashed across the field at the hands of Rob Gronkowski (30 points alone). The Ghost of the Broncolo's whip the Drunk Monkeys 131 - 81 and advance to 6-5.

They don't play well on Monday night, and they can't keep their team healthy. Opening play on Sunday saw the Australian Taipans loose their fourth TE of the end of the year with Dennis Pitta, after swapping and shuffling their team again. Matched against divisional rivals, Coach Mookie and the Drunk Monkeys never looked like having a problem with the Taipans as they crushed them 103 - 58. Monkeys move to 5-2 within the division and look to challenge the Helmand Nighthawks.

The Nighthawks, - what happened this weekend? Divisional leaders playing the bottom Every Given Sunday, and the Nighthawks never even looked like they were in the game. EGS took an early lead and played just enough football to stay in front of the Nighthawks to take a 107 - 97 win. The win keeps EGS alive for the playoffs, and, once again, the Surface Skimmers division contracts. Although the Nighthawks are leading the division and favorites, they could still miss out on the play offs.

Last week they scored a boatload of points - and still lost. This week, the Wild Boston Terriers come back and show that they can play dynamic football. In one of the best displays all year, the Wild Boston Terriers spanked the one time league leaders, Coach Ryan and the Black Cats 108 - 56. After the game Coach McBee at a press conference reportedly said "Doggy style is to dominant." Terriers advance to 2-9 and and their GM gets one more week before he is fired.

The final game of the week was a low scoring affair between the Green Beans and the Reapers. With both teams at 5-5 and the loss earlier in the day by the Nighthawks, each time was faced with an opportunity to steal a win with less than 70 points. In one of the lowest scoring fiasco's of the year, the Reapers drag one away from Coach Chad and the Beans to win 65 - 44. Getting a W with that many points is almost a crime. But, as Liss said, fantasy football is about upsets and disappointments.

So after eleven weeks in the race to the Torpedo Bowl, both divisional leaders losing this week means only one team has secured a play off berth, but, divisional standings and play off series are still up for grabs.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Guns of Hochuli at 8-3 are the first team, and the only team to be assured a play off position. Despite this weeks loss, favorable losses to the teams behind them means the Gunners retain the lead of the league. With the exception of the Wild Boston Terriers, every one else within the division is still alive.

In the Surface Skimmers, the loss by Mr. Chris and the Nighthawks reduces their lead of the division, but next week they are playing divisional rivals the Reapers, who can really muck up the results. The rest of the division is a mess as everyone scrambles for a win.

8-3 Guns of Hochuli (assured a play off position)
7-4 Helmand Nighthawks
7-4 Drunk Monkeys
6-5 Black Cats
6-5 Ghost Monkeys
6-5 Broncolo's
6-5 Reapers
5-6 Taipans
5-6 Green Beans
4-7 Every Given Sunday
4-7 Tarjackistan Torpedoes
2-9 Wild Boston Terriers

The top team from each division automatically go the Championship round, the remaining 6 play off positions are by seeding. Next week biggest game see the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Drunk Monkeys. A divisional championship could depend on the result of this game, with a lot of play off positions liable to be cemented.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort effort of 331 yards and 3 TD's for a total of 29.62 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present (yes, you knew it would happen after his temper tantrum) Quarter Back Tom Brady of the Ghost Monkeys the Week Eleven MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[TarJak]

Yeeha!:arrgh!::woot: It was tight right up until Monday night, but I knew our D could carry us through.

http://ww1.hdnux.com/photos/15/20/67/3476972/5/628x471.jpg

[mookiemookie]

http://behindblondiepark.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/tombradyfromthirtysecondsurveysdotcom.jpg

[nikimcbee]

http://blog.timesunion.com/pete/files/2011/08/bears.jpg
Bad News Bostons win.:haha:

[Gut Wrench]

GUNNERS CLINCH
... Tarjackers Stick Around.


Week Twelve in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football, and we have the first team to clinch a Championship play off position. We'll tell you about one team that nobody thought would win anything, who this week came close to having the biggest blow out in league history, and how they can still end up in the playoffs with a home game. In the same game, we'll also talk about the leagues lowest score ever.

But before we do anything, here's a reminder about the most important thing you have to do tomorrow.

VOTE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


Cue the Sesame Street Count - Four. Four straight wins, and the entire southern hemisphere erupts into euphoria as the Tarjackistan Torpedoes fairytale run into the play off continues. Besmeared for the first round pick of the 49ers defense (yes we are still talking it this late in the season) the Torpedoes have strung together the leagues longest winning streak as this week they stomped the Black Cats 114 - 33. The Cats, who at one time thought they were top dog of the SubSimmers league, have choked faster than the Chargers in the 4th quarter. The Cats with their paltry score, set the leagues lowest ever score, eclipsing the previous record by 11 points. At the same time, the Tarjackers almost put up enough points to have the leagues biggest blow out - ever. Tarjackers move on to 5-7 and control their own destiny into the playoffs. Black Cats loose their third in a row and slip to 6 - 6.

Already booked into the playoffs, and more so, now looking to cement Home Field advantage are the Guns of Hochuli. In this weeks Match of the Week, the Gunner's were hosting divisional rivals Gargamel and the Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys started strong and were leading going into Sunday morning, but they needed to have more points on the board by the time the sun set. In this game, the sun set on starting QB Carson Palmer who only scored 3 points - and that was for showing up. Gunners blasted through the Monkeys as Arian Foster (RB) went for two scores before QB Cam Newton ever stepped onto the field. Final score Guns of Hochuli 127 Drunk Monkeys 87 as the wait for the balance of the league games would determine the Gunners fate.

For the first time this year, Coach Ryan of the Broncolo's showed up and made their first positional change. Their opponents, McBee and the Wild Boston Terriers, who watched the Broncolo's sail through the bye weeks without any changes - and still win, was facing his second week in three, of scoring a lot of points and still coming up with the loss. In their second narrow loss in two weeks, the Broncolo's spayed the WBT 115 - 103, and stay in the hunt for the Championship Series.

Over in the Surface Skimmers division, no body seems capable of taking control of the division, and as predicted, wins and losses are being taken from each other. Last weeks divisional leaders the Helmand Nighthawks crossed the pond yet again to match up with the quietly aserting Reapers. The Reapers, forcing their way into the playoffs on a two game winning streak, extend that to three as the Nighthawks fall to them 106 - 76.

The Nighthawks fall from the divisional league was greater than expected as Divisional Rivals the Ghost Monkeys accounted for another divisional team the Green Beans. The Beans, coming into the game at 5-6, were on the outside of the playoffs having fallen to the remainder of the division 2-5. The much needed win was not to be as the Ghost Monkeys spanked the Beans, 117 - 73, and catapult the Monkeys to the divisional lead, relegating the Nighthawks two places.

Keeping their playoff hopes barely alive, and despite being less than .500%, with favorable results still in contention of winning the division (how on earth does THAT happen) the Australian Taipans were playing on the road against Every Given Sunday. Coach Mike of EGS, needing the win and some luck just to make the playoffs, were stung by the Taipans, who somehow, managed to hold their first lead all season going into Monday night. Final score Taipans 108 - 70 EGS.

So after twelve weeks in the race to the Torpedo Bowl, we have one team clinched and two teams that can decide the final eight. Let's start with the Sub Simmers division where the playoff picture is a little more clear.

The Guns of Hochuli at 9-3 are the first team, and the only team to be assured a play off position. The win this week assures them a Championship position, as one of the top four seeds. A win next week will assure them the divisional title and the #1 seed. Behind them however, it's almost as messy as the other division. The Broncolo's and Drunk Monkeys are both 7-5, but the Broncolo's are 5-3 within the division. Not bad for a Ghost Team. The Black Cats at 6-6 and on the bubble, while the Tarjackistan Torpedoes, at 5-7, are still in the hunt. Only the Gunners are assured a play off position.

In the Surface Skimmers, three teams are at 7-5 but the Ghost Monkeys hold a one game divisional lead (6-2) over the Reapers (5-3) who have a game over the Helmand Nighthawks (4-4). The Taipans sit 6-6, a game back are the Green Beans (5-7) and another game back is Every Given Sunday (4-8) The entire division is still in the race for a play off position.

So our table looks like this.

9-3 Guns of Hochuli (clinched a Championship Series position)
7-5 Broncolo's
7-5 Ghost Monkeys
7-5 Reapers
7-5 Helmand Nighthawks
7-5 Drunk Monkeys
6-6 Australian Taipans
6-6 Black Cats
5-7 Tarjackistan Torpedoes
5-7 Green Beans
5-7- Every Given Sunday
2-10 Wild Boston Terriers

The top team from each division automatically go the Championship round, the remaining 6 play off positions are by seeding. Both the Torpedoes and the Green Beans need wins to stay alive. The Surface Skimmers division cannot be won next week, but, the divisional lead can be lost. Only the WBT are eliminated from the play offs. A win to both the Taipans and the Black Cats next week will eliminate the Torpedoes and the Green Beans, leaving only seeding to be decided.

Next week represents the biggest week of the year, and the Subsim Fantasy Football League is bringing you not one, but two Matches of the Week. In the Surface Skimmers division, we'll be watching the Helmand Nighthawks and the Australian Taipans. This game will be played in Los Angles, due to half of England being flooded, and it's just too dangerous to play anywhere in Queensland with all the animals that can kill you.

Our second game will be the Broncolo's hosting the Black cats. A win to either team could see them leap frog into the Championship round.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort effort of 5 sacks, 2 interceptions and 2 defensive TD's, and this years first repeat winner, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the 49ers defence of the Tarjackistan Torpedoes, the Week Twelve MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[TarJak]

For the effort effort of 5 sacks, 2 interceptions and 2 defensive TD's, and this years first repeat winner, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the 49ers defence of the Tarjackistan Torpedoes, the Week Twelve MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg
http://ww1.hdnux.com/photos/15/20/67/3476972/5/628x471.jpg

[Gut Wrench]

GUNNERS CLINCH #1 SEED
... Tarjackers Stick Around.


Week Thirteen in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football, and what an up and down week it was. We'll tell you about the Leagues longest streak coming to an end. We'll replace the nails you chewed down to your elbows in the Monday night thriller. We'll cover our two matches of the week and what the implications are. And we'll let you know who's clinched, and who's playing for a playoff position.

But before we do anything, here's a reminder about the most important thing you have to do tomorrow.

VOTE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


The Streak is done. The mighty Tarjackistan Torpedoes, with their glorious run of four straight wins and potentially a play off appearance, has come to a thumping stop. The Tarjackers, written off after the draft, almost caused the leagues biggest upset to secure a play off position this week, and all they had to do was get around divisional rivals the Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys, with Coach Gargamel, were playing potentially for a Championship position. The Tarjackers came out and played well but a lack of scoring by their wide receiver corp of Vincent Jackson, Davone Bess and Dexter McClusker would not provide enough points, as the Monkeys swing by on Monday night. Final Score Drunk Monkeys 90 Tarjackistan Torpedoes 82, and the Monkeys advance to 8-5 to stay in the hunt.

Just in front of them, and not even slated for television coverage this week was the league leading Guns of Hochuli, against the divisional cellar dwellers the Wild Boston Terriers. With nothing to lose the Terrier came out and proved that it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. The Doggies lead almost the entire weekend before reaching Monday Night with just a slender 7 point lead. With only Victor Cruz of the Gunners to play, Cruz went deep into the game before he finally caught a monster 49 yard pass, putting him over 100 yards in the game and leading the Guns of Hochuli to a hard fought win. Final Score Guns of Hochuli 112 defeat the Wild Boston Terriers 104.

Our first match of the week were two internationals playing in Los Angeles. With England flooded and Queensland baking in the hottest December on record (105C and 80 humidity) pristine L.A. hosted this divisional match up. After the Taipans QB Matt Ryan choked on Thursday, the Nighthawks kept paced with the Taipans scoring, before the Australian finally ran our team. Late on Sunday night the Nighthawks flew by and booked themselves an early flight home. Nighthawks win 134 - 105 and move to 8 - 5.

The second match of the week was the other divisional game of the Broncolo's and the Black Cats. The Broncolo's have been a ghost team all year, and this week was no exception starting TE Joel Dressen (IR). The Broncolo's still managed to score an impressive 92 points (by doing nothing) and waited out to see how strong the purr was in the Cats. With just Hakeem Nicks (WR) to play on Monday Night and trailing by 12 points, Nicks was either going to need a 100 yard game or a TD. He got neither, and the Broncolo's get yet another win 92 - 88.

There were two games in the Surface Skimmers division this week that represented what these teams have done all year. The first game was Every Given Sunday playing the other Ghost team of the Green Beans. EGS, a once proud franchise, has struggled this year to show up, but today they put on a show downing the Beans 98 - 62. With some help EGS could make the playoffs.

The second game of the division which really threw the playoff positions for a loop is the Reapers hosting the Ghost Monkeys, The Reapers have put together a winning streak which has seen them leap frog everybody to head the division. With a slightly better divisional record, the Ghost Monkeys could not afford to let the Reapers sneak by like death and crucify the Monkeys play off hopes. With the final quarter of Monday night resting on Eli Manning (QB) for the Reapers and Lawrence Tynes (K), the Reapers were able to break deaths grasp, sneak ahead and get the win. Final score Reapers 99 Ghost Monkeys 84 and despite that, both teams are still locked in a battle for the Divisional Championship.

So with just one week to go in the regular season, only one position has been clinched and the other division is still up for grabs between three teams. Let's start with the easy stuff and what we know.

The Guns of Hochuli at 10-3 are the first team, and the only team to be assured a play off position. The win this week assures them the #1 Championship position. Regardless of what happens next week, they have the #1 seed. The Broncolo's and the Drunk Monkeys at 8-5 each are assured a play off position, but it wont be decided until next week if one or both will make the Championship series. At 6-7 the Black Cats are one of two teams in the league who need to win to be in the play offs. The Tarjackistan Torpedoes, after some favorable results in other games, are still alive for the consolation series (unbelievable).

In the Surface Skimmers division, it's a three horse race. The Reapers lead the division at 8-5 with a divisional game lead over the Nighthawks. The Ghost Monkeys at 7-6 can still win the divisional, and all three teams are assured a play off appearance. The Taipans are the second team in the league (to the Black Cats) who need a win to be in the play offs. Even EGS and the Green Beans at 5-8 are still mathematically alive. The entire division will be decided next week.

So our table looks like this.

10-3 Guns of Hochuli (clinched #1 seed)
8-5 Broncolo's (clinched a play off position)
8-5 Drunk Monkeys (clinched a play off position)
8-5 Reapers (clinched a play off position)*
8-5 Helmand Nighthawks (clinched a play off position)*
7-6 Ghost Monkeys (clinched a play off position)*
6-7 Australian Taipans
6-7 Black Cats
5-8 Tarjackistan Torpedoes
5-8 Green Beans
5-8 Every Given Sunday
2-10 Wild Boston Terriers (eliminated)

* playing for divisional title


The last week of the regular season has some potentially juicy match ups, and we've chosen two for you. In the Sub Simmers division, we'll be carrying the Drunk Monkeys and the Black Cats match up. In the Surface Skimmers division, the Ghost Monkeys and the Helmand Nighthawks match up. This game is intriguing as the winner may win the division, and, pending other games, these two teams could meet each other in the first week of the play offs.

I don't think we've ever had such a tight race into the last week of the regular season as we're seeing here.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort effort of 5 receptions, 82 yards and the game winning touchdown for a total score of (just enough) 15.1 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Martellus Bennett of the Drunk Monkeys, the Week Thirteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[TarJak]

The Tarjackistan Torpedoes, after some favorable results in other games, are still alive for the consolation series (unbelievable).
Trust me. no-one is more surprised than I to find us in playoff contention.:o

Wish my WR's had done some catching and running practise before this week though:hmmm:

[Gargamel]

WOOOO MVP!!!

[Gut Wrench]

GUNNERS ROLL ON!
Playoffs seeded...finally.


Week Fourteen in the 2012 Subsim Fantasy Football, and the final week of the year for some, and the start of the play offs for many teams in an undecided format. We'll tell you about the League records that tumble, we'll let you know which surprising team clinched the #2, we'll put all the players in their place and we'll let at least one coach gasp as they hang on to make the final eight.

But before we do anything, here's a reminder about the most important thing you have to do tomorrow.

VOTE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


In the final week of the regular season, six of the eight play off positions were decided, but, there were up to five teams scrambling for those last two positions. At the same time, all but one of the six locked in were already decided.

Let's take this week apart game by game starting with the Surface Skimmers division where the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. These two teams probably would have fought for the #1 seed if they had been in opposing divisions. This year, they were lumped together. The Nighthawks lead the league in points scored while the Monkeys were big winners in divisional games. With a potential appearance in the Championship Series and the Divisional Championship on the line, this was a game that went back and forth. The Monkeys didn't score very many points to begin with, then the Nighthawks QB Andrew Luck had none, before Roddy White (WR) and Doug Martin (RD) pushed the Nighthawks to a score they could defend. Defend to anybody except Tom Brady who torched the Nighthawks with his offensive night (pun). Ghost Monkeys slap the Nighthawks 105 - 89 and put themselves in line for the Division.

Our second game was the Drunk Monkeys and the Black Cats match. The Cats lead the division early in the season but have slowly slinked lower and lower. The Drunk Monkeys, with new QB Colin Kapernick had swung back into contention for a Championship berth. The Cats were facing play off elimination and the week did not go well, as the Monkeys swung through the Cats taking a comfortable win 99 - 87. The Cats with the loss drop to 6-8 and have to wait on other games to see if they will be players or spectators next week.

Having already clinched the #1 with a solid performance throughout the year, Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli had nothing to prove this weekend...except how many records they could break. Matched against the ghost team of the Broncolo's, guaranteed a play off position (how'd that happen?) the Broncolo's finally played like a team with their Manager AWOL scoring only 63 points. But the Gunners, it was magical to watch their defense score a league record, to score a record largest winning margin, and to score the most number of points in a game, breaking the record they set earlier in the year in week 2. Gunners stomp all over the Broncolo's 181 - 63 and wait to eat their next victim in the first week of the play offs.

Back in the Surface Skimmers division, the Australian Taipans who a week ago were still in the hunt for the divisional title, after suffering a loss now found themselves trying to hang on for a play off appearance. The Taipans season has been racked by injuries, they have 3 out for the season tonight, were playing against divisional rivals the Green Beans. Sitting outside the playoff picture, the Beans would need the win, some help, and then rely on a tiebreaker if they were going to make any appearance in the play offs. It was not to be. The Beans have kind of gone bad throughout the season and this, their last game, typified their results. Taipans win 134 - 63, and cement themselves a play off position.

With just one more position up for grabs, the Tarjackistan Torpedoes were still alive, if they could get around the Wild Boston terriers. The Terriers have been scruffed up this year. The Terriers have scored a lot of points, but they have also had the most number of points scored against them, which has contributed to their 2-11 record. Needing a win, although already assured first pick of the draft next year, the Doggies came out in fine style against their divisional opponents. The Torpedoes, in their first year in the league, succumb in their final game to the Terriers, 96-76. Torpedoes finish the year a respectable 5-9, but the loss drops them out of play off contention.

With just one play off position undecided and the Surface Skimmers Division still up for grabs, it all came down to The Reapers hosting Every Given Sunday. A win to EGS would put them into the play offs, a win to the Reapers would give them a five game winning streak and clinch them the #2 seed in the play offs. EGS started early on Thursday with QB Peyton Manning, and although successful, a Gut Wrench-ing :D feel came over me when I saw that Payton had only scored 13 points. In a mild winter game the Reapers slowly hacked their way into the lead put up by EGS and inched forward to get the win. Final score Reapers defeat Every Given Sunday 101 - 91. The win gives Coach Pit their first Divisional Championship and the #2 seeding in the play offs.

So, lets talk about the play offs.

The Guns of Hochucli are the form team of the league at 11-3, clinching the #1 seed. The Reapers at 9-5 eek out a one game lead over the rest of the Surface Skimmers Division and take the #2 seed. The Drunk Monkeys, the only other team at 9-5 take the #3 seed. With only one position remaining in the Championship Divisional play offs, the tie breaker rule came into play to break up the three teams jammed at 8-6. The Helmand Nighthawks have scored the most points and take the #4 seed on the countback, and barely squeezed into the Championship Playoffs. Well done Mister Chris.

The other two 8-6 teams are relegated to the Consolation Series, where the Broncolo's take the #5 seed (how the hell did THAT happen?) from the Ghost Monkeys. The Taipans finish the season at 7-7 and take the #7 seed. The Black Cats, with the leagues longest losing streak of 5 straight, despite their loss, hang on for the #8 position. The Green Beans, WBT, EGS and the Torpedoes, get to watch the play offs on TV.

In the first week of the play offs, the most intriguing match up is the #1 seed Guns of Hochuli hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. These two teams did not meet in the regular season and the Nighthawks are looking for an upset to regain a Championship lost a couple of years ago. The other Championship match is the Reapers hosting the Drunk Monkeys.

In the Consolation Series, the non existent Brocolo's host the (non existent wins in the last few weeks) Black Cats. The Cats can still make amends for a late season slump and finish out #5 for the year. In the other game, divisional rivals the Ghost Monkeys host the Australian Taipans who meet for the third time this season, having defeated the Taipans in both previous meetings.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort effort of 3 sacks, 4 interceptions, 4 fumble recoveries and 2 defensive touchdowns, for a league record score of 46 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the Seattle Seahawk Defense of the Guns of Hochuli, the Week Fourteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[nikimcbee]

So this years Fosters Cup was a draw.:haha: I guess I'll see you on skype Tarjak, and we can both chug down a Fosters.:dead:

[TarJak]

Looks that way mate. Well done Doggies in getting a win. We'll see you next year.:salute::Kaleun_Cheers:

[Gut Wrench]

GUNNERS TO SUPERBOWL!
...provided Mayans are wrong.


Here we go, week fifteen in the Subsim Fantasy Football competition, the first week of the play offs….and if you believe the Mayans, the last week we’ll be having Fantasy Football. But don’t despair, just in case the Mayans are wrong – as it has been known to happen, we’ll give you all of this weeks important news and what to look forward to next week. And if you want some insurance against the doomsday, here’s what you need to do tomorrow.


VOTE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


Let’s start with our top of the table clash, and look at our team even before they took the field. Mister Chris and the Helmand Nighthawks were playing both Andrew Luck (QB) and the Houston Texans (Def). Did someone say rookie mistake? Playing the opposite numbers looked to be the death nail on the Nighthawks, right up until the Gunners ran on to the field. The class of the league all year, the Guns of Hochuli started a little slow for a Thursday night, and really, just looked like they “did enough” on Sunday to have a 20 point lead going into Monday Night. Hello, Chris Johnston (RB) of the Nighthawks who with one touchdown and over 100 yards in the first half, needed one more touchdown to snap the most unlikely victory of the last few years. It was not to happen, as Johnston stalled, allowing the Guns of Hochuli to advance to the Subsim Torpedo Bowl. Finals core in a thriller, Guns of Hochuli 98, Helmand Nighthawks 92.


In the second of the Championship games, the Surface Skimmers divisional winners Reapers hosted the Drunk Monkeys. Again, we look at the Reapers who started both Eli Manning (QB) and the Atlanta Falcons (Def). Unlike in the earlier game, the opposing combination seem to have merit as the Drunk Monkeys staggered on to the field and were barely able to have two players reach double digits. Final score: Reapers 91 Drunk Monkeys 65, and the Reapers earn the second berth in the Torpedo Bowl Game.


In the consolation series, Vegas is still trying to work how the ghost team of Coach Ryan and the Broncolo’s managed to get into the play offs, let alone win a playoff game. This week the 8-6 Broncolo’s were matched against the 6-8 Black Cats. The Broncolo’s, maybe with a little more effort could have been playing in the Superbowl Game instead of for the #5 position. The Cats, with the leagues longest losing streak of 5, made it 6 as they failed to achieve any sort of purr in their search for play off immortality. Final score Broncolo’s 104 Black Cats 87.

After having trounced the Australian Taipans twice during the regular season, the Ghost Monkeys were looking for the hat trick in the second consolation series game. The Monkeys, despite Denario Alexander (WR) scoring nothing, still managed to put up an impressive score – which if they were playing in the main game would have seen them advance to the Superbowl. Alas, the Monkeys were bitten by the Taipans who finally, after weeks on end of injures, show some stank and take out this weeks biggest blow out. Final score Australian Taipans 136 Ghost Monkeys 102.

Ok, so now with just one week to go, here’s how the season final games match up.

After winning the Surface Skimmers division, the Reapers advance to the Superbowl, where they will meet Guns of Hochuli. These two teams are the divisional winners this year, and interesting, the Gunners had a 3 point win over the Reapers in week 9.

In the bronze medal race, the Drunk Moneys will be looking to sober up as they going on the wagon before meeting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Nighthawks beat the Ghost Monkeys in week 7, but lost to them in week 14.

In the Consolation Series, the ghost team of the Broncolo’s have one more opportunity to show just how far nothing will take you when the Australian Taipans come to town. These two teams did not meet in the regular season. In the last game, the Black Cats are looking at a league record number of losses in a row if they loose to the Ghost Monkeys. These two teams also did not meet in the regular season.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort effort of 307 yards, 4 passing TD's and 11 rushing yards for 35.19 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the Drew Brees of the Broncolo's, the Week Fifteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[mookiemookie]

Been fun playing with you guys over the past few years, but this is where I bow out. Best of luck to those left and congratulations to the eventual champion.

:salute:

[Gut Wrench]

GUNNERS ARE THE GRIM REAPERS!
New Torpedo Bowl Champion.


Here we go, week sixteen and the final week in the Subsim Fantasy Football competition. After the Mayan apocalypse did not eventuate, we'll tell you which teams wish it had, as we crown a new Torpedo Bowl champion.

But before we don anything, we have to give you this very important message.


VOTE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


They were the pick team the whole year. Coach Casey and the Guns of Hochuli drafted well, and methodically game after game made their way through to the Torpedo Bowl final. Up against Coach Pit and the Reapers, who ever so quietly won the Surface Skimmers division after a back and forth affair. In the big dance at the end, it was the Gunners, who didn't put up stellar numbers, but systematically went about the business of Fantasy Football to lead the entire weekend and eventually run out very comfortable winner. Final score Guns of Hochuli 100 Reapers 88.

Congratulations to both teams that made it to the Torpedo and to the Gunners on their championship win.

Elsewhere there were three other games playing this weekend. For the Bronze medal, the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. The Nighthawks were the leagues second top point scorer throughout the year, and this week they showed why. Facing a well versed divisional opponent in the Bronze Medal Bowl, Roddy White (WR) was the difference between the two teams, as this one appeared to be well and truley done by Sunday afternoon. The Monkeys closed the gap late Sunday night, but Coach Mookie was unable to get the fairytale send off, after announcing his retirement earlier in the week. Mister Chris and the Nighthawks get the third place medal with a 109 - 94 win.

The fifth place game proved to be this weeks best, and once again, leaves everybody stunned as to how far a ghost team can go. Coach Pioneer and the Australian Taipans had a 50 point lead after the one game Saturday night and looked in control of this game. As has happened throughout the year, the Taipans succumbed to injuries during the game. The Broncolo's, with no appearance by Coach Ryan, came out of formations and even with an injured reserved kicker, chased down the Taipans. In a thriller going into the last two minutes, Taipans RB Frank Gore needed only one catch and some yards to steal the win . It was not to be. Broncolo's add yet another "how the XXXX did that happen" win to their tally beating the Taipans 118 - 115 to take the fifth place medal.

In the fourth and final game of the year, one time league leaders the Black Cats were unable to stop the worst losing streak from oblivion as they faced the Ghost Monkeys. The Monkeys, with an up and down year, scared the Cats with their offensive plays to eventually run out the winners 123 - 100, and take the seventh place medal, with the knowledge that in their division, they probably should have finished a couple of places higher.

So there you have it folks. Coach Casey, the quiet achiever of the past few years finally pulls everything together to showcase an impeccable performance in Fantasy Football. The Guns of Hochuli had some big scores, but their win stands testimony to week after week of picking the best match-ups. Congratulations the new Subsim Torpedo Bowl Champions, the Guns of Hochuli.

Tomorrow night we'll have our last broadcast for the season, as we announce the All Star team and annouce the Team Honor name.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort effort of 8 receptions for 153 yards and 2 touchdown for 32.63 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the Roddy White of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Week Sixteen MVT.


http://i654.photobucket.com/albums/uu266/PioneerXI/MVT.jpg

[nikimcbee]

Does this mean I'm first in the draft next year?:hmm2::rock::haha::dead:

[Gut Wrench]

ALL SUBSIM TEAM NAMED.
Honoring The Best Team.


The Torpedo Bowl is over, the Guns of Hochuli are still celebrating, the general public is still asking how a ghost team finishes 5th, the Wild Boston Terriers have sold off the team with plans to draft aggressively next year, and it's time to name the Subsim All Star Team.

But before we do anything, we have to give you this very important message, one last time.


VOTE SUBSIM FF REPORTS FOR THIS YEARS "BEST OF SUBSIM".


This team should have been announced last night, but, circumstances saw traffic backed up and the commute home was nightmare.

Now, onto the team name. 2012 has not been the year we would like to remember for greatness. The reporting by mainstream media on the culprits to all the weapons incidents this year has almost glorified them. And yet, can one of you recall the name of the American Ambassador shot? I can't without searching, but I know that incident should never have been allowed to happen. Nor left without a response.

But I am not the President.

And unlike some of my media counterparts, it's neither the time nor the place for me to talk about gun control, particularly at this web site.

However, let us not forget the fallen, some of them defenseless to what amounted to nothing short of domestic terrorism. In honor of that fact, I give you this years All Star Team, named in honor of the defenseless.


2012 SANDY HOOK ANGELS.

http://uploads.thealternativepress.com/uploads/photos/ph/best_731e7839ba41b15eae0d_Sandy_Hook_School.jpg

QB: Tom Brady - Ghost Monkeys
WR: Calvin Johnson - Australian Taipans
Brandon Marshall - The Reapers
Roddy White - Helmand Nighthawks
RB: Adrian Peterson - Wild Boston Terriers
Arian Foster - Guns of Hochuli
TE: Tony Gonzales - Green Beans
K: Jason Hanson - The Reapers
DEF: Seattle - Guns of Hochuli

Bench:
Drew Brees - Broncolo's
A.J. Green - Every Given Sunday
Trent Richardson - Tarjackistan Torpedoes
Heath Miller - Black Cats
Phil Dawson - Drunk Monkeys
Chicago - Broncolo's


We'll see you back here next August when we go through the most frustrating 16 weeks of the year, in the race to next years, Subsim Torpedo Bowl...where we hope Commissioner McBee finally gets the team that belongs, that the ghost coaches don't make the play offs, and where the advertisers don't notice that readership this year was down. :/\\!!

For the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) this is Gut Wrench.