Rough Weekend

[frau kaleun]

Found out late Sunday that my nephew killed himself over the weekend - sometime Saturday evening or early Sunday. A friend who went to his place on Sunday found him, he had shot himself. Don't know much more than that as we have not heard anything about a note or whether or not he was drinking or doing anything else that might have contributed to it.

He would have been 40 in March and seemed to be getting his life on track - his mom (my ex sister-in-law, she's divorced from my brother) and stepdad had offered to help him out financially if he wanted to go back to school provided he stuck with it and finished his degree, which he was doing with success as far as we know.

But he was in a couple of car accidents as a young adult, the first of which resulted in a bad back injury that nothing could really fix; the second accident exacerbated the problem and left him in constant pain as a result. From what we know his doctor had recently taken him off all his pain meds which seemed to completely freak him out, apparently she was hoping to get him on something new for pain but whether or not that's why she cut him off of his current meds or there were other reasons I don't know.

Anyway we may never know what all the factors were, his mom has been battling cancer for about the last year and her prognosis was never good to start with and there have been a couple of times already when we weren't sure if she was going to make it. The two of them were very close and maybe he just couldn't deal with seeing her go downhill plus the results of his meds being cut off and who knows what all else that we don't even know about, he was one of those people who never wanted to be a bother to anyone so there may be a lot we just don't know because he didn't talk about it. Even the people closest to him didn't see this coming.

He and all his immediate family live on the other side of the country from us so we can't be there for them except for phone and email and in spirit. So any good wishes and kind thoughts sent their (and our) way are much appreciated.

[Dowly]

So sorry to hear that. :cry:

[Osmium Steele]

Hugz

[danasan]

I really do feel sorry when reading this. You've had a hard time during the last couple of months. I hope for better times for you in the future.

danasan

[Randomizer]

Sincere condolences, FK.

Suicide always tends to leave the survivors in greater shock than even accidental deaths as everybody wonders if they missed something, said something or didn't say something that influenced the person.

The real victims of suicide are those left behind with no idea why.

Best wishes, I hope all involved can move on without guilt.

[krashkart]

[...] we don't even know about, he was one of those people who never wanted to be a bother to anyone so there may be a lot we just don't know because he didn't talk about it. Even the people closest to him didn't see this coming.

Nobody ever really does see it coming, unless we're lucky enough in that the person actually does talk about what's going on. That stuff just builds up over time and certainly doesn't make life any better or easier, but that's just the way some of us are. We can't talk about our troubles because, well, let's face it: everyone has problems and we should just buck up and quit being so selfish/whiny or whatever the excuse may be. It's a selfless act that in and of itself is actually very selfish; because in that struggle we forget (or simply ignore) that the people who know and love us really do want to help, no matter what it is that's bothering us. How else are they to know what's wrong with us unless we tell them? I don't even understand it myself, and that's where I've been most of my life. But there is certainly a self-destructive component to it.

[Tribesman]

Bad news Frau, stay strong.

[frau kaleun]

Thanks, guys.

@krashkart: DUDE WHERE YOU BEEN? I have missed you.


It really was a shock, yes, with mom and dad they were elderly and in failing health and we knew weeks or months ahead that it was only a matter of (not much) time.

Getting this phone call was like being hit by a truck. Just ran us right over and knocked the wind out of all of us.

[krashkart]

Getting this phone call was like being hit by a truck. Just ran us right over and knocked the wind out of all of us.

I still remember the first one I lost. I had just come home from school. My Mom stopped me at the front door, sat me down on the steps, and told me that Ed had killed himself the night before. I had hung out with him just hours before he did it, too, and never, not once, saw any sign in him of what he had on his mind. To say that I cried my eyes out would be an understatement, and it's never really gone away even after all these years. "Hit by a truck" indeed; that's precisely how it felt. :cry:

[u crank]

Sincere condolences Frau. Thoughts and prayers.

[Herr-Berbunch]

Ah crap, Frau! My thoughts are with you and your family.

[AVGWarhawk]

That is sad new certainly. Sorry to hear this news.

[Jimbuna]

My thoughts are with you at this terrible time.

[MH]

Sorry to hear:nope:... and stay cool your coolness.

[Garion]

Sad, sad news :cry:

Garion

[Penguin]

Sorry to hear that, frau kaleun!
I wish you all the power and the strengh you need to get through this rough time. Alles Gute!

[HunterICX]

Sorry to hear, these kind of things really hit hard.

HunterICX

[Schroeder]

That's a tough one. Sorry to hear that.:-?

[vienna]

My condolences, Frau; I have known more than a few people who have opted out, some for reasons that were clear, others for reasons no one will ever know. It doesn't make the pain any less for those left behind, whether you know or not. Sometimes knowing adds to the pain. At least whatever pain they had that drove them to that point is over and the most those left behind can do is hope they have found peace...

Again, my condolences to you...

[Sailor Steve]

I wondered where you had got to. Sorry to hear your absence was for such a serious reason. I've had similar problems, and I well empathize.

[kraznyi_oktjabr]

My condolences Frau. :( Family friend did suicide few years ago and even though he wasn't very close to me personally it was still very difficult to accept that he really did it.

[kiwi_2005]

my condolences Frau :nope:

[Falkirion]

Sorry to hear this FK.

[andritsos]

Sorry to hear that this happened. My most sincere condolences to all of you that are affected. Keep strong.

[CCIP]

Sorry to hear that Frau - that's one of the toughest thing a family can go through. There's just nothing that you can do to prepare yourself for it. It can hit you like a truck, or take a while to settle in, but that's not the worst. The worst is facing the rest of the family/friends afterwards. I've unfortunately had the experience, and there's just no way to make it easy - but as long as you're all there for each other, it helps.

[PapaKilo]

Life is a bitch. Especially when it hurts you.. Community will never forget your pain, just don't be affraid to share it with us all! Together we're stronger!

[von Kinderei]

WoW ... :nope:

My condolences FK

[Takeda Shingen]

My thoughts with you and your loved ones at this time, frau.

[Reece]

That is just so sad Frau Kaleun,:cry: I can see a little of what he was going through, my cousin committed suicide and my brother had a back injury that was not fixable, the doctors took him off his meds:x and he turned to liquor, he is now isolated, always drunk, alone, and wants nothing to do with the family, why I don't know!!:oops: So I have a bit of an idea of the situation.
My cousin was in her early 20's, good education, her whole future looked great, again no note, hanged herself! Still can't believe it!!:oops:
Hopefully all concerned come to terms with this quickly and get on with their lives, such a tragedy!:wah:
I hope you are coping ok with this Frau, I do feel for you.:oops:
Reece.

[GoldenRivet]

Sorry to hear it FK... you and your family will be in our prayers:cry:

[magic452]

So sorry to hear of this, can be real tough to have something just come out of the blue. My condolences to you and the family.

Magic

[TarJak]

Sad news FK. Keep your chin up and remember the good times with him.

[frau kaleun]

Thanks again, everybody, your kind thoughts are much appreciated.

It will be worse for others in the family than for me, neither of my brother's kids had really kept in touch with their out-of-state family after they grew up and got out on their own. Contact was always positive but very sporadic.

But my sister and her husband lived out west when both the kids were growing up, right across the street from our brother's family. They don't have kids of their own and became like a second set of parents instead of an aunt and uncle. For them it's as close to losing their own child as they will probably ever experience and so they are taking it pretty hard.

But we will all deal with it, because what else can you do?

However with mom dying last summer, my sister's accident in November, and now this - I think we are due for a break. That's our three bad things for the "things always come in threes" trope so - ENOUGH ALREADY! *shakes fist at sky* :stare:

[Jimbuna]

However with mom dying last summer, my sister's accident in November, and now this - I think we are due for a break. That's our three bad things for the "things always come in threes" trope so - ENOUGH ALREADY! *shakes fist at sky* :stare:

Onward and upward :sunny:

[CaptainHaplo]

May his soul find the rest it sought, and may those behind find solace in the knowledge that he lives on in your hearts through memory.

[August]

Please accept our sincere condolences FK. I'll remember your nephew in my prayers tonight.

[Platapus]

But we will all deal with it, because what else can you do?




A very mature attitude to have. :yep:

[frau kaleun]

A very mature attitude to have. :yep:

I just worry about his mom, she has been fighting cancer since... I think it's been at least a year now, and barely hanging on through a lot of it. Now she's got to bury one of her children. I don't think it will hit her until the service and burial and I know she's got a very loving and supportive husband and her daughter will be close at hand but it's still gonna be rough. I just can't imagine it.