Joke Thread

[Gargamel]

Really Surprised there inst a good joke thread here.

A successful lawyer took his seat on his flight. He was pleasantly surprised to see a very attractive blonde in the seat next to him. Despite all his pleasantries, she pretty much ignored him until just after takeoff.

So he says, "Look, I'll make you a deal. We can play a game. I'll ask you a question, if you can get it right, I'll pay you $5, if not, you pay me $5. You can then ask me a question, and If I can't get it right, I'll pay you $500, if not, You pay me $500."

She ponders, and says Ok.

"Who was the leader of Italy during world war II?" he asks.

She thinks, and digs $5 out her purse.

"My turn," she says, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4?"

He hems and haws, spends half the flight thinking about it, finally giving her the $500.

"Thanks" she says, and tries to go to sleep.

Just as their landing, he leans over to her, "I have to know, whats the answer to your question?"

She blinks at him, and hands him $5.

[Platapus]

Why did the employees of the US Mint go on strike?

Because they wanted to make less money per hour. :D

[antikristuseke]

This is offensive but bloody hillarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SagayzX2T7Y

[Gargamel]

This is offensive but bloody hillarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SagayzX2T7Y

BZZZZZZT! videos and pics dont count. Has to be in text!

[antikristuseke]

I can't be arsed to type that all.

Edit: allright here is one What is the difference between football and rape?

















Women don't like football.

[Sailor Steve]

Really Surprised there inst a good joke thread here.
There have been dozens of joke threads here. They always die out, until someone says he's surprised there aren't any and starts a new one.

That's a pretty good joke all by itself.

[GoldenRivet]

There have been dozens of joke threads here. They always die out, until someone says he's surprised there aren't any and starts a new one.

That's a pretty good joke all by itself.

Im wondering if he meant forum.

"Humor, Funnies and Jokes forum"

[Gargamel]

There have been dozens of joke threads here. They always die out, until someone says he's surprised there aren't any and starts a new one.

That's a pretty good joke all by itself.

Meh


/cave

[Sailor Steve]

Meh


/cave
My problem is that I've already told all my good jokes. They'd be new to you, but everybody else would be saying "What? Not that again!" :oops:

[Spike88]

My problem is that I've already told all my good jokes. They'd be new to you, but everybody else would be saying "What? Not that again!" :oops:



They'd be new to me as I hardly wander over from General Games to General topics. :up:


Edit: I have a few, but thinking and booze don't get along.

[antikristuseke]

If you're female, it's really hard. First you're a baby, then a child and a girl and a woman and all these things are happening to you.
But if you are male, you are born, you have one finger up your nose and the other hand on your dick and then you get taller. And that is really it!

[Jimbuna]

I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today.


Well I'm assuming she was poor, she only had 86p in her purse.

[Weiss Pinguin]

There have been dozens of joke threads here. They always die out, until someone says he's surprised there aren't any and starts a new one.

That's a pretty good joke all by itself.
What? Not that again!

[Sailor Steve]

What? Not that again!
:rotfl2: OUCH!

[Jimbuna]

I asked my mate the other day if he remembered the joke I told him about alzheimer's...

The dickhead's still confused...

[antikristuseke]

Alzheimers is not a disease, it is a way of meeting exiting new people every day without ever leaving the retirement home.

[Sailor Steve]

I started a joke.

It started the whole world crying.

Too late did I see that the joke was on me.

[Jimbuna]

Outrageous, the student protesters attacked Prince Charles car and a helpless looking horse.
Prince Charles was reported to be fine, but Camilla was a little shaken ...

[Sailor Steve]

This hyar's a hillbilly joke. If'n any of y'all are offended...well, I don't think anybody who'd be offended could actually read, so who cares?

Luke and Rufus meet each other on a bridge. Noticing the bag in Luke's hand, Rufus asks "Hey, Luke, watcha got in t' bag?"

Luke answers "Some baby pigs."

Rufus: "How many?"

Luke: "I tell ya what. If you can guess, I'll give ya both of 'em."

Rufus thinks for a minute and asks "Five?"

[Jimbuna]

How can the world end in 2012, if i have a Yogurt that expires in 2013?

[Madox58]

The Humane Society of America was trying to outlaw those Round bales of Hay you see everywhere.
They claimed animals were not getting a Square meal.
:haha:

Those against this proved the animals were still getting a well rounded diet.
:O:

[Platapus]

As I posted on another thread:

A truckload of Viagra was stolen.

Police are looking for hardened criminals

State prosecutors threaten stiff penalties

:D

[Madox58]

Hospitals are being notified to watch for erections lasting longer then 4 hours.

If I had that problem?
I'd be calling the News Stations bragging!
:haha:

[Jimbuna]

I gave an elderly rabbit a Viagra but it died.
I guess old rabbits die hard.

[Platapus]

I made the mistake of taking Viagra at the same time I was taking my iron supplements.

Now every time I want sex I point to North. :oops:

[Jimbuna]

A guy goes to his pharmacy and asks for a pack of Viagra.

"Do you have a prescription?" the pharmacist asks.

"No, but here's a picture of my wife." he replied.