Pooping: You're Doing It Wrong

[frau kaleun]

http://gawker.com/5622737/forget-everything-you-thought-you-knew-about-pooping

If you're attractive and/or a girl, this doesn't apply to you. But the rest of you, meaning those who poop, listen up: Your pooping technique is incorrect, a groundbreaking story reveals...
Modern-day squat evangelists make money off the claim that a "more natural" posture wards off all sorts of health problems, from Crohn's disease to colon cancer. Inventor Jonathon Isbit runs a modest online business selling Nature's Platform-a homemade, $150 device that fits over toilets to make them more like holes in the ground.

Of course this doesn't apply to Subsimmers, because we're all attractive and/or girls. :O:

[AVGWarhawk]

As long as I can get some reading done that is all that matters. :DL

[SteamWake]

"Device to make the toilent more like a hole in the floor"

heh Im way ahead of this dude...

My 'main' bathrooms current state

http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh312/UlteriorModem/DSCN2416.jpg

[jumpy]

^^ lmao

hmm straining? surely a better diet is better for ease of ahem, 'motions' than some 150 quid gadget to make the business of passing richards more like squatting behind a bush?

I can see a fatal flaw in this 'labour saving device' - has no-one thought of the monumental proportions of the 'splash-back' from such dizzying heights above the calm waves of the porcelain littorals? :o :down: No thanks chum.

[papa_smurf]

"Device to make the toilent more like a hole in the floor"

heh Im way ahead of this dude...


Charge $150, and you'll make a mint:D

[Weiss Pinguin]

The real question here, I think, is does it solve the problem of 'lid up/lid down'?

[frau kaleun]

"Device to make the toilent more like a hole in the floor"

heh Im way ahead of this dude...

My 'main' bathrooms current state



So are you using targeting assistance when you fire off those eels, or have you thrown caution to the wind and gone strictly manual?

[SteamWake]

Topedoes loose !!!! :haha: and hope there not loose torpedoes.

Actually we have a second bathroom complete with a working throne. :up:

[Alex]

Welcome to Saigon, biyatches.
Now stretch those Achilles tendons, or you'll topple over and make a mess you won't soon forget.

:har:

[Buddahaid]

http://www.wt.utari.net/

Here now! What's all that squating about?

[Reece]

Now of course if you are now going to squat (careful, if you slip your in the sh!t), you may need the new device advertised on the right of the article, the extended toilet roll holder!:yep: All I can add is... Spa-doonch!!:haha:
http://cache-02.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/7/2010/08/126x100_extendingtp.jpg (http://gawker.com/5621999/extending-toilet-paper-for-people-too-lazy-to-reach)

[frau kaleun]

Now of course if you are now going to squat (careful, if you slip your in the sh!t), you may need the new device advertised on the right of the article, the extended toilet roll holder!:yep: All I can add is... Spa-doonch!!:haha:

I'm not gonna deal with maneuvering a toilet paper roll out and back from the wall AND simultaneously trying to keep my balance whilst squatting over a hole in the floor.

In short: put a remote control device on that thing or it's no sale. :hmph:

Oh wait, I'm a girl. I don't poop. Never mind!

[TFatseas]

Poop thread...:hmmm:

I subscribe to the theory "If it's not broke, don't fix it".

[Flaxpants]

Living in Thailand, I am quite used to squatting over holes, nothing new here.
Get through a lot of shoes mind you.

[TLAM Strike]

Living in Thailand, I am quite used to squatting over holes, nothing new here.
Get through a lot of shoes mind you.
That's why in Japan they leave slippers by the door for you to ware in the bathroom. ;)

[antikristuseke]

Poop thread...:hmmm:

I subscribe to the theory "If it's not broke, don't fix it".

Your arse appears to be cracked, I'll get the stapler.:D

[UnderseaLcpl]

:hmmm:.......and with the advent of the "poop thread", Subsim sank below its officially rated depth. Perhaps the only thing more worrisome is that from the experience of its military and former military members alone, there is enough information on this precise topic to fill several volumes. I could personally contribute about 40 pages of war stories related to the absence of a toilet, and another ten or twenty involving functional indoor plumbing and portable johns - ranging from the time Cpl. Robinson accidentally defecated upon (or near) a hornet nest and ran a good two tenths of a mile through the desert with his trousers around his ankles to seek shelter in a tank hulk (which had most recently seen service as a target and a toilet) to the mysterious account of the infamous Phantom S****** of Camp Fallujah.

Yes, America's servicemembers are some of the nation's most celebrated poopers, and Marines are the finest of these. Capable of crapping anything from victory to Tiffany cufflinks to a mostly intact MRE in the most inhospitable environs on the planet, marines are justly proud of the legacy they leave in every position they occupy, provided that it is properly buried and concealed to avoid later detection by the enemy.

[Flaxpants]

Yes, America's servicemembers are some of the nation's most celebrated poopers, and Marines are the finest of these. Capable of crapping anything from victory to Tiffany cufflinks to a mostly intact MRE in the most inhospitable environs on the planet, marines are justly proud of the legacy they leave in every position they occupy, provided that it is properly buried and concealed to avoid later detection by the enemy.

Presumably they get proper training for this?

[Dowly]

Your arse appears to be cracked, I'll get the stapler.:D

:har::har::har:

[Reece]

Your arse appears to be cracked, I'll get the stapler.:D

I agree Dowly! That is really funny!:har::har::har:

[frau kaleun]

Presumably they get proper training for this?

The big question is, does it now include hornet's nest recognition drills. :doh:

[antikristuseke]

Probably not, that takes all the fun out of it. Besides if you look at it from the wrong angle and get stung on the "right" spot it might swell and seem bigger...:yep:

[Castout]

Squatting while passing motion would increase blood pressure which would not happen if you just sit.

[AVGWarhawk]

This thread has gone to crap.

[frau kaleun]

This thread has gone to crap.

Really? And here I was, feeling all flush with success.

[antikristuseke]

In this context this is even worse than usual
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA

[Lionclaw]

Yes, would be bad if it came out as chocolate rain.

Good thing that it doesn't smell like chocolate though, people would eat their own.

[frau kaleun]

Yes, would be bad if it came out as chocolate rain.

Good thing that it doesn't smell like chocolate though, people would eat their own.

EEEWWWW and I'd just put some M&Ms in my mouth when I read this. :stare:

We have a morning radio show here where one of the hosts refers to certain unpleasant excretory experiences as "the night of a thousand waterfalls."

[Lionclaw]

EEEWWWW and I'd just put some M&Ms in my mouth when I read this. :stare:

We have a morning radio show here where one of the hosts refers to certain unpleasant excretory experiences as "the night of a thousand waterfalls."

:har::haha:

[Jimbuna]

For when you don't want to be disturbed.

http://www.chessninja.com/images/computer-toilet.jpg

[TLAM Strike]

Really? And here I was, feeling all flush with success.

That's because you are a raving loo-natic...

[frau kaleun]

That's because you are a raving loo-natic...

Sez you. I don't give a squat what you think. :O:

[Weiss Pinguin]

Dunno about the rest of you, but I'm keeping my pipe shut on this topic.

[frau kaleun]

Dunno about the rest of you, but I'm keeping my pipe shut on this topic.

Heh. I'll bet a fiber you can't.

[AVGWarhawk]

Oh relax....ative

[The Third Man]

I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here: Why oh why didn't I take the BROWN pill?

[Weiss Pinguin]

It seems this thread has hit a brown note.

[frau kaleun]

It seems this thread has hit a brown note.

Aw, don't give up now. After all, the turd time's a charm.

[AVGWarhawk]

Aw, don't give up now. After all, the turd time's a charm.

:haha:

[jumpy]

http://www.mil-millington.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/lavvy.htm

Says it all really.

Lavatories of the world, is a spin off page from TMGAIHAA (http://www.mil-millington.com/), it (and much of the parent site) is a very long read, but is so side-splittingly funny that it will have you in tears. Bookmark it for future entertainment.

[papa_smurf]

I see the toilet jokes have arrived - squeaky bum time!

[Weiss Pinguin]

I see the toilet jokes have arrived - squeaky bum time!
This could get messy.... I think I'll take a seat :doh:

[frau kaleun]

This could get messy.... I think I'll take a seat :doh:

You know what they say... either sit or get off the thread. :O:

[The Third Man]

When the fan turns, the thread starter is most likely to be hit.

But some folks like that.

[Weiss Pinguin]

I'm sure we can get them a sock to put it in :shifty:

[frau kaleun]

I'm sure we can get them a sock to put it in :shifty:

No, no, no... we have two hampers. One for socks and stuff, and one just for poopoo undies.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_xrFN-CscMLM/SfdpGdKRCPI/AAAAAAAACck/OB-ET2gCxfU/s320/kahn.jpg

[Weiss Pinguin]

Just make sure none of them overflow.

[The Third Man]

Poop topics come from poop? :hmmm:

[Weiss Pinguin]

You know what they say: 'You can't polish a thread' :yep:

[Spoon 11th]

When talking about doing it wrong, one can't ignore the movie Human Centipede (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1467304/).

[frau kaleun]

When talking about doing it wrong, one can't ignore the movie Human Centipede (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1467304/).

On the contrary, I think I can continue to ignore that movie for as long as it takes to forget it exists. Which will be a little longer now, thank you very much. :O:

[Jimbuna]

When talking about doing it wrong, one can't ignore the movie Human Centipede (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1467304/).


Fascinating film :DL

[UnderseaLcpl]

Presumably they get proper training for this?

Well... yes and no. There is a proper procedure for the expelling of solid waste in the field, but it is rarely followed. You're supposed to dig a shallow hole and then cover it up and conceal it when you're finished. In reality, most groundpounders use a conveniently-shaped rock or a tree with a low "Y" in the trunk if nothing else is available. They also have a tendency to make field-expedient toilets out of everything from MRE bags to the unattended headgear of other units....so there is a "right" way to do it, but most soldiers prefer something else.

The big question is, does it now include hornet's nest recognition drills. :doh:
It did for my fire team after that:DL To be more precise, the training was actually to avoid areas of heavy vegetation in the desert, as where there is vegetation, there is water, and where there is water and vegetation, there are stingy and bitey things.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fun Fact: It is possible to cram at least twenty-three male Marine Corps recruits (stacked atop one another) into a standard toilet stall with room left to close the door. If the door is left open, up to thirty can be accomodated.Source: USMCRD San Diego (2001)

[frau kaleun]

They also have a tendency to make field-expedient toilets out of everything from MRE bags to the unattended headgear of other units....

:rotfl2:

And of course expediency would be the only thing that might a Marine take a dump in someone else's helmet. Goes without saying.


Fun Fact: It is possible to cram at least twenty-three male Marine Corps recruits (stacked atop one another) into a standard toilet stall with room left to close the door. If the door is left open, up to thirty can be accomodated.Source: USMCRD San Diego (2001)

Ladies and gentlemen, your tax dollars at work! :haha:

[Flaxpants]

Well... yes and no. There is a proper procedure for the expelling of solid waste in the field, but it is rarely followed. You're supposed to dig a shallow hole and then cover it up and conceal it when you're finished. In reality, most groundpounders use a conveniently-shaped rock or a tree with a low "Y" in the trunk if nothing else is available. They also have a tendency to make field-expedient toilets out of everything from MRE bags to the unattended headgear of other units....so there is a "right" way to do it, but most soldiers prefer something else.

Well thanks for enlightening me UnderseaLcpl, I was wondering about the correct procedure. I can certainly see the wisdom in covering it up after you're done, nothing worse than leaving a trail. cough.

[frau kaleun]

nothing worse than leaving a trail.

I understand this is always a big concern after "Mexican night" in the mess hall.

[Schroeder]

nothing worse than leaving a trail.
I just had to think of a soldier who carefully conceals the hole he just filled to not leaving a trail, so that no one will ever know that someone was there,... then re climbing his M1A2 Abrams and driving away.

http://foto.arcor-online.net/palb/alben/54/1012554/6436336563303237.jpg

[Weiss Pinguin]

I understand this is always a big concern after "Mexican night" in the mess hall.
I understand that is standard fare for the Corps :O: