Secret Mission (BALZ)

[Brag]

Before entering the BDU building, Balz removed his bazaar medals and kept only his Iron and German Cross. The secretary told him to go right in. He entered Doenitz­`s dispatch clacked his heels and saluted.
"What do you want to see me for?" Asked the admiral.
"I want to report the Loners Lane."
"Report a lovers lane? What that has to do with me? You come all the way from Wilhelmhaven to report that? You belong in a looney lane."
"Loner's Lane has no lovers, just loners by themselves, with no one else for company. Just one ship at a time sailing to assured destruction if you happen to position a U-boat there to listen for the kawoombah, kawoombah, rhythmic pounding of of loner engines, ready to deliver a kaboom grand finale to the luckless vessel flying the British red ensign."
"Ah," Doenitz said. "And where is this location?"
"It is ten miles north of the northern edge of AM 52 to ten miles south of it. We sunk three ships there in four days. Then the weather got bad and we heard several more ships. We would have heard more ships if the loners were not loners."
"Obviously." Doenitz tapped a pencil on the chart on his desk. "I´m going to send you on a secret mission. You´ve met our secret agents, Baba Haji Jimbuna, the magic carpet merchant, and Ali Baba?"
"Yes, when pirating in the Persian Gulf, they gave me support and recruited the Seven Peelers of Wisdom."
Doenitz chuckled. "You will meet them on your next mission."
"I don´t have enough fuel to reach the Persian Gulf."
"You´re not going there. They are in Ireland. You will sail into Cork and make contact with them. "
Balz assumed a heroic posture. As if inspired by a higher being, he addressed the ceiling. "Corkahoochie," he said in a low tone.
http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gifhttp://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif
Stay tuned.
U-45 Sailed on this dangerous mission from Wilhelmshafen on 30 December 1939

[Gerald]

Will never stop surprise me, :up:

[Sailor Steve]

Ah, so the Persian perpetrators of practical prudence have moved north. Will Balz rescue them from Eire, or only arouse the Onkel's ire?

Inquiring mindless subsimmers want to know!

[papa_smurf]

Balz assumed a heroic posture. As if inspired by a higher being, he addressed the ceiling. "Corkahoochie," he said in a low tone.

:woot:

[frau kaleun]

:hmmm:

Are we sure Donitz didn't just tell Balz to "put a cork in it?"

[Jimbuna]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_jjqlEoLFDNQ/S6QGG6wfUAI/AAAAAAAABqs/TOShGz7OGxs/s400/JBMonge7.jpg

[Brag]

Ah, so the Persian perpetrators of practical prudence have moved north. Will Balz rescue them from Eire, or only arouse the Onkel's ire?

Inquiring mindless subsimmers want to know!


Inquiring mindless subsimmers will get what they deserve :D

[Brag]

09 Jan 1940

To: BDU
Ultra secret

From: U-You know which. Position: You know where.
Approaches to you know where heavily patrolled.
With my superior skill we will make contact with you know who tomorrow night and ask them you know what.

Signed by you know who.

[papa_smurf]

To: U know who

Message received and understood.


BDu

[Torp III]

Soooo, If I get this right, Balz is going to meet Dr. Who and they are going to put a cork into Ireland????

[Sailor Steve]

Soooo, If I get this right, Balz is going to meet Dr. Who and they are going to put a cork into Ireland????
You catch on fast, young padawan.

[Brag]

From Lt. Schmenk´s diary:

After we were well out to sea, Balz gathered everyone in the Zentralle. "You may have noticed I have lined my tea cozy with lead foil. This is an extra precaution so that the Englanders don´t read my mind. I carry a great secret that must remain so. We are on a dangerous mission of high risk, which could spell our doom even if it is misspelled.

You will practice your twirling and singing with great diligence anything less than first class will not do on this gig. Now, line your caps with lead paper and I will tell you the secret of Operation Corkahoochie."

"Any questions?"
"Ja," Bernard said, "Who stole my medals?"
"No one stole your medals. You didn´t get any."
"Aw, I prefer to have stolen medals rather than no medals at all. Maybe you stole the medals, you medal hoarder."
Balz unsheathed the scimitar he took to wearing lately. "You little bugga. I´m going to mount your head atop the periscope."

I felt I had to step in before Balz murdered Bernard. "Herr Kaleun, we can´t delay choir practice."
"Ach, ja." Balz schook his head. "Einz, zwei, hoochie woochie."
The choir broke into Glory is for Balz Forever.

On previous patrols, we had sunk several ships before sailing west of Ireland. This time nothing. We only got a glimpse of Hood sailing past, escorted by three destroyers--too far to shoot.

On the night of 10 January, after dodging Irish patrol vessels we entered the snug Cork harbor.
"Surface," Balz ordered.
I was pretty sure this would be our last gig.


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[RegioSommergibile]

09 Jan 1940

To: BDU
Ultra secret

From: U-You know which. Position: You know where.
Approaches to you know where heavily patrolled.
With my superior skill we will make contact with you know who tomorrow night and ask them you know what.

Signed by you know who.



:har::har:

[Sailor Steve]

I think I may have discovered one of the great secrets of der Ubootwaffe. On the surface it appears that Balz has had several different 1WOs over the years, and yet they all seem to get new commands retroactively, or proactively depending on the date of the story.

The great secret is that Balz's execs do not go on to their own commands, but rather go on to special assignments in the local asylum. Either that or Balz has actually only ever had one EinsVeeOh, who suffers from multiple personality disorder. Each personality has a different writing style, and seems to have a different opinion of Kaleun Balz. Further investigation is needed.

Herr Professor Doktor Bertrand Hooleygalloolie
Professor Hooleygalloolie was himself recently transferred from the Division Of Research Into The Study Of Mental Stability In The Ubootwaffe to the Division For Investigation Of Shellshock On The Russian Front. Reasons unknown.

[Brag]

Professor Hooleygalloolie has a sharp, acute, incisive and pointed intellect that rivals that of BDU´s Chief Psychological Assessor Zailerzteve von Buggaz. :D

[Jimbuna]

I hear whispered rumours that Bernard has a secret consignment of tins in the provisions section :hmmm:

[Brag]

The most dangerous part of our mission was about to begin.
It was dark. Very dark as we surfaced and tied up in Cork.
"Spies must be masters of treachery and deceit ," Balz said. He proceeded to hang a sign on the conning tower, which read: Deep sea fishing trips, come back tomorrow. "First we deceive people by making them think we´re a fishing boat. Then we practice treachery by not being here tomorrow. See what an astute spy I am?"
"Yes, Herr Kaleun." I handed him the busker drum and helped him strap it to his back.

Dressed as whirling Dervishes, the twirling team formed ashore. I followed dressed as a Leprechaun.

"Forward march!" Balz ordered and beat cadence with his drum. Boom-boom. "Links, zwei, drei, fier, links . . .

The boom, boom resonated in the empty streets as we goose stepped into town. A lone light shone in the distance. When we came to it, Balz ordered, "Besatzung, Halt."

The light illuminated a sign: Paddy O´Mally´s Authentic Irish Pub.

"This is the place. It's authentic."Balz said."We wouldn't want to walk into a Malay noodle shop by mistake." He then turned to me. "Do you speak Japanese?"
"No, Herr Kaleun."
"Good. I don't want you speaking Japanese inside unless you speak it in French."
"Menner, follow me." Twirling to the beat of his drum and the crashing of the cymbals on top, he went in followed by the twirling Dervishes.
The conversations in the pub stopped. Balz walked up to the publican. "We´re doing a gig. The grand Irish twirling and hoochy woochie show" he yelled at the audience. To the publican he said in a low voice, "You know who I came to see."
"I know who you are."
"I´ll go call you know who." The publican wiped his hands and went to rear of the pub. A moment later he returned with Haji Baba Jimbuna in tow.
Jimbuna salaamed Balz and said, "We must be careful, this place is teeming with spies. See those two?" He pointed at two men in bowler hats black jackets and stripped trousers. "They are British spies." He then pointed at a man in a beret. "That´s a French spy."
"This is very dangerous," Balz said. "How do you stay alive?"
"By using an Irish identity. I´m known here as Paddy Haji Baba Jimbuna O'Leary

"I need fresh shipping information," Balz said.
Jimbuna nodded. "Big Boy Wooly of Department GWX of the British Admiralty, dispersed Tanker Alley, but the hunting is still good there- Loners's Lane is good fishing ground. British convoys sail east when not sailing west."
Balz scratched his chin. "In convoys, like the front ship ahead of the ship behind him?"
"Yes, and the last ship behind the penultimate one, and ships which are not at the edges, are in the middle of the convoy."

Finished with the conference, we all had a pint of Guinness and went back to the U-boat, not realizing the trouble we would get into later.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif

[Brag]

:hmmm: has anyone been reading the Corkahoochie?

[frau kaleun]

I thought the first rule of the Corkahoochie is that you do not talk about the Corkahoochie. :D

Seriously, I'm enjoying it. Dying to find out what kind of trouble they're about to get into, as if drinking Guinness with Paddy Haji Baba Jimbuna O'Leary wasn't trouble enough.

Also waiting for my own cameo. I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP, MR. DEMILLE! :O:

[Sailor Steve]

Balz scratched his chin.
Meanwhile, in the back room, while looking through a peephole, Chinese agent Chin scratched his balz.

[frau kaleun]

Meanwhile, in the back room, while looking through a peephole, Chinese agent Chin scratched his balz.

:rotfl2:

[Jimbuna]

Paddy Haji Baba Jimbuna O'Leary

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_jjqlEoLFDNQ/S6QGG6wfUAI/AAAAAAAABqs/TOShGz7OGxs/s400/JBMonge7.jpg

[Jimbuna]

Meanwhile, in the back room, while looking through a peephole, Chinese agent Chin scratched his balz.


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[Schroeder]

Balz is awesome. He already has a German cross in 1940. The Führer must have been so proud of him to give him a unique medal at that time. But that is a recognition that the greatest hero of the Kriegsmarine deserves!:D

[Sailor Steve]

Balz is awesome. He already has a German cross in 1940. The Führer must have been so proud of him to give him a unique medal at that time. But that is a recognition that the greatest hero of the Kriegsmarine deserves!:D
Well, you have to understand that Balz has lived through this part of the war more than once. Practice makes perfect.

[Herr-Berbunch]

...impatiently awaiting the next report... :yep:

[Gerald]

:hmmm: has anyone been reading the Corkahoochie? my mind, :hmmm: