Game: Crush Each Other's Dreams III

[Onkel Neal]

Continuing where Game: Crush Each Other's Dreams II (http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=149187) left off.

[Raptor1]

Granted, you had them right about now (Or, then), and they promptly disappeared before you managed to enjoy them.

I wish the forum would stop going off all the time...

[VonHesse]

Granted, the forum never changes for you, only for the rest of us. However, posting to yourself and crushing your own dreams in the archives section gets quite lonely indeed.

I wish someone would do my homework for me.

[Randomizer]

Granted, somebody does your homework for you and it is all incorrect, late and fed to a small, annoying and yappy dog.

I wish astronomers had not discovered rings around Uranus.

[Raptor1]

Granted, astronomy is thrown back to the 16th century and it is now technologically impossible to discover the rings around Uranus.

I wish Jupiter would turn into a star, seeing as it's 2010 already...

[lorka42]

Granted, however, it gets moved to the ring raound uranus, where it cant be found.

I wish jodi foster would do some topless movies....

[nikimcbee]

Granted, but she just got a sex change.

I whish I could watch the superbowl @ rancho subsimo, that would be a lot of fun.:woot:

[VonHesse]

Granted... for a modest donation to Neal of $1.7 million USD.

I wish Manic Monday would take a chill-pill, already.

[lorka42]

Granted, it is now tuesday, although, now its twice as bad :(

I wish that anything I said 6 or 8 months ago was inadmisable in an argument with my wife.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, however everything you said in last night's drunken stupor was secretly recorded for posterity and is now ranked #3 in popularity on YouTube.

I wish drunken stupors involved more drinking and less stupor.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but the severity of the resulting hangover is now increased by an order of magnitude versus the quantity of drink consumed. Unfortunately the degree of stupor is not effected by any of this.

I wish a night of pub crawling was not a wallet-emptying experiance.

[Shearwater]

Granted. Your wallet is full, but you really don't want to know what you find in your wallet the morning after a night of binge drinking.

I wish reading didn't make me so tired.

[CaptainHaplo]

Granted - now reading energizes you, but unfortunately this means you develop an addiction to reading, and are incapable of pulling yourself away from the internetz to deal with the real world, meaning you make a rather unsightly and unsavory mess where you sit, as you read voraciously until you ultimately pass beyond this plane due to hunger.

Speaking of Hunger - I wish I didn't have to fast before I go have bloodwork done in the morning.

[TarJak]

Granted, you don't and your bloodwork shows up the 3 Big Mac's you chow down on before getting it done. Your doctor is not pleased with you and says you have to cut down on the fatty foods.

I wish I had a new tripod for my camera.

[Task Force]

Granted, but you break one of its legs...

I wish for this thread to prosper...

[Randomizer]

Granted, but it prospers by emptying your bank accounts, maxing out your credit cards and selling your principle abode.

I wish to discover intelligent life on earth.

[CaptainHaplo]

Granted - but it turns out to be mice just like the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy predicted - and boy are those little buggers NOT happy.

I wish Scotty would beam me up.

[Sailor Steve]

Granted. You are now a crew member aboard the USS Enterprise. Unfortunately you're wearing a red shirt and have just been called for a shore mission.

I wish I had my own cat.

[TarJak]

Granted, you have your very own Sabre Toothed Cat and as you are having problems finding the 200lb of meat it eats every day you are looking pretty tasty to it.

I wish Steve didn't have that cat.

[Raptor1]

Granted, his cat is replaced by a gorilla

I wish the facts matched the theory

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but only theoretically.

I wish the outcome was worth the effort.

[VonHesse]

Granted. Postin your wish is nearly effortless. Watching it get crushed mercilessly is equally effortless, yet worth it every time.

I wish stopping by to crush jimbuna's dream wasn't going to make me late for school.

[Randomizer]

Granted, too bad that being on time meant that you were at school when the entire building mysteriously vanished from the space time continuum with everybody in it.

I wish eggs came from eggplants.

[Shearwater]

Granted, but they already do ...

http://www.spiegel.de/img/0,1020,777073,00.jpg

I wish I could mustard up my courage http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/images/smiliesimport/drool.gif

[DarkFish]

granted, now your courage tastes like a spawnfull of Löwensenf mustard

I wish Löwensenf mustard weren't as hot

[Raptor1]

Granted, it's now thoroughly room-temprature.

I wish...Okay, maybe not...

[Randomizer]

Aborting your wish does no good, it is still Granted and automatically Crushed and then Mutilated, Burned, Chopped, Diced, Buried, dug up again and eaten by a drunken porcupine.

I wish digital cameras still used film.

[DarkFish]

Granted, digital cameras now save their digital videos on film, leaving you with a nice useless film filled with only 1s and 0s

I wish computers would count in the digital system instead of in binary

[Task Force]

granted... and oops... only yours... makeing it extremly in effecent, and confused...

I wish I had all I ever wanted

[Raptor1]

Granted, it is all going to be delivered to your current location in 3...2...1...

I wish the topgallants were open

[Jimbuna]

Granted, just like your trouser zipper.

I wish those rumours were plausable.

[Randomizer]

Granted, the rumours are true, your trouser zipper is open.

I wish a rolling stone could gather moss.

[TarJak]

Granted the 20 ton boulder rolling down the hill at your house has gathered Mr. Moss your next door neighbour on its way.

I wish hot tamales were easier to find.

[Task Force]

Granted, hot tamales arnt that hot at all you find.

I wish the Luftwaffles were a tasty baked good.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, they are tasty baked goods that proceed to bomb your kitchen into near oblivion.

I wish I had a squadron of Spitfires.

[Task Force]

Granted, but goring just looks at you funny... and says

ZEE 109 IST GUT ENOUGH!!!

I wish they understood.

[Randomizer]

Granted, they understand just fine. They just don't care.

I wish there to be Free Beer for All, even me...

[MothBalls]

Granted. Free beer for all, including you. Near beer, no alcohol.

I wish I wasn't so damn good looking.

[TarJak]

Granted you now look as pretty as a box full of sh!t.

I wish the grape could be mixed with the grain.

[Sailor Steve]

Granted, but now it all tastes the same to you and you're so drunk all the time you don't know or care anymore. But isn't that the natural state for an Aussie?

I wish I understood what I just said.

[VonHesse]

Granted, but a trip "down under" to view an Aussie in it's natural state leads to a Sydney "bar crawl" with TarJak that leaves you slobbering drunk and wondering what you had said in the first place.

I wish I knew how it is that Aussies' don't fall off the bottom of the earth, anyways.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but the knowledge does you no good since there is so much beer in your system that you black out and awaken naked on a glacier in the Australian Antarctic territory.

I wish I could patent gravity and charge a user fee.

[lorka42]

Granted, but you forgot to pay your own fee, and are flung off the earth into the sun.




I wish the mute button worked on children.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but you are sentenced to a long prison term for child abuse.

I wish SHV had more U-boat types included.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, but they will all come with a fully modeled Bernard who sinks the ship on your first patrol with a badly timed and fully modeled flush in your shiny new fully modeled privy.

I wish I believed my rig would run SH5: Das Boot, Sie Mussen Abkonnen with all options fully enabled.

[Randomizer]

Granted, your rig will run it with all options maxed out. For a grand total of 15-seconds and then your hard-drive melts down.

I wish I could copyright vowels and charge per use.

[TarJak]

Grntd, y nw wn ll th vwls n th wrld. Gd lck tryng t clm n thr se.

wsh cld se vwls gn wtht pying rlts t Rndmzr

[VonHesse]

Granted. Disgusted by being unable to search for Lolcats without paying a usury fee, Kim Jong Il fires off his entire nuclear arsenal at Randomizer's current location, thereby waiving and canceling all charges and fees for the use of vowels.

I wish all would hail the "Dear Leader".

[Randomizer]

Granted and Dear Leader is pulverized to a bloody pulp by baseball sized hail and his gooey remains are deposited on VonHesse's bed.

I wish cell phones were living cells.

[Reaves]

Granted but the new cell phones cause cancer in the phone's cells.

I wish I could dig a hole to China.

[TarJak]

Granted, Rio tinto is hiring now. Go get 'em big boy.

I wish naval parlance was in vogue.

[VonHesse]

Granted, however nearing the end you are detected by the Chinese who decide that you must be a capitalist spy. You are sentenced to a lifetime of hard labor making McDonalds Happy Meal toys.

I wish I weren't so sleepy.

[Randomizer]

Argh! Too late to crush Tarjak's dream sooo...

Granted, you are no longer sleepy. In fact you will never sleep again and will soon be totally insane and go into politics.

I wish ironclads had been made of sponges.

[Raptor1]

Granted, but battles were instead fought with Spongeclad warships made from iron

I wish the enemy would surrender already

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but seeing as how you failed to realise and carried on fighting, you are now guilty of war crimes.

I wish the past was posted retrospectively.

[Randomizer]

Granted but the retrospective is soon focused upon you and turns into a comedy roast with all SubSim lined up to hurl insults. Sadly demoralized and with self esteem in tatters you slink away to Bangkok where you undertake a sex change and become a streetwalker.

I wish the fabled Hare could have beaten the Tortoise.

[TarJak]

Granted, now children all over the world are confused as to what the moral of that fable was and are rushing everywhere not completing the important things in life completely ruining the economy in the process.

I wish I didn't have to do this conference call with Miami.

[CaptainHaplo]

Granted - the conference call numbers somehow get swtiched to a 900 adult entertainment number. Your superiors fire you for calling sex lines from work when you were supposed to be working.

I wish my new motherboard was here already.

[Nerka]

Granted, but the new motherboard was rushed in development and you'll have to wait several weeks for patches.

I wish I was cleverer.

[TarJak]

Granted, you now can count to ten.

I wish compatibility equalled desirability.

[Randomizer]

Granted but you find yourself compatible with a hideous troll who happens to think you desirable. Niether can resist this love at first fright. You spend the rest of your days in married bliss living under a bridge and extorting pennies from passers by.

I wish they would hurry up and pave paradise so we can find someplace to park.

[Nerka]

Granted, but...it's really hot, and it costs so much more to park closer towards the gate, and now the kids won't shut up about walking such a long distance.

I wish I knew some guys in the Russian Mafia so I could buy a surplus Foxtrot.

[Raptor1]

Granted, but your friends in the Italian mafia don't take your dealings with the Russian mob lightly and throw you into the river with cement shoes

I wish the enemy gate was down

[VonHesse]

Granted. The the gate is down because the enemy is sallying forth. Your flanks are crumbling and your legion is routing.

I wish the center would hold.

[Raptor1]

Granted, but since the flanks have collapsed, the enemy quickly envelops the unbroken center and destroys it completely

I wish the enemy would not pursue and run down the survivors

[VonHesse]

Granted. There is no need as the few ragged survivors are overwhelmed and torn to shreds by an enraged mob of local peasantry.

I wish the Age of Chivalry wasn't dead.

[Randomizer]

Granted but your wish is badly garbled and we end up in the "Age of Chicanery" dominated by lies, deceit and trickery.

I wish drivers would slow down in school zones.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, soon there is major congestion throughout the area and the school bus can't pick the children up until nightfall resulting in children experiencing nightmares about the dark. You are held responsible for wishing the event and are sentenced to a lifetime of hard labour.

I wish the condition was stable.

[Nerka]

Granted, but now you have to clean out the stable.

I wish I could reach my toes.

[Randomizer]

Granted, your toes now grow out of your head.

I wish mountains were flat.

[TarJak]

Granted, they are flat vertically. You next climb loos like this |

I wish paranoia was rewarding

[VonHesse]

Granted. You are rewarded with bed sores, hypertension, and a nervous facial twitch.

I wish the means justified the end.

[Randomizer]

Granted but the means is actually a very large tack which finds it's way undetected, on to every chair that your end sits upon. Forever. This means you need to spend your life either standing or laying down, even to eat. People around you see this and assume you believe yourself to be a reincarnation of Julius Caesar and one day you are stabbed 27-times by those closest to you.

I wish for a stairway to Havana.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but there is no cigar for you at the end.

I wish the moral argument was censored.

[Randomizer]

Granted but the censorship involves duct taping all of your orfices, hands, feet and hairy bits so that only you cannot participate in the moral argument.

I wish there was no need to have gone to GT Page 2 just to crush this dream.

[Raptor1]

Granted, you had to go to GT page 57 to crush it

I wish I had a better way to deal with enemy artillery...

[Jimbuna]

Granted, you now befriend them and nullify their intent.

I wish that last Chinese meal was real chicken.

[DarkFish]

granted, it was real spoiled chicken infected with a new type of chicken flu

For your sake I wish someone invented a medicine for this new flu

[TarJak]

Granted, the cure is to eat 3 month old buried rotten shark from Iceland.

I wish curry came in handy six packs.

[DarkFish]

Granted, curry now comes in six packs, the bottles being 1/6th the original size

I wish I knew if Icelandic shark tastes better with or without curry

[Randomizer]

Granted, with curry it tastes like elephant and without curry it tastes like cat. Your choice.

I wish for a tempest in a teacup.

[VonHesse]

Granted, however the structural integrity of the teacup fails suddenly and explosively - releasing the tempest and destroying several city blocks in the process.


I wish "acid" rain meant the psychedelic variety.

[TarJak]

Granted, you and all your trippy gang are now freaking out from the hallucinations of spiders with their head ripping jaws.

I wish the rain would stop and the freaking can end.

[Randomizer]

Granted, all rain has ceased world-wide forever. Meanwhile the freaking does end with the appearance at your door of a 700 pound gorilla with the hots for you.

I wish I had a job in the Ministry of Heavy Drinking.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but you become an alcoholic and kill yourself in a fit of inebriated depression.

I wish that I had a huge fishtank and it was full of water.

[TarJak]

Granted, however without fish in it you become bored, go for a swim and realise too late that you no longer know how.

I wish caravanning was banned.

[Randomizer]

Granted, caravanning is now banned and all of the now unwanted camels, stinking, mangy, vermin infested camels end up stored in your yard.

I wish to see the story of cowardly King Art and his Knights of the Pool Table.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but it's a low-budget production for BET.

I wish that I had seen the rain.

[VonHesse]

Granted. Without dashing tales of derring-do and chivalry, generations of Britons have aspired to be nothing more than cowardly drunks. (good pool players, though). Unfortunately, this creates a power imbalance which leaves France unchecked and unchallenged throughout all of history. France is now the sole superpower on the planet, crushing all of mankind under her stiletto heel. Damn, and it's raining...

I wish I could keep up.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but 'up' soon gets tired of living with yiu and leves your kennel never to return.

I wish winning wasn't everything.

[Randomizer]

Granted, winning is now nothing, exactly the same value as that winning lottery ticket in your pocket.

I wish they had discovered a statue of Frank Zappa on the moon.

[TarJak]

Granted, the said statue was discovered and destroyed to hide the evidence.

I wish listening was instilled at an early age.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, the stone age.

I wish DRM was edible.

[Randomizer]

Granted, DRM is edible, tasty and results in you having to spend your every waking hour on the toilet.

I wish that cashew nuts came with real cash.

[TarJak]

Granted, but they are now called cashme nuts not cashyous.

I wish Ubistoft would understand that they have got it badly wrong with SHV.

[VonHesse]

Granted. Just because they don't care doesn't mean they don't understand.

I wish Subsim made it's own subsim.

[Jimbuna]

Granted but it never reaches the surface.

I wish the way was signposted.

[Randomizer]

Granted but the signposts are all written in Linear A script and so are unreadable.

I wish a catastophe was a prize for the cat with the cutest bum.

[TarJak]

Granted, and you've just won first prize.

I wish I had a hessian sack and a brick.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, the Hessians just sacked your home, and a brick is all you have left.

I wish I hadn't crossed the Delaware.

[Raptor1]

Granted, you crossed the Volga instead

I wish his honour shall drop everything, and route himself hereto with all troops and guns, to be with us in the early morning.

[DarkFish]

Granted, his honour the enemy king immediately routed himself to the battlefield with all his troops and guns, ready to crush your army in the early morning.

I wish you've got your flanks well defended

[TarJak]

Granted, his flanks are now armour plated but he's getting his unprotected head kicked in.

I wish I knew who ate all the pies.

[Randomizer]

Granted, you know that you ate all the pies and are now too fat to move even while your heart has only 576 beats left in it. 575... 574... 573...

I wish TarJack could travel to Oz and get a new heart.

[TarJak]

Granted bugger me I've lived there all my life! And the old ticker is going ten to the dozen again. It's a miracle I'm healed.

I wish fantasy was as real as taxation.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, as long as your fantasies are not too taxing on your brain.

I wish there was a neverending story.

[DarkFish]

granted, the neverending story of prometheus suddenly becomes true, with you as its subject. Bound to a rock an eagle eats your liver daily, causing lots of agony for all eternity.

I wish there lived eagles in the Netherlands.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but Dutch eagles will eat only house pets like cats and dogs. Without domestic predators Holland is soon overrun by rats to which the Dutch eagle is allergic. Billions of typhus infected rats soon force the human population to flee the Netherlands creating great hardship throughout Western Europe even as the Dutch eagles become extinct due to starvation and a lack of EU citizenship that would have allowed them to move to Belgium or Germany.

I wish to be somewhere else when the world ends in 2012.

[DarkFish]

Granted, you have won a trip to the Netherlands and are just being eaten by hordes of vicious rats, when suddenly with a large BOOM the world ends.

I wish the maya's had it wrong.

[VonHesse]

Granted. The Mayans got it all wrong. The Apocalypse begins in 3... 2... 1...

I wish Mad Max would rescue us from the wasteland.

[TarJak]

Granted, welcome to the Thunderdome.

I wish we were not trapped in that B grade movie for longer than it takes to get Von Hesse sentenced to death by Auntie Entity.

[Randomizer]

Granted, you may spend eternity as a drone character in U-571.

I wish to see a reality TV show where all the doomsayers and conspiracy nuts are locked in a stadium with the last one standing being crowned Whacko of the Century.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, you are the new president of Zimbabwe.

I wish the trials were tribulations.

[TarJak]

Granted, your trial ends in the tribulation of life improsonment with a much larger hairier and hornier cellmate.

I wish piracy was restricted to the high seas.

[DarkFish]

granted, piracy is now restricted on the high seas. Piracy becomes legal on national waters however. With all coastal waters crowded with pirates, international trade comes to a stop giving the world economy its final blow. Technology gets too expensive and human kind descends into stone age again.

I wish all pirates had a hook:arrgh!:

[Jimbuna]

Granted, all pirates now carry coat hooks around with them.

I would like to know the simple truth.

[Raptor1]

Granted, but since the truth is never simple, you are given a cleverly constructed lie instead

I wish to wish a wish which wished by wishing a wish

[Randomizer]

Granted except that by using "wish" an even number of times they effectively cancel each other out and you get exactly nothing.

I wish it was not such a long way to Tipparary.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, it is now in your living room and the Red Army Banner Choir are singing it 24/7 preventing you getting to sleep.

I wish the target was clear.

[TarJak]

Granted, you are clearly the target.

I wish Manuel Targetting was a real person.

[Randomizer]

Granted but his 437 pound Mother has the hots for you. The very obese Mrs. Targetting should be by your abode later today for some love'n.

I wish my Swiss Army (tm) Magical Sword of Power had come with a can opener.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but your fresh out of cans to try it on.

I wish the mechanism was fluent.

[TarJak]

Granted, the mechanism is fluent in effluent which is now fluent in your front room.

I wish gathering moss was a rolling stone's only job.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but it still doesn't pay a damn thing.

I wish that I was not in fact out of V-Fusion Pomegranate Blueberry juice.

[Randomizer]

Granted but in fact your supply has been filtered through a sweaty gym sock.

I wish there was beer in the fridge.

[TarJak]

Granted, there is beer in my fridge but yours is full of cranberry juice.

I wish that beer flowed more freely.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, down your chin and into your lap giving everyone the impression you haved pi$$ed yersel...again!

I wish the way forwards was behind me.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but to fulfill this wish we have to essentially break down your body and radically re-engineer it to make this possible.

I wish that China didn't exist, and that Europe was once more the manufacturing superpower it used to be.

[Randomizer]

Granted, Europe is now the world leader in the manufacture of Chinese.

I wish eggs were cubes.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but every chicken with a sore ar$e is out looking for you.

I wish those endangered species were less dangerous.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but they nevertheless erase humanity from the face of the earth.

I wish that to Err was human and to Arr was pirate.

[Randomizer]

Granted. Arr, you now find yourself with parrot, peg-leg and eye patch off the coast of Somalia and in the sights of a US Navy sniper whom is unlikey to Err.

I wish taco meat contained less cat.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, it now contains more rat.

I wish that Michael Bay had never made the abomination that is Pearl Harbor.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, he was instead chosen to make Das Boot.

I wish I could stop imagining the Michael Bay version of Das Boot.

[Randomizer]

Granted, you now imagine the musical comedy Bollywood version of No Country for Old Men.

I wish I knew how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

[Jimbuna]

Just enough to deprive you of any wood furniture you have in your house.

I wish the talent was better skilled.

[TarJak]

Granted, the talent has the skill to see you coming and take what you have without you realising.

I wish there were more ways to skin a cat.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but you are selected as the trial object for the new government run, taxpayer funded cat-skinning technique expansion program and get to offer up your assorted body parts for flaying.

I wish there was no dark side of the moon.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, it's now yellow in colour.

I wish my chest of drawers could paint instead.

[krashkart]

Granted, but your chest of drawers paints you up to look like the American flag and FedEx's you to Tehran.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

[Lionclaw]

Granted, you now found what you wish for however you forgot it whilst performing a task and you're back to square one.

I wish trees, and bushes could trim themselves.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but your still responsible for trimming the grass.

I wish the secret was revealed secretly.

[DarkFish]

granted, the secret is secretly revealed to everyone but you

I wish all music was death metal:rock:

[krashkart]

Granted, but then all the music sounds exactly the same and the human race dies of boredom. :D

I wish I hadn't sent jimbuna to Tehran. :wah:

[Raptor1]

Granted, you sent him to Stalingrad, 1942 instead

I wish war will break out in exactly 9 hours and 28 minutes

[Randomizer]

Granted but since no time zone was specified in your wish the wish masters cancel your wish due to sloppy staff work and lack of attention to detail. As punishment for wasting their time you are assigned permanent latrine duty in a nuclear waste dump and all your hair falls out.

I wish computer printers never ran out of ink.

[TarJak]

Granted, they never run out of ink but they do run out of paper.

I wish Clear Paper Jam was a tasty breakfast spread.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but the staples cause terrible lacerations to your gums.

I wish cows didn't always speak a load of tripe.

[krashkart]

Granted, but now the cows all speak fluent Vogon.

I wish there were more beer in the fridge.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but it's my fridge they're in.

I wish hypocricy was timid.

[Flopper]

Granted, but then the meek inherited the earth.

I wish it motorcycle riding weather.

[Randomizer]

Granted, it is golden motercycle riding weather everywhere except for a 100 nautical mile circle around wherever you happen to be.

I wish they would hurry up and arrest the usual suspects.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but they all make sworn statements dropping you right in it and your soon the most wanted man in the asylum.

I wish you to enjoy the sessions in the shower.

[Task Force]

Granted... tuba lessons

I wish you could tune a fish.

[TarJak]

Granted, your fish is now heard in the key of F# and gets eaten by a cloth eared shark.

I wish fore more gears and levers.

[Task Force]

Granted, you get 100 of em, for you to pull. FOR ALL ETURNITY!

I wish life was not so much like a box of chocolates...

[DarkFish]

granted, life is now more like pizza

I wish I had a pizza for dinner right now.. yum!

[Randomizer]

Granted, your pepperoni, mushroom and dog pizza is at the door.

I wish the Cats of Peace would slay the Dogs of War.

[Task Force]

Granted... but now there the Cats of War.:o

I wish the liberation of the dogs of war happend soon...

[TarJak]

Granted, the Wolves of despair eat the dogs of war and have the cats of peace and war for supper.

I wish flangrancy was a punishable offence.

[Randomizer]

Granted. However sometimes the wish-masters are pretty anal about spelling and since a flan is a tart-like pastry and grancy makes no sense this has horrible effects on your dream. As punishment you find yourself packed into a flan and tossed to the Wolves of Despair for whom you make a fine dessert.

I wish for the Elephants of Elation to stomp the Wolves of Despair into wolf-flans.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but the wolf-flans still contain teeth and you bite your own tongue off.

I wish it wasn't snowing in Manchester today.

[TarJak]

Granted, its snowing in Manchester this week and you get to patrol the pitch at Old Trafford for the duration in your underwear.

I wish was wearing his thermals.

[Randomizer]

Granted, you and him are wearing them together at the same time. Shudder...

I wish the hegemon would stop by and trim my hedges.

[Flopper]

Granted. He trims your hedgefunds, and invests everything in a mall venture hours before it goes to chapter 11.

I wish I had a faster computer.

[krashkart]

Granted. Your computer sprouts legs and runs away from you.

I wish I wished I had never wished that wish.

[TarJak]

Granted, your wish has been quashed.

I wish to squish the next wish.

[krashkart]

Granted. You squish the next wish and spend the next three days scrubbing its remains off your floor.

I wish it would snow more.

[Randomizer]

Granted, the southern Sahara Desert just got 3.5 metres of the white stuff.

I wish that molehills were mountainous.

[krashkart]

Granted, but TarJak squishes your wish and enlists your aid in cleaning its remains off his floor.... plus, the mess is rather mountainous and the process takes weeks.

I wish tear gas was a remedy for dry, gravelly eyes.

[Task Force]

Granted, It makes them wet... and burn with pain!

I wish laughing gas was funny...

[Raptor1]

Granted, and mustard gas is now mustard (And vice-versa)

I wish I could remember what I wanted to wish for...

[Flopper]

Granted. You remember that you had wished to remember what you had wished for.

I wish I wasn't so sleepy.

[Task Force]

You wish you had Mustard in your refridgerator...

I wish Mustard Gas was green... yellow is getting old...

[Randomizer]

Granted, Old Yellow now becomes a chick flick that makes a gazillion dollars since Mustard Gas is the new Green. You get no money for wishing this but do get to be decontaminated using kerosine, steel-wool, a buffing wheel and a fire hose.

I wish Nature no longer abhorred a vacuum.

[TarJak]

Granted, Nature falls in love with the vacuum and gets sucked to it's doom. We now have to live in an unatural world thanks to your wish.:nope:

I wish Natures vacuum would regurgitate Nature.

[krashkart]

Granted, but with a partially dissolved Nature comes the surstromming Vacuum had for dinner a few hours before.

I wish I knew what surstromming tastes like. :o

[Jimbuna]

Granted, you now realise it tastes like sh!t....enjoy.

I wish the inbalance was pivotal to perfection.

[Randomizer]

Granted but the relentless search for inbalance and struggle for perfection create a catastophic failure in the space-time continuum destroying all life, the universe and everything.

I wish red was the new blue.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, bet seeing as how your colourblind you'll never notice the difference.

I wish the sum of all totals wouldn't add up.

[TarJak]

Granted, the sum of all totals now equals the sum total divided by zero.

I wish maths was my strong point.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but seeing as how your a 5' weakling you are soon overpowered by 1x1.

I wish the crush was the bums rush.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but your dream is subsequently crushed by a rush of bums, who now prefer to be called the "Domicile Disadvantaged". Having no other place to live they crush their way into your home where they will stay forever.

I wish Newton's Third Law was overturned on appeal.

[Flopper]

Granted. Now quantum mechanics wear blue uniforms, chew tobacco, and work at Jiffy Lube.

I wish everything was 99% off at the liquor store.

[kranz]

Granted, but there will be no discount for the liver transplantation.

I wish I had never met that bitch.

[krashkart]

Granted. Instead you met her offspring, fell madly in love him and married the sonofabitch.

I wish sailors cursed as much as I do.

[TarJak]

Granted all the sailors in the world have now cursed you for making their potty mouths pottier.

I wish arrival denied boarding.

[Ishmael]

Granted all the sailors in the world have now cursed you for making their potty mouths pottier.

I wish arrival denied boarding.

Granted. Now you're stuck in the Madison, Wisconsin airport lounge forever like these guys:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hfFyGtbXwM

I wish I had a Watermelon.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, you now look like this:

http://www.costumecats.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/melon.jpg

I wish the time to digest the imposible theory.

[krashkart]

Granted. You digest the impossible theory. It gives you heartburn and halitosis, and an hour later you're still sitting on the loo with a bad case of 'roids.

I wish machineguns could be mounted on mount'n goats.


I know, that was pretty bad lol

[Randomizer]

Granted but the fine print on the 1947 Geneva Convention declare that mountain goat-mounted machine guns constitute weapons of mass destruction. For advocating their use you are condemned to 20-years imprisonment surrounded by double-potty mouthed sailors and melon-wearing cats.

I wish the pen was mightier than the thermo-nuclear warhead.

[Raptor1]

Granted, but it's widespread use by unsuspecting civilians causes widespread destruction and panic. The resulting banning of pens causes mankind to revert to the stone age due to lack of means to write things down...

I wish the great questions of the day would be decided by iron and blood

[Jimbuna]

Granted, Ironman and Dracula answer correctly and you are relegated back to nusery class.

I wish the apathy was positively achieved.

[TarJak]

Granted you are now positively apathetic. And the rest of us don't care either.

I wish fulfilment was enriched by the experience of explanation.

[Randomizer]

Granted. However, the explanation was horrifically boring and the experiance awful. Unfulfilled, you seek solice in food and quickly grow to 290 kilos. People now shun you and your explanations are enriched only by the calories of your comfort foods.

I wish comfort foods were calorie free.

[krashkart]

Granted. All comfort foods are now calorie-free. However, all foods become comfort foods, and the human race dies slowly of malnutrition.

I wish I knew what the hell I was talking about. :-?

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, although you will never know anything anymore for the rest of your life, including your name, your family, basic motor skills, the good notions to walk, talk, eat, breath on your own, control your bowel movements, etc.

I wish that I and only I could change the past as I saw fit whenever I wanted, however I wanted without risk of creating some kind of timeloop, destroying the universe and myself, or any of that stuff.

[krashkart]

Granted. You are able to change the past as you see fit. Unfortunately, due to the universe being a prototype version of Windows 3, it self destructs anyway. You are given the source code, a twitchy compiler, and a Lua interpreter, with the expectation of porting the universe into a really bad clone of GalCiv.

I wish GalCiv were cloned as a hybrid between LambdaCore and Alpha Centauri.

[TarJak]

Granted, but the men in white coats arrive to take you away before this can take place.

I wish paranormality was available in a bottle.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but your unable to get the cork out because you don't have a corkscrew.

I wish the inevitable was untimely.

[Randomizer]

Granted. The inevitable happens when you are on the bus when you soil your drawers in public and a video of the untimely event ends up on You-Tube. You become a local laughing stock and are forced to live under a bridge where your only possession is a bottle of paranormality that you cannot open.

I wish the moon was made of Lego.

[Raptor1]

Granted, but it doesn't taste nearly as good as cheese

I wish I had a new avatar...

[nikimcbee]

Granted, but unfortuneatly, it is smurfette.

I wish raptor1 would take a pichure of himself eating a can of raw spam w/o hands for his 5k post.:haha:

[Randomizer]

Granted, except the picture is posed with a collection of bikini-wearing super models one of whom decides to adopt Raptor1 as her latest boy-toy.

I wish the space-time continuum came in different colours.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but seeing as how your colour blind you never realise.

I wish for far more than fullfilment.

[TarJak]

Granted, your cellmate makes sure that you are far more than fully filled.

I wish frankess had no qualms.

[Jimbuna]

It should have because I've no idea what the bugga means :DL

I wish it was meant to be 'frankness'

[TarJak]

Granted it was and therefore you crush was spoilt.

I wish I could type without error.

[Raptor1]

Granted, bat nowbady els ke'nt enymoor

I wish we could skip Plan B and go straight to Plan ZZZ

[Flopper]

Granted. Plan ZZZ simply states, "refer to plan B."

I wish wives were capable of rational thought.

[Randomizer]

Deleted... Too slow on the draw.

[krashkart]

Granted but Plan ZZZ is so absolutely super-secret that you must kill yourself immediately after learning its details.

I wish Raptor1 had stayed with Plan B.

Granted, Raptor1 sticks with Plan B but nobody remembers what the plan was. The mission fails and we are all taken hostage as political blue chips.

I wish political blue chips was a brand of corn tortilla chips.

[Randomizer]

Granted, except that unbeknownst to all corn tortilla chips are really made from cow chips and not corn. The political kind are made from bull chips.

I wish the chip dip wasn't sheep dip.

[TarJak]

Granted, the sheep dip is your new beer supplement.

I wish beer was unpolluted by sheep dip.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but it is now Dingo pee that is used so enjoy.

I wish the writing was on the ceiling instead of the wall.

[Randomizer]

Granted. However, preoccupied looking up and reading you fail to notice the booted foot heading towards your groin at high velocity...

I wish the band played on.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, it plays on your mind 24/7 making you go mad and ending up being incarcarated in a mental institution for the rest of your life.

I wish gobbeldy gook was sensible.

[krashkart]

Granted. Gobblety gook becomes sensible to nearly everyone, in fact it is quickly adopted as the de facto language of the human race. Unfortunately, you are the only one who can't understand it.

I wish I could understand what my cat is saying when she meows to me.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but you become a cat.

I wish that the Badenweiler March was still amazingly popular.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but only in Badenweiler.

I wish I knew what you were doing.

[TarJak]

Granted, I'm currently crushing your wish.

I wish Jimbuna would buy me a beer without dingo pee in it.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, but it now has Jimbuna pee in it.

I wish I hadn't thought of that possibility.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but the popular image of beer + dingo pee is burned into your psyche for all time.

I wish people would stop adding any type of pee to beer.

[Flopper]

Granted, but then the yeast pee is absent from all beer, hence all beer is now alcohol free.

I wish it hadn't snowed here again today.

[TarJak]

Granted, but is snowed the day before and it's going to snow tomorrow.

I wish frenetic activity would cease.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but is snowed the day before and it's going to snow tomorrow.

I wish frenetic activity would cease.

Granted, but it is replaced by frantic activity.

I wish the staireway to heaven was an escalator.

[Flopper]

Granted, but when you get on, you notice it's going down.

I wish the well hadn't run dry.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but the water in it is poisoned.

I wish to repeal the law of gravity.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but your feet don't stay on the ground long enough.

I wish the wisely were unwise.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but only through the literary works of Emily Dickinson.

I wish that Willem Dafoe was my brother-in-law.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, you are now married to his brother Daniel.

I wish I could return the 'His' and 'Hers' towels I bought you.

[Randomizer]

Granted, you may return them but you cannot get a refund.

I wish Pluto was still a planet and not a cartoon dog.

[TarJak]

Granted, the lawyers for Walt Disney are knowing at your door.

I wish falsehoods would remain true to the lie.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but this means they transform into neighbourhoods.

I wish the wind was a fluid in consistancy.

[Randomizer]

Granted, but a gust washes your car into a river.

I wish resistance was futile.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, do what you want.....with Task Force.

I wish the camera never lied.

[TarJak]

Granted, but you can't handle the truth.

I wish the package would arrive soon

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but it is full of porn films.

I wish the isobar was more eccentric.

[Flopper]

Granted. The one isobar is more eccentric, but every other one is quite conventional.

I wish the code wasn't so convoluted.

[Randomizer]

Granted, too bad it is now indecipherable.

I wish entropy would hurry up.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but it was travelling so fast that it ran you over.

I wish the last laugh was on you.

[TarJak]

Granted, the last laugh is no Randomizer, but he laughs so hard that he pukes all over your bed. Whilst you are sleeping in it.

I wish caramelisation caused a chain reaction.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, the caramelisation turns into a chain and wraps itself around your neck thus rendering you to a life of slavery and servitude....how fitting :DL

I wish I was your gaoler.

[Randomizer]

Granted, however you find yourself on the wrong side of the bars, in the shower with Bubba and the bar of soap on the floor. Ouch.

I wish they would hurry up and find life on Mars.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, they find one small hut with one family in residence and after DNA testing it is proven that it is your family, thereby making you the only Martian living on earth.

I wish the pastry wouldn't crumble.

[Flopper]

Granted. It has the consistency (and flavor) of silly putty.

I wish tech support for software products was available.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, it is available, from the residents of a small hut on Mars. Long distance charges apply.

I wish the Martians had a toll-free number.

[Randomizer]

Granted but you need to dial nine-thousand digits to access it.

I wish Zeus would pop in for a beer sometime.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but he also brings along Hercules who takes a shine to you then goes on to wrestle you to the floor and perform unspeakable tasks on you.

I wish the mania was only in respect to the maniacs.

[TarJak]

Granted, as chief maniac, you get a lot of respect from those with the mania.

I wish glibness brought about happiness.