Game: Crush Each Other's Dreams III

[Randomizer]

I wish glibness brought about happiness.

Granted, but others find being glib and happy completely unacceptable and you are tarred, feathered and run out of town on the back of a pickup truck. Your property and chattels are burned and your cat given away free to a good home.

I wish people would stop assuming their dreams were uncrushable.

[Flopper]

Granted. From now on, nobody assumes their dreams are uncrushable.

I wish I was on permanent paid vacation.

[TarJak]

Granted, you are to be paid at the rate of 0.0000000000001 cent per millenium and your vacation accommodation will be a lean to on the peak of Balls Pyramid in the Pacific Ocean.

I wish Flopper well on his paid vacation.

[Stealth Hunter]

Granted, but in the end it turns out just to be a crappy sequel to "Ernest Goes to the Beach".

I wish I could remember what it was I was going to wish for.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, you remember you were going to wish for a slow painful death but are now unable to forget what you were going to wish for again.

I wish the mirror was less reflective and more interactive.

[Flopper]

Granted. The mirror is now a black hole.

I wish their servers served.

[krashkart]

Granted, the servers now serve spoiled shark meat.

I wish racing thoughts were all about NASCAR.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, Nascar cosmetics company expect your custom.

I wish the ends met the needs.

[TarJak]

Granted, but you now need to meet your end.

I wish Jimbuna would keep his end up.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but that means you experience excrutiating pain and are unable to sit down for weeks.

I wish the end was nigh.

[Randomizer]

Granted. However, the Wishmeisters, digging deep into their dictionary of wish terminology, learn that nigh may also refer to the left side of a vehicle or horse. Since this makes no sense in the context of the wish this dream is rendered as gibberish and is therefore crushed, cancelled and left in a cesspool of spoiled shark meat to rot.

I wish the end was near.

[Flopper]

Granted. NEAR is an acronym for Not Ever Arriving, Really.

I wish it was time to plant the tomatoes.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, all the worlds tomatoes are planted in your front lounge.

I wish the underside was on the roof.

[Flopper]

Granted. The underside of the toilet seat was on the roof of your mouth.

I wish I had something funnier than that.

[Randomizer]

Granted, you now find it hilarious but the rest of the world thinks it sad and pathetic.

I wish the entrance was the exit.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but the exit only exits to the entrance and you are trapped in an ever decreasing circle for the rest of eternity.

I wish stamps were self licking.

[Randomizer]

Granted, however you become magically transformed into a stamp and whilst self-licking your nether regions you are accidently mistaken for a Cat, taken to a vet and neutered.

I wish real life had controllable time acceleration and pause abilities.

[TarJak]

Granted, but whilst you are on pause your controller's batteries run out of juice leaving you paused for ever.

I wish fabulous wealth upon the next dream crusher.

[krashkart]

Granted. I invest that great fortune into a microbrewery and release a series of "Ol' Man TarJak's" ales, all of which become overnight sensations. Within months you are brought aboard as vice president and company spokesman, we both become filthy rich, and we buy a Collins class for the Subsim community (and a server farm for Uncle Neal).

Unfortunately, as we sail her to Houston, the incessant rattling of the periscope drives us both mad. In our crumbling psychological states we mistake a Chinese naval vessel for a giant surfing chicken, and we ram into it at flank speed. The 'chicken' sinks within minutes, thus triggering a gradual slide into World War III.

I wish that chicken well on its journey. Cowabunga, Surfing Chicken Dude! :rock:

[Flopper]

Granted. That chicken remained well on its journey to the slaughterhouse.

I wish I would be served a delicious country style breakfast.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but the person serving it is riddled with leprosy and those crisps your enjoying aren't crisps!!

I wish the pendulum swam instead of swing.

[Randomizer]

Granted. Yet the evil Laws of Hydrodynamics, Conservation of Energy and other Laws that the Physics Lawyers concoct cause the pendulum's movement to cease, stopping time itself and creating the conditions to end all existance as we know it.

I wish for free pizza and beer for all Dream-Crushers everywhere.

[krashkart]

Granted. Every dream-crusher in the world is given free beer and pizza for life. The beer is Ol' Man TarJak's Blackberry Wheat Roo Attractant, the only variety in the OMTJ ale family known to actually cause genital warts in humans. The pizza... actually the pizza ain't half bad! :yeah:

I wish for all dream-crushers to have a free lifetime supply of Valtrex.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but the supply soon can't meet the demand and a cost is levied on you as the original suggester.

I wish the universe was universal.

[Randomizer]

Granted, universes become so universal that everybody on earth acquires their own. This completely destroys the stability of the space-time continuum and results in a cascading collapse of all existance into a sterile nothingness.

I wish everybody on the ol' cell block was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but you fall off the roof and break your leg.

I wish good intentions weren't intentional.

[TarJak]

Granted, you mistake them for evil intentions and go to jail for the murder of innocents.

I wish evil natured people would return to nature.

[frau kaleun]

Granted, but nature doesn't want them and sends them all to your house.

I wish there was a "Das Boot" channel on my cable line-up.

[krashkart]

Granted, there is now a "Das Boot" channel in your cable line-up. Sadly, the dialogs were all re-written as Vogon poetry and you are driven mad.

I wish Ireland were my home.

[Flopper]

Granted, Ireland is your home and you have much time to contemplate its green, rolling hills, as you are alone and adrift on a raft somewhere in the south pacific.

I wish someone would clean my gutters.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but they are not a reputable company and your guttering falls down one week after the cleaning operation.

I wish the voice of reason was unreasonable.

[Randomizer]

Granted, they are so very unreasonable that they create within you, a great anger that causes you to lash out with extreme violence. This makes you highly unpopular within your peer group and nets you life in prison.

I wish the sky was green.

[Jimbuna]

Granted, but only when it is 'peaing down'.

I wish the voices in my head were audible.

[Task Force]

Granted, now they dont say anything anymore... makeing you wounder "where have they gone."

I wish"insert random wish here"

[TarJak]

Granted, the wish is inserted into your skull with a large and heavy hammer.

I wish the contract negotiation was over.