Important message to all captains from Bdu medical teams.*Swine Flu alert*

[Paul Riley]

Due to the current swine flu pandemic about to hit the world,its recommended that all captains should discard of all their sausages,pork pies etc,as a precautionary measure only.Emergency ventilation units must also be issued for each man for as long as possible.Any U-Boats running low on emergency Oxygen will therefore need to return to base on the surface only,and resupply as normal.We understand the impractical nature of this.
It is not known if and how many of you may be infected due to your recent activities abroad,yet we urge you all to remain calm,there is no cause for panic at the moment.

Keep up the good work all of you,and...godspeed.

[McHibbins]

Got enough "Tempotaschentücher" :haha:

[Paul Riley]

Thats good :yep:

Shame these iron coffins of ours arent air conditioned,it would ease the concerns of the men a bit.One or two of them have already complained about minor breathing complaints :timeout:

[airwolf48453]

Don't forget if you wake up with a flat nose, pointed ears and a screwy tail or in the middle of the night squealing you might be infected. Don't let any of your ship mates put an apple in your mouth they might be thinking of ham for dinner.

[Jaman]

There is always a way to lift the spirits of the crew in times like this. Tell them jokes!

Navigator: So, how was your tip to Mexico?.
Kaleun: Not bad i guess, but it seems i cant get the jet lag off me. My head aches and i feel like a Type IIA after a deep charges attack.
Navigator: !!!

[nikbear]

I wouldn't bother phoning the swine flu help line either,I tried and all I got was crackling :rotfl:........I'm sorry,thats the best I could come up with:shucks::oops::har:

[Paul Riley]

Shocking mate :rotfl::up:

[Sea Hawk]

Eat as much pork as you like.
Leave the hatches open, sunbathe on the deck, breathe in unadulterated fresh air and you will be fine.:yeah:

Just don’t go any where near land.
Don’t meet any other people not on your boat.
Don’t dock with any Milch Cows.

If any of your crew has just got back from the pig breeders convention in Mexico then you’ve had it already. :down:Stock up on tissues, Vick, and paracetamol.

Don’t ask me what to do when you run out of fuel, food, torpedoes, fresh water etc. Hopefully by then the pandemic will be over, and you can look forward to the winter flu season.

(I’m a GP in my free time from silent hunting):damn:

[Paul Riley]

Dirty buggers,don't ask me what they have been doing with the pigs for it to get into the human chain. :o:down:
Its like Aids in Africa,I reckon all this has been genetically engineered,as a sort of population control.Nothing surprises me in this screwed world anymore.
I know one thing,Bdu had better not send us anywhere near central America any time soon! we were looking forward to some latin crumpet too,we've never tried em before,great with butter,crumpets :woot:

[FIREWALL]

My whole crew is infected. And it isn't the swine flu.

A shot of penicillin in the stern will fix them all up. :haha:

[Paul Riley]

:D:haha:

[Hanomag]

Thank God.... the traffic in port will finally lighten up... :up:

[SpeedyPC]

And stay right away from women! sorry men the German Navy doesn't need sex before out to sea and coming home from patrol. :D

[Brag]

On my boat farting is prohibited after eating sausages. :D

[Gaijin]

On my boat, farting+sausages = Torpedo LOS!:dead:

[kaptkirkU4467]

Whats next...hamster flu?

[Torplexed]

Whats next...hamster flu?

Or Rigelian fever kaptain. ;)

[Kpt. Lehmann]

Next year it will be 'Donkey Flu!' :doh:

HEEEHAWWW!

In my city, the News media continuously claims that "X-ammount" of people here have been infected with the swine flu.

Meanwhile, I deal with emergency department doctors, surgeons, and nurses numerous times daily... who are now required to screen any patient showing cold or flu-like symptoms...

... and there is not a SINGLE CONFIRMED CASE of the swine flu here in a community of 200,000 people.

Also, compared with the morbidity and mortality demographics of the common flu... I'm not impressed with the swine flu.

Seems to me that the media simply needed its next greatest breaking story.

Idiocy at its best.

To make matters worse... everyone who starts to feel a little 'swiney' or 'oinky' is going to the phone and jabbing out 911 like crazy... tying up emergency vehicles needed for true emergencies.

Take a deep breath everybody! The vertebral columns of emregency medical personnel are perishable items! :dead:

< Takes another bite of ham/pork-chop/bacon/hot-dog sandwich... Mmmm! Salteh!!! :D >

[Paul Riley]

Whats next...hamster flu?

How about turkey flu *gobble gobble* :O:

[Platapus]

Don't forget if you wake up with a flat nose, pointed ears and a screwy tail or in the middle of the night squealing you might be infected.


If I were in the navy and I woke up squealing, the last thing I would be concerned with is the flu.
:D

[A Very Super Market]

'Course, it isn't like you shouldn't go to a doctor if you feel off-kilter.

[Lt.Fillipidis]

I just hope there wont be any Beef flu...
I couldnt afford loosing the Milk Cows which i visit, maybe 3 - 4 times in a single patrol...

[Paul Riley]

Very clever ;) hehe

[Murr44]

I wish people would put this thing into perspective.:roll: The other day some stupid woman at the grocery store went completely ape sh** on me because I accidently sneezed (from a seasonal allergy)!

[danurve]

How about chicken-wing flu.
You can only get it from places that charge the same for a dozen but you only get 10. Yeah, I got their fracking serving.

[Sea Hawk]

'Course, it isn't like you shouldn't go to a doctor if you feel off-kilter.

Over here people are being told not to see there doctor if they are unwell!!

In other words - the doctors only see well people:har:

[SpeedyPC]

http://i44.tinypic.com/1zv5o5v.jpg
It seem like the British new swine flu anti-uboat weapon are scaring all the uboat wolves away

[Paul Riley]

In other words - the doctors only see well people:har:

Typical that :rotfl:

[Graf Paper]

The U.S. media companies have been airing and printing reports that, if you took them at face value, would have you convinced that swine flu was sweeping the country like the Black Death and bodies were stacked like cord wood in the streets where they fell. :roll:

http://i44.tinypic.com/35izq6s.gif
160 CASES (out of 280 million citizens) IN THE U.S.!!!11!! PPL DYING!!11!!one!!1!pne!!1!!(the only reported deaths in the U.S. from swine flu are all individuals from Mexico who recently came to the country.)

Don't worry, though. We are your governments and we will take care of you.
http://i42.tinypic.com/24bt6s9.jpg

[Paul Riley]

Don't worry, though. We are your governments and we will take care of you

Yeah right,I would'nt trust todays' governments as far as I could s**t on em! :damn: :down: :dead:

That wasnt aimed at you mate :yep::up:

[Murr44]

The U.S. media companies have been airing and printing reports that, if you took them at face value, would have you convinced that swine flu was sweeping the country like the Black Death and bodies were stacked like cord wood in the streets where they fell. :roll:

http://i44.tinypic.com/35izq6s.gif
160 CASES (out of 280 million citizens) IN THE U.S.!!!11!! PPL DYING!!11!!one!!1!pne!!1!!(the only reported deaths in the U.S. from swine flu are all individuals from Mexico who recently came to the country.)

Don't worry, though. We are your governments and we will take care of you.
http://i42.tinypic.com/24bt6s9.jpg

CNN is especially guilty of that.