Jesus at the Bar

[GoldenRivet]

A one legged Irishman hobbles into a bar and has a couple of drinks and notices a man sitting in the corner booth who looks exactly like Jesus.

after throwing back a few pints of Guinness he says to the bartender "Excuse me... is that the lord of lords Jesus Christ sitting in that corner booth over there?"

the bar tender replies "Yes... as a matter of fact it is he has come to visit our fair town in the flesh just for today believe it or not!"

"well blessed mother Mary i wouldn't believe it if i hadnt seen it with me own eyes! send him a drink on me!" said the one legged irish man.

a few minutes later an Englishman in a wheel chair comes rolling through the door and takes his place at the bar and orders a Newcastle Brown Ale.

after drinking a few beers he notices the man in the corner who looks like Jesus and he says to the Bartender

"pardon me... i've taken notice of the gentleman in the corner booth and he favors the Lord... is it Jesus sitting across the pub?"

the bar tender says "Yes sir... sure is. it is Jesus in the flesh and he has come to pay visit to our fair town for just a day."

"well!" says the Englishman "Jolly good! send him a drink! i'll gladly cover his tab!"

a few minutes later a red neck on crutches stumbles into the bar and sits down and orders a bud light.

"Hey bar man!" exclaims the red neck "Is that God's boy over yonder in that there corner table? sure looks a might like Jesus!"

the bar tender again explains that it is in fact Jesus in the flesh visiting for just the day.

"I Tell You What!" says the red neck "Send 'em a bottle of bud light on me partner!"

so after several minutes pass, Jesus stands up and walks toward the odd trio.

placing his hand on the shoulder of the Irishman Jesus says "I have made note of your good deed my son... and your affliction of missing limb is now healed."

instantly the Irishman's leg grows back and he dances a jig rejoicing the miracle.

Then Jesus puts his hand on the Englishman "Your good deed will not go without reward my son, you may rise from your wheel chair and walk a new man."

the Englishman stands up and is instantly able to run and hop as if he had never been in a wheel chair before!

Then Jesus puts his hand on the redneck.

the red neck exclaims "Hey man dont touch me!!! i'm drawing disability!!!"

:88)

[FIREWALL]

:har: :har: :har:

[kiwi_2005]

:har::har::har:

[Jimbuna]

LMAO http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/7975/gigglebigtb9fg3.gif

[Sailor Steve]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rock:

[Jimbuna]

Two redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their pickemup truck.

Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the opposite direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the lone hunter left, the two rednecks decided to give it a try.

A little while later one says to the other, "Ya know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yep," the other added, "but we're gittin' further away from the truck...."

[GoldenRivet]

Two redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their pickemup truck.

Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the opposite direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the lone hunter left, the two rednecks decided to give it a try.

A little while later one says to the other, "Ya know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yep," the other added, "but we're gittin' further away from the truck...."

hehehehe

ill be recording that one for later

[Jimbuna]

Last one :DL

This guy walks into a bar in redneck county and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from England."

The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in England?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"

The guy says "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"

[VipertheSniper]

:har::har::har:

[bookworm_020]

:har::har::har::har::har:

[Max2147]

I thought Jesus was going to refuse the redneck because the redneck gave him a Bud Light!

It's like the old Eric Idle joke: American beer is like making love in a canoe.... it's f*cking close to water!