Brag
09-26-08, 08:28 AM
Note: Lt. Kalb has been transferred to Flensburg where he will be attending the commanders' course.
He has been replaced by Lt. Fritz Gwitz.
Lt. Gwitz writes:
I must say that life on U-123 takes a certain amount of getting used to. The commander walks around the boat constantly tapping the hull with a tuning fork. The boat must be properly trimmed and tuned, he says. We also have a choir. Before starting choir practice, Balz hits the tuning fork over Bernard's head. I would write more about Balz but you wouldn't believe it.
We were on the tenth day of our patrol following a course, which Balz claimed would yield great tanker tonnage. All we got was abysmal weather. A radio message arrived and we chased a convoy , estimating intercept at 0500 hours.
The night was as dark as Churchill's love for Germany. We dove and immediately had sound contact with the convoy.
After listening for a few minutes, Balz made a grandiose gesture. "We are in splendid position for a magnificent Balz attack"We will hear the lovely sound of our boom-booms disemboweling the Englanders' vessels. And listen to the moan of tortured hulls singing their last hoochie-woochie."
Half-hour later, Balz raised the periscope, took a quick look and lowered it. "We're about to enter inside the screen." He adjusted his bunny tea cozy on his head and signaled for the choir to twirl silently. Yes, he wears a foil-lined tea cozy to avoid hearing Der Fuhrer's and Chirchill's speeches.
Ping, ping, ping. The rapid staccato from a destroyer stabbed through the hull. The choir stopped twirling. Frozen in place, its members looked fearfuly around.
"What is that?" Balz asked.
"Pinging," I said.
"How very observant."
We could now hear the racing of the escort's engines.
"Ahead flank. Ten degrees starboard rudder!"
The destroyer rumbled overhead.
We are finished, I thought.
With an expression of terror on his face, Bernard stuttered, "Wa-wa-wasserbomben."
Balz frowned. "Wawawasserbomben? It that a new Englander weapon?"
"Wa-wasserbomben."
"Make up your mind if they are wa or the wawa model."
Explosions reverberated nearby, but far enough not to shake us.
"Depth one five zero."
"New Englanders are not in the war, Herr Kaleun." I said, trying to be helpful.
"Thank you for keeping me well informed."
We were at 40 meters when the destroyer came by again.
"Choir, twirl to confuse the enemy."
Open mouthed I watched the choir twirl. "Does that help, Herr Kaleun?"
"Of course it does. Rotating minds work better than idle minds."
Rotating minds, I wrote it down in my notebook so I'd remember to think about it.
"Wa-wasserbomben." Bernard announced.
"And the wawasserbomben, einz, zwei, drei--hop" Balz did a little dance shuffling his bunny slippers. "Und das Hoochiehoochiewoochie und der wawawawasser boom-boom."
Depth charges exploded in the distance.
Baltz looked at me. "Leutnant Gwitz, what's the first thing you do when you have leaks overhead?"
"I open my umbrella, Herr Kaleun."
"At least you are not as stupid as Bernard." Balz chuckled. "Happy birthday, Bernard. You'll be one year older when I kill you."
* * *
Brag, Balz and the crew of U-123 thanks Dowly, the Finnish Ferret, for the creation of Bernard three years ago.
http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif
He has been replaced by Lt. Fritz Gwitz.
Lt. Gwitz writes:
I must say that life on U-123 takes a certain amount of getting used to. The commander walks around the boat constantly tapping the hull with a tuning fork. The boat must be properly trimmed and tuned, he says. We also have a choir. Before starting choir practice, Balz hits the tuning fork over Bernard's head. I would write more about Balz but you wouldn't believe it.
We were on the tenth day of our patrol following a course, which Balz claimed would yield great tanker tonnage. All we got was abysmal weather. A radio message arrived and we chased a convoy , estimating intercept at 0500 hours.
The night was as dark as Churchill's love for Germany. We dove and immediately had sound contact with the convoy.
After listening for a few minutes, Balz made a grandiose gesture. "We are in splendid position for a magnificent Balz attack"We will hear the lovely sound of our boom-booms disemboweling the Englanders' vessels. And listen to the moan of tortured hulls singing their last hoochie-woochie."
Half-hour later, Balz raised the periscope, took a quick look and lowered it. "We're about to enter inside the screen." He adjusted his bunny tea cozy on his head and signaled for the choir to twirl silently. Yes, he wears a foil-lined tea cozy to avoid hearing Der Fuhrer's and Chirchill's speeches.
Ping, ping, ping. The rapid staccato from a destroyer stabbed through the hull. The choir stopped twirling. Frozen in place, its members looked fearfuly around.
"What is that?" Balz asked.
"Pinging," I said.
"How very observant."
We could now hear the racing of the escort's engines.
"Ahead flank. Ten degrees starboard rudder!"
The destroyer rumbled overhead.
We are finished, I thought.
With an expression of terror on his face, Bernard stuttered, "Wa-wa-wasserbomben."
Balz frowned. "Wawawasserbomben? It that a new Englander weapon?"
"Wa-wasserbomben."
"Make up your mind if they are wa or the wawa model."
Explosions reverberated nearby, but far enough not to shake us.
"Depth one five zero."
"New Englanders are not in the war, Herr Kaleun." I said, trying to be helpful.
"Thank you for keeping me well informed."
We were at 40 meters when the destroyer came by again.
"Choir, twirl to confuse the enemy."
Open mouthed I watched the choir twirl. "Does that help, Herr Kaleun?"
"Of course it does. Rotating minds work better than idle minds."
Rotating minds, I wrote it down in my notebook so I'd remember to think about it.
"Wa-wasserbomben." Bernard announced.
"And the wawasserbomben, einz, zwei, drei--hop" Balz did a little dance shuffling his bunny slippers. "Und das Hoochiehoochiewoochie und der wawawawasser boom-boom."
Depth charges exploded in the distance.
Baltz looked at me. "Leutnant Gwitz, what's the first thing you do when you have leaks overhead?"
"I open my umbrella, Herr Kaleun."
"At least you are not as stupid as Bernard." Balz chuckled. "Happy birthday, Bernard. You'll be one year older when I kill you."
* * *
Brag, Balz and the crew of U-123 thanks Dowly, the Finnish Ferret, for the creation of Bernard three years ago.
http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/9053/dancewithpiratevi9.gif