Quotes

[AVGWarhawk]

Let's start a quote for the week thread. I will start:

"Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory."

Keep it clean though:D

[Tango589]

The best advice I was given was printed on the back of a box of matches: "Keep dry and away from children."

[NEON DEON]

"No one goes there nowadays. It's too crowded."

[STEED]

If your going to wipe your ass insure you use your bosses head.

[August]

"I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did."

-- Yogi Berra

[Kratos]

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted

[AVGWarhawk]

"Virginity is curable. Now get away from that computer and go out for a while"

[Platapus]

Children are hereditary. If your parents did not have kids, chances are good you won't have any either

[SUBMAN1]

What does Rock Salt and a shotgun make?

A 12 gauge margarita!

That one cracked me up yesterday.

-S

[Sailor Steve]

Title of a book by comedian Alan King:

Help! I'm A Prisoner In A Chinese Fortune-Cookie Factory!

[August]

What does Rock Salt and a shotgun make?

A 12 gauge margarita!

That one cracked me up yesterday.

-S

I don't get it. Where is the drink part?

[SUBMAN1]

What does Rock Salt and a shotgun make?

A 12 gauge margarita!

That one cracked me up yesterday.

-S
I don't get it. Where is the drink part?Think red martini!

[Kratos]

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?



Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

[McBeck]

Shoot first - ask questions later

If you want peace - prepare for war

[Raptor1]

http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t273/KrisS7777/Funnyanimesub.jpg

[Skybird]

One of my favourites, seen on a page of a wall-calender:

"Wem genug nicht reicht, der hat nie genug.": For whom enough isn't enough, it will never be enough.

I love it, it is so much wisdom in it. Plus: it is a recipe for happiness.

[STEED]

WARNING GUYS THIS MAY BRING WATER TO YOUR EYES.............:huh:


Berlin is the testicle of the West. When I want the West to scream, I squeeze on Berlin.
Nikita Khrushchev

[rifleman13]

Vae Victis...

Woe to the conquered!

:arrgh!:

[Tchocky]

I'm a quitter, I come from a long line of quitters, it's amazing that I'm here at all

[Morts]

"i dont have anger issues, i just prefer to solve my problems with violence" :rotfl:

[McBeck]

WARNING GUYS THIS MAY BRING WATER TO YOUR EYES.............:huh:


Berlin is the testicle of the West. When I want the West to scream, I squeeze on Berlin.
Nikita KhrushchevSo true for the post WWII era. It was all about Berlin...

[Arclight]

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

[AVGWarhawk]

"You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can not pick your friends nose."

[STEED]

The low class are only fit for sport, bloody shame we the toffs can not shoot them.


Toffs=Upper Class

[Hakahura]

It's funny till someone gets hurt...

And then, it's *********g hilarious!

[AVGWarhawk]

"You could take an eye out with that thing."

[SUBMAN1]

I should have put this here instead:

"You cannot invade the mainland United States.
There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."

- Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
(Japanese Navy)

-S

[JSF]

Good judgement comes from experience...and a lot that comes from bad judgement.

[StdDev]

One day an empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing street, the door opened and Clement Atlee got out!

[AVGWarhawk]

I should have put this here instead:

"You cannot invade the mainland United States.
There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."

- Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
(Japanese Navy)
-S


That is a good quote.

[NEON DEON]

"We shall darken the sky with our arrows."

"Then we will fight in the shade."

[Platapus]

Marriage is like a three ringed circus

You have the engagement ring

You have the wedding ring

and then you have the suffering. :)

[Kratos]

The meek shall inherit the earth ''after were done with it'' :D

[Sailor Steve]

Experience is that wonderful faculty that lets you recognize a mistake when you make it again.

[Platapus]

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. - Theodore Roosevelt

[ReallyDedPoet]

" Success is failure turned inside out. "


RDP

[rifleman13]

(to the Flinstones theme)
"Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree- Ahhhh!"

-Homer Jay Simpson

[Ducimus]

You can wish in one hand, and crap in the other. See which one gets full first.

[StdDev]

Do you want your face to stay like that for the rest of your life?

[Randomizer]

A Man is not complete until he is married and then he is finished.

[Etienne]

"If there's more than one possible outcome of a job or task, and one of those outcomes will result in disaster or an undesirable consequence, then somebody will do it that way."

[Platapus]

A woman is like a fine wine.


In that she needs to be kept secured laying down in a underground cellar until you need her.

[HunterICX]

Patton: Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled **** in Louisiana."

HunterICX

[AVGWarhawk]

"You can't polish a turd"

[STEED]

Eating snow is find as long as its not Yellow.

[Sailor Steve]

"The optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.

The pessimist is afraid he might be right."
-Robert A. Heinlein

[Tchocky]

A woman is like a fine wine.


In that she needs to be kept secured laying down in a underground cellar until you need her.

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Black?

Nope, ground up and in my freezer.

[AVGWarhawk]

Does it really matter if the glass is half full or half empty? I just want to know who is buying the next round.

[Arclight]

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
-His reply

[HunterICX]

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
-His reply

:lol: thats class!

HunterICX

[Tango589]

Never have so many been owed so much by so few.

W. Churchill

[Tango589]

Sometimes life seems just like walking around in circles.

[HunterICX]

Erwin Rommel:

“In the absence of orders, go find something and kill it”

HunterICX

[Raptor1]

"There are no innocent civilians" - Curtis LeMay

[SUBMAN1]

Erwin Rommel:

“In the absence of orders, go find something and kill it”

HunterICXThat's a good one!

-S

[HunterICX]

Erwin Rommel:

“In the absence of orders, go find something and kill it”

HunterICXThat's a good one!

-S

then you will like these ones too from Rommel:

“In a man-to-man fight, the winner is he who has one more round in his magazine.”

&

“Sweat saves blood, blood saves lives, and brains saves both.”

HunterICX

[SUBMAN1]

then you will like these ones too from Rommel:

“In a man-to-man fight, the winner is he who has one more round in his magazine.”

&

“Sweat saves blood, blood saves lives, and brains saves both.”

HunterICX:up::up::up:

-S

[SUBMAN1]

Let me add one here for Americans:

"If it wasn't for the second amendment, there wouldn't be any amendments"

-S

[Hakahura]

"You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk."

"Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat.".....
"But, tomorrow morning, I will be sober."

[SUBMAN1]

"You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk."

"Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat.".....
"But, tomorrow morning, I will be sober."Heard this before, and I still love it.

-S

[mookiemookie]

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Platapus]

When Pancho Villa was dying in the arms of his closest friend, he said

"Don't let it end this way, say that I said something"

[Etienne]

"I have no reply to make to your general other than from the mouths of my cannons and muskets."

-Louis de Buade de Frontenac, 1690, in response to an envoy requesting the surrender of Quebec city.

[Platapus]

I fired him because he wouldn't respect the authority of the president. That's the answer to that. I did not fire him because he was a dumb son of a bitch, although he was, but that's not against the law for Generals. If it was, half to three-quarters of them would be in jail - President Harry S Truman on the firing of General MacArthur

[STEED]

Your going to look silly trying to eat corn on the cob with no teeth.

[AVGWarhawk]

A man needs to know his limitations.

[Sailor Steve]

"Nonsense! They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."
-last words of Major General John Sedgewick, moments before he was killed by enemy fire at Spottsylvania Court House, May 19, 1864.

[rifleman13]

Mon centre cède, ma droite recule, situation excellente, j'attaque.
(My centre is giving way, my right is retreating, situation excellent, I am attacking.)
- Ferdinand Foch

[claybirdd]

We have awakend a sleeping Giant.
-Yamamoto
:rock:

[Platapus]

We have awakend a sleeping Giant.
-Yamamoto
:rock:
"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve." Although this is a great statement, and one of my favourite sayings, sadly it appears not to have been said by Adm Yamamoto

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isoroku_Yamamoto's_sleeping_giant_quote

(that page also addresses the other thread on whether Japan planned on invading the US mainland)

It still does not detract from this being a fantastic and thought provoking thought

[rifleman13]

All wars will be settled by sea power.
-Erich Raeder

[NEON DEON]

http://morethings.com/fan/andy_griffith/the_big_house/08jim_nabors-don_knotts16.jpg

[McBeck]

Your going to look silly trying to eat corn on the cob with no teeth.BB ?

[STEED]

My Boss said this..........

If your planning to stand there breaking wind it better be worth the money I'm paying you.

[Platapus]

"These are dangerous times. When we are afraid, we want to be protected

Since we can not protect ourselves against such horrors as mass murder by bombers, we are tempted to run to the government.

A government that is always willing to trade the promise of security in exchange for our freedom, which left as always the question:

How much freedom are we willing to relinquish for such a bald promise?" -- Gerry Spence

[AVGWarhawk]

Tu ne cede malis..."Never yield to misfortune".


"To lead is to foresee"

[Platapus]

Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc.

We gladly feast on those who would subdue us

<any idea what movie that was from?>

[AVGWarhawk]

Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc.

We gladly feast on those who would subdue us

<any idea what movie that was from?>

Just a wild guess...Conan the Barbarian?

[Platapus]

:nope:

[Blacklight]

This one comes from the office supply store I worked at durring "Back to School" time.

Parent: This school list says that I need to get a ruler that has both inches and metric on it. These rulers only have inches and cm ! :nope:

[rifleman13]

You may fire when ready, Gridley.
-George Dewey

[MothBalls]

This one comes from the office supply store I worked at durring "Back to School" time.

Parent: This school list says that I need to get a ruler that has both inches and metric on it. These rulers only have inches and cm ! :nope:

Another victim of Publik Edukashun

[Kapitan]

some of my favorites



"Diving Officer, I believe we are airborne" ret sub captain USN

COB's answer to the question why do we have to clean all the time?

"Ashes to ashes, dust unto dust,
it may not run, but shine it must,
it may not work, but it will not rust"


"Submariners are a special brotherhood, either all come to the surface or no one does. On a submarine, the phrase all for one and one for all is not just a slogan, but reality.”
VADM golosov russian navy


"A million dollar house, and the roof leaks...”

"Submariners are a bunch of intelligent misfits that somehow seem to get along, understand each other and work well together.”

[Iceman]

Ecclesiastes 12

[8] Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity

[11] The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd.

[13] Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Take your pick here...I love em all.

[Arclight]

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
-Winston Churchill

[Stealth Hunter]

I was devastated when I found out my wife was cheating on me and even more so when she fell underneath a train; I was nowhere near at the time and my phone records PROVE that.

[Sailor Steve]

Some people are born stupid. I've had to work hard all my life to get this way.

And I'm proud of the job I've done.
-me

[Raptor1]

Some people are born stupid. I've had to work hard all my life to get this way.

And I'm proud of the job I've done.
-me
This Me person is a smart cookie

EDIT: 666th post, WOOT!

[Platapus]

"I fulfilled a lot of people's predictions about me. I became a real scumbag."

Movie?

[Kapitan_Phillips]

'I'd rather have a German Division infront of me, than a French one behind me.'

- Patton :lol:

[rifleman13]

Artillery is the god of war.
-Uncle Joe Stalin

[geetrue]

A little boy in a 1960's television commercial standing in front of the open refrigerator with an empty jar in his hands.

"Who got my pickle"?

[Platapus]

A little boy in a 1960's television commercial standing in front of the open refrigerator with an empty jar in his hands.

"Who got my pickle"?


OMG I forgot about that commercial LoL

[Kapitan]

"its ok to window shop just as long as your not purchasing" a mate of mine when he was eyeing up some school girls.

[Platapus]

A man is only as old as he looks... and I can still look :up:

[Nokia]

Winters: Flash!
Hall: sh**!
Winters: I don't think that's the correct reply, trooper. I say "flash, you say "thunder".
Hall: Yes, sir. Thunder, sir.

Guess from were it is.

here's another one

Lt. George Rice (10th Armour): Panzer division is about to cut the road south. Looks like you guys are going to be surrounded.
Winters: We're paratroopers, Lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded.

[PeriscopeDepth]

Admiral Benson (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000978/): I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
Lt. Commander Block (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0242656/): I don't see any crab, sir.
Admiral Benson (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000978/): Don't tell me. There were two crabs. They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis for chrissakes!

PD

[Nokia]

Here's another good one

Sink (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_F._Sink): "Kids, I just had a conversation with General LeClerc (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippe_Leclerc_de_Hautecloque). He told me he was first into Paris (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris), and by God, he wanted to be first into Berchtesgaden (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berchtesgaden). I told him I understood his point. Now you fire up Second Battalion and out-flank that French son of a bitch!."

[Ishmael]

From Bill Mauldin, creator of Willie and Joe and Editorial caroonist for the Chicago Tribune for years:

The quickest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry.

http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/865/maul49rz9.jpg


My favorite Up Front cartoon. The caption reads:

Them buttons wuz shot off when we TOOK this town.

[Platapus]

Bill Mauldin :up:

RIP

Wille and Joe will live and fight forever

[AVGWarhawk]

"Strangers have the best candy"

[Ducimus]

"Paranoia - You only have to be right once to make it all worthwhile" - unknown

"Morality is the best of all devices for leading mankind by the nose" - Nietzsche

"When a man cease to believe in god, he does not believe in nothing. He believes in everything" - G.K Chesterton

"We're all hostages from hell, and all we can do is cry for mercy." - Marshall Efron

[McBeck]

A few from me:
"Democracy is 3 wolves and a sheep, voting about what to eat for lunch" - Unknown

"I don't have ONE white key on my piano - my elephant smoked too much" - Victor Borge

"Politics is no bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards. If you fail, you can always write a book" - Ronald Reagan

"Its no great accomplishment to walk into a bar - the accomplishment it to walk from it" - Monrad & Rislund

"To read quotationbooks is a good occupation for uneducated people" - Churchill ;)

"Most people will chase pleasure so much, that they will chase past it" - Kierkegaard

"He thinks too much; that kind of people are dangerous" Shakespeare

[Von Tonner]

A lecturer in the Highlands of Scotland was boasting of his ancestry. "I was born an Englishman, I lived as an Englishman and I hope to die as an Englishman."

"Ach," said a voice from the back of the hall. "Have ye nae ambition at all?"

(anonymous)

"Posterity! You will never know how much it cost the present generation to preserve your freedom! I hope you make good use of it. If you do not, I shall repent in heaven that ever I took half the pains to preserve it."

(John Adam) True today as it was then - if not more so.

"That awful power, the public opinion of this nation, is formed and molded by a horde of ignorant self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse."

(Samuel Clemens 1873) I love this one.

"I recently had to speak before a committee of inquiry. I was asked 'Name, date of birth, profession?'
I answered: "Greatest foreign minister of all time." It was embarrassing for me, but I was under oath."

(Hans-Dietrich Genscher, German foreign minister)

[kurtz]

"You could take an eye out with that thing."


King Harald 1066 by any chance?

[rifleman13]

In reference to the Philippine Air Force in the '60s...

The Air Force was at its peak in the Sixties. I was a young captain then, and even the fuel, my uniform, my helmet - everything - was paid for by the Americans. When I commanded an F-5 squadron, I had 22 brand-new F-5s. Our maintenance personnel were also trained by the Americans. You could say that it was [the] United States Air Force run by Filipinos.
-Lt. Gen. Antonio Sotelo, PAF (ret.)

[McBeck]

Winters: Flash!
Hall: sh**!
Winters: I don't think that's the correct reply, trooper. I say "flash, you say "thunder".
Hall: Yes, sir. Thunder, sir.

Guess from were it is.

Band of Brothers

[AVGWarhawk]

"You could take an eye out with that thing."

King Harald 1066 by any chance?

Nah...my Mom :roll:

[Zayphod]

Ok, my contribution:

"We've got a date with Destiny, boys, and she's just ordered the lobster."
--- Mystery Men

One from my Morrowind narration:
"Summoned creatures and ancient spells are no match for a good battle-axe at your side."
--- Eldorf the Wise

[danurve]

"War is the continuation of politics by other means" -Von Clausewitz

"Am I afraid, of loosing my Job, to that damn computer? -James T Kirk ;)

[Von Tonner]

Ok guys, who said this and to who was he referring:

"People said he was handsome then; but I don't believe it. He was big, burly, noisy, small-eyed, large-faced, double-chinned, swinish-looking fellow in later life and it is not easy to believe that so bad a character can ever have been veiled under a pre-possessing appearance. The plain truth is, that he was a most intolerable ruffian, a disgrace to human nature, and a blot of blood and grease upon the history of England, and one of the most detestable villains that ever drew breath."

Hint. he is not talking about Brown:D

[Raptor1]

Cromwell on Charles I?

EDIT: That didn't sound too likely...Dickens on Henry VIII? (I wouldn't know, searched it on google)

[Von Tonner]

Cromwell on Charles I?

EDIT: That didn't sound too likely...Dickens on Henry VIII? (I wouldn't know, searched it on google)

Yep, that is right!

[Iceman]

Ships Are Safe in the Harbour

All I live for is now
All I stand for is where and how
All I wish for are magic moments

As I sail through change
My resolve remains the same
What I chose are magic moments

Because ships are safe in the harbour
But that is not what ships are made for
The mind could stretch much further
But it seems that is not what our minds are trained for

We call for random order
You can't control Mother nature's daughter

Ships are safe in the harbour
But that is not what ships are built for

The witch hunter roams
The scary thing is that he's not alone
He's trying to down my magic moments

As we sail through change
Ride the wind of a silent rage
And sing laments of magic moments

[Platapus]

"Democracy is 3 wolves and a sheep, voting about what to eat for lunch" - Unknown


That is great! If I could find a citation for this I would love to use it on my current paper.

"The surest argument against Democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter." Winston Churchill

The difference between Capitalism and Communism is that in Capitalism, man exploits his fellow man. In Communism it is just the opposite. - Anonymous (and probably deserves to be)

[Etienne]

"There's no such thing as bad luck; only bad planning." - A captain I've worked with.

"Every department on this boat think they're running the show. They're wrong, our department does." - A deck officer I've worked with (Said without any. ****ing. irony.)

[Arclight]

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
-David Friedman

Sometimes I think it should be a rule of war that you have to see somebody up close and get to know him before you can shoot him.
-M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter

^Man, I love that show.

[AVGWarhawk]

"I will carry on, hari-kari, Cary Grant but I will not carry a gun"
Hawkeye, MASH

What a great show that was.

[Ishmael]

It's a nice, soft night. I think I'll join some of me old Comrades...and talk a little treason.

Michaelyn Og Flynn-The Quiet Man

[McBeck]

"Democracy is 3 wolves and a sheep, voting about what to eat for lunch" - Unknown

That is great! If I could find a citation for this I would love to use it on my current paper.

"The surest argument against Democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter." Winston Churchill

The difference between Capitalism and Communism is that in Capitalism, man exploits his fellow man. In Communism it is just the opposite. - Anonymous (and probably deserves to be) I found for my dads 60 birthday...its translated to english from danish, so let me see if I can find the source...

Sorry - No source, but im fairly certain that its Danish

[Arclight]

This kinda dropped of, but guess what? It's saturday! So;

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-Dean Martin

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-W.C. Fields

"The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck."
-Warwick Franks

"I drink to make other people interesting."
-George Jean Nathan

"I never met a pub I didn't like."
-Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
-Homer Simpson

[Hitman]

My favourite one -which I'm going to use as signature as soon as I have 5 minutes to do it :p - is an old spanish say that could translate more or less like this:

"Wiser is the devil for being old, than for being the devil"

It highlights what I have learned to be the most important thing on life to make you succeed: experience

Also, here are some quotes from my father:

"Sons have the right to be wrong, fathers have the right to say later to the sons "I told you so!"

"..he, as all self-made men, made himself wrong"

"No lesson is too expensive if it is learned well"

[Sailor Steve]

"Democracy is 3 wolves and a sheep, voting about what to eat for lunch" - Unknown

That is great! If I could find a citation for this I would love to use it on my current paper.

"The surest argument against Democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter." Winston Churchill

The difference between Capitalism and Communism is that in Capitalism, man exploits his fellow man. In Communism it is just the opposite. - Anonymous (and probably deserves to be) I found for my dads 60 birthday...its translated to english from danish, so let me see if I can find the source...

Sorry - No source, but im fairly certain that its Danish
I saw the Communism/Capitalism one in a MAD magazine back in the '60s.

"It is every child's God-given right to be a disappointment to his parents."
-Rocky Russo (a good friend of mine)

[Kratos]

Get down from there! before you break your neck.If you dont i'll break it for you.
''My Mother''

[rifleman13]

http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/5619/quoteuf4.jpg
-onelifecrisis

PS:correct me if I'm wrong!:lol:

[clive bradbury]

sumus semper in excretum… sed alta variat...

[Arclight]

“Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.”

Howard Aiken
US computer scientist (1900 - 1973)

[mcf1]

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf......g snakes on this motherfu.....g plane!

Samuel L. Jackson from the movie Snakes on a plane
voted as #55 of "The 100 Greatest Movie Lines" by Premiere in 2007

[Raptor1]

"When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout"

It's from Herman Wouk's The Caine Mutiny, not sure if it was originally from somewhere else though

[mcf1]

“Being second is to be the first of the ones who lose.”
-Ayrton Senna

[rifleman13]

Closing your eyes forces you to look at the darkness inside.
-Max Payne

[Ishmael]

A man born to hang ain't gonna die of drowning.

He's slicker than greased owl s**t.

He's slicker than snot on a glass doorknob.

He came down with a case of the dribbling ****s and mechanized dandruff.

Women are only as pretty as a lightswitch.

Women always get prettier the closer to 2 AM you get.

All Dadisms from Raymond W. Scott, The Inadvertent Pacifist.

[Arclight]

Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Hunter S. Thompson :|\\

[Iceman]

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:

There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

[orwell]

My sig has one of my favorites, though I'm also fond of this one, taking from a game forum with a user having broken english. "I think it may help you if you're into selfdom."

"Essentially, Democracy is spyware you get while downloading Parliamentarism."

[rifleman13]

It may look like salami, it may smell like salami, it may even taste like salami...but its rocket fuel!
-Jamie Hyneman

[mcf1]

What you cannot enforce, do not command
-Socrates

[Schöneboom]

"If I can't drink my bowl of coffee three times daily, then in my torment I will shrivel up like a piece of roast goat."
-- from J.S. Bach's Coffee Cantata

[UnderseaLcpl]

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.- despair.com

[Frame57]

"Where unrecorded names and navies rust, and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful water-land, there was thy most familiar home."


Herman Melville:arrgh!:

[Platapus]

What you cannot enforce, do not command
-Socrates


That must be where Napoleon got "Do not forbid that which you can not prevent."

Damn, those dead greek guys had it easy. Every thing they said, was the first time it was ever said. and they go down in history :rotfl:

[antikristuseke]

"What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." - General John Sedgwick

[Arclight]

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein (http://www.gurteen.com/gurteen/gurteen.nsf/id/albert-einstein)

[Sailor Steve]

"What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." - General John Sedgwick
Already quoted by me on page 4, post #68 http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showpost.php?p=886112&postcount=68

The difference being that your version is an oft-repeated but unsubstantiated one, and mine comes directly from an account from Battles and Leaders of the Civil War, printed in 1877.:p

[Dowly]

Three of my favorite quotes are all from aerial combat.

"Speed is Life"

"Aerial gunnery is 10% aim and 90% luck"

"Mother, which can go higher, God or an airplane" - Luftwaffe Ace (105 kills) Günther Lützow as a child

[antikristuseke]

"What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." - General John Sedgwick
Already quoted by me on page 4, post #68 http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showpost.php?p=886112&postcount=68

The difference being that your version is an oft-repeated but unsubstantiated one, and mine comes directly from an account from Battles and Leaders of the Civil War, printed in 1877.:p

I know, but it sounds better this way :know:
But i should have read the thread and mentioned what you did.

[STEED]

I can slash so hard I can crack the toilet.

That was a old one from a boss many moons ago. :lol:

[UnderseaLcpl]

"Things are more like they are now than they used to be."

[Morts]

"Nuts !" :D
and
"we're not retreating, we're simply advancing in another direction" <-- True :lol:!

[Sailor Steve]

I know, but it sounds better this way :know:
I agree, that version is funnier. I just get my back up sometimes about accuracy, and I probably shouldn't.

[antikristuseke]

I know, but it sounds better this way :know:
I agree, that version is funnier. I just get my back up sometimes about accuracy, and I probably shouldn't.

We are in the same boat with that one, know exactly what you mean.

[Platapus]

Can't forget these wise words.

"He [Saddam Hussein] has not developed any significant capability with respect to weapons of mass destruction. He is unable to project conventional power against his neighbours." - Colin Powell 24 Feb 01

[Saddam Hussein had not been able to] "build his military back up or to develop weapons of mass destruction" [for] "the last 10 years" - Colin Powell 15 May 01

[Raptor1]

"Gentlemen, when the enemy is committed to a mistake we must not interrupt him too soon."

- Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson

[antikristuseke]

"Chatfield, there seems to be something wrong with our bloody ships today." - Sir David Beatty

[Raptor1]

"Chatfield, there seems to be something wrong with our bloody ships today." - Sir David Beatty

That was on my sig until yesterday

[Arclight]

Why do we kill people who are killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
~Holly Near

[mcf1]

Hence we will not say that Greeks fight like heroes, but that heroes fight like Greeks
Sir Winston Churchill

EDIT: another one I like
"May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't"
General George S. Patton

[rifleman13]

Eat my shorts!
-Bartholomew J. Simpson

[Schroeder]

"We are not attacking, we are defending forwards!"
- German Army.:up:

[STEED]

I forget the title of this film which this one comes from.

"Next time you ******* me, kiss me first."

[FIREWALL]

Beat your Swords into Plowshares.

I didn't so now you will plow my fields.

[Arclight]

I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner.
Dr. Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs

[Biggles]

This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill

Well I may have to take it, but I don't have to like it! Cosmo Kramer (Seinfeld).

Climb, you bastard! Climb, climb, climb, climb! Yossarian, Catch-22

Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. And Mrs. Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father, or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. General Dreedle (I think...)

And here is a piece from the book, not from a person:

Morale was deteriorating and it was all Yossarian's fault. The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

Catch-22....:rotfl:

[mcf1]

What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of f...n' a..holes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your f.....n' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So, what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!

Al Pacino as Tony Montana
from the movie Scarface

[Sailor Steve]

Well I may have to take it, but I don't have to like it! Cosmo Kramer (Seinfeld).

"You'll take and you'll like it!"
-Sam Spade, The Maltese Falcon

[Biggles]

-No last defiant words, Doctor Jones?
-.......I like Ike...

[Arclight]

"I am not economically viable."
William "Bill" Foster / D-Fens, Falling Down

[Biggles]

Glory days, well they'll pass you by
Glory days, in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, Glory days

From the song Glory Days, by Bruce Springsteen.

[Etienne]

I don't know if this has been posted before, but I just saw the movie today:

"I know what you're thinking: 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' But to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?"
-Dirty Harry

[Sailor Steve]

Nope, nobody posted that one yet.

Reminds me of a favorite scene, though. Everybody seems to know Dirty Harry's "Go ahead. Make my day", but there was one from the same era that I like a lot better - from Billy Jack.

Girl has been kidnapped to draw the hero out. When he rides up on a horse with a rifle out, the crooked cop grabs the girl and threatens to shoot her.
Cop: "Drop the gun or the girl gets it!"
Billy Jack: "Go ahead."
Cop: "What? You mean you'd kill this girl, just like that?"
Billy Jack: "No, you'll kill her. And then I'll kill you - just like that."

[rifleman13]

I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker! Especially you!
-Homer Simpson
from "The Simpsons Movie"

[Biggles]

-I am NOT the Messiah!
-I say you are Lord, and I should know, I've followed a few!

-I have a vewy big fweind in Wome called "Biggus Dickus"!

-We must pay homage to him.
-Homage!? You're all drunk! It's disgusting!

-Thitithenth! We have Thamthon the Thagutethe Thtrangler, Thilath the Athyrian Athathin, theveral thubverthive thribes from Theatharea...



Life of Brian...priceless.

[Sailor Steve]

Very nice, Biggles, except that you misspelled "Bigguth Dickuth"

"I'm Spartacus!" "No, I'm Spartacus!" "No, I'm Spartacus!" (just crediting the original)

"I'm Brian, and so's my wife!"

[TDK1044]

I forget the title of this film which this one comes from.

"Next time you ******* me, kiss me first."

It comes from 'A funny thing happened on the way to the mods workshop'. :D

[Biggles]

Very nice, Biggles, except that you misspelled "Bigguth Dickuth"



WRONG, my dear old chap.

While Biggus Dickus can't say "s" or syllables of the kind, his friend (or should I say "fwiend"?) Pontius Pilate has no problem what so ever. However, Pilate can't pronounce "r", but instead he says "w" (or just "v").

Example:

-Thwow him to the floow.
-What's that Sir?
-Thwow him to the floow!

Haha, I was right and you were wrong for once!:arrgh!:

But I'm glad you like Life of Brian as I do^^

-Brothers brothers, we should be struggeling together!
-We are...Oooow!
-We musn't fight eachother! Surely we should unite against the common enemy!
-.......THE JUDEAN PEOPLE'S FRONT!?
-NONO THE ROMANS!!!!
-.......Oh yeah.......

[Jimbuna]

"That's not a real gun"

John Lennon

[ajrimmer42]

"Before you insult someone, always walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do insult them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."


"Oh! I see your point!"
"Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No they're up, I can see they're up... Oh! I see your point."
"Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No they're up, I can see they're up... Oh! I see your point."
"Why? Have my trousers fallen down? Help help! We're stuck in some sort of nob gag Bermuda Triangle!" Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson, Bottom Live Hooligan's Island


"The days of man are but as grass: for he flourisheth as the flower of the field. For as soon as wind goeth over it, it is gone: and the place thereof shall know it no more."


"The liver is evil and must be punished!"


"I'm only here because my server is down."


"I'm not a nerd! I'm a level 18 Paladin."

[STEED]

I forget the title of this film which this one comes from.

"Next time you ******* me, kiss me first."

It comes from 'A funny thing happened on the way to the mods workshop'. :D

You have got to be kidding me. :rotfl:

[Jimbuna]

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

[Biggles]

The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on Love states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love: Avoid, if at all possible.

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions. Woody Allen

[Mush Martin]

last week my wife came in with a new tshirt for me it said on the front

People that think they know everything really irritate those
of us that do.

Poor woman.

[Arclight]

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-Frank Zappa

[Jimbuna]

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Louis Hector Berlioz

[Stealth Hunter]

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

Howard Phillips Lovecraft, "The Call of Cthulhu"

[JALU3]

Hungry?
Yes.
Willing to eat?
That takes effort.
-overheard conversation

----------

"Retreat? Hell, we just got here."
-Cpt Williams, USMC

----------

We're going to the hotel right now, Kousaka!
Well, like I said, I have to work starting tonight.
We're going to **** like bunnies until then! Or else I will never forgive you...
-Genshiken, Season 2, Episode 9

[Raptor1]

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

- Douglas MacArthur

[Iceman]

I always liked this one so I made this pic tonight...
http://cyberallies.com/miscpics/marines.jpg

[Jimbuna]

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Jimbuna :lol:

[NEON DEON]

It does not hurt when you are dead.

[DeepIron]

From Albert Einstein: "There are two things that are infinite; the Universe and Human Stupidity. And I'm not sure about the Universe..."

[Biggles]

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."

The major problem — one of the major problems, for there are several — one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.

To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

HHGG....

[Jimbuna]

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

[rifleman13]

Where's your Messiah now Flanders?
-Clancy Wiggum

[Arclight]

"It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top."

"Call on God, but row away from the rocks."

Hunter S. Thompson

[Madox58]

From my Tee shirts

"We Lay the Plank! You walk it!!"

[Jimbuna]

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

[Sailor Steve]

I know you think you understood what I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard was not what I really meant.
-seen on a poster around 1970

[Jimbuna]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

;)

[Biggles]

"Who is Spain?"
"Why is Hitler?"
"When is right?"
"Where was that stooped and mealy-colored old man I used to call Poppa when the merry-go-round broke down?"
"How was trump at Munich?"
"Ho-ho beriberi."
"Balls!"

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three.

[Jimbuna]

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

- Maryon Pearson

[Sailor Steve]

:rotfl:

But I always thought it was a "surprised mother-in-law". Works both ways, though.

[Jimbuna]

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.

-- Dick Van Dyke

[mcf1]

He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.
Proverbs 13:3

[rifleman13]

I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
- Charles Montgomery Burns

[TDK1044]

"If a man talks in the forrest and there's no woman there to hear it, is it still wrong?"

[Jimbuna]

Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog.

-- Mark Twain

[Platapus]

"If a man talks in the forrest and there's no woman there to hear it, is it still wrong?"
:up:

According to The Frau, yes. Even if she is not there, she will find out what I said and yes I would be wrong. Even if I were right, I would be wrong for talking about something with her not around.

[AVGWarhawk]

A man without decision of character can never be said to belong to himself. He belongs to whatever can make captive of him. - John Foster (http://www.quoteopia.com/famous.php?quotesby=johnfoster)

[Jimbuna]

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

--Groucho Marx

[Sailor Steve]

"Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat."
-Every cat I've ever known

[Biggles]

"Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat."
-Every cat I've ever known

More like feeding the cat, if you ask me. Believe me, I have two of the buggers:roll:

(love 'em both)

[raymond6751]

From Woody Allen:
I'm not afraid of death...I just don't want to be there when it happens.

[Jimbuna]

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

- Henny Youngman

[Platapus]

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

- Henny Youngman

Some humour just does not go out of style :up:

[Sailor Steve]

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx

[Biggles]

-This is Stalin joke. Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-I ASK THE QUESTIONS!

Robin Williams as a russian....

[Airmail]

“I once called her up to tell her I'd had 200 trade unionists shot dead and thrown into the sea. "Gusty, dear", she said, "give me the resources you have and I'd create a new island of dead leftists in the South Pacific by lunchtime tomorrow." Damn, that's cold!” - Augusto Pinochet on Margaret Thatcher

[Jimbuna]

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

--Jimbuna

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.

-- George Bush

[Sailor Steve]

In Heaven, the police are all British, the mechanics are all German, the chefs are all Italian, the lovers are all French and everything is run by the Swiss.

In Hell, the police are all German, the mechanics are all French, the chefs are all British, the lovers are all Swiss and everything is run by the Italians.

-from a T-shirt I saw once

[mcf1]

I must place on record my regret that the human race ever learned to fly. Sir Winston Churchill

[Biggles]

I am a realist, and as such, I know that anything can happen.

Myself^^

[Jimbuna]

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

--Jimbuna :p

[mcf1]

Life is short, go nuts

I read that somewhere

[Sailor Steve]

I once saw a license-plate holder that said:

I got this car for my daughter.

Good trade, huh?

[Platapus]

One of my favourites

To be wise, observe, for observation is the source of all wisdom

[Peto]

"Hot Showers Available". Army recruiter's way of saying that the cold water doesn't work.

An Army buddy of mine.

[Iceman]

Proverbs 24
[33] Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep:
[34] So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man.

Proverbs 27
[22] Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him.

[Arclight]

"You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands."
-Hunter S. Thompson

[Jimbuna]

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.

-- George W. Bush

[rifleman13]

Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse.
- Ned Flanders

[Jimbuna]

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

--Abraham Lincoln

[Sailor Steve]

:rotfl: go Abe!

"A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost once they begin to negotiate."
-Benjamin Franklin

[mcf1]

τῆς δὲ ζημίας μεγίστη τὸ ὑπὸ πονηροτέρου ἄρχεσθαι (Πλάτωνος Πολιτεία, Ι)
But the chief penalty is to be governed by someone worse (Plato, Republic I)

[UnderseaLcpl]

"Originality is the art of concealing your source" yeah, I made that up.

[Platapus]

Diplomacy is the art of letting the other person have your way

[Jimbuna]

Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

--Abraham Lincoln

[Platapus]

Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

--Abraham Lincoln

I have the same opinion concerning waterboarding. :down:

[Jimbuna]

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your ar$e and let a rottweiler chase you home.

--Billy Connolly

[Arclight]

"That's free enterprise, friends: freedom to gamble, freedom to lose. And the great thing -- the truly democratic thing about it -- is that you don't even have to be a player to lose."
- Barbara Ehrenreich


"Quaid... start the reactor."
- Kuato
Southpark, episode 603 "Asspen", refering to the movie "Total Recall" :cool:

[Jimbuna]

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

--jimbuna 2008

[rifleman13]

Lisa Simpson: Ralph can't be president. He's the dumbest person on the dumbest percentile group.
Homer Simpson: A president doesn't have to be smart. All he has to do is point the army and shoot.
Lisa Simpson: But he's eight, and the Constitution says you have to be thirty-five to be president.
Bart Simpson: Lis, I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed the Constitution to protect our rights.
- from The Simpsons episode E Pluribus Wiggum

[Jimbuna]

I would never die for my beliefs, because I might be wrong. ]

--Bertrand Russell

[mcf1]

Venienti occurrite morbo
Meet the misfortune as it comes
-Aulus Persius Flaccus

[mcf1]

What the F>>K are you doing?
you have 3 broken ribs, you can barely breathe and you're lighting a cigarette
You're crazy.
-my girlfriend, 10 minutes ago

[Jimbuna]

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
-- Winston Spencer Churshill (replying to Lady Astor's comment 'Sir, you're drunk!')

[Sailor Steve]

Jim, ya gotta read the thread.

Especially #60.

[Jimbuna]

Jim, ya gotta read the thread.

Especially #60.

Aw come on...cut a guy a little slack, mine was historically accurate.

Mind you, I concede I didn't check back...but does anybody :-?

[StdDev]

Jim, ya gotta read the thread.

Especially #60.

Aw come on...cut a guy a little slack, mine was historically accurate.

Mind you, I concede I didn't check back...but does anybody :-?

Off with their heads!
Queen of Hearts
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice%27s_Adventures_in_Wonderland)

[Jimbuna]

Jim, ya gotta read the thread.

Especially #60.

Aw come on...cut a guy a little slack, mine was historically accurate.

Mind you, I concede I didn't check back...but does anybody :-?

Off with their heads!
Queen of Hearts
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice%27s_Adventures_in_Wonderland)

LMAO :rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Jump down the guy's throat now. You can always apologize later.
-seems to be my motto these days.

I've used the ':rotfl: ' so much I must have the skinniest 'A' in town.

NOT!