GAME: Post Your Jokes

[Stealth Hunter]

* Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them looks up and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

* A man and his friend are going on a hunting trip. As they're walking along, his friend stumbles and falls down a steep embankment. The man, quickly reacting runs down to see if he's OK. The friend shows no response. The man pulls out a cell-phone and dials 9-1-1 for help. "I THINK MY FRIEND'S DEAD!" cries the man. "It's OK, sir. Just don't panic. Make SURE your friend is dead first before you claim that," says the 9-1-1 operator. As she sits at her desk, she nearly jumps out of her skin when a loud and startling gunshot goes off over the phone. The man comes back on and says, "Now what?"

[Kapitan_Phillips]

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the "Mirage"?
A: Because it's never seen in a combat zone.

[Stealth Hunter]

:rotfl:


Good one, Kapitan.

[Kratos]

A man decides to take his friend along on bear hunting trip,
to show him how he bags all his bears without a blemish on
the skins.. All he takes along with him on the trip is his trusty rifle
and a randy bloodhound. The first tree he comes across,he gives an almighty
shake, and a bear falls out the tree. The bloodhound rushes after the bear
and mounts the bear into submisson, and the bear dies from the result.
He says to his friend, ''thats how its done''.So the next tree he gives almighty shake
and nothing comes down, he says ''there is a bear up there'' so he pass's his rifle
to his friend and starts to climb the tree.... his friend says ''hey if its that easy why do you need the rifle'' to which he replied ''if i come down this tree first SHOOT THAT Feckin DOG'':rotfl:

[Kapitan_Phillips]

There once was a man from Darjeeling
Who got on a bus bound for Ealing
When he saw on the door
"Please dont spit on the floor"
He got up and spat on the ceiling

:up:

[donut]

:rotfl: http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=118883 (http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=118883)

[Bort]

Q: What goes, "clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop"?

A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

[StdDev]

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: the Captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the Show."Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the Captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it ........ the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day.....
And then 2 days...
Then 3 days...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said "OK, I give up. Where's the *********g ship?"

[Kapitan_Phillips]

Here's a football joke:


If the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are called the 'Bucs'
And the Jacksonville Jaguars the 'Jags',
What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

[Blacklight]

A mushroom goes to a party. He sees this hot girl and says "Hey baby ! Wanna dance ?"
She says, "No ! You're ugly !"
He says "But I'm a FUN GUY !!!"

:rotfl:

[Ducimus]

All i know are really old ones, or the standard BS you learn in the service.


---------
Guy goes to a western style bar and see's theres a contest.
"Make the horse out front laugh, and win this jar of money".
So the guy goes out front, and whispers something in the horses ear.
Horse starts laughing louder then Mr Ed.
Guy has a drink, and takes the jar of money as he leaves.

Next week, same guy comes back, same horse, new contest.
"Make the horse out front cry, and win this jar of money".
So the guy goes out front, takes the horse around back, brings the horse around, crying a river.

Guy goes up to the bartender, "i think i win that one!". Bartender asks, aren't you the guy who won last week? You didnt hurt that horse did you?! Guy replies, "Nah, i didnt touch the horse, he's fine". Bartender then asks, "well then tell me, how'd you do it?"
Guy says, "well last week i told him my d**k was bigger then his - this week i showed him."
----------------

Q. How do you kill a batallion of Marines?
A. Glue sand on a wall, and tell them to storm the beach.

--------------------------

Jokes to play on the FNG -ask him to fetch you a:
- Metric cresent wrench
- a block stretcher
- left handed hammer
- bucket of propwash
- jerrycan of K9-P.

[joegrundman]

man walks into a bar with a dog and orders a drink.
the guy next to him says, hey buddy, does your dog bite?
No, he's a really friendly animal, never bit anyone.

So the guy reaches down and pats the dog. It bites his hand quite hard.

Ow, he yells, i thought you said your dog didn't bite!

It's not my dog, answered the man.

[TarJak]

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/2/1362599_02bcdea730.jpg

[kiwi_2005]

Gman Borat :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do_gtAt73sI

[Blacklight]

These three ropes walk into a bar.
There is a sign over the bar that says "We don't serve ropes"
So the first rope walks up the bar and says, "Hey bartender ! Gimme a beer"
The bartender says "I'm sorry sir. You'll have to leave. We don't serve ropes here."
So the seccond rope walks up the the bar and tries to act tough, "Yo bartender. Gimme a beer !"
The bartender says "We don't serve ropes !!" and has the bouncer toss the rope out.
So the third rope ties himself all up and messes up his hair and walks in...
"Hey bartender ! Gimme a beer !"
The bartender eyes him suspiciously and says "Hey buddy ! Are you a rope ?"

"Nope... I'm a frayed knot !!!"

:rotfl:

[kiwi_2005]

Bad start to a morning......
On the way to the office this morning, I rear-ended a car. Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf, poor bastard.
He looked at his dented car and then looked up at me and said "I am not happy"
I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
. . . . and that's how the fight started!!



;)

[Dowly]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

------------------

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”


------------------


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.


;)

[StdDev]

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
.
.
.
.
.
.
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

[Mush Martin]

Two Newfs walk into a bar........

"you would think the second one would've seen it":roll:

[StdDev]

Before his 2001 inauguration,George Bush was
invited to a "get acquainted tour" of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill
Clinton if he could use his private bathroom.

When he entered Clintons personal bathroom, he was
astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid
gold urinal.

That afternoon,George told his wife, Laura about the
urinal.

"Just think," he said "when I am President, I could have
a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something that
self-indulgent."


Later when Laura had lunch with Hilary at her tour of the
White House, she told Hilary how impressed George had been
at the discovery of the fact that, in the Presidents private
bathroom, the president had a gold urinal.

That evening,when Bill and Hilary were getting ready for bed,
Hilary smiled,and said to Bill.


"I found out who Pis*ed in your saxophon

[Stealth Hunter]

:rotfl: :rotfl: