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View Full Version : Is The Balz Magic over?


Brag
11-30-07, 10:54 AM
Lt.z.S. Otto Kalb writes:

U-502
06 January 1942
400 Kms. South of Canaries

We should be in warm seas and bright sunshine. Instead, we have typical North Atlantic weather, wind, rain fog. We do a periodic dive and get a sound contact. In a nearly flawless intercept Capt. Balz announces it's a large American cargo, but we're too close to fire.

We surface behind the merchant and fire a magnetic from 300 meters. "Good shot," Balz tells me as the torpedo rips the American's innards and bring it to a halt.

We stop our engines and wait for the target to sink. I suggest firing another torpedo.

"Man, you're crazy." Balz unfolds his umbrella and lights a cigar.

We wait, it gets dark, we loose sight of the Yank. Back to PD. We hear the ship and wait for it to sink. By morning, Balz says. I guess this blighter won't sink without a magic Balz shot."

He places a torpedo near the bow. 2 hours later, with bow awash, the American still floats. Fuming, Balz fires another eel, it explodes on the side of hold number two. 2 hours later, the bastard is still afloat.

It took six torpedoes and 26 hours to sink the ship. Thoroughly depressed, Balz retired to his bunk, mumbling, "Kein hoochie woochie, kein hoochie, woochie."

The following day, for breakfast, Balz appeared wearing his silk pajamas and a crimson sash wrapped around his bath robe and a cutlass stuck into the sash.

"What's that for?" I asked.

"I'm the incarnation of Sandokan, the famous Malay pirate and greatest seaman in the history of anti-imperialism." He pulled the cutlass out and waved it, almost loping Bernard's ear off. "Wait and see what happens when we see another enemy ship. Give my regards to Broadway, you Allied bastards. Hoochie woochie boom boom."

papa_smurf
11-30-07, 11:04 AM
I seriously hope not, otherwise how would we win the war?

Morts
11-30-07, 11:36 AM
just die balz

headcase
11-30-07, 11:50 AM
It may not be his end, but I think he is about to become friends with the men in white coats. Nice guys.

danurve
11-30-07, 11:54 AM
Sometimes it's like when youn think about an old girlfriend.

Perhaps she isn't bad enough to warrent a mercy killing, but you just want her to shut the hell up or just go away.

Jimbuna
11-30-07, 11:54 AM
I certainly hope so :lol:

U49
11-30-07, 12:48 PM
6 Torpedos :o !!!
We could wipe out a whole embarked division with 6 torpedos :damn:
We could sink a whole air wing transported on ship :damn:
We could stop Vickers factory from production for a whole month :damn:
We could stop any vehicle in London for a whole month :damn:

And we could dry out Mr Churchill's supply of cigars :damn:

What do you think you are doing with our precious torpedos?

Next time you better board the enemy and sink it by placing satchel charges at critical spots...
:hmm: and remember to leave Bernhard somewhere onboard that enemy vessel

Jonathan
11-30-07, 01:24 PM
Did you try laying into her with 3000 20m anti-aircraft shells? That has to be less expensive than 6 torpedoes.

STEED
11-30-07, 02:30 PM
Hoochie woochie boom boom.

:hmm: :roll: :rolleyes:

Hakahura
11-30-07, 03:39 PM
Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.



Balz knows that he will have to break us in this island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of pervert science and Hoochie Woochie. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that, if Neal Stevens and his Website Subsim last for a thousand years, men will say, "They're a wierd bunch those subsimmers"

Kaleu. Jochen Mohr
12-02-07, 12:08 AM
no more fancy dinners, no more free drinks, no more meetings with the Fuhrer, you lost position as hitler's successor, your no longer welcome in the Fuhrer's house, your Hoochie Woochie concerts have been canceled, etc etc etc

when the war is won the Fuhrer may look over it again, till then your a regular captain like us :yep:


:arrgh!: :rotfl::rotfl:

Stealth Hunter
12-02-07, 12:42 AM
I sense a chance to assassinate Herr Balz using Herr Englehart as the assassin...

:D :shifty:

You heard nothing...:shifty:

GOT IT?:stare:

Kaleu. Jochen Mohr
12-02-07, 12:47 AM
I sense a chance to assassinate Herr Balz using Herr Englehart as the assassin...

:D :shifty:

You heard nothing...:shifty:

GOT IT?:stare:
right, assasinate Englehart with balz.. ok i got it
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Stealth Hunter
12-02-07, 12:58 AM
right, assasinate Englehart with balz.. ok i got it
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


Uh... moving on....

How's Balz doing?