U Boat Humor

[kwikpoppa]

A joke told by Seaman Joseph Roost,currently on 2nd patrol aboard U1 somewhere near Irish coast:

A seaman and petty officer survive an attack and are washed ashore on a remote island inhabitted by primitive natives.They are apprehended and taken back to their village where they are confronted by the local witchdoctor.
the witchdoctor asks the seaman:
"You wantem ROO ROO or death?"
To this the seaman asks
"What the hell is ROO ROO?"
"We doem up the arse" replies the witchdoctor.
So the seaman thinks about this a moment or two and decides,well Im only 23 years old and I aint ready to die just yet......
"Ill take ROO ROO" he replies.
So a few natives seize him and drag him into the brush.....
The witchdoctor turns to the petty officer and asks him
"whattem you want?,ROO ROO or death!"
The petty officer is a proud man and a dedicated Nazi
"Ill take Death you SWINE!" he defiantly exclaims
To this the witchdoctor replies
"Very well, Death by ROO ROO"

[kwikpoppa]

Fuuniest crewmembers name:Bruno Gottaschidtz

[leeclose]

Knock Knock!Who's there? U-boat. U-boat who? U-boat can play with me today


or

A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, "Sir, it that a U-boat?
"No," he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment.":up:

[Biggles]

Knock knock!

[leeclose]

who's There?:hmm:

[Biggles]

Thor.

[leeclose]

Thor who(i'm gonna regret this i know it):hmm:

[Biggles]

THOR PEDO!

[leeclose]

:huh: shoulda seen that coming :/\\x: :rotfl:

[Biggles]

hehe.....I didn't made that one up though. No idea who it was, but it was a long time ago....

[kwikpoppa]

Seaman Rudolp Nass ,currently on patrol somewhere off Irish coast,U1:
Reports that while on leave he managed to aquire the use of a car and enlisted the company of a very attractive blonde named Gretchen.
While parked somewhere near the docks at Wilhelmshaven things got kinda hot and heavy.
"Want to get in the back seat?"he reportedly asked
"NO, Id rather stay up here with you" she replied.
Blondes ya gotta luvem.

[leeclose]

This is a scene from dad's army every Brit over the age of 30 will understand:

German U-boat Captain: I am making notes, Captain, and your name will go on the list; and when we win the war you will be brought to account.
Captain Mainwaring: You can write what you like, You're not going to win the war!
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are.
Mainwaring: Oh no you're not.
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are!
Pvt. Pike: [Singing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so is his army, whistle while you work!
U-boat Captain: Your name will also go on the list! What is it?
Mainwaring: Don't tell him, Pike!
U-boat Captain: Pike!

[kwikpoppa]

Lol at seaman Josef Roost who wanted to know if Winston Churchill and WC Fields are the same person.They do resemble each other a bit.....

[Brag]

1940. Joe thee shark swam forlonly in the Pacific looking for something to eat. He ran into Herman the shark who looked lively and robust. After greeeting each other, Herman said, "You look skinny , my friend."
"Times are tough,"
"Go to the Atlantic, follow a U-boat. After a while, the U-boat will fire a torpedo and there will be plenty to eat."
Joe followed Herman's advice.
A year later the two friends meet again.
Herman said, "Joe, what's the matter, you look skinny and weak. Diddn't you find any U-boats?"
Oh, it was just like you said: I followed a U-boat. Torpedo, blast. I went for this big fat sailor who looked yummy. His clothes were all tore up. I was going to take a bite and read the tatoo on his chest. It read Britania roles the waves."
"So?" Herman asked.
Joe grimaced. "I couldn't eat that sh*t"

[Morts]

1940. Joe thee shark swam forlonly in the Pacific looking for something to eat. He ran into Herman the shark who looked lively and robust. After greeeting each other, Herman said, "You look skinny , my friend."
"Times are tough,"
"Go to the Atlantic, follow a U-boat. After a while, the U-boat will fire a torpedo and there will be plenty to eat."
Joe followed Herman's advice.
A year later the two friends meet again.
Herman said, "Joe, what's the matter, you look skinny and weak. Diddn't you find any U-boats?"
Oh, it was just like you said: I followed a U-boat. Torpedo, blast. I went for this big fat sailor who looked yummy. His clothes were all tore up. I was going to take a bite and read the tatoo on his chest. It read Britania roles the waves."
"So?" Herman asked.
Joe grimaced. "I couldn't eat that sh*t"

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[_Seth_]

hehe.....I didn't made that one up though. No idea who it was, but it was a long time ago....
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=99963&highlight=thor+pedo
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[leeclose]

This is more a funny story and it really happened which makes it even funnier:

During World War II, a German U-boat was sunk by a truck.:help: The U-boat in question attacked a convoy in the Atlantic and then rose to see the effect. The merchant ship it sank had material strapped to its deck including a fleet of trucks, one of which was thrown in the air by the explosion, landing on the U-boat and breaking its back.:damn:

[Biggles]

hehe.....I didn't made that one up though. No idea who it was, but it was a long time ago....
http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=99963&highlight=thor+pedo
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


AHA! so it was you!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Sorry mate, shoudln't have stolen your stuff....but it was a good one:up:

[leeclose]

I should never have read it i'm mentally scarred for life:yep:

[_Seth_]

hehe.....I didn't made that one up though. No idea who it was, but it was a long time ago.... http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/showthread.php?t=99963&highlight=thor+pedo
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

AHA! so it was you!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Sorry mate, shoudln't have stolen your stuff....but it was a good one:up:
No problems, mate! Its a good joke, just spread it around!! Its freeware!!:up::up:

[leeclose]

So its Seth's fault what a terrible joke my eyes nearly poped out:rotfl: