The joke thread II - Page 334

Platapus · 01-24-24, 04:33 PM

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Jimbuna · 01-25-24, 09:33 AM

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds.

Jimbuna · 01-26-24, 01:04 PM

My wife complained that the vacuum sucks too hard on the rugs and I made a joke... anyway, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

Platapus · 01-27-24, 06:28 AM

What's the difference between your wife and your job?

one still sucks after two years

Jimbuna · 01-27-24, 12:40 PM

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Platapus · 01-27-24, 05:22 PM

A man just assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese. How dairy.

Jimbuna · 01-28-24, 07:13 AM

I have a fantasy, to sleep with 2 women... in the same year.

Platapus · 01-28-24, 09:46 AM

My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”

I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

Jimbuna · 01-28-24, 01:53 PM

Would you call an Italian hooker a pasta-tute?

Platapus · 01-28-24, 02:14 PM

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you.

That’s the punch line.

Jimbuna · 01-28-24, 02:30 PM

Remember how when you were little you could just rip off your diaper and run around naked and everyone thought it was funny?

Jimbuna · 01-29-24, 01:40 PM

Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Platapus · 01-29-24, 05:26 PM

The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.

Jimbuna · 01-30-24, 08:59 AM

I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me.

Platapus · 01-30-24, 04:46 PM

I visited my friend at his new house.

He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

01-24-24, 04:33 PM	#4996
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-25-24, 09:33 AM	#4997
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-26-24, 01:04 PM	#4998
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife complained that the vacuum sucks too hard on the rugs and I made a joke... anyway, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-27-24, 06:28 AM	#4999
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What's the difference between your wife and your job? one still sucks after two years __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-27-24, 12:40 PM	#5000
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-27-24, 05:22 PM	#5001
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A man just assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese. How dairy. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-28-24, 07:13 AM	#5002
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I have a fantasy, to sleep with 2 women... in the same year. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-28-24, 09:46 AM	#5003
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?” I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-28-24, 01:53 PM	#5004
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Would you call an Italian hooker a pasta-tute? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-28-24, 02:14 PM	#5005
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That’s the punch line. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-28-24, 02:30 PM	#5006
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Remember how when you were little you could just rip off your diaper and run around naked and everyone thought it was funny? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-29-24, 01:40 PM	#5007
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-29-24, 05:26 PM	#5008
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-30-24, 08:59 AM	#5009
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-30-24, 04:46 PM	#5010
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,973 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.