The joke thread II - Page 127

Col7777 · 06-01-20, 01:33 AM

My mate came to me and said he wanted to start breeding dogs.

So I gave him a couple of pointers.

Jimbuna · 06-01-20, 11:58 AM

Have you heard about the amazing new chimpanzee diet for weight loss? All you have to do is eat 20 bananas a day and spend about 12 hours climbing trees.

Jimbuna · 06-01-20, 12:00 PM

Got approached by a woman today who said that she would do anything for £10. Guess who just got their car washed?

Col7777 · 06-01-20, 01:25 PM

My wife wanted me to tie her to the bed this morning.

I don't know why but I'm sure she'll explain when I get back from my day's fishing.

Col7777 · 06-02-20, 11:56 AM

I phoned the incontinence help line, they asked "Can you hold?"

Col.

Texas Red · 06-02-20, 12:15 PM

If my girlfriend doesn't start being nicer to me, I'm totally gonna bottle up my rage and stay in this crappy relationship for 2 more years.

Jimbuna · 06-02-20, 01:17 PM

Just got an email from a Nigerian king asking for my bank details to send me $1 million. They must think I’m stupid, after going to the trouble of kidnapping his daughter and holding her in my basement I need at least $10 million.

Jimbuna · 06-02-20, 01:17 PM

You remind me of Mondays… Nobody likes you and you make me feel tired.

Col7777 · 06-02-20, 03:00 PM

It's the final of the UK Microwave Challenge tonight.

Apparently, things could get heated.

Jimbuna · 06-03-20, 01:20 PM

My local church have now installed Wi-Fi to help improve communication. Are they finally admitting praying doesn’t work?

Jimbuna · 06-03-20, 01:21 PM

My doctor told me today that I shouldn’t drink alcohol every day. “That’s fine”, I said, I only drink at night anyway.

Col7777 · 06-04-20, 01:24 AM

The dogs in my area are so clumsy.

I've just had to untangle yet another one from a post outside the newsagents.

Platapus · 06-04-20, 05:36 AM

My girlfriend is claiming that I got her pregnant.

She is using a new pregnancy test and it shows that she is 98.6% pregnant.

Jimbuna · 06-04-20, 09:03 AM

My wife´s suspicious mind is really begining to annoy me. Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to know who May was.

Jimbuna · 06-04-20, 09:04 AM

Lost my job as an airline pilot last week… Apparently all roads don’t lead to Rome.

06-01-20, 01:33 AM	#1891
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	My mate came to me and said he wanted to start breeding dogs. So I gave him a couple of pointers. __________________ Silent and Violent

06-01-20, 11:58 AM	#1892
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Have you heard about the amazing new chimpanzee diet for weight loss? All you have to do is eat 20 bananas a day and spend about 12 hours climbing trees. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-01-20, 12:00 PM	#1893
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got approached by a woman today who said that she would do anything for £10. Guess who just got their car washed? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-01-20, 01:25 PM	#1894
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	My wife wanted me to tie her to the bed this morning. I don't know why but I'm sure she'll explain when I get back from my day's fishing. __________________ Silent and Violent

06-02-20, 11:56 AM	#1895
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	I phoned the incontinence help line, they asked "Can you hold?" Col. __________________ Silent and Violent

06-02-20, 12:15 PM	#1896
Texas Red Fastest Gun Around Join Date: Aug 2019 Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico Posts: 2,376 Downloads: 527 Uploads: 5	If my girlfriend doesn't start being nicer to me, I'm totally gonna bottle up my rage and stay in this crappy relationship for 2 more years. __________________ There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP!

06-02-20, 01:17 PM	#1897
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just got an email from a Nigerian king asking for my bank details to send me $1 million. They must think I’m stupid, after going to the trouble of kidnapping his daughter and holding her in my basement I need at least $10 million. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-02-20, 01:17 PM	#1898
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You remind me of Mondays… Nobody likes you and you make me feel tired. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-02-20, 03:00 PM	#1899
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	It's the final of the UK Microwave Challenge tonight. Apparently, things could get heated. __________________ Silent and Violent

06-03-20, 01:20 PM	#1900
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My local church have now installed Wi-Fi to help improve communication. Are they finally admitting praying doesn’t work? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-03-20, 01:21 PM	#1901
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My doctor told me today that I shouldn’t drink alcohol every day. “That’s fine”, I said, I only drink at night anyway. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-04-20, 01:24 AM	#1902
Col7777 Grey Wolf Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 944 Downloads: 260 Uploads: 0	The dogs in my area are so clumsy. I've just had to untangle yet another one from a post outside the newsagents. __________________ Silent and Violent

06-04-20, 05:36 AM	#1903
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,963 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My girlfriend is claiming that I got her pregnant. She is using a new pregnancy test and it shows that she is 98.6% pregnant. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

06-04-20, 09:03 AM	#1904
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife´s suspicious mind is really begining to annoy me. Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to know who May was. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-04-20, 09:04 AM	#1905
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,328 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Lost my job as an airline pilot last week… Apparently all roads don’t lead to Rome. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)