The joke thread II - Page 23

Aktungbby · 08-23-18, 12:57 AM

Jimbuna · 08-23-18, 05:09 AM

Last night I spent the entire evening watching Jaws 3. My wife, her mother and her sister all came over and were talking all night.

Jimbuna · 08-23-18, 10:18 AM

I lost my job recently and don’t have much money but managed to get my girlfriend some really nice flowers the other day. It’s amazing what you can find attached to a lamppost.

Jimbuna · 08-24-18, 03:55 AM

Wife: Would you still love me if I became fat and lost my looks.
Husband: What do you mean “if”?

Jimbuna · 08-25-18, 08:24 AM

As soon as it gets frosty outside my wife becomes obsessed with looking through the window.

Maybe I should let her in the house.

Jimbuna · 08-26-18, 06:48 AM

My wife is so bad at cooking we usually pray after eating our food.

Platapus · 08-26-18, 07:05 PM

My wife is such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka Seltzer.

(with a nod to Mr. Dangerfield)

Jimbuna · 08-27-18, 08:08 AM

Today is my 5th Wedding Anniversary and it’s been a total nightmare. On the plus side I’m now no longer scared of terrorism.

Jimbuna · 08-28-18, 03:54 AM

My son brought his first girlfriend home tonight. The verdict? Flat chested, fat legs, and a flabby backside.
Oh, and she doesn’t react well to criticism.

Jimbuna · 08-28-18, 09:08 AM

I’ve just been given two weeks to live. My wife’s going on vacation for a couple of weeks.

Jimbuna · 08-29-18, 05:37 AM

Daughter: “Mum, am I ugly?”
Mum: “I told you not to call me mum in public.”

Platapus · 08-29-18, 04:18 PM

I told my doctor that I thought my wife had an STD
The doctor gave himself a shot of penicillin.

mikesn9 · 08-30-18, 05:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

I told my doctor that I thought my wife had an STD
The doctor gave himself a shot of penicillin.

HAHAHAHA! good one!

Jimbuna · 08-30-18, 08:27 AM

I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad…..

But several weapons manufacturers from the Middle-East have been trying to buy her recipes.

Platapus · 08-30-18, 02:20 PM

I finally decided to let my wife know that I had been seeing a therapist.

In response she told me she was seeing the butcher, two plumbers, and a kid from the local band.

08-23-18, 12:57 AM	#331
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 27,886 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	__________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

08-23-18, 05:09 AM	#332
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Last night I spent the entire evening watching Jaws 3. My wife, her mother and her sister all came over and were talking all night. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-23-18, 10:18 AM	#333
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I lost my job recently and don’t have much money but managed to get my girlfriend some really nice flowers the other day. It’s amazing what you can find attached to a lamppost. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-24-18, 03:55 AM	#334
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wife: Would you still love me if I became fat and lost my looks. Husband: What do you mean “if”? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-25-18, 08:24 AM	#335
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	As soon as it gets frosty outside my wife becomes obsessed with looking through the window. Maybe I should let her in the house. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-26-18, 06:48 AM	#336
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife is so bad at cooking we usually pray after eating our food. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-26-18, 07:05 PM	#337
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife is such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka Seltzer. (with a nod to Mr. Dangerfield) __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-27-18, 08:08 AM	#338
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Today is my 5th Wedding Anniversary and it’s been a total nightmare. On the plus side I’m now no longer scared of terrorism. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-28-18, 03:54 AM	#339
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My son brought his first girlfriend home tonight. The verdict? Flat chested, fat legs, and a flabby backside. Oh, and she doesn’t react well to criticism. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-28-18, 09:08 AM	#340
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ve just been given two weeks to live. My wife’s going on vacation for a couple of weeks. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-29-18, 05:37 AM	#341
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Daughter: “Mum, am I ugly?” Mum: “I told you not to call me mum in public.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-29-18, 04:18 PM	#342
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I told my doctor that I thought my wife had an STD The doctor gave himself a shot of penicillin. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-30-18, 08:27 AM	#344
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad….. But several weapons manufacturers from the Middle-East have been trying to buy her recipes. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-30-18, 02:20 PM	#345
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,970 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I finally decided to let my wife know that I had been seeing a therapist. In response she told me she was seeing the butcher, two plumbers, and a kid from the local band. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.