The joke thread II - Page 113

Jimbuna · 04-08-20, 07:21 AM

Just discovered I have superpowers. I can actually melt ice cubes by staring at them. It takes me quite a long time though.

Jimbuna · 04-08-20, 07:22 AM

Got really bad sunburn yesterday so I decided to take Viagra. It doesn’t cure it but it really helps when sleeping to keep the bedsheets off my legs.

Jimbuna · 04-09-20, 10:47 AM

A recent survey has shown that a large number of women turn into good drivers.

So if you’re a good driver beware of women who are turning.

Jimbuna · 04-09-20, 10:49 AM

The following took place about 4’000 years ago.

God: I’m gonna create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!
Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a £20 note*
God: Correction, I’m gonna create a great flood!

Jimbuna · 04-10-20, 06:53 AM

Feminists are always wanting to be equal to men? Why not try to be better than men? This shows a lack of ambition which is why men are better.

Jimbuna · 04-10-20, 06:54 AM

What do you call a man who randomly attacks people with his lower forearm?

A terror wrist.

Jimbuna · 04-11-20, 06:51 AM

Went to the barbers today and asked to get my hair cut like Justin Bieber. He totally shaved my head bald. I said “What the hell have you done. Justin Bieber doesn’t have his hair cut like this!!”, the barber said “He would if he came into my shop.”

Jimbuna · 04-11-20, 07:01 AM

I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words “That bus is going quite fast.”

Jimbuna · 04-12-20, 06:00 AM

I’m sure the Miss Universe competition is always fixed. Why does the winner always come from planet Earth?

Jimbuna · 04-12-20, 06:02 AM

The following conversation took place between a mental patient and a doctor.

Patient: Doctor please help me. I keep thinking I’m John McEnroe!
Doctor: You can’t be serious!!

Catfish · 04-12-20, 06:30 AM

I want to die fast and without pain, like my granddad, relaxed and content in a plane cockpit.
Not like sitting in the seats behind him.

Mr Quatro · 04-12-20, 02:29 PM

Two elderly men are sitting in the park the first one says I am 84 years old and my body is full of aches and pains .

The second guy replies well I am 85 years old and I feel like a new born baby

Really says the first man .yep says the second man.

No hair no teeth and I have just wet my pants

Jimbuna · 04-12-20, 02:42 PM

Can’t believe how stupid the staff are at the McDonalds drive through. Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall.

Jimbuna · 04-13-20, 07:32 AM

Did you hear about the gypsy who won the lottery?
They paid him with travelers cheques.

Jimbuna · 04-13-20, 07:36 AM

Did you hear about the man with square testicles? He had cubic hairs.

04-08-20, 07:21 AM	#1681
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just discovered I have superpowers. I can actually melt ice cubes by staring at them. It takes me quite a long time though. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-08-20, 07:22 AM	#1682
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got really bad sunburn yesterday so I decided to take Viagra. It doesn’t cure it but it really helps when sleeping to keep the bedsheets off my legs. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-09-20, 10:47 AM	#1683
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A recent survey has shown that a large number of women turn into good drivers. So if you’re a good driver beware of women who are turning. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-09-20, 10:49 AM	#1684
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The following took place about 4’000 years ago. God: I’m gonna create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die! Fish: Winks at God and slips him a £20 note God: Correction, I’m gonna create a great flood! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-10-20, 06:53 AM	#1685
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Feminists are always wanting to be equal to men? Why not try to be better than men? This shows a lack of ambition which is why men are better. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-10-20, 06:54 AM	#1686
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a man who randomly attacks people with his lower forearm? A terror wrist. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-11-20, 06:51 AM	#1687
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to the barbers today and asked to get my hair cut like Justin Bieber. He totally shaved my head bald. I said “What the hell have you done. Justin Bieber doesn’t have his hair cut like this!!”, the barber said “He would if he came into my shop.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-11-20, 07:01 AM	#1688
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words “That bus is going quite fast.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-12-20, 06:00 AM	#1689
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’m sure the Miss Universe competition is always fixed. Why does the winner always come from planet Earth? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-12-20, 06:02 AM	#1690
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The following conversation took place between a mental patient and a doctor. Patient: Doctor please help me. I keep thinking I’m John McEnroe! Doctor: You can’t be serious!! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-12-20, 06:30 AM	#1691
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	I want to die fast and without pain, like my granddad, relaxed and content in a plane cockpit. Not like sitting in the seats behind him. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

04-12-20, 02:29 PM	#1692
Mr Quatro Navy Seal Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 6,772 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Two elderly men are sitting in the park the first one says I am 84 years old and my body is full of aches and pains . The second guy replies well I am 85 years old and I feel like a new born baby Really says the first man .yep says the second man. No hair no teeth and I have just wet my pants __________________ pla•teau noun a relatively stable level, period, or condition a level of attainment or achievement Lord help me get to the next plateau ..

04-12-20, 02:42 PM	#1693
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe how stupid the staff are at the McDonalds drive through. Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-13-20, 07:32 AM	#1694
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the gypsy who won the lottery? They paid him with travelers cheques. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-13-20, 07:36 AM	#1695
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the man with square testicles? He had cubic hairs. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)