The joke thread

[Sailor Steve]

clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop.


Bang!


Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop.









Amish drive-by.

[Jimbuna]

I'm getting a refund from match dot com. They reckon they can find you someone who shares the important things in life like beliefs and values.

So I put myself down as an extreme right wing voter with strong views on repatriation of ethnics, an atheist with no particular desire for commitment and someone who enjoys healthy sexual experimentation and recreational drug abuse.

I'm just back from a pint with Bernard.

[BossMark]

I bought a race horse and decided to call it "MY FACE"
.Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting "COME ON MY FACE"!!

[Jimbuna]

Celebrations continue in London and Libya...looks like the news about Westlife travels fast.

[BossMark]

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

[Jimbuna]

I reckon Ferguson is going to regret resting Howard Webb for such a big game.

[kranz]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Howard Webb

/offtopic: don't mention that name while being among Poles

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by kranz

/offtopic: don't mention that name while being among Poles

Care to expand/explain?

[kranz]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Care to expand/explain?

ofc
in a nutshell: Euro 2008, group B. Poland is playing their "last chance" game vs Austria.(a lose or a draw means bye-bye with Euro)
12th of June, Ernst Happel Stadion in Vienna, referee: a Sheffield police officer, Mr Howard Webb.
30'- Guereiro scores. Austria-Poland: 0-1
93'(<------)Howard Webb blows his whistle pointing at the spot 11 meters in front of the Polish goalie. A penalty for Austria.
Polish defender J.Bak "allegedly" pulled the shirt of an Austrian player.
Wastic scores for 1-1. Poland goes home.
Ofc he did it, but there was a myth created that Howard Webb stole this win. Especially it happened in 93rd minute.
So, if you don;t want to get mugged, raped, killed and raped once again don't say "Howard Webb" when among Poles.

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by kranz

ofc
in a nutshell: Euro 2008, group B. Poland is playing their "last chance" game vs Austria.(a lose or a draw means bye-bye with Euro)
12th of June, Ernst Happel Stadion in Vienna, referee: a Sheffield police officer, Mr Howard Webb.
30'- Guereiro scores. Austria-Poland: 0-1
93'(<------)Howard Webb blows his whistle pointing at the spot 11 meters in front of the Polish goalie. A penalty for Austria.
Polish defender J.Bak "allegedly" pulled the shirt of an Austrian player.
Wastic scores for 1-1. Poland goes home.
Ofc he did it, but there was a myth created that Howard Webb stole this win. Especially it happened in 93rd minute.
So, if you don;t want to get mugged, raped, killed and raped once again don't say "Howard Webb" when among Poles.
(sry for F-word in the demotivator)

Ah, right....never knew that but your honest enough to admit it actually was a penalty

(With moderators hat on).....Please be kind enough to delete or edit the image now.

[BossMark]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

I reckon Ferguson is going to regret resting Howard Webb for such a big game.

Man utd fan feeling down, thinking that it will ruin your Christmas and new year.
Then call the old trafford helpline on 0800 1 6 1 6 1 6 1 6

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by BossMark

Man utd fan feeling down, thinking that it will ruin your Christmas and new year.
Then call the old trafford helpline on 0800 1 6 1 6 1 6 1 6

I enjoyed watching the game

[BossMark]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

I enjoyed watching the game

Bloody marvellous wasnt it


Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place:First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."Second guy: "That"s nothing! I had to promise my wife I"d build her a new deck for the pool."Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I"ll remodel the kitchen for her."They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word.So they asked him. "You haven"t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What"s the deal?"Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing, or Sex," and she said, "Wear a sweater."

[Jimbuna]

All the Man United players look pretty upset. Except Rooney. He can't count to 6. He just looks confused.

[BossMark]

My little sister needs help getting dressed.She"s not disabled - she keeps on wearing a Man Utd top