The joke thread

[BossMark]

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the butt of the other.

"So what's going on here?" he asks.

The biker replies, "My mate here has had too much to drink and I'm trying to make him vomit."

The cop says, "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT."

The biker replies, "That's what I'm going to do next!"

[Jimbuna]

An ugly girl approached me where I sat alone and she gave me a big smile.

'Single?' I asked.

'Yes,' she smiled. 'How did you guess?'

'Because you use this bus every day. £1.80 please,' I said, handing her the ticket.

[BossMark]

there once was this doctor a lawyer a priest and a little boy and they were all in an air plane. then all of a sudden the pilot announces that the plane has engine trouble so the pilot takes off with a parachute.so then there was only 3 parachutes left. the doctor says i save life's i have to live so he takes his parachute then the lawyer says we are the smartest people in the world i must live so he goes. the the priest tells the little boy here son you take i am old and you have a life ahead of you so you take the parachute and the little boy said no its OK because the smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack.

[Herr-Berbunch]

Originally Posted by BossMark

there once was this doctor a lawyer a priest and a little boy and they ... ... the smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack.

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...&postcount=633

I wouldn't mind, but you did it.


Anyhoo -

Who thought it'd be a great idea to mix the words Obsessive and Complusive with the word Disorder? Surely Obsessive Compulsive Order would be more apt?

[BossMark]

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/show...&postcount=633

I wouldn't mind, but you did it.


Anyhoo -

Who thought it'd be a great idea to mix the words Obsessive and Complusive with the word Disorder? Surely Obsessive Compulsive Order would be more apt?

Oh dear thinks am going senile

[Jimbuna]

I'd always had a thing for my boss, so when she asked if I'd like to be friends with benefits, I eagerly said yes.

"Great!", she said. "Here's your P45."

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

I wouldn't mind, but you did it.

And I came thiiiis close to making the same comment I did back then.

[BossMark]

A small boy tells his mum that his dad’s taken him on an outing to the zoo. His mum doesn’t believe him.
“Your dad has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life,” she says
“Well he did,” the boy replies, “and one of the animals paid us £50.”

[Jimbuna]

My wife sent me a text, "Where are you?"

"I'm at my anger management meeting."

"How's it going?"

"Not good, I'll fill you in later."

[krashkart]

What does it take to circumcise a whale?

Four skin divers.

[BossMark]

Have you heard about that new brand of toilet roll?
Its called Justin Bieber - My Autobiography

[Jimbuna]

I didn't know the answer to the exam question "What is plagiarism?"

So I just copied off the bloke next to me

[BossMark]

A blonde goes to the hairdressers with her walkman on. When it gets to her turn the hairdresser says "can you take your walkman off please" and she replies "oh no i can never take it off, just cut around it" so she does. A couple of weeks later she is back again the hairdresser asks to take her walkman off and she gets the same answer. When she is having her hair cut she falls asleep and the hairdresser sneaks her walkman off. When she has finished she tries to wake the blonde but she is dead. She picks up the walkman and it is saying "breathe in,breathe out!"

[Jimbuna]

I might go and see the Muppets tonight.

Anybody know what time their flight arrives from Milan?

[BossMark]

Mum and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy, what are they doing?" The dad responds after some quick thinking, "Why son, their making a puppy."

Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of water. As he walked by his mum and dad's room, he heard a noise and looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, "Daddy what are you doing?" The father, quite embarrassed, replies "Why Billy, we're making a baby." "Quick, turn her over..." declares Billy, "...I want a puppy!"