2017 Subsim Fantasy Football Reports

[Gut Wrench]

Here we go again skippers. Once more around the cape as we set sail for sixteen of the most frustrating weeks in make believe since we concluded the last sixteen weeks earlier this year. Will the Nighhawks go back to back? Will the Drunk Monkeys as the most under tendered team show up and get into the plays offs. Will this thread get a nomination in this years Best of Subsim , cause it's never too early to nominate. Will somebody please show the Gunners how not to lead the entire season and fall over in the last two weeks.

Yes, it's that time, as we go around the grounds in the

2017 SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE

We're just a little over twelve hours away form Draft Day, and our Commissioner has certainly picked a great spot. The USS Dallas.



The Dallas, easily the real protagonist of the film Hunt for Red October, is currently at berth. The Commissioner with his international connections to the White House, have managed to secure exclusive accommodations on board the Dallas. Each of the Coaches will be bunking down in the actual quarters of the vessel, but unlike naval voyages, there will be no hot bunking. The quarters have had several rows of beds removed and a number of commodities brought in to make life homily - beer tap, big screen television, a pin ball machine and a full time barista. Each Coach has their own unsecured quarters fitted with a team where they can conference with the "war room" of agents and spotters. The actual war room participants are housed outside.

On Draft Day, the Coaches will be using a modified periscope and game board to make their selections. Coaches will look down the periscope at a digital board of all the available players. Using the torpedo controls, when Coaches lock on to the players they want, they will fire a virtual torpedo and take the players off the board. On the shore, 200,000 fans will be gathered around a big screen monitor and will watch on a relayed broadcast, or whet the coaches see. Fans will be able to see Coaches go back and forth between players, and follow through as the virtual torpedoes are fired.

We'll be back early tomorrow morning as we get ready to make the first pick in the most exciting Fantasy Football Draft...since last year.

[Gut Wrench]

2017 DRAFT DAY

...and the first pick of the draft goes to, The Guns of Hochuli.

[Gut Wrench]

Originally Posted by Gut Wrench

2017 DRAFT DAY

...and the first pick of the draft goes to, The Guns of Hochuli.

2017 DRAFT DAY - Late News

Whoa.

So as most of you know, Texas, has a had a little water issue lately. The original Post on the Draft Day results was uploaded, but apparently, drowned.

So let's get back to the Review.

First pick of the draft by the Gunners, no surprises there, Running Back David Johnson. Once again, Coach Thad of the Drunk Monkeys was a No Show No Call...and the little prick still managed to end the draft with the best results. (How did that happen?)

There's been no movement in the week in between so teams are set for the kick off, this Thursday.

Lets have a look at the make up of this years league.

The Helmand Nighthawks and the Who Dat Nation finished 1-2 in the league last year, and are seated in the same division this year. They don;t have it on their own, as a former Champion, Coach FYC of the Black Cats is in the same division, making the Sub Simmers the hardest division to win.

Over int he Surface Skimmers, the Australian Taipans are the only seeded team from last year, but, The Guns of Hochuli were the dominant team last season - with the exception of the last two games. Making up the trifecta is the best damm team that never shows up, the Drunk Monkeys. This one is a little harder to pick, with the Gunners the clear favorites.

We've set the stage, done the draft, not we're in freee agency, as we settle in for the long haul.

Check back here each Monday Night (USA PST) as we go around the grounds to give you the results, the upsets, and the march to the pinnacle of football, The Subsim Torpedo Bowl.

[Gut Wrench]

Taipans Stun The Cats
..and again, Monkeys come Oh So Close

Week One in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and do we have a lot to go over. Relocated games, suspended players, postponed players, one upset and one "oh so close" result that demonstrates just how good a ghost team can be, and begs the question, of "where is their coach now?"

But before we do any of that, let's go to the most important message of the day.

DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND IF YOU CANT DO THAT, DONATE TO HURRICANE IRMA AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

On this most solemn of day's "Let's roll".

Even before we got started in Week One, there were changes to be made. The Black Cats were originally scheduled to host the Australian Taipans in their season opener. The Cats under former Champion Coach FYC approached the league and pointed out that Hurricane Irma may impact our game. In the Subsim League, we don't post phone games, we just move their locations and the alternative venue was the Taipans home ground...in Australia. The Cats flew out but the Taipans were without two running backs who missed the return flight. Additionally, the Cats facing some jet lag just didn't show up. Taipans run out convincing winners 127 - 78.

In merry old England, The Helmand Nighthawks as defending Torpedo Bowl champions got to open the season against the Who Dat Nation. The #1 and #2 seeds faced off in a what was expected to be a shoot out, which resulted in a big fizzle. Coach Fuel For Blood started Odell Beckham (WR) who was a game day exclusion, leaving the Nation without their star receiver. The devastation of the loss carried through the team with a middle of the league performance by some of their stars. That includes Tom Brady (QB) who as we know, now graces the cover of a popular game - from which a lot of previous cover players have had woeful seasons after appearing. I'm just saying. Final score, Nighthawks soar 138 - Who Dat Nation 79.

Our Match of the Day this week was the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Drunk Monkeys. On paper, this looked like it would be a landslide victory for the Gunners. The Monkeys are easily the best darn team that never shows up, and this week they almost pulled off the upset of the season by defeating the historically strongest team in the league. Coach Casey (Gunners) team suffered a blow when their star Russell Wilson (QB) failed to perform. The Monkeys countered with an outstanding performance from Drew Brees (QB), but once again, they left a player on the team who was not scheduled to play due to Irma - Mike Evans (WR). That one player, even if they had a poor day, would have scored more points than none at all, and the Gunners had to wait out through Monday Night to make sure the Monkeys defense of Denver didn't show up. The Broncos (Monkeys) put on a fair performance, but they just couldn't put the nail in the coffin. The Guns of Hochuli get one win that they shouldn't have with a narrow victory over the Drunk Monkeys 99.02 - 96.34

So after Week One - where do we stand?

Half the league is 0-1, the other half is 1-0, and Coach Pioneer is asking for the season to end now - it may be his only way of scoring the #1 post season seed.

Next week, we go back across the pond again as the Nighthawks get back to games in the season opener and host the Black Cats. The Cats have been a major player in the Subsim Torpedo Bowl and have historically been a bogey team for the Nighthawks. The Nighthawks can take a one game lead and a sweep of divisional opponents if they can beat the Cats. The Black Cats however need the win to get out of the cellar and tie the divisional leader.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

It's not often that we get to award the opening day award to the same player that won it in the previous year. For the effort of 11 receptions for 182 yards, for a total of 35.2 points points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the Antonio Brown (WR) of the Australian Taipans, the Week One MVT.

[Gargamel]

What? The monkies are still in the league? I didn't even sign up this year cause I knew I'd ghost it again.... ah well... time to try and play some this year....

[CaptainHaplo]

Don't feel bad. I totally flaked on the draft (not even sure when it was) and am having to "make due" with computer picks. That's ok - we will do what we can with what we have!

Gotta seriously get some more teams and players in next year!

[Gut Wrench]

Gunners Silenced
...and Monkeys come Oh So Close, Twice

Week Two in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and what a difference a week makes. We'll find out how one team sabotaged the artillery, how one team held their breath all weekend, and how a former champion defeated another former champion.

All this and more that you can read about...including the link that started it all if you care to look.

But before we do any of that, let's go to the most important message of the day.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's start this game with the game that was over the moment that it started.

Oregon. The home opener for the Who Dat Nation. The first year after they traded their franchise quarterback for some no name guy called Tom Brady, the Nation went out to avenge their week one loss. And go out they did, absolutely thumping the Guns of Hochuli into submission. Tom Brady (QB) orchestrated such magnificence, that the ticket sellers ended up refunding those that left after the first quarter when the Nation was already 70 points ahead before the Gunners took the field. The Gunners, historically one of the most articulate and toughest team to beat, were silent as the Nation ran amuck through the Gunners defense (Seattle) This game was over early Sunday and even the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) changed to another channel, but it could have been worst if Who Dat O'dell Beckham (WR) showed up. Who Dat Nation silences the Guns of Hochuli 164 - 84.

Australia. The Australian Taipans learned exactly how long they could hold their breath, while the Drunk Monkeys once again proved that with just a little tweak, they could be a dominating force in the league. The Monkeys, from whom news this week emerged that their coach did not respond to the draft invitation , drafted the best team in the league and still managed to put up a sizeable total. The Taipans, played from behind all weekend until the last quarter on Sunday night when Aaron Rodgers (QB) shuffled a little pass for a touchdown and gave the Taipans the lead with just two minutes to play in the weekend game. The Taipans get one they probably didn't earn, and the Drunk Monkeys, once again, discover that even with their team, they are so close to being the best darn team in the league. Taipans narrowly get home against the Monkeys 152 - 140.

Our Match of the Day this week was the defending Torpedo Bowl Champions hosting the Black Cats. The Nighthawks, with their Coach away in California soaking up some rays after being suspended mid week for having unauthorized blisters fitted to his feet. Under the Leagues new Anti Doping and Additive Policy, Nighthawks Coach Mister Chris had to serve a two week suspension on the beach in San Diego. Being without their dual Torpedo Bowl champion coach didn't stop the Nighthawks from showing why they are the #1 seed. In a very methodical manner, the Nighthawks ground down the Cats systematically to deliver the Cats their second loss of the year. Nighthawks close out their season opener defeating the Black Cats 116 - 109.

Two weeks into the season and the league is a little fractured. Unlike previous years where we had one team start strong, the upheaval of the Draft Flood has affected the Coaches and produced some interesting combinations.

Both of the international teams are at 2-0 but the Nighthawks are in the stronger position. The Nighthawks have already defeated both of their divisional opponents before they vacate their home stadium Wembley for some other minor football league that's expected next week. The Taipans likewise are 2-0 in their division before they start their away series heading into Carolina.

At 1-1 both the Who Dat Nation and The Guns of Hochuli sit in the middle of the pack, but after the thumping given this week, the Nation are seeded #3 and the Gunners #4. At the bottom of the table are the Black Cats and the Drunk Monkeys - the Monkeys who could quite easily be 2-0.

The draw this year has been adjusted from previous years - we're heading into Week Three and the Taipans have yet to see a divisional opponent. The Gunners after being stunned, get the Helmand Nighthawks flying into town, but it's the Drunk Monkeys home game against the Who Dat Nation that appears, to be the best. The Monkeys have been unfortunate not to win one or both of their first two games, and the Nation gets to show that their aerial accolades of this week, was no fluke. The two teams are evenly matched and if the Drunk Monkeys Coach shows up, this could be one of the best games of the years.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

It was easier to see who soared through the air this week. For the effort of 447 yards, 3 touchdowns and the ever important 9 rushing yards, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Tom Brady (QB) of the Who Dat Nation, the Week Two MVT.

[Gut Wrench]

Record Score
...and cellar dwellers rise.

Week Three in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and we need to go back into the history books. Way back to week 3 in 2015 to find a compatible score. Stand by viewers, you're going to find out about which team broke the double century mark in scoring this week.

But before we do any of that, let's go to the most important message of the day.

NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Let's start this game with the game show case the league.

In other games around the world, some sportsman decided to be a distraction to the National anthems. Not in this league, as the Who Dat Nation showed that you can be focused on social equality and still be professional about it. The Drunk Monkeys were hosting their first home game of the season and the Nation came in and absolutely stunned the Monkeys. The Nation set about the systematic demolition of the Drunk Monkeys. They didn't do it in one position, they did it in all positions, with only their defense (Min) and one WR having single digit scores. Conversely, the Drunk Monkeys, while they had a respectable score on the strength of Doug Baldwin (32 pts) it was not enough to overcome a double century score by the Nation. Not since the Black cats two years ago have scored so high, the same year the Black Cats won the league. Will the Who Dat Nation run the table and defeat everyone this year? Only time will tell, but today, time is ticking. The Who Dat Nation blow out the Drunk Monkeys 238 - 125.

The Guns of Hochuli this week hosted the touring Helmand Nighthawks. The Gunners, a former champion and a powerhouse team in the league started the season with one of their poorest performances. Hosting the Nighthawks did not enhance their achievement. Despite starting WR Justin Howard (34 puts), the Gunners were one of two teams this week who started a Defense (Seattle) that generated a negative score. The Nighthawks, after dominating in the first two weeks, may consider themselves lucky that they drew the Gunners this week, as they put up the lowest winning score of all teams. This was magnified when they started both Ezekial Elliott (RB) and Arizona (Def). The Nighthawks should consider themselves lucky the Gunners didn't blow them away, their misfire results in another W for the Nighthawks. Nighthawks get an easy win over the Guns of Hochuli 119 - 100.

I always wonder how far we will go into the season before we get our first Monday Night rewrite. I didn't have to wait very long this year.

Black Cats hosting the Australian Taipans in Carolina. Cats are sitting at the bottom of the table at 0-2, a position that the are unaccustomed to. Taipans are sitting at the top of the table at 2-0 a position that they have had many times, but have not been able to close out the season. Taipans came into town and the Cats just unloaded upon them Thursday night with Carlos Hyde (24 pts). The Taipans didn't help themselves when they became the second team this week to start the London Silly Nannies for -4 points.



The Taipns had to come from 100 points back and were hunting down the target when Kirk Cousins (QB) took the field for the Cats. Who expects Kirk Cousins to score 38 points - the Taipans certainly didn't and had to come from behind on Monday night. With just one player left, the Taipans hope of a 3-0 season rested with Dez Bryant (WR) Bryant ended up scoring not enough points for the Taipans to get ahead. The Black Cats narrowly win, thanks to the Taipans Defense (Ravens) 152 - 145.

So what does the table look like a quarter of the way through the season.

The Helmand Nighthawks lead the league at 3-0 and are one game clear of the Who Dat Nation and the Taipans. The Nation's big score this week showed that they came show up and play high scoring football, so they earn the #2 seed. Both the Guns of Hochuli and the Black Cats sit at 1-2, while the Drunk Monkeys remain in the cellar at 0-3.

Next week, we go back to merry old England as the red hot Nighthawks welcome the Australian Taipans on their longest away game of the year. Despite this weeks loos, the Taipans or the Nighthawks can put the entire league on notice with a win and skip away form their opponents.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

This week, our winner originates form the Thursday early game. For the effort of 113 rushing yards, 2 rushing touchdowns, 5 receptions for 36 yard and another touchdown, for a total of 43.90 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Todd Gurley (RB) of the Who Dat Nation, the Week Three MVT.