The joke thread II - Page 109

u crank · 03-15-20, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

The World Health Organization confirmed that it was they who authorized the end of COVID19 quarantines for dogs and that they are now allowed to go outside.

So then ....WHO let the dogs out.

Jimbuna · 03-15-20, 08:42 AM

My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalter native”

Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?

Jimbuna · 03-15-20, 08:43 AM

The following conversation took place while on safari.

Wife: Wow those hippos are really fat and ugly, are they relatives of yours?
Me: Yeah, they’re my in-laws

Jimbuna · 03-16-20, 09:56 AM

Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.

Jimbuna · 03-16-20, 09:58 AM

If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

Jimbuna · 03-17-20, 06:42 AM

Just seen a bishop walking in the street which was strange because he wasn’t walking diagonally.

Jimbuna · 03-17-20, 06:45 AM

Why is it that when a baby drinks from a bottle and falls asleep everyone thinks it’s cute but when I do it I get arrested at my local bus station and people call me an alcoholic?

Jimbuna · 03-18-20, 07:53 AM

Spent the whole of last night sitting in bed thinking about the sun and where it comes from …. and then it dawned on me.

Jimbuna · 03-18-20, 08:01 AM

If money is the root of all evil why do they ask for it in church?

Jimbuna · 03-19-20, 10:22 AM

The following conversation took place at a church wedding:

Priest: Repeat after me.
Groom: After me!!
Priest: Is this guy serious??
Bride: No his name is Bruce.

Jimbuna · 03-19-20, 10:23 AM

Can’t believe how much doctors lie. Last year I went to hospital to get a vasectomy to stop my wife getting pregnant but it turns out all it does is change the color of the baby.

Platapus · 03-19-20, 08:18 PM

The definition of a Cad: A man who does not tell his wife that he has had a vasectomy until after his wife is pregnant.

Jimbuna · 03-20-20, 10:22 AM

Robin: Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?
Batman: Sure Robin, what is it?
Robin: Knock knock
Batman: Who’s there?
Robin: NOT YOUR PARENTS

Jimbuna · 03-20-20, 10:24 AM

Got attacked by a group of mime artists last night. They did unspeakable acts to me.

Jimbuna · 03-21-20, 09:30 AM

Q: What is Mexico’s favorite sport.
A: Cross-country.

03-15-20, 08:42 AM	#1622
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying: “helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalter native” Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-20, 08:43 AM	#1623
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The following conversation took place while on safari. Wife: Wow those hippos are really fat and ugly, are they relatives of yours? Me: Yeah, they’re my in-laws __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-20, 09:56 AM	#1624
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-20, 09:58 AM	#1625
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-17-20, 06:42 AM	#1626
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just seen a bishop walking in the street which was strange because he wasn’t walking diagonally. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-17-20, 06:45 AM	#1627
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why is it that when a baby drinks from a bottle and falls asleep everyone thinks it’s cute but when I do it I get arrested at my local bus station and people call me an alcoholic? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-18-20, 07:53 AM	#1628
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Spent the whole of last night sitting in bed thinking about the sun and where it comes from …. and then it dawned on me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-18-20, 08:01 AM	#1629
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If money is the root of all evil why do they ask for it in church? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-19-20, 10:22 AM	#1630
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The following conversation took place at a church wedding: Priest: Repeat after me. Groom: After me!! Priest: Is this guy serious?? Bride: No his name is Bruce. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-19-20, 10:23 AM	#1631
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe how much doctors lie. Last year I went to hospital to get a vasectomy to stop my wife getting pregnant but it turns out all it does is change the color of the baby. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-19-20, 08:18 PM	#1632
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,972 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The definition of a Cad: A man who does not tell his wife that he has had a vasectomy until after his wife is pregnant. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-20-20, 10:22 AM	#1633
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Robin: Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke? Batman: Sure Robin, what is it? Robin: Knock knock Batman: Who’s there? Robin: NOT YOUR PARENTS __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-20-20, 10:24 AM	#1634
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got attacked by a group of mime artists last night. They did unspeakable acts to me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-21-20, 09:30 AM	#1635
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q: What is Mexico’s favorite sport. A: Cross-country. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)