The joke thread II - Page 24

Platapus · 08-30-18, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad…..

But several weapons manufacturers from the Middle-East have been trying to buy her recipes.

In my family, we pray after we eat.

Jimbuna · 08-31-18, 06:54 AM

Since my wife left me I’ve been left with a really big gap to fill.. She was quite fat and we had a memory foam mattress.

Platapus · 08-31-18, 07:42 PM

I asked my wife if she knew why I was so miserable in our relationship

She shrugged and said "you got me".

"yeah"

Jimbuna · 09-01-18, 10:24 AM

Got my wife a new bag and belt for Christmas. Vacuum cleaner should be like new once she fits in the new parts.

Jimbuna · 09-02-18, 05:56 AM

My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. If anybody does please send me your email address and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Platapus · 09-02-18, 06:28 AM

When I was mad at my kids, I told one of them

"Some day, you will have children of your own"

My son replied, "you too"

Platapus · 09-02-18, 06:30 AM

My wife told me that I was the sunshine in her life.

When I asked her why, she told me that every time she looks at me, her eyes start to hurt.

Jimbuna · 09-02-18, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

When I was mad at my kids, I told one of them

"Some day, you will have children of your own"

My son replied, "you too"

Platapus · 09-02-18, 11:46 AM

I have some pretty good looking kids

Thank god my wife cheats on me.

Jimbuna · 09-03-18, 02:33 PM

My dad always used to say, ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,’ – ’till he had the accident.

Platapus · 09-03-18, 03:21 PM

I told my son about the Birds and the Bees
He told me about my wife and the Butcher

Jimbuna · 09-04-18, 09:45 AM

After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night.
I called my dad for advice on how to fix things.
He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong.
I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body.

Aktungbby · 09-04-18, 11:48 AM

CAUTION: MAKE SURE YOUR VIAGRA SAYS "MADE IN AMERICA" ...You don't want the Russians meddling in your erections!

Platapus · 09-04-18, 12:02 PM

I opened the front door to our house and saw my wife in a sexy negligee.

She was coming home.

Catfish · 09-05-18, 03:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aktungbby

CAUTION: MAKE SURE YOUR VIAGRA SAYS "MADE IN AMERICA" ...You don't want the Russians meddling in your erections!

Democratic Mao already stated he had "elections evely molning".

08-31-18, 06:54 AM	#347
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Since my wife left me I’ve been left with a really big gap to fill.. She was quite fat and we had a memory foam mattress. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-31-18, 07:42 PM	#348
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I asked my wife if she knew why I was so miserable in our relationship She shrugged and said "you got me". "yeah" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-01-18, 10:24 AM	#349
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got my wife a new bag and belt for Christmas. Vacuum cleaner should be like new once she fits in the new parts. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-02-18, 05:56 AM	#350
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. If anybody does please send me your email address and we can drop them off tomorrow. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-02-18, 06:28 AM	#351
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	When I was mad at my kids, I told one of them "Some day, you will have children of your own" My son replied, "you too" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-02-18, 06:30 AM	#352
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife told me that I was the sunshine in her life. When I asked her why, she told me that every time she looks at me, her eyes start to hurt. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-02-18, 11:46 AM	#354
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I have some pretty good looking kids Thank god my wife cheats on me. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-03-18, 02:33 PM	#355
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My dad always used to say, ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,’ – ’till he had the accident. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-03-18, 03:21 PM	#356
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I told my son about the Birds and the Bees He told me about my wife and the Butcher __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-04-18, 09:45 AM	#357
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,265 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night. I called my dad for advice on how to fix things. He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong. I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-04-18, 11:48 AM	#358
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 27,870 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	BETTY BOOP SAYS: CAUTION: MAKE SURE YOUR VIAGRA SAYS "MADE IN AMERICA" ...You don't want the Russians meddling in your erections! __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

09-04-18, 12:02 PM	#359
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,957 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I opened the front door to our house and saw my wife in a sexy negligee. She was coming home. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.