Funny Quotes thread - Page 2

Sailor Steve · 04-25-07, 04:14 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl:

I thought that was directed at me, until I realized it was a quote!

And a good one!

NEON DEON · 04-25-07, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Quote:

Originally Posted by NEON DEON

"Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me"

Mae West.

I've heard "banana" and I've heard "gun" (most references have "gun"), but I've never heard "roll of quarters". Where did you get that from?

A few years back I was watching the television and they had a clip of Mae West.

That is what she said. Now, it could be my memory got it jumbled, or I could have it right. I know one thing tho. I dont remember the program I was watching when I heard it.

Dowly · 04-28-07, 11:23 AM

"Remove the two pictures in that thread immediately, or they will be removed." - SubSim Moderator

:rotfl:

:rotfl:

JSLTIGER · 04-28-07, 01:25 PM

Not to bring politics into the equation here, but these are just too funny.

Quote:

Originally Posted by George W. Bush

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Quote:

Originally Posted by George W. Bush via Dick Cheney

"Dick, I'm 38 percent in the polls and you shot the only trial lawyer who supports me."

Hitman · 04-28-07, 03:57 PM

I produly wear in my signature a quote from Oscar Wilde, and probably I could write here many of him which are really really good and caustic humour. Another of my favourite ones is a part of the Canterville Ghost story, when he is describing the wife of the american canned-food millionaire that buys the castle, praising her a to a certain extent and ending up with something like: "In all, a good example of how much we britians and the americans have in common, except the language, that is"
:rotfl:

Another of the classics is, of course, Groucho Marx, when he wrote to a high society club he had been made member of (Sailor Steve knows this one well, he even told me which club it was but I have forgotten it already

) saying "I must quit now. I can't belong to a club that accepts people like me"

:rotfl:

Then the funniest situation I have seen in the court was during a divorce trial, and went on more or less like this:

(The woman's lawyer asks to the husband): "Confess that in your home all domestic tasks like washing, cleaning, cooking and such were done entirely by your wife"

"No! False! We did everything to a 50%!" (The furious husband replies)

"Can you please detail that?" (insists the wife's lawyer)

"Well" says the husband, now visibly embarassed "She did nothing, and I didn't either!"

I almost peed in my trousers when I heard that :rotfl:

tycho102 · 04-28-07, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kapitan_Phillips

Anything someone has said seriously that cracks you up? Post it here?

"He ate p*ssy like a champ."
"He's thinking with the wrong head."
----- Gennifer Flowers

Tchocky · 04-28-07, 06:57 PM

Wife: If I died, would you remarry?
Husband: Err...no of course not!
Wife: You don't enjoy marriage?
Husband: Yes I do....er...maybe I would remarry
Wife: Would you still live in this house?
Husband: I suppose so, it is a nice place to live.
Wife: Would she sleep in this bed?
Husband: I guess, its a good bed to sleep in
Wife: Would you play golf together, just like we do?
Husband: Well, that is when we have the best times together
Wife: Would she use my clubs?
Husband: Nah, she's left-handed.

Husband: Sh*t

Kapitan_Phillips · 04-29-07, 05:13 AM

lmao :rotfl::rotfl:

NefariousKoel · 04-29-07, 05:27 AM

Keeping with a nautical them, I'll start off with this one (as if I haven't posted it before):

Quote:

Jay: What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-titted mermaids doing some of that lesbian sh!t. Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!

As an added bonus I must add these others from the same, because cousin Walter is one funny bastard:

Quote:

One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrasing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.

And yet another:

Quote:

Brodie: But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, *Snap* the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gil Hicks: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man. There's just some things you don't talk about in public.

04-29-07, 06:15 AM

Oscar Wilde always has good quotes...

“America is the first country to have gone from barbarism to decadence without the usual intervening period of civilization”
~ Oscar Wilde on America

Sailor Steve · 04-29-07, 03:25 PM

Tchocky and Koel: are those actual quotes? The read more like jokes and TV lines.

Here's a favorite from Ben Franklin: "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate."

Tchocky · 04-29-07, 03:55 PM

My friend Hubert, when I was being a little too weird..

"Talking to you is like getting drunk with a crossword puzzle"

NefariousKoel · 04-30-07, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Tchocky and Koel: are those actual quotes? The read more like jokes and TV lines.

Here's a favorite from Ben Franklin: "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate."

Yeah those were quotes from Mallrats that I posted.

Tchocky · 04-30-07, 03:12 PM

My friend Tim - We have 1,436,735 goldfish because we threw two into our pond to see what would happen and now we have 6 generations of inbred fish.

04-30-07, 06:41 PM

Couple from Oblivion..

"If it isn't the newest member of the family. Lets get one thing straight -- the Tenets prevent me from killing you. But I don't have to like you." - M'raaj-Dar (Dark Brotherhood)

"Oh I shouldn't... well all right. Gogron had a pet rabbit as a child! He petted the thing so hard he crushed its skull! Ha Ha Ha! What a brute!" -Telaendril (Referring to a dark brotherhood member)

"You know what they say -- home is were you hang your enemy's head" -Grogron Gro-Bolmog

"I don't know who the Night Mother is, but she pays me to kill people. My own mother should of loved me that much." -Grogron Gro-Bolmog

:rotfl:

04-25-07, 04:14 PM	#16
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	:rotfl: :rotfl: I thought that was directed at me, until I realized it was a quote! And a good one! __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

04-28-07, 11:23 AM	#18
Dowly Lucky Jack Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 25,005 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	"Remove the two pictures in that thread immediately, or they will be removed." - SubSim Moderator :rotfl::rotfl:

04-28-07, 03:57 PM	#20
Hitman Pacific Aces Dev Team Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Spain Posts: 6,099 Downloads: 109 Uploads: 2	I produly wear in my signature a quote from Oscar Wilde, and probably I could write here many of him which are really really good and caustic humour. Another of my favourite ones is a part of the Canterville Ghost story, when he is describing the wife of the american canned-food millionaire that buys the castle, praising her a to a certain extent and ending up with something like: "In all, a good example of how much we britians and the americans have in common, except the language, that is" :rotfl: Another of the classics is, of course, Groucho Marx, when he wrote to a high society club he had been made member of (Sailor Steve knows this one well, he even told me which club it was but I have forgotten it already ) saying "I must quit now. I can't belong to a club that accepts people like me" :rotfl: Then the funniest situation I have seen in the court was during a divorce trial, and went on more or less like this: (The woman's lawyer asks to the husband): "Confess that in your home all domestic tasks like washing, cleaning, cooking and such were done entirely by your wife" "No! False! We did everything to a 50%!" (The furious husband replies) "Can you please detail that?" (insists the wife's lawyer) "Well" says the husband, now visibly embarassed "She did nothing, and I didn't either!" I almost peed in my trousers when I heard that :rotfl: __________________ One day I will return to sea ...

04-28-07, 06:57 PM	#22
Tchocky Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 5,874 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	Wife: If I died, would you remarry? Husband: Err...no of course not! Wife: You don't enjoy marriage? Husband: Yes I do....er...maybe I would remarry Wife: Would you still live in this house? Husband: I suppose so, it is a nice place to live. Wife: Would she sleep in this bed? Husband: I guess, its a good bed to sleep in Wife: Would you play golf together, just like we do? Husband: Well, that is when we have the best times together Wife: Would she use my clubs? Husband: Nah, she's left-handed. Husband: Sh*t __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

04-29-07, 05:13 AM	#23
Kapitan_Phillips Silent Hunter Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Swansea Posts: 3,902 Downloads: 202 Uploads: 0	lmao :rotfl::rotfl: __________________ Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

04-29-07, 06:15 AM	#25
Rilder Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Oscar Wilde always has good quotes... “America is the first country to have gone from barbarism to decadence without the usual intervening period of civilization” ~ Oscar Wilde on America

04-29-07, 03:25 PM	#26
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Tchocky and Koel: are those actual quotes? The read more like jokes and TV lines. Here's a favorite from Ben Franklin: "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate." __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

04-29-07, 03:55 PM	#27
Tchocky Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 5,874 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	My friend Hubert, when I was being a little too weird.. "Talking to you is like getting drunk with a crossword puzzle" __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

04-30-07, 03:12 PM	#29
Tchocky Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 5,874 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	My friend Tim - We have 1,436,735 goldfish because we threw two into our pond to see what would happen and now we have 6 generations of inbred fish. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

04-30-07, 06:41 PM	#30
Rilder Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Couple from Oblivion.. "If it isn't the newest member of the family. Lets get one thing straight -- the Tenets prevent me from killing you. But I don't have to like you." - M'raaj-Dar (Dark Brotherhood) "Oh I shouldn't... well all right. Gogron had a pet rabbit as a child! He petted the thing so hard he crushed its skull! Ha Ha Ha! What a brute!" -Telaendril (Referring to a dark brotherhood member) "You know what they say -- home is were you hang your enemy's head" -Grogron Gro-Bolmog "I don't know who the Night Mother is, but she pays me to kill people. My own mother should of loved me that much." -Grogron Gro-Bolmog :rotfl: